A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Thank you to all who answer this question. My ex and I broke up a couple of months ago and I really have had no contact with him till last night. We are on a committee together. I expected a hello and I got one...very subdued though. I was laughing and chatting with others at the committee... when he came in he saw me and sat apart from me and everyone else...he was not rude... just seemed focused on the committee business. I looked him in the eye once he looked back and looked down. He left early and I did not get a chance to talk to him. I thought we would settle into being friends but it is not happening. Any thoughts on why he was subdued and kept apart.
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male
reader, sleepyhollow  +, writes (10 May 2007):
I take something like two years to adjust to rejection. It takes me that long to go through all the stages of grief... ;-) Give him time, but whatever you do, don't pay too much attention to him. He needs to believe that you're over him to, or else he'll go on believing there's a chance, and he'll never recover.My usual recommendation in cases like this is absolute avoidance of contact, except in work situations where purely professional behavior is expected. You must not go out with him in social settings, and tone down your innate sensuality. Men are sensitive to even the smallest hints of sensuality from women they are interested in.
A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers  +, writes (10 May 2007):
 Its not easy for everyone to jump into a friendship from a relationship no matter what anyone says. I have'nt read you previous post, but by the sounds of it you called it off and he does'nt seem happy with how it concluded.
If he still has feelings for you the awkwardness showed at this meeting. You have to allow some people time to adjust to their feelings and emotions. Days, weeks or months dont matter when you havent seen that person in all that time, when all you have had is memories to go on. Seeing you again for the first time in ages, probably was painful for him, maybe more than he thought. If he loved you these feelings are going to crop up everytime he sees you and it may hurt seeing you getting on with things "like nothing happened". Even though that is not the case.
he was'nt rude to you, as you say he was just subdued and he was probably trying really hard to keep his mind on the subject at hand and not you sitting across a room from him.
Just be patient with him. Over time he will know whether friendship is possible or not. You seem to be coping alot better with the situation than him, you cant expect everyone to deal with things the same way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2007): Well, there are one of two reasons why he could be acting this way. The first being, that he's hurt and he misses you and he doesn't think he could ever look at you as just a friend. He probably wants to try to forget you until he can heal. The other may be that he is seeing someone else and doesn't want to tell you, or doesn't know how. He might use the excuse that he's not sure of what he wants - if it came to the point where the two of you had second thoughts about being seperated. However, I'm leaning more towards the idea that he is hurt and is trying to find his way to heal. He needs to go through the grieving process.
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