A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why can't I leave him? Should I follow my heart or head?I have been with my boyfriend for 10 years, we have a house together which we have shared for the past 4.Last August I found out he had met someone else - someone different to me and he was 'confused' to what he wants. After lots of talking and me moving out for a week, he told me he did love me and he wants to make it work. However, since then this other girl has been hounding him and he has been 'norty' and seen her, talked to her, emailed when I asked him not to if our relationship was to work. In January, she called me and told me things I never knew, my heart broke but after a week apart, I still wanted to be with him - he said sorry and that he wanted to makes us work and he would put more effort in. I went back. Since then we have been ok - sometimes great but I can not trust him - I check his phone - she does text him. Then I get an email from her - spilling the beans on their relationship, telling me he isn't committed to me and doesn't love me. He says it is lies. Now we are on a trial separation - he doesn't know if what he feels for me is the right kind of love. As we have only ever been with each other, he has nothing to compare his feelings for me to. He tells me he loves me and wants to look after me, that he would do anything to make sure I was ok - is this not the right love?I am very confused, My head says go - whether he loves you or not, what he has done does not demonstrate this. He has never really fought for me, for us. My heart, loves him - probably far too much, I ache at the thought of not being with him and having him in my life. But then how could we possibly work now - will I not always be thinking he doesn't really love me - i am not good enough (which blatenly I am too good after several chances!) Too much under the bridge and all. But I am scared, so scared.. what if he is the one.... I am a very confused bunny.
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male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (9 May 2007):
 Its the ones we hold dearest which manage to find a way to REALLY hurt us. I feel for your siuation, i really do.
You have to put yourself first, even though you want to put him in your focus, you have to figure out what is best for you.
You have said it yourself you dont know if you can trust him again, how will you and how will he regain that trust, and is it possible?
I hate to say it, but if he deserved you he would be fighting to make things work, and it seems like he has never been the one to drive the relationship. This takes two people, not just the one.
Love is love, you know what it feels like; I think using the comparing phrase is his way of not telling you how he really feels, rather than facing up to what he wants. He has obviously been unhappy at some point and decided to risk all that you have both worked for over the years and now it comes to it, he is having second thoughts. He should of thought of this before doing the things he has followed through with.
Even if he is the one for you, you are not the one for him. you deserve better and you know it too. You have given him more chances than I might of in your situation, and that alone should of been enough for him to realise who you are and what you are prepared to do for him and your future.
Your trust in him has been failed and you need to think whether you can learn to regain it again, or whether you will be constantly looking over his shoulder. That is now way to live and is not a healthy relationship either.
Put yourself in the frame now, you have been hurt too many times to just jump back into the relationship on the premise everything will work out. He has taken you for granted in the worst way possible, remember that fact. Do you deserve to be treated that way by the person who is supposed to love you?
Hang in there, dont let love cloud the issue here.
Thoughts are with you & all the best.
A
female
reader, aunty jane +, writes (9 May 2007):
 You are only young and as you say you and him have only ever been with each other, there is a big world out there, just put this down to an experience.....
dont go back-its always heartwrenching at first then when youve met someone else you think why didnt you move on earlier
you dont need to b treated like this....once a cheater always a cheater
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