A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am head over heels for my surgeon. I have been seeing him for about 4-5 months and my feelings keep getting stronger. There was only one time when I thought he might be interested. He told me I had a nice smile and put his hand on my thigh. Since then, there has been no real signs that he likes me. He's usually friendly though. He recently got into some trouble for alcohol intoxication and was actually arrested. I saw him just a few days later and he acted different. I'm assuming he was just stressed and embarrassed about the situation since it was all over the news. I won't see him again for a month as he is moving offices. I can't get him out of my head. Now, I also worry about him and his incident and want him to be okay. I'm not sure, but I think he might be divorced. I know he has kids. I'm married for 4.5 years and have no kids. My doctor is 40, and I'm 26. At first I thought this was an infatuation, but I don't think it is anymore. He's beautiful and I love way he talks. He almost mumbles but it's so hot. I will be seeing him for a few more months at least. I really want to show him that I have feelings for him, but don't know how. I have his cell phone number because one time I had an emergency and had to text him. I don't know it would be appropriate to text him though. We're hardly ever alone at the office because a nurse is always with him. I just want to show him I'm interested and see what happens. I'd love to just tell him how I feel, but I don't want to freak him out. I know I shouldn't be interested since I'm married, but I don't care at this point. I just want to see what might happen or if anything could at all. Help!
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male
reader, HaniP  +, writes (26 January 2018):
Help what? Destroy your marriage for a fantasy? You're doing a fine job of that on your own. If you truly don't care for your husband then tell him and let him go, or is that too mature for you?
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 January 2018):
 You are married but you don't care? Did you not realize what vows you where taking the day you got married? What reason did you marry your husband? I really cannot understand why some people think so little off marriage and what it represents. You should tell your doctor the truth because he will more than likely take your name from his patient list and at least then you won't need to see him again. Mind you I still feel sorry for your husband he doesn't deserve this.
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (24 January 2018):
 You are about to get yourself into seriously hot water, or land yourself, on the front page of a major newspaper, along with your doctor, if this madness continues.
It'll be much more than 1st, 2nd or 3rd degree burns!!
You say you don't really care at this point, so let me ask you this question.
How would YOU feel, if YOU were totally in love and loyal to YOUR husband and he was doing this exact same thing to YOU??
YOU and your husband made a commitment to each other, so why not continue to work on that, rather than play a dangerous game of Russian roulette with your Doctor.
You will get yourself into really serious trouble and feel overwhelming guilt afterward, as most people do after they've had an affair.
You are acting quite childish for a woman of your age and your Doctor, well.......................let me just say this.
You wouldn't be the first he's flirted with.
Yes, i'm sure women have flirted with him too, BUT this doesn't make it all ok, nor acceptable.
You call him "hot" and you speak like you've some sort of teenage crush.
Seriously, sort yourself and your feelings out, before you damage your own life and the lives of other innocent victims. ie: your family/his family.
It's high time your grew up and started acting in a more mature, dignified and responsible manner.
Take the higher ground, stop your tacky behaviour and i'd strongly advise you to stop seeing this Doctor.
It's the only way this charade will end permanently.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2018): [EDIT]:
"Except on TV and in the movies."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2018): Instead of being concerned for your doctor's well-being; you should direct your concerns to your marriage and your own husband. Figure-out why you're drawn away from your marriage to another man?
Just by the way you tell the story; it seems you're caught-up in fantasy. Your behavior signifies deficiencies in your own marriage. Not to mention one particular character-flaw that's evident. You want to cheat on your husband.
Doctors get hit-on by patients no matter what they look like and it's mostly the glamour of the profession, assumption they have money, and the title that gets the attention. They are at the top of the "best-catch" list; so they get the mother's choice award for son-in-laws.
I've been in the medical profession; and it makes sense why doctors attract. They make you feel better when you're sick, they've seen you naked at some point, and they know secret details about you that even your family or spouse don't know. Unless you tell them yourself. They touch and feel you all over; and they get really close in the process. It's their job. It's not foreplay!
Aside from lawyers, TV shows and soap operas feature doctors as noble, honest, and handsome. They drive sports cars, and live like playboys. While saving lives left and right; and being more sympathetic to humanity than any other profession there is. They're up there on the pedestal with rock-stars and actors. Female-doctors don't seem to get the same rock-star status and accolades as male doctors. They're perceived as brainy and more professional-minded by their patients. Accept on TV and in the movies.
Your crush is more about the idea of your doctor than the real person. You fall inline with all the other groupies and opportunists hoping to snag themselves a doctor to exploit, or for at least a fantasy-romance. Romance-novel tomfoolery; or a chance at a profitable lawsuit for professional-ethics violations.
Try and fix your marriage or get a divorce; so you can get out and get on with your life. You're no longer 16, my dear; you have to be a grown-up now. If your marriage is in-trouble, you've got to do something about it. Not go floating around in fantasy-land. Playing the character-role of the neglected-housewife pursuing mischief behind her husband's back.
You took vows and married somebody; so you don't get to mess around on a whim. Finding a vulnerability or flaw in your doctor's personal-life; doesn't give you license to go pick at his scabs or to pounce when you think you've got the goods on him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2018): Why do you want to show him that you have feelings for him? And why do you care if he likes you or not? You're married. If you no longer wish to be married, and want to pursue a surgeon instead, then get a divorce. Otherwise, this whole debate is idiotic. Why did you marry if you want to throw yourself at the first guy you feel an attraction to outside of marriage? I mean, what's the point? Why marry then, if you have such poor self comtrol. Obviously it's not for you, so I advise you to get a divorce instead and THEN pursue whatever or whomever you want. But until you are properly divorced and single, you should NOT be telling him how you feel, actively seek his company, or give a rats ass about what he might think or feel about you. For goodness sakes, why do people marry if they don't realize that it means you need to be monogamous? Really, I don't get it. Life is not a Disney movie, theres no such thing as someone you "magically" belong to that will make you never ever feel attracted to anyone else ever again. You yourself are the only one responsible for not becoming a cheater. Fancying someone else is one thing, it's fine, it's normal. But to then try to pursue it and have an affair and somehow justify it with "I fell in love" is bullshit. There's a VERY easy way to not fall in love: stop seeing this person.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (23 January 2018):
 You married young and are now bored of it. You made this commitment young, so be mature about it and try to improve it.Your surgeon is not someone you should be able to text, let alone actually text him. Find another surgeon because you're acting like a teenager.The nurse is always with him to AVOID women throwing themselves at him, like you are.Focus on your marriage or get a divorce and be single for a while. This is just a crush, not something deep and meaningful. You think he's hot, but you don't know HIM.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (23 January 2018):
 My husband is a doctor. A smart kind and handsome man. He has woman flirting with him all the time, getting crushes on him, slipping him phone numbers and acting all "cutesy". What does he think about it? His feelings vary from thinking its funny/silly to down right irritating. This has been going on since he was in pre med school. Women constantly throwing themselves at him. He NEVER takes it seriously.
Do yourself a favor and stop with the fantasies. The odds are very high that your doctor sees you as nothing but a patient. Get your head out of the clouds and either work on your marriage or get out but don't make a fool out of yourself. You're too old to do that.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (23 January 2018):
Thinking you're falling in love with doctors, teachers, etc is so common it's not even unusual.
Do you really think it's a good idea to risk your marriage because if a common psychological occurrence?
If so, either get a divorce or tell your husband you want an open marriage. Don't cheat.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (23 January 2018):
 How is you texting him going to fix your marriage? How is you being so fixated on having an affair going to fix your marriage? How can cheating on your husband bring tranquility to your marriage? It is all about your marriage and not about that doctor. You own the marriage and it’s your responsibility to keep it healthy. What you are asking us is to tell you that it is OK to ruin your marriage and then give you details on how to go about doing that. Not gonna happen.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (22 January 2018):
 So OP, what are you missing from your own marriage that you think this is appropriate for you to pursue this doctor?
You say you don't care, but that is being a selfish person.
I think with him having had trouble with public intoxication, an arrest and perhaps a divorce the LAST thing is needs is a patient throwing herself at him.
The LAST thing he needs is being seem or perceived as being INAPPROPRIATE with his female patients! That is WHY he has his nurse in the room most of the time. To avoid not only lawsuits but awkward situations. Nothing you have written gives ANY indication that he is at all interested in you outside of you being an patient.
No, it's NOT appropriate to text him about your feelings. IT IS a crush or infatuation. You DON'T know him. He is your doctor, not some stud from a romance book that you just can't resist.
If you are NOT happy in your marriage then either WORK on fixing THAT or leave your husband, divorce him, become single and date again. Not chase "possibly" divorced doctors.
Stop acting like a love-sick teenager. If you can't put this out of your mind, find another doctor.
And really, TAKE some time to focus on your marriage. Maybe if you put as much energy into your marriage as you do to this fantasy it might work better for you and your husband.
Shoot! Time to grow up, OP.
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