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*arbo agony aunt


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Is my jealousy justified?

Q.   Hello aunts. I am writing this because I really need help with a recent situation that I am just not handling well. Thanks in advance. First, some background. I'm 30 and I met my current wife two years ago in a business dinner. We flirted a bit an...

A.   2 January 2017: To answer your question in the title: No, your jealousy is not justified because everything that you cite about her that bothers you has nothing to do with you. Not one of those acts she did involve you nor were they done by her in view of you, ... (read in full...)

Waiting for a proposal for 3 years and then the ring was not to my taste. Am I worrying about things that matter in this situation?

Q.   Iv been waiting over 3 and a half years for a proposal for a wedding After much nagging about marriage I got a proposal with a 219 pound argos ring when he earns over 20 000 per annum which shows no saving as he bought even this on a per monthly ...

A.   1 January 2017: Perhaps the reason he took so long to propose is that he was wondering how bad will it all turn out. You just proved it with the petty whining over piece of gold. Had your man mattered and had the marriage mattered at all to you then any amount of ... (read in full...)

I like men but sometimes I want to see what it would be like to have a relationship with a woman also.

Q.   I like men alot but I want to see what it would be like to date a woman since I once had a fantasy of my fourth grade teacher years ago in my mind. She had ginger hai I also would look for red haired women in the Internet and would kiss their ...

A.   28 December 2016: Coming out as gay on account of a lesbian fantasy is rather premature. Having fantasies and acting on them are different degrees of personal commitment to sex. Having fantasies isn't real and unreal stuff does not indicate what your real sexual ... (read in full...)

How can I help my autistic brother have a normal life?

Q.   I would like some advice on what to do when you're autistic, aware of the way you differ from other 'normal' people, but still want to have a normal life that involves getting a job and a partner? I am asking on behalf of my brother because ...

A.   28 December 2016: Look for ways to help him be independent. Autistic people are really good at a specific skill so look to get him into some sort of a program where he would do and fix stuff, some sort of a practical skill like heating and cooling, computer repair ... (read in full...)

Is it my fault I can't make a man love me?

Q.   There are numerous books titled, "Make any man fall in love with you," or "Make any man want you" with things explaining how to make it happen. I haven't ever tried the advice from these books on anyone yet. These books make it seem like making...

A.   18 December 2016: Those type of books are total bunk. They are claims on popular (mis)belief that we can make anyone love us back. In reality, it is rather the opposite. Beating yourself for something he did not do does not make sense. Instead, reflect on the men ... (read in full...)

I'm comparing myself to his beautiful ex and feel like I don't measure up!

Q.   I have been married to a wonderful man for the last 4 years and I have yet to find any flaws in his looks or personality. In being up front, this is a question based out of my own insecurities and not from something he has done or said. He w...

A.   17 December 2016: "I'd like to hear from men on this one- do you look up your old girlfriends/wives and think "wow she looks amazing, I really missed out"? Are there reminants of your feelings that surface after you see her or bump into her?" Short answer is NO. ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend wont have sex because he is anxious about unwanted pregnancies

Q.   Hey there! So Ive been with my boyfriend for a year(to keep people anonymous we can call him bob) and I wasn't a virgin when I met him, but he was when we started dating. We've had sex more than a few times but he admitted to me some months ago...

A.   15 December 2016: You shouldn't feel guilty that you want sex, not guilty that you fantasize about it and if you don't want to loose your man then be sure you don't cheat. On the other hand, there are other ways he could sexually please you that does not involve ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend says our sex life is boring for him, he wants things I don’t!

Q.   My boyfriend says our sex life is boring for him. We have been together for less than a year and he is my first boyfriend. He says he is bored with what we do. He wants anal, bondage, toys, and other stuff, I don't even know... The thing is I don...

A.   13 December 2016: Never do sex that you aren't comfortable with. If you don't want to do it, be sure you don't and tell him that clearly... and do not worry about that you hurt his feelings or what have you. Sex is for mutual enjoyment, and if he does not accept that ... (read in full...)

Is casual sex possible without emotion?

Q.   Is sex without emotions possible? I have only had two relations ships one long term since I was 20-26 and another one short brief 7 months ago- I grew up in a strict orthodox background that was never open to sex outside of marriage or being ...

A.   7 December 2016: For some people, it is possible. Some people view sex as just another activity, alike jogging or drinking coffee, so the stigma they attach to it could me minimal or perhaps about details of the act that wasn't as pleasing, as in insufficient amount ... (read in full...)

'I have given that threesome thing a thought.'

Q.   Hello. Long story short. I'm divorced and I started an affair with a colleague. She's young and energetic. She once suggested me to bring a close friend of hers -whom I know personally quite well and is like a friend to me - into our sexual relation ...

A.   5 December 2016: You should never engage in sexual acts which you are uncomfortable with. Doing sexual acts for sake of conforming to "society" of a clique or "out of love" is not something that should be done. If you are uncomfortable with doing the 3-some then ... (read in full...)

I think I deserve a straight answer

Q.   I asked this girl out recently who I actually thought liked me back, given all the flirting, but as soon as I asked if she wanted to go out, she shrugged her shoulders and said, “I don’t know, I have to think about it, can I get back to you?” W...

A.   27 November 2016: I don't think that you "deserve" a clear yes or no but I agree with you that it would be nice particularly that she was flirting. It is somewhat irritating to see a girl exert so much fake flirtatious efforts for no ultimate aim. Be that as it ma... (read in full...)

I've planned a very elaborate threesome with my bf and another girl, but could still do with some advice..

Q.   Hi all. The live-in boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. We are very solid, trust each other completely, with little to no jealousy whatsoever, and we have a great sex life. So after about 6 months of discussion, we've finally decided to ...

A.   25 November 2016: I wish to address your question number 3, but from the man's perspective. There was a time when I was open to the idea of a 3-some with my woman. We were together for a long time, loved each other, and 3-some porn as in FFM used to get me off o... (read in full...)

What does my best friend want from me? He is married but keeps asking for a secret relationship

Q.   He is married for 7 months. And he wants me to be in secret relationship with him. We are close friends since very long time and back in our college days we used to like each other not genuinely but just like crush on each other. We got so ...

A.   24 November 2016: I think you know what he is up to: he wants to have a wife and a FWB on the side and thinks he can convince you to be his mistress. Frankly, I see no friendship between you and him but just a giant sexual game where he is stirring up stuff. ... (read in full...)

Did she just want to sleep with me? Or could she really 'like' me?

Q.   To cut a long story short, I had sex with my female housemate. I am not super attracted to her but yeah, it happened. I suspect she has been trying to seduce me for a while because she has asked to 'spoon' a couple of times after a night out. After ...

A.   20 November 2016: She likes you and you picked up on it when she talked you about "proper way". She likely could not get a chance for the proper way like a date and a night out because you probably never gave her any signal that you want to. Like the Anon said, she ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend cheated on me but claims she was taken advantage of, what do I do?

Q.   My girlfriend and i have been dating for about two months now, and it's been a semi long distance relationship with her going to a different college than me about 30 minutes away. We argue here and there about little things but at the end of the ...

A.   15 November 2016: Irrespective of her contrition and guilty feelings, what she did is her responsibility, drunk or not. Having no recollection of details of her sex does not absolve her of what she did nor does it make it less significant. At issue here is not h... (read in full...)

Losing V card in a hookup good idea?

Q.   I've been considering this a lot...I was thinking a hookup would be a good idea. I like the idea because I don't want to be romantic with the guy or see him again. BUT everyone says it's a horrible idea to have a hookup to lose your V card and you ...

A.   5 October 2016: As a game of randomness, hookups are, statistically, more dangerous then Russian Roulette. For example, 1 in 5 people have herpes whereas Russian Roulette has 1 bullet among 6 chambers. So statistically, you are more likely to survive after pulling ... (read in full...)

I love my husband but sex with older man is passionate!

Q.   Hi, I've been married for just over a year I'm 23 and my husband is 27. We have been together for 4 and a half years and ever since we have got married everything has changed even though we have a daughter together and we lived with each ...

A.   4 October 2016: You are being used for sex. Your older guy is an awful man who preys on vulnerability and inexperience of younger women. You have no proof that he is unhappy in a relationship yet you willingly accept his word even though he is a cheater who is ... (read in full...)

How do I respond to my wife now I know about the affair she had with my (then) best friend behind my back?

Q.   I just found out that my wife had a sexual relationship with my best friend and the best man at my wedding. This happened 26 years ago! We had been dating exclusively for 4 months at the time. Even though it was so long ago, I feel like it could've...

A.   2 October 2016: Jealousy is not involved in this situation. What's there to be jealous of? It is retroactive but all betrayals is like that. Nor do I, personally, believe that her infidelity happened 26 years ago, once and done. That guy has been mingling... (read in full...)

Is being called ''plain and simple'' a compliment?

Q.   Is being "Plain and Simple" a compliment? We were having dinner the other night and I asked my husband of over 20 years did it taste ok. I said its just plain food, meaning unprocessed. He said "Yes, Plain and Simple,just the way I like my women"...

A.   1 October 2016: Many men, me included, find simplicity a virtue. Simplicity removes presumption therefore builds trust. Simplicity is more productive because it lets yes be yes, no be no and allows people to move on to get things done. People who are simple tend to ... (read in full...)

Missed chance, did I do the right thing letting him go

Q.   I was in love with someone for 2 years in high school but he wasn't single. When I was 21, 3 years after we left he contacted me but I wasn't single. I let him go as my feelings were no longer as strong. I stayed with my boyfriend as I wasn't going ...

A.   21 September 2016: I would not pin my hopes on things that have never worked out. There is a reason that it hadn't worked out and that cannot be taken back. So what's there to regret? As for him looking you up, and his sisters .... Do not assign meaning to that act... (read in full...)

What to do? I'm dating a woman aged 30 and I can't handle her "sleeping around" in the past.

Q.   I'm in my early 20s, not perfect but I met a woman who's 30 recently and we really hit it off. However shes has a LOT of bad things in her past. I'm not misogynist and I have obviously slept with girlfriends but she did a load of crazy stuff when...

A.   19 September 2016: There will be people who will admonish you for having this "retroactive jealousy" and shift the burden of fault on you for being incapable of accepting her past. Frankly, though, person's past matters or why else would employers ask for a resume of ... (read in full...)

He's married and much older.... and I've a serious crush on him. what advice can you suggest for me?

Q.   Hi. So i'm sure this has been discussed countless times, but i still feel the need to get my situation out there and hear your opinions on it... So i have this guy in my life, he's my trainer of sorts, and i see him a couple times a week. He's way...

A.   19 September 2016: My advice is to break this romantic infatuation you have by any means because it will lead you to waste most productive, fun and formative years to build a great relationship and trap you into a situation with no future. To break this, you may have ... (read in full...)

Has our phone relationship been all lies from the start? Will he call again? Three years and he's never taken me out

Q.   dear cupid, i been talk with this man over 3 yrs on the phone. we never went out. we talk about going out and now he tell me he's sick over past month and half i ask him does he want me to stop call him he told me that a good ideal i the one to ...

A.   11 September 2016: 3 years and no date!? That man should have been dropped after second month. There could be million reasons why he is stringing you along but all of that adds up to one thing: there is absolutely no future with this man. You go total no contact with ... (read in full...)

He has no answer... can someone help me out here with advice? Why can't he last longer?

Q.   At the beginning (11 years ago) we lasted quite long... my husband (7 years) now cums so fast... or his urge to let it go happens as soon as I do anything to him, from stroking it, BJ and as soon as he enters me he can't hold out. But with his ex's...

A.   8 September 2016: There are psychological causes as well as physical ones. Both of these change as we get older, and physical ones change for sure. Things like hormone levels ( low T, low DHEA or else) definitively happen, prostate issues, thyroid... all these occur ... (read in full...)

I believe my husband’s client was flirting with him! She shared way too much personal information!

Q.   My husband is a building contractor and recently met with a woman to give an estimate for repairs at her residence. I accompanied him as we were on our way to dinner after this as it was in the early evening hours however, I remained in the vehicle ...

A.   7 September 2016: If his intent was to cheat, I doubt that he would disclose so much information about her. Professionally, she is just another routine business bid and listening to her stuff is part of getting her business. Now, I don't know if he also routinely ... (read in full...)

Is what he has suggested the best thing for me to do?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I've been with my boyfriend for about 5.5 years, and I'm fairly sure an engagement is on the horizon (I've overheard him talking to his friends about it) but it probably won't be for several months at least. I still have my own apartmen...

A.   7 September 2016: Why don't you tell him that you'll take him up on the promise as soon as you see the ring on your finger. See what he says. ... (read in full...)

My Cheating Girlfriend.... What do I do?

Q.   So here it. As I write this my girlfriend is at 35,000ft with the guy she has been cheating on me with on their way to Tenerife. I had been with my girlfriend for almost 7 years. For a couple of months now I had suspected she was cheating a...

A.   6 September 2016: There are no magic words or deeds to be told that can remove your heart ache. You just have to endure it so as the time goes by, you get healed. I've seen men hit the liquor bottle after break ups only to make the misery out of a painful situation, ... (read in full...)

Did my boyfriend get horny watching women play golf or was he horny because of ME?

Q.   My boyfriend watched a women's golf tournament today. He is business friends with an organizer and got a free ticket so he went as his friend's guest. I was supposed to see my boyfriend last night but he had to work. I told him I was horny and ho...

A.   5 September 2016: I think you are presuming stuff by huge leaps. Visual stimuli only has so much erotic effect so I doubt that he was horny by watching bunch of Asian girls in miniskirts. On the other side, I can attest first hand suggestive stuff like you tell... (read in full...)

I'm stuck in a lie to 2 women. Now confused and missing my daughter. What should I do?

Q.   Hi agony aunts, I have a problem and I'm sorry if this is long. I was married to a girl who is from a different country - we met when she was studying. Fast Forward two years and I married to her. We had a child who is now 18 months but my wi...

A.   4 September 2016: Since you do not live your wife and you don't want to be coerced in living her then divorce her. Get a lawyer and explain the situation, particularly that she has taken your child away. See what the lawyer says us the best way to handle this. ... (read in full...)

Having trouble reading the signs. Help. Does he really like me or not?

Q.   Hi everyone! So I have a basic question to ask you guys, do you think he likes me? I usually wouldn't ask something like this but I cannot read this guy at all, so thank you all for your help in advanced. Anyways I have known this guy for almost two ...

A.   4 September 2016: Well, there is huge tension between being bros and ruining that by attempting romance. Many people loose M-F friendship when one of them develop romantic interest, so if he knows that, he maybe unwilling to risk messing up the friendship by ... (read in full...)

Mixed messages online

Q.   I am in the process of leaving my son's father. We're not married. Things haven't been good between us in over a year. I am basically living here until I have a place for my son and me to go. I recently got on one of the online chat apps just to ...

A.   3 September 2016: You should not seek to tangle up with more men romantically until you clean out the tangle you are in already. I understand your hopes, which is to be with someone you can talk to after you are done with your sons father, but your situation does not ... (read in full...)

Frustrated by lack of libido

Q.   ok I'm 81. Married but wife no longer able (because of illness ) not able to have sex. I used to be able to masterbate but now I can't get excited enough to get hard to accomplish. I take lots of medication. Any thing I can take that won't interfere ...

A.   2 September 2016: Over the counter supplements like DHEA, arginine, citrulline, carnitine, coq10, yohimbine, trubulis, horny goat weed, pine bark extract, maca... all make men horny. However, I would not recommend any of this to you because of the meds you are ... (read in full...)

He's married. Wondering why he acted like that? Was he testing me, or was he seeing me as a potential client?

Q.   Hi, I just wanted to hear others opinion about this scenario. I'm single mom, professional and attractive as others say. I am not dating and not interested in dating even after 3 years of my divorce. I always get attention and I don't care about...

A.   1 September 2016: If I was a married guy seeking to cheat, you fit the profile perfectly: single mom, no man and hasn't been with one in a while which to a cheating guy translates as vulnerable, free and very horny. Cheater is interested in the "very horny" part and ... (read in full...)

Is it 'normal' to only have sex once a week when you live with your partner?

Q.   I'm just curious, I apologise in advance if this is TMI. I've been with my partner for 6 years, living together for one. We used to sleep together several times a day every time we saw each other... But for the past year of living together it's only ...

A.   31 August 2016: It maybe normal for somebody but you make an obvious observation that it isn't normal for you two: you used to have sex often, now you don't. Since you are willing and he isn't then the problem is with him. Sure, weight can attribute to that, bu... (read in full...)

How can I get some truth from him? I just don't want to be the wife who got cheated on

Q.   Our son asked me and my hubby what we were doing tomorrow, i said we didn't know yet and see how the Weather is, our son said about a place that his girlfriend as been too and he mentioned this a while back too about her going there. Hubby said he ...

A.   28 August 2016: The truth is whatever he says it happened even tho you insist that it isn't on account that he, for some reason, never told you about it. You cannot insist that people disprove you the negative, which is in effect what you are making him do by ... (read in full...)

My long-lost love has contacted me after 40 years but I'm in a relationship and he's married

Q.   A love from 40 years ago contacted me on my birthday via e-mail. We have been sending e mails back and forth for a week. Now I am dying to call him but I am afraid because I am with a relationship. He is married. We went separate ways because ...

A.   22 August 2016: You should stop all communications. That is all in the past and the reason it never worked out is because he never wanted you. An alleged promise to his mother outweighed any love that he professed for you? That love must have been shallow, my dear ... (read in full...)

He's seeing someone else. Will our friendship deteriorate if I tell him I'm seriously crushing for him? What can I do?

Q.   I've got a quick dilemma. Basically I think I am in love with my guy best friend. We've been best buddies for a while and hit it off straight away. We talk to each other about EVERYTHING. He's basically everything I look for in a partner but we'v...

A.   17 August 2016: Your idea is great except that in case of being rejected, it is crushing. It's like flipping a coin - heads you win, tails you get crushed. 50-50 odds are not good ones to bet on, so I would not go up to him and "confess" your feelings. Remember, ... (read in full...)

Changes are making me feel super sexy

Q.   Here is my question and issue. Why now? I just turned 40 this year and it's like my sex drive is over the top. Is this normal? I a woman who really didn't care about sex can't seem to get enough. I'm noticing different changes in my body but didn't ...

A.   16 August 2016: Totally normal. Enjoy it. You need not see anyone except the one you love, and hope he can keep up!! Lot of women brim with sexuality, eroticism and libido in 40s. (Imagine how those 20 year old guys had to deal with it) what makes it great is... (read in full...)

I regret my hasty words

Q.   To make a long story short a little while ago I told a really good friend of mine that I liked her as more than a friend and she ended up telling me that she didn't feel the same way which I tried to be ok with. It all eventually came crashing down. ...

A.   16 August 2016: Regrettably, there is no magic trick to fix the emotional hurt. Rejection is never a pleasant thing, but when it comes to relationships, being rejected is actually a good thing: who in the right mind wants to be a couple so that only one in it is ... (read in full...)

Why can't our married friend break up with his mistress?

Q.   Can anyone tell me why a married man keeps hanging onto his mistress for many years? She is high maintenance, is not always nice to him, is a drain on him physically and emotionally and causes him headaches and complications in his life. And ye...

A.   12 August 2016: It all boils down to morality and how attached to its principles the person is. Just because he is a logical guy it does not necessarily follow that his attachment to upholding the principles of morality are high. Tweak few premises here and there, ... (read in full...)

Girl I am seeing had affair with a man who later became her step-father. Am I being over sensitive about this?

Q.   Hi all, I am wondering if you can provide a sounding board. I'll be brief. I met a girl on an internet site. She is from Eastern Europe. I live in US. Let's call her R. We got to talking for a few months and things seemed great. Then R. tol...

A.   9 August 2016: "Am I being over-sensitive, or would this bother you? If so, how would you deal with it?" I don't think you are sensitive. This would bother me very much, like huge amounts. What I wiuld do? I would not waste time justifying who is at fault ... (read in full...)

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