A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I am in a relationship for almost 3 years now. My boyfriend is out of the country most of the time. We are apart for months. I love him and I have never had sex wit another man nor have I ever kissed someone else. I haven't even flirted with another man.So last night a good female friend of mine and I are at home drinking and talking and having fun. We are getting tipsy and decide it is better to go to sleep. We are in the bed still talking. One thing let to another and we star kissing. Next thing you know is we are having sex.I know my man considers this cheating. I still like men and love my boyfriend and I still want to be with him. The thing is last night felt so good and natural. I feel a little bit guilty but on the other hand I want to do it again.The question is how to manage my inner conflict of not wanting to hurt my boyfriend and the desire to have sex with my girlfriend again?I can't consider this cheating. Am I wrong?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2018): No, wiseoldman, not all men wonder about it and most wouldn't suddenly be okay with cheating because they got asked to join.
A
male
reader, wiseoldman  +, writes (19 March 2018):
You could always include him. All men wonder about that sort of thing, and at least when he falls asleep you'll have someone to talk to.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (18 March 2018):
 Yes, it's cheating.
You are having SEX with someone besides your BF - THAT is cheating. Even if you want to claim it's not, just to make yourself feel less rotten about what you do.
If your BF was having sex with MEN behind your back, wouldn't YOU consider THAT cheating?
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (18 March 2018):
 Of course this is cheating. It’s having sex with someone other than the one you supposedly pledged your love to. In your case with perhaps even worse implications because the pool of potential people you could cheat with has now expanded to include women as well. Just role reverse it: a cheating BF who can now also cheat on you with men?
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (18 March 2018):
 Of course it's cheating.
Any kind of intimacy with anyone outside your relaionship is cheating, how can you not think it is?
You need to own up to what you have done and let your BF decide whether he wants to stay with you or not.
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A
female
reader, MissKin +, writes (18 March 2018):
 Yes you are wrong.
It makes no difference if it's male or female, it's the ACTION that makes it cheating. Not the gender of people involved. What it it was a man who identifies as a woman? Would that also not count because they're not a "man?
This is ridiculous. Your partner deserves better. People have different boundaries on what constitutes appropriate behaviour with other people and you've gone against his knowingly.
You have cheated
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (18 March 2018):
 Turn the situation around and ask yourself: how would YOU feel if your boyfriend was having sex with one of his male friends while in a relationship with you? Would YOU feel it was cheating?
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (18 March 2018):
 You are completely wrong. You know you are - you're not stupid. If he had sex with guys, it would be cheating too.
You're probably bisexual - definitely not straight. Being bisexual is not an excuse to cheat. You need to be in an open relationship, where you both agree that you can BOTH have sex with other people.
The question is not how to manage yourself - it's to tell him, so he can leave you for refusing to accept that you CHOSE to cheat.
You CAN consider it cheating. You KNOW it's cheating. You don't WANT it to be cheating, so you can keep doing it. TOUGH.
If you find it so difficult not to cheat, you need to choose between your boyfriend and your friend. If you want to stay with your boyfriend, you can't spend ANY time alone with your friend. If you want to still hang out alone with your friend, you should break up with your boyfriend.
You can't be trusted while you refuse to accept that you've cheated and it's wrong.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (18 March 2018):
 Yes, you're wrong.
If he's stated he considers it cheating and you've agreed to those terms, if not officially, but by staying then you did cheat.
Bisexual means your ATTRACTED to both, not that you're entitled to both at the same time.
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