A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, a few days ago i went to a family wedding with my fiancee. Everyone had a great time and got on well, it was brilliant! Only problem is, my cousin brought a friend with him who i now cant stop thinking about.We found we had a lot in common and he was so much fun! He was also incredibly flirty and forward, but nothing was going to happen as im engaged and i love my partner.So i cant understand why i feel like this? I am constantly thinking of this other guy and im really confused? It seems to mainly be sexual thoughts but a little romantic too which worries me?I should add that things at home are a little stressful. My partner and i are getting married in a few months, we are living with my sister and her partner to save for our own house, and our sex life has really gone down hill. I feel like everything is being sorted as best as we can manage but maybe its more stressful than i thought if im thinking of this other guy?Its making me question whether im the right type to marry or not?
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cousin, engaged, fiance, flirt, sex life, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 January 2018):
 Look, humans arent wired to be with just one lifetime partner. You will still find others attractive and interesting. No matter how great things are at home. To get married and staying faithful is a choice you make. Not just something you do by default. You will continue to find others attractive for the rest of your life. You have to choose to be loyal and faithful, actively choose it every day.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (17 January 2018):
 Everyone has cold feet before they get married! I was almost considering running away! :D
OP don't be too hard on yourself ok? Marriage is a huge step and it's only normal to feel apprehensive as it draws closer. The flirting with the stranger is your way of trying to escape reality. You know nothing can happen but it still takes you away to that time of your life where you could do anything and not feel guilty. You were not responsible for anyone but yourself.
Also, staying with others, no matter who they are or how close you are too them, can be stressful. Your sex life has gone downhill and most likely also your sisters. It's not worth the headache. Just get a small place of your own. Come on, you guys are about to get married... Stop depending on others and be grown ups. That starts with living by yourselves and learning to handle finances the right way. Why do you want to take favours from anyone?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2018): Don’t beat yourself up.....it feels good to be swept off your feet. Do not let this guy you met make you act impulsively. Just because he’s fun you know little about him. If your feelings of doubt are strong, step back and take a break. What is happening right now sharing a home is stress of real life. It’s a good time to really see someone’s flaws and your own. We would need to know more about you to know if it’s normal cold feet or a feeling that you are marrying the wrong guy. But this decision should not be based on someone you found appealing but don’t know
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A
male
reader, Garbo  +, writes (16 January 2018):
 How long did it take you to build the relationship with your current man? Do you think you can replace him instantaneously on account that you met a guy once? Is this “met once” dude someone who can replace the man you got on the spot? Of course not. You are just infatuated. It happens to everybody, and it goes away all on its own.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 January 2018):
 Some guy showed you some attention and you where flattered because you are stuck in a rut at the moment. All I can see is that is NORMAL! If you close your eyes can you picture life without your fiance? What would you do? Who would you see? Can you see a future without him? My guess is you are feeling stressed at the moment and if your sex life has went down hill it is normal enough to think about a night and shining Armour sexually and romantically. It doesn't mean that you want to be with someone else or that you have found the wrong bloke it just means you still have feelings. The best advice I can give you is book a hotel room for a weekend and have a fun and sexy weekend, use all the passion to please each other and I bet you will feel much better afterwards. Just remember we all get in to a rut sometimes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2018): You are facing the final and foremost-commitment of your life, girlfriend! This may be the father of your children!
You are facing the prospect of sex with the same man from now on. You will no longer be on the market, you will receive your supply of intimacy and devotion from the man you love most. The finality is thrilling and scary as hell! So your mind is searching for escape! There is a silent scream in your head facing all this.
I should stop before I push you over the edge!
You're cramped, mentally-exhausted, and yes, you've got the jitters.
Do you love this man profoundly? Can you imagine spending your life without him? Is he going out of his way to make you feel loved and appreciated? Then there you have it!
Sex is going to go down hill anyway knowing his sister and her husband are in the same house; probably just down the hall. How can you feel privacy and be intimate with other adults in the same house? That's normal!
If you feel totally unsure, you had better tell him.
You need to take a romantic day-cation or weekend somewhere away from that house. Just you and him; so you can clear your head and feel some privacy. Maybe a luxury hotel (check for good rates) or a quiet inn out in the countryside. You need some good sex and room to breathe!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2018): Well, I'd say it's actully quite normal to find attraction and see compatibility in others when you're in a relationship. And sometimes that other person will stay in your mind a little longer than is comfortable. And, with the wedding coming up, you might start thinking all those 'what ifs' that bother many people. I wouldn't worry that you are finding yourself thinking these things.Of course, if it's making you question your relationship with your husband to be, then it might show that there are some underlying issues that have been bothering you. Talk to your future husband about these problems (the house, the wedding- not the other guy!), it's likely he's feeling similar problems too.You might have to work together until you get married and can afford your own place, but talking to each other about it and actively working together to understand the problem is the best thing to do.And if the other guy is a little fantasy in your head that crops up from time to time, so be it- most of us have a someone up there. But if you find yourself starting to actively look, the problems might be bigger tha you think.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (16 January 2018):
 I think it's a combo of "cold feet", stress and maybe a bit of sexual frustration.
My advice? Find a TINY place you can afford with your Fiancee and GET out of living with family. I get saving for a house and all that but if it "ruins" the relationship before you two even EMBARK on marriage then how is it WORTH saving a little bit of money?
Make SURE you spend time with your fiancee. PRIVATE time (not just sexy time) but one-on-one.
When things gets stressful it's not entirely uncommon to look elsewhere for "entertainment" (not talking cheating here) but the whole feeling excitement, lust, the whole nine yards. Things aren't "NEW" with your fiancee so a total stranger with a flirtatious personality and AT A wedding might have made you realize what you CURRENTLY aren't getting from your partner.
So MAKE him & yourself the focus.
Sit down and make a list pro/con about your fiancee and your future with him. See how that unfold.
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