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writes: I suspect my daughter in law who is married for 11 yrs to my son on having an affair with my boyfriend of 10 years. I believe this has been going on for sometime now. I have no hard proof,just what I see with my own eyes. My gut instant is so sure, But again I have no proof. I explained to my son to have her phone checked, which he did. There was nothing on her phone. I found out there are cheaters Apps, which they both can put on there cells. I've checked his phone as well and found nothing. My daughter in law and my boyfriend are both aware I suspect the two of them on having an affair. My son is not speaking with me i confronted him with my information. He tells me I need solid proof..My daughter and son,two grandchildren live with me. my boyfriend lives in his mothers house, We were suppose to live together once my son and daughter in law moved out, my boyfirend now tells me he doesn't want to move in together,my boyfriend has changed alot toward me. He has converstions about taking care of my grandson, when i approch him that he has a dad, he gets nervous and say, no you and i.I am so sure this affair is taking place. i don't want to break up with him yet. my question is, i'm wondering on speaking with his sister in law, who told me if i ever needed to talk to her,she would be there for me? i did everything for my daughter in law. my daughter in law is 30 and my boyfriend is 60..
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2018): You know what they say: when you assume you make an ass of u and me... Gut instincts can be right, but they can be wrong too. Is it worth it to tear your family apart when you could be wrong? I'd say no, or at least wait until you have real proof.
Also, I'd say you screwed up in telling them that you suspect. They could either hide their tracks better or end the bad behavior.
Also, there are certainly exceptions, but I doubt many 30YO women would cheat with a 60YO.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 April 2018):
 End the relationship, if you do not trust him then there really is no point in being with him. If it is to much for your son and his wife to be living with you then kindly ask them to leave so you can get on with your own life. This is no way for you to live.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2018): To the OP, never dismiss your gut instinct. Never.
What I suggest you do is get the proof to substantiate your gut feeling or refute it. If you get the proof, then confront him. Anything you do before based on your feelings will slowly destroy your relationship.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2018): Oh dear, oh dear! You are making the most appalling mistake and you are isolating everyone you hold dear.
You are assuming your daughter in law is having and affair with your studmuffin of a boyfriend.
Why would she want some old geezer when she has your charming son?
You should apologise and explain that your imagination got carried away.
The problem is that your relationship with your sixty year old fella is based too much on sex and not enough on trust.
What an insult to your son!
Your green eyed envy has seen your daughter in laws attractive looks as a threat to you.
So your own insecurity is playing with your mind.
You may even be a bit off balance.
Your 60 yr old man has upset the family dynamics and you have jumped to the worst possible conclusion.
Apologize and see a counsellor to see if you are going totally off the rails.
You have a nasty case of youth jealousy!
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male
reader, SnowCave  +, writes (3 April 2018):
Relationships don't function well when one or both partners escalate their suspicions because it's a vicious cycle: you're suspicious, you accuse him, he feels angry and upset that you don't trust him, he will be dissatisfied in the relationship making it more likely that one day he will cheat, or he will think you are cheating, and it will get gradually worse and worse until one day the relationship is over. Relationships that survive are ones where partners learn to give each other the benefit of the doubt, to forgive even after perceived or real transgressions, and to trust each other.Right now you are letting your imagination run wild and jumping to conclusions based on very little evidence, and you certainly aren't trusting him or giving him the benefit of the doubt. If you continue thinking and behaving in this way, your insecurity and jealousy will destroy the relationship.You say "I have no hard proof, just what I see with my own eyes." What have you seen with your own eyes that makes you so sure?
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male
reader, Garbo +, writes (3 April 2018):
 Regrettably, gut instincts are not proof. These “instincts” sometimes may arise out of other kinds of emotions inside a person and have no basis of fact with the matter. You checked the phones and found nothing. Just because there are “cheater apps” it does not follow that someone is going to use them. Finally, sometimes people contextualize what they see with their own eyes.
They interpret events such that it feeds their predetermined conclusions, so they would nitpick at small unrelated detail and place as proof to what they want to believe. People do not want to be accused of doing wrong when there is no wrong done, so your son’s reaction does not surprise me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2018): Kick all the cheaters out of your house.Your Welcome.
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female
reader, DancerGirl1984  +, writes (3 April 2018):
I suggest you end the relationship regardless of proof or not. This is not a way to live.
How can you be with someone you don't trust? This will always eat away at you and will cause you such misery.
Move on and find happiness with someone else.
If you really wanted to find out then you could hire a PI.
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