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How can I help him with his terrible snoring?

Tagged as: Health, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 January 2018) 11 Answers - (Newest, 15 January 2018)
A female Australia age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Dear Cupid.

I need advice on how I can help my partner with his snoring!

My partner and I have been together for just over three years. In the first year, year and a half my partner barely snored, we had a great bedtime routine.

Fast forward now three years and I cringe whenever he comes to bed, because once he starts breathing (sounds like he's snoring to me) or actually snoring I find I can't sleep and I'm up till very early in the morning and it's affecting my life because I can't get up for work.

I have tried relaxation music (can still hear him through my ear phones)

I have tried going to bed half an hour before him...but I wake up when he comes to bed and then can't sleep.

I have noticed that if I go to bed an hour or two before him I find I do fall asleep quick and don't even hear him get up for work, but most nights we stay up watching movies etc.

When my partner was younger he had an operation to fix a bone in his nose and his adnoides removed, he had complications and being 24 this year, he has said he wont see a doctor because he says he'll be on a long waiting list, doesn't have sleep apnia and says it's all in my head and to go to sleep....but how can I when his snoring is affecting that? His mum says the operation scared him and he won't ever do another...

I spend my nights now sleeping on the lounge, I am able to still here him snore with two doors closed...

I don't know what to do anymore :(

I love my partner and I want to be able to sleep next to him but I can't with his terrible snoring!

(yes he have tried nose sprays and throat ones, nose strips etc)

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (15 January 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntHe refuses? It is your bed so you have the right to ask him to leave it so that you can get a good nights sleep!

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (14 January 2018):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntAgain, OP, I don't think you can avoid an ultimatum, at this point - you can't sleep in the lounge for the next 40+ years of your life!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2018):

He says he has gained weight, and yes that's why he's snoring a lot more. I have tried ear plugs with little help.

I prefer to sleep on the lounge as the bedroom is near the spare room and I can still hear him. (I hear him from the lounge room but it's not as bad)

I would sleep in separate rooms but we share a bed that I bought last year (my bed) and his old bed is in the spare room...rather uncomfortable so he refuses to sleep in the spare room...

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (14 January 2018):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntIf you've recorded it and he's still in denial, then I'd leave, but that's just me. I couldn't take being with someone who denies evidence and refuses to see a doctor about it.

Sleeping in separate rooms is okay, but the OP has said she can still here it in the lounge, let alone another bedroom nearby.

I think he needs an ultimatum, OP. "See a doctor and get help or lose me because I need sleep".

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A male reader, Garbo United States +, writes (14 January 2018):

Garbo agony auntHas he gained weight in last year? Weight gain often causes this because air passages through the body are suddenly narrower while organs are looser and therefore spread. Loosing weight often fixes this.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2018):

Have you tried good quality earplugs and background noise like a fan? If that doesn't work -Separate beds. My bf and I never sleep in the same room anymore.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (14 January 2018):

CindyCares agony aunt That's easy to fix. Separate rooms. I don't know why so many people seem to be seeing sleeping separately as the end of a relationship . Not true ar all. Just to name ONE example , my dad was the most terrible snorer ever, plus he used to talk and sing ( ! ) in his sleep. My mom hung in there for a year or two , after which she moved to another bedroom to save her mental sanity ( and physical health : sleep deprivation is dangerous ! ) They were married very happily for a looong time , until dad's death.

As a matter of fact, many of the couples I know, if not most, choose to NOT share a bed, if only it's technically possible. As another poster mentions, it's not that sex, intimacy and cuddles are over the moment you separate your beds !

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2018):

And now you see why many happy couples in fact do NOT share a bedroom! My brother and his wife being one that I know, and my parents being another, and other friends.

Move into the guest bedroom and you can both get a good night's sleep. You can still come together for cuddles and lovemaking at other times! It doesn't mean you aren't together or you don't love each other just because you don't sleep in the same bed!

To be honest there isn't a very good medical cure for snoring yet. Although a surgery does exist, its results are very mixed.

So honestly why not just sleep in adjoining rooms, because living life with hardly any sleep is not practical and you won't be a very nice partner if your sleep deprivation becomes chronic.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2018):

I have recorded it while being next to him and also I have recorded it while I ‘m on the lounge.

I can’t keep waking up tired every morning anymore ??

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (14 January 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntYou need to be firm and say either he sees a doctor about it or else you are going to move out. It might seem darastic but I do know what you are going through and it is tough to live with. If he refuses to see a doctor then the only choice you have to show him you are serious is to move out.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (13 January 2018):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntTime to put your foot down. "I love you, but I won't sleep in the lounge any more and I can't sleep through your snoring. I want to be with you, but you need to see a doctor about your snoring, or I can't get enough sleep to function and I can't live like that".

He needs a reason to do it and if losing you isn't enough, then that's very unfortunate. Record his snoring, play it for him when he says it's all in your head and be prepared to leave, if he isn't willing to get help.

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