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*arbo agony aunt


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Girl I am seeing had affair with a man who later became her step-father. Am I being over sensitive about this?

Q.   Hi all, I am wondering if you can provide a sounding board. I'll be brief. I met a girl on an internet site. She is from Eastern Europe. I live in US. Let's call her R. We got to talking for a few months and things seemed great. Then R. tol...

A.   9 August 2016: "Am I being over-sensitive, or would this bother you? If so, how would you deal with it?" I don't think you are sensitive. This would bother me very much, like huge amounts. What I wiuld do? I would not waste time justifying who is at fault ... (read in full...)

Should I even tell him? How can I, considering he's married?

Q.   I really need to talk about this. Please don't judge me. I know I'm a idiot for getting into this mess. I have been sleeping with an older married man (49). I stopped all contact with him a few weeks ago, as I missed my period. I then went to the ...

A.   8 August 2016: His wife needs to know about this. The life of the child is paramount and the fact that a married man got you pregnant, maybe unfortunate, but his wife and him need to know that. What happens to him does not matter because your child needs ... (read in full...)

Is it normal for your man to check out other women's behinds?

Q.   Is it normal for your BF to check out other women's behinds? Whether you are around or not? Do all/most men check out other women's behinds even if they are in a happy, committed relationship with their wives/girlfriends? And even if their wives/g...

A.   8 August 2016: I don't look for hot women but when a hot woman is in front of me I do look at her. Since I do it, I surmise that all men do it. When I do it, it does not mean that my woman is of lesser value, or that I'm ready to dump her for the other one... It's ... (read in full...)

Do I tell my friend what her father said? What should I do?

Q.   I went to a dinner party for one of my best friends, and her dad who is married complimented me twice. Both times I felt very uncomfortable. He called my name across the table, and begin to say how attractive I am. And as I was leaving the party he...

A.   8 August 2016: Given that he has said twice before, you may want to reply to him like this if he says it again: "I heard you the first time. This is your third time saying the same thing. No need for you to repeat yourself." ... (read in full...)

He needs to understand its over and he needs to stop harrassing me!

Q.   I left my abusive husband 3 months ago. During that time, in a moment of weakness after him begging to give him another chance, I said that we could try to make it work. For a month after that, he went dead silent and refused everything I tried to ...

A.   6 August 2016: For sure contact US Embassy at least to have a record of all this even if they can't help materially. Ask them to expedite your exit out of there. I think that you should increase precautions about your physical safety because that man is erratic ... (read in full...)

His ex girlfriend wants him back!

Q.   I have been best friends with this guy Jimmy for 5 years,ever since we attended Marquette together. We just recently started sleeping together about 6 months ago because we were both lonely, and we agreed that we would never turn it into a relati...

A.   4 August 2016: If you two are FWB or whatever such that it's only sex, then I don't see why is it any of your business whom he is romantically getting entangled with. FWB means no romance, just sex, so he is free to look for that with his Ex or not. His Ex sees it ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend got his ex pregnant but still wants to be with me

Q.   My boyfriend n I have been datin for past a year now. I has showed great interest in settlin down wt me bt recently I fofound out he jst sees his ex galfriend and before I know wwhat is happpenin, she is already pregnant. We leave vry far from each ...

A.   1 August 2016: Let this guy go. He is a cheater and does not know what he wants. Had he known that he wants marriage, and a kid in it, he would not have cheated on you to have a kid outside of marriage. That is too much irresponsible baggage for a man in his 20s. ... (read in full...)

Should I go back to my high maintenance friends? or should I learn to appreciate non materialistic things?

Q.   I have this need to go out all the time for the last three years I have gone out from Thursday - Sunday (yes as ashamed looking back at it partying) while have a corporate job. It was non stop glitz and glamour waisting a 100 dollars a night on...

A.   1 August 2016: Another suggestion to try is to go back to your Catholic faith and explore what it says about such emptiness in your heart that sees fakeness and understands how materialistic things don't fill that void. Book by Anthony Paone is a great little ... (read in full...)

What are some good tips and ideas to help get started on repairing the trust I broke with my husband when I cheated?

Q.   I have cheated on my husband and I told him about it, it broke him completely and he is just hanging on by a thread with what little piece of heart he has left. He feels that our whole marriage of 2 years has been a lie because I broke that vow a...

A.   28 July 2016: There is no quick magic thing for you to do or say. This is long and be ready to answer questions for a very long time, some repetitive, some minutia, others micro...not at the same time but as bits, sprinkled within convo, apart from it. You are ... (read in full...)

Cheating. How do I respond to this? I really loved this girl, and was going to propose to her

Q.   Well me and my gf are both 26 years old and have been with each other for the past 4 years. Met her in my last year of College and have been with her since. We started living together about 3 months of getting together and everything was lovely, ...

A.   24 July 2016: You still don't have proof that she is cheating. What you have is a possibility that she is and you need to catch her in the act. Have your neighbor tell you when that guy arrives, take off from work and go home to see what's happening. That will ... (read in full...)

He avoids eye contact, it makes me angry!

Q.   brief backstory was seeing a guy, became a push and pull relationship, i got sick of it and ended it. went no contact for about 6 weeks until he called to check in on me, saw him in person after that and he shook my hand and wouldn't make ey...

A.   23 July 2016: Just to note, people with autism or Aspergers do not look people in the eye. Perhaps he has that condition and does not want to reveal it or may not know about it. ... (read in full...)

He likes rough sex, I don't! Am I being unreasonable or is he?

Q.   I recently started a relationship with a guy I met 4 months ago. We went out a few times in the last 4 months before deciding we wanted to give a relationship a go. We recently started having sex and it turns out that he is really into rough sex and ...

A.   20 July 2016: You are not selfish. He is. You cannot make anybody have type of sex that person does not want to. That applies to him as well. I think you have a big decision to make given that he is unbending on the roughness. To me, that shows huge lack of ... (read in full...)

Is it bad to enjoy no strings attached?

Q.   I've been a goody two shoes my whole life. This has been partly out of my fear about making mistakes (I'm a perfectionist) and just a big worrier. I've always hated that I come across as such a square. I've been in a few serious relationships bu...

A.   19 July 2016: Passing judgements, particularly on sexuality, is considered very evil these days so I will keep those to my self. On the more significant point, you should be aware that statistics show that the smaller number of sexual partners a person has in ... (read in full...)

Should I stop worrying about him and continue working on myself ? My husband is being very cold towards me

Q.   My husband and I have had a rocky marriage of 4 years. I have a very good share of the blame for that, as I have been very selfish and immature in our marriage. On my husband's end, he is very controlling and emotionally abusive, pretty ...

A.   18 July 2016: I believe that couples should exhaust all efforts to fix a marriage before they decide to dissolve it. What you describe shows no effort at solving anything. Both of you just ran away from one another. That isn't an effort at solving anything. ... (read in full...)

I found out he's still married, but separated, he lied about his son and he's a borderline hoarder!

Q.   Dear Cupid, I have been dating a guy for 2 1/2 years. He is older than me (I am 35 and he is 53), and when we started seeing each other he said he had been single for awhile. He has a house that is in disrepair, and approaching hoarder status. ...

A.   16 July 2016: A relative of mine is in a similar situation: she married a much older guy and after having kids, she found out that he was married twice before but, like your guy, lied claiming he was never married. Her marriage is a total disaster, she is ... (read in full...)

I love my wife but she is causing me distress. What do I do with this woman?

Q.   Hello this is my first time to ever post on a relationship site, but have had problems with my wife for many years and have even separated for a year and she made all these promises that things would be different. She has a problem with drinking...

A.   15 July 2016: Your wife is an alcoholic. Drinking daily to obtain a buzz is what alcoholics do. They tend to drink around the same time, same type of drink in a similar setting ... It has become a routine for her such that the purpose of a day is to get to the ... (read in full...)

How can this be fixed? Dysfunctional family, I feel depressed when I'm near them but don't know how.

Q.   I live about two hours from my family (mum, grandparents). I try and visit every two weeksfor the weekend but lately it's the biggest struggle. I love them dearly but I cry on the drive back home and feel so depressed and drained. My mum sits ta...

A.   10 July 2016: This is a complex situation and you cannot fix all of it. Therefore, focus on things you can fix and that is getting some meds for your mother. That of course requires a diagnosis first, which requires you to convince her to see a specialist. Hence ... (read in full...)

Grieving for my twin brother who died. My parents don't mention him. How can I get through this grief?

Q.   I lost my twin brother, actually i feel like i lost half my soul. I am never going to be the same person again because half of me has died. Family give reasons and excuses and say everything will work out. We had always been together, never ...

A.   9 July 2016: I think your parents are too grief stricken to bring up his memory. I think you should not hold that against your parents. If they love you, your parents sure love your twin because he is just another you. As just another you, then seek purpose for ... (read in full...)

Is this a cultural shock that is affecting my relationship? Has anyone experienced anything similar?

Q.   I dont know where to start. I am from South America and I emigrated to USA 8 years ago, I studied got a degree. I have a good job and support myself , single no kids. I met an Iraqi guy 2 years ago, hes younger by 8 years. He came legally, ...

A.   9 July 2016: He told you everything that you need to know about how he sees his relationship with you when he told you: "girlfriend does not exist and is earthier a hooker or wife nothing between." Since you are not his wife, then you must be a hooker to him. ... (read in full...)

I have fallen madly, hotly in love with my sister in law

Q.   I have completely fell for my sister-in-law , she even told her cousin I have the major hots for her and word for word her cousin came and told me , my brother has not done anything with her sense October last year and she is so grandly hot and it ...

A.   30 June 2016: Certain things in life are off limits. You may wish that they are not but fact of the matter is that they are off limits. So come to grips that you can't have her. You can fantasize all you want but reality is otherwise. Nor is it a wise idea to ... (read in full...)

Is it cheating if a man, married or in a relationship, has a happy ending occur after a massage?

Q.   Hi ladies (and gents), I was searching for some opinion here! Long story cut short, what do you think of a married man or your spouse getting a happy ending after a massage? Would that be considered as cheating? Would you be upset if he told you...

A.   28 June 2016: First, I object to the phrase "happy ending" because there is nothing happy about indulging in prostitutional activities. And yes, it is cheating because any sex outside of marriage, intentional or not, is cheating. To reverse roles: would I ... (read in full...)

I feel like "Mr No Spine"

Q.   His ladies and gents, long time no post here. The past 4 years have been great, I have met a great woman, and 1 year ago, we got married. We are living with her parents, it can get a little claustrophobic at times. Just for a small amount o...

A.   27 June 2016: Every marriage wreck starts with the other guy being "just a friend". Same with her situation. My suspicion is that the reason he became a "friend" to her is the drugs. He probably feeds her the weed for free and she loves it. That little episode of ... (read in full...)

She rejected my invitation. I still want to be friends. How do I keep things light when I see her again?

Q.   Hello agony aunts So this week I asked a female friend of mine if she wanted to meet for a coffee sometime and I mentioned we don't get opportunities to talk at work with our different schedules. Which is true as we don't do, anyway to cut ...

A.   25 June 2016: You have to let this one go. Be polite to her at work, speak about job stuff, be professional and make sure none of this emotion stuff gets in the way of your work. You did well because you asked her out knowing you'd be rejected. You lost nothing. ... (read in full...)

Is my boyfriend saying I'm not that attractive to be hit on?

Q.   I would say I'm okay looking, when I'm done up I think I can look quite hot. Anyways I get hit on by guys on the way to work quite often, yesterday I had two guys actually approach me. One was when I was sitting on the bench and the guy said, can I ...

A.   21 June 2016: The point of his remark - "did you act like you didn't care" - is to make sure you are not hitting back. It's one thing to be hit on, it feels good, but it's another to hit back, it's infidelity. So it's one of those confirmation moments in which ... (read in full...)

Can they really expect more hours without overtime pay?

Q.   Hello, I moved to the US few months ago and I'm working in financie field and have an exempt full time position. I was hired for 40 hours work per week but my supervisor stating that we all must put some extra hours every week. I do come early ...

A.   21 June 2016: There are situations where despite the contract, it is in your best interest to work extra as the boss says. Few years ago I was under contract where my day ended at 4:15 pm but the boss "encouraged" that we all work extra, especially have ... (read in full...)

Why did she contact her ex? I sent him a "no contact" email from her account 2 years ago!

Q.   Hi, I have been living with my girlfriend for 2 years now. I'm English living in Costa Rica and she's Costa Rican. When we first met I found her text an American man she used to work with. I found out they were having sex,skyping and sending rude ...

A.   20 June 2016: Your situation has so many markings of a failing relationship of which the broken trust is something that could likely lead into complete breakdown. I could understand your snooping into her email but impersonating her without her knowledge is a ... (read in full...)

My married man was upset I broke up with him! Was I unreasonable?

Q.   I have been involved with a married man for 10 years, I waited until his children were grown up so I could make demands in my lover leaning his wife, they are 17 and 19 so not kids anymore....I asked him last night for us to be a proper couple now, ...

A.   16 June 2016: The only unreasonable thing here is that you waited 10 years, glorious amount of time that you could have invested in a man that would have loved you back. Still, I'm glad you dumped him and be sure you stay no contact. ... (read in full...)

I'm stuck in a one sided relationship with a guy who tries to deliberately belittles me. Can someone please advise what to do?

Q.   So heres my problem, Ive been in a relationship with my boyfriend since October (9 months) and have lived with him for 8 months. We are always together. For the last 6 months, I havent been happy in life or in our relationship. I keep trying t...

A.   16 June 2016: You should not concern yourself about him harming himself. That is his concern and his issue. You aren't responsible for his choices. You are responsible for your choices and a choice you need to make is to leave so that your life can be good. In ... (read in full...)

Newly married but feel so guilty about my cheating. What should I do?

Q.   I got married to my boyfriend recently whom I was with in a long distance relationship for 3 yrs. We still live apart as I have not moved to his city yet as he could be taking a transfer to mine. I have dark secret which haunts me even now. Las...

A.   16 June 2016: Your lover is playing you. Now that he knows you are married, he comes out to you that he allegedly wants you which is a ploy to keep getting sex. He knows he can't have you so by claiming he wants what he can't have, he seeks to string you up for ... (read in full...)

How can this continue with me losing my sanity? I have a wife and a girlfriend who are both amazing.

Q.   I've been having an affair with a much younger, beautiful and sexy woman for over three years. I am in a fairly good marriage and we've been married for 22 years. My wife and I are on the same wave length. We've been through a lot together and are...

A.   15 June 2016: You do not love your GF. If you did, you would leave your wife and build a future with her. You love your GFs sex and nothing more, otherwise you would never see future only with your wife. Those whom you love are those whom you want to build the ... (read in full...)

Am I being paranoid or is my husband a cheater?

Q.   I have been married for over 25 years, but am currently separated from my husband due to various issues. One of the issues is suspected cheating, which my husband denies. I just wanted to hear other peoples perspective on this, as my husbands...

A.   15 June 2016: Nothing that you list here rises up to the level of evidence that he is cheating. Tone of voice is not evidence of him cheating; that she is hitting on him is not cheating because people get hit on all the time; unusual phone calls and unwillingness ... (read in full...)

I feel betrayed and devastated that my husband is regularly visiting a brothel. What are my options to deal with my hurt?

Q.   after 6 years of marriage I feel everything is falling apart! and I am completely devastated .. My husband is having an adultery, he is a regular brothel visitor. we got married after years of crazy deep love and commitment, now we are married for ...

A.   13 June 2016: Private investigator is the way to go given that, and I'm assuming, you don't have the means to investigate yourself. Your evidence is convincing but, like you said, you need more concrete kind that he is actually engaging in sex. You shouldn't be ... (read in full...)

The quietest guy I have ever met! Is he elitist?

Q.   Dear Aunts, I have a question about attractive reserved men. If a man had good looks,height,a good job,an IQ of 130+ and was blessed with good health; deep down,he's gotta know that he's better than most people he encounters,right? My qu...

A.   10 June 2016: Speaking often is not a sign of compassion. If anything, it is the opposite as in rejection of boastfulness, rejection of idle talk, rejection of aimless speech... people who speak too much are often too consumed in what they are trying to say, or ... (read in full...)

I'm stuck in a one sided relationship with a guy who tries to deliberately belittles me. Can someone please advise what to do?

Q.   So heres my problem, Ive been in a relationship with my boyfriend since October (9 months) and have lived with him for 8 months. We are always together. For the last 6 months, I havent been happy in life or in our relationship. I keep trying t...

A.   8 June 2016: Your life is not about proving someone wrong or right. That is called spite. So why do you spite yourself, on top of the insults that you are already getting. Therefore, what his friends think or what he, at this point thinks, is irrelevant. ... (read in full...)

Not long before we started to date he had sex with a girl who is one of my friends. Now I know I feel uncomfortable about it. How should I respond?

Q.   Would you date a guy who had slept with your friend not long before you decided to date? Note that it was not a one night stand, but happened a few times... I have known this guy for a while and only recently have we hung out a lot and gotten t...

A.   8 June 2016: If this was a reverse situation and I was with a girl who did this ... Well, I wouldn't be with that girl. Nor would I care to blame her or him, simply such girl if off limits, sorry, bye. Idk if there is difference as to how a girl is suppose ... (read in full...)

Am I right to expect more?

Q.   Hello everyone. Thanks for reading my post. My question is kinda silly, but I suck at relationships so I need to ask. How often should I see my boyfriend? We've been dating for a few months now, we both have kids and work. He has his kids every ...

A.   8 June 2016: It's ok to feel needy but it's also ok to talk that need with your BF. It isn't fair to dump him over something which he perhaps has no clue what's going on. Both of you are in a young relationship and that requires little work so each behavior ... (read in full...)

Should I tell her Bf what she is like?

Q.   A female who fancies me wants to have me and isn't happy in her relationship currently with a man she's with. He's not the best looking but he is a nice guy and really loves her, and I feel sorry for him as he does and she doesn't feel the same ...

A.   8 June 2016: I wouldn't say anything but at the same time I would no longer be around her. If you don't see any future with her, avoid. ... (read in full...)

Can the love that once existed be rekindled between us or are we done?

Q.   i have been married for 23 years and been with my husband since we have been 14 years old. I just recently found out he had an affair on me with a younger woman recently and has been seeing her behind my back for 7 months. I really want to work on ...

A.   6 June 2016: I understand that you have lot of legacy and fine memories being with your husband but I think you need not cling to it so hard so that the past is the reason to build the future. Your husband seems dead-set on breaking the marriage and I think you ... (read in full...)

Enough is enough. Is walking away a solution? my adult son has mental health issues and my ex-husband does help with our son.

Q.   Hi, I was married for many years and my ex-husband, although he does not live with me, spends a lot of time at my home to help me with our son, 24, who has always had a number of mental health issues and now drinks heavily. I am so depressed with...

A.   5 June 2016: "my son wouldn't walk with us, said he wanted to attack people and started screaming at us." You don't say if your son has these anger tantrums often, but if he does then look at the Intermittent Anger Disorder, and try to see if those symptoms... (read in full...)

I've fallen for my FWB and she doesn't feel the same. Advice?

Q.   So I am constantly conflicted and torn. I have fallen in love with my friends with benefits. I never could have seen this coming. I'm not the relationship type and it really is kind of the last thing that I want. We have been sleeping togethe...

A.   3 June 2016: Ask her to be your GF. For all you know, she may feel the same but is faking it because she made an agreement that precludes a relationship and is sticking with the agreement despite different emotions. You have nothing to loose: even if she says No ... (read in full...)

Are his actions Red Flags? He's a confident guy but insecure with me

Q.   I've been dating a great guy (31 y/o) for two months. He treats me very well, initiates most dates and text greetings, and invites me to his friend/group gatherings. He's a successful entrepreneur, experienced, outgoing, and very socially capable ...

A.   3 June 2016: I see no red flags in any of this. Perhaps he wants to hear from you that you are interested in being exclusive and willing to offer commitment so you may want to discuss that with him as a possibility. So if if you see future with him, start ... (read in full...)

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