A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. I have question about this girl I like. Main question is does she like me?Background info about the situation.I have moved to a new country 6 months ago.I met this girl 4 months ago at a meetup. Meetup is where you go meet random people and socialise with them. Anyway i asked her number and we started texting. We then met up few times. Not as dates as friends. I guess i knew it wasnt dates because it was casual and she keeps saying she wants to meet new people and expand her circle. She is also new to the country. She has been here 4-5 months longer than me.She is single and she has been for a lil while. She definitely wants to date guys cos we talk about her meeting guys etc.I am 30 and shes 32. One night we went to a singles party and we were drinking. I get overly friendly, honest and all lovey dovey when i am drinking. So we were sitting in the corner and talking about dating etc and I said why dont we date. She said you dont wanna date me etc. She said never tell a woman you want her because then she doesnt want you etc. I know i was friend zoned then. This happened few weeks after meeting each other. Since then i havent asked her again or anything. We kept meeting and became good friends and decided to live together as friends. Our original flatting situations wasnt the best and thought it be nice to live with a friend so you have freedom and the whole apartment to yourself etc. We moved in about a month ago and we have became even closer. Theres been a few nights where we sit and talk about our lives and tell each other stuff. All with drinking ofcourse. She gets quite friendly with me as well when shes drinking. Sometimes we just lay back on the sofa listening to music. Sometimes i would stroke her hair or her face while shes sitting there with her eyes closed. She recently went on a date with this guy and it fit her ideal man description but she stopped seeing him after one date as she said there was no spark. I know I dont fit her ideal man description. She wants someone older and taller. I am 2 years younger and 2 inches shorter than her.She keeps telling me about her ideal man and blames her self for being single as shes quite picky. Looks wise shes definitely prettier for someone like me. However all these shallow things dont bother me. She has her flaws but i am starting to fall for her. We text each other a lot during the days while we are at work. We flirt a lot. We talk about walking naked around the house while either of us are alone. Shes very open about sex life and says she doesnt like the fact that she doesnt have a sex life right now.Neither of us celebrate christmas but i gave her couple of gifts and she gave me couple of gifts. Shes very sweet and caring. Sometimes i feel like she likes me too but then i think if she would act like this with a friend as well. I really dont know. Do girls start to like guys if they spend this much time together? Can a girl remain friends with someone in our situation?I know i get overly attached. Something like this happened to me previously and the girl didnt like me back. I fell for her and was heart broken as she didnt feel the same way. It seems like this is going in the same direction. I know the same thing is gonna happen again. But theres a part of me that hopes we end up together. Theres always hope. Should i carry on as normal or do something to get over her. Its gonna be hard to not like her as we live together. I love coming home to see her. Sorry for the bad english. Let me know if you have any questions.Any advice would be helpful.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2016): You're deep in the "Friend Zone". Google it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2016): Based on my opinion, once I don't like a guy means I won't like him no matter how much I try. Brutal truth is simply because I am not attracted to him at all. So she probably feels that way for you. I think you need to move on.
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A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (23 December 2016):
 I'm sorry, but it sounds like you are squarely in the friend zone at the moment. Women don't typically tell men they are interested in about all the other men they are seeing unless it's the type of relationship where one or both parties find lack of monogamy to be a turn-on. Age and height may be fairly arbitrary deal-breakers, but apparently they're important to her; she has told you as much. Everyone has their preferences and you have no choice but to respect hers or you are going to come across as the creepy guy who won't take no for an answer - even though that isn't what you're going for at all.
And it is probably best you remain "friends only" if you are happy with your current living arrangement. If things between you become too awkward she may move out, and you would then be scrambling to find another flatmate if you don't want to (or can't) pay all the rent alone. Be practical about this.
I suggest you start actively seeking dates (with other women, not this one) yourself. When she sees that you have moved on and that other women find you desirable she may see you in a new light. Or better yet, you may meet someone who loves you exactly the way you are and doesn't have to be coaxed into overlooking parts of your identity that you have no control over and can't change.
I hope this helps you. Good luck and best wishes moving forward!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (23 December 2016):
 I agree - BAD BAD choices here.
1. even with being roommates this has disaster written all over.
2. she isn't interested and has already told you so (in so many words)
3. you are USING the fact that you live together to try and "creep" in with the cuddling and drinking. If YOU take this further SHE WILL regret it and things will get SUPER SUPER awkward and uncomfortable for you both.
If you intend on living together with her, I suggest YOU start dating too.
YOU are GOING to have to accept that you are her roommate, whom she is "friendly" with ( I wouldn't call you her friend) and STICK to that.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 December 2016):
 This is bad.
Sorry to say this, but you should never have moved in with her. You KNEW you liked her as more than friends, yet you lied to her and pretend to be just a friend, and you let her lower her guard around you because she thinks you respect that you are just friends. But you are just trying to use friendship to get her to date you. I think that's not honorable for one thing, second it's naive because it NEVER happens this way.
A woman knows from day one whether she is attracted to someone or not. It doesn't grow just because you spend a lot of time together.
Also, you didn't ask her out way back then on that night out. You asked her for reasons why you shouldn't date. This means you come off as not being serious, and as just joking around. If you were serious you should have directly asked her instead. You should have asked her "do you want to go out with me", not "so why don't we date".
I don't think you should continue living with her, because she will continue going on dates and meeting new men, and before you know it she will bring one of them home.
I don't think you should just try and get over her either, I think before you move out you should tell her how you feel and ask her out on a proper date. Let her decide whether she wants you or not, instead of just assuming she will not like you because you don't fit her "description" or because you halfheartedly, in drinking, maybe asked her out. You didn't properly ask her, so you didn't give her a chance to actually reject you. So you don't know, for sure, what she thinks of you.
Could be she likes you, but you never show her any signs of liking her back, signs that she understands. For example you approve of her talking to you about her dates and her sex life. A man who is taking an interest in a woman as more than friends, would not sit quietly and listen to this kind of conversation. You are sending her all the wrong signals. You are friend-zoning yourself just as much as she is friend-zoning you.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (23 December 2016):
 You are not hitting her emotional requirements. She wants Spark, and mystery, and some physical; attributes that you don't have. As long as you two are living together (as friends) neither one of you will find any romantic relationship.
You in particular will just get more and more frustrated. Blindly she will keep using you until you leave her.
Make the move. Cut ties and get on with life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2016): Why dont you date someone else and see how your crush's reaction will be? Obviously if she gets upset it will mean she has feelings for you.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (23 December 2016):
 You need to ask women out before you fall too hard for them. Living with someone you have a crush on is a bad idea because you see them go on other days and, if you did get together and break up, you could be stuck living together awkwardly.
Ask her out *without* alcohol(!) and if she rejects you, move on. Do not continue being lovey-dovey and stroking her hair/face because your feelings will grow and you'll get hurt.
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