| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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I don't know if I can indulge his BDSM fantasies
Q. So I am engaged and both my fiance an I want to experience our fantasies, but I am not sure if I can commit to doing his. Mine is a foursome with him and two other girls, I am Bisexual so I am okay with mine, but his is BDSM an I don't know if ...
A. 30 April 2018: It appears the OP has left the room. For those interested in an exploration of BDSM and american culture. I read chapter 4 of Mating in Captivity this morning. The Author Esther Perel, covers the topic, and why we fear it. BDSM is much less of a ... (read in full...)
He earns three times more but wants to split the bills 50/50
Q. my boyfriend has recently asked me to move in with him. we had a conversation about our finances and his expectation of what i should contribute to the household expenses. He wants to split everything 50/50. We got into an argument over this because ...
A. 27 April 2018: Yes, if you do all of the maids work, you get the whole amount credited to your share. An hour commute to work will be expensive and rob you both of together time. Given this information, I think you should wait until you can find work closer to ... (read in full...)
Is it fair to let past experiences influence tis relationship?
Q. I've been seeing a guy for about a month now and we started to talk about the future and what the relationship is and he tells me that last summer he was accused of raping his ex. At the time he was telling me with I had just had consensual sex w...
A. 27 April 2018: He told you because you could and should be doing a background check.... (read in full...)
He earns three times more but wants to split the bills 50/50
Q. my boyfriend has recently asked me to move in with him. we had a conversation about our finances and his expectation of what i should contribute to the household expenses. He wants to split everything 50/50. We got into an argument over this because ...
A. 27 April 2018: As I read this I keep thinking about paying on a mortgage and not earning equity. On the face it seems unfair. But, honestly renters everywhere do this. Common as mud.
I agree that the future of the relationship is bleak. And it isn't just the ... (read in full...)
I don't know if I can indulge his BDSM fantasies
Q. So I am engaged and both my fiance an I want to experience our fantasies, but I am not sure if I can commit to doing his. Mine is a foursome with him and two other girls, I am Bisexual so I am okay with mine, but his is BDSM an I don't know if ...
A. 27 April 2018: I'm not nearly as worried about his fantasy as I am about yours. Having said that I would never engage in BDSM as a dominant with a reluctant submissive. On top of that reluctant dominant's aren't much fun.
Here is the deal. You are enga... (read in full...)
He earns three times more but wants to split the bills 50/50
Q. my boyfriend has recently asked me to move in with him. we had a conversation about our finances and his expectation of what i should contribute to the household expenses. He wants to split everything 50/50. We got into an argument over this because ...
A. 26 April 2018: Here is how I read the original post. OP is living paycheck to paycheck now paying all of her rent utilities and Groceries. Soon she will have student loan payments added to that. She will not have enough income to cover that.
BF is offe... (read in full...)
Should I try harder to make up for his lack of effort?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years. I love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. But for the past year now, I feel like he's been neglecting me. He's a hard-working man and I love that about him. But he doesn't ...
A. 16 April 2018: Looking at your relationship from the outside, it seems that you are getting everything you are asking for. You want separate houses, You want to spend half the summer away, you want time to work on your career, in short you want distance. So he ... (read in full...)
What do my husband's cuckolding fantasies mean?
Q. My husband has lots of cuckholding fantasies and imagines watching me with other men. I have told him this will remain fantasy as I'll never do this in real life so that's not my question here My question is whether I should be worried that he ...
A. 14 April 2018: If you want to argue this out with me. Get an account and send a private message. ... (read in full...)
My husband wants to hide me from the girl he wants a baby with
Q. i have been married for 4 years, i had to remove my womb due to medical conditions. my husband and i agreed on the operation. now he wants a baby so i said to him he must get someone very far and i dont want to be affected by it. he now got someone ...
A. 12 April 2018: I adoption available in your country?... (read in full...)
I'm having an affair wih my fiance's best friend.
Q. I’m engaged due to be married September, I’ve started having an affair with one of his best friends. Now I don’t know whether I love his best friend. He’s asked me to not get married. My fiancé is a good man great father and stable. His frien...
A. 12 April 2018: Looking into my crystal ball I can rewrite your title for 3 weeks from now.
I had an affair with my EX-fiance's EX best friend.
The honorable thing to do would be to return the ring.... (read in full...)
What do my husband's cuckolding fantasies mean?
Q. My husband has lots of cuckholding fantasies and imagines watching me with other men. I have told him this will remain fantasy as I'll never do this in real life so that's not my question here My question is whether I should be worried that he ...
A. 12 April 2018: an auntie writes, "guys are supposed to . . ."
This is the hallmark of the thinking that is causing the OP so much pain.
Stereotypes don't solve individual problems.... (read in full...)
How do I deal with the occasional need to be away from my boyfriend and his daughter?
Q. Hello all, I am in a relationship with a loving, doting, compassionate father of a two-year old who while is not mine, is a true beam of sunshine and I'd do anything for her. I am twenty, yes--young, was raised without a father and a vague, abusive ...
A. 11 April 2018: Affection is not about deserving it. No one deserves the affection they get. Love is not earned. It is given freely.
of course you can take care of your own needs you have been doing it all your life. Does that mean you should?
Knock... (read in full...)
How do I deal with the occasional need to be away from my boyfriend and his daughter?
Q. Hello all, I am in a relationship with a loving, doting, compassionate father of a two-year old who while is not mine, is a true beam of sunshine and I'd do anything for her. I am twenty, yes--young, was raised without a father and a vague, abusive ...
A. 10 April 2018: Part 3 Advice
You are overcome by the emotions of this big complex relationship. You hide away to get some relief from it. But that is not the only reason. You are afraid. You are afraid of emotions you have learned not to trust. You are goin... (read in full...)
How do I deal with the occasional need to be away from my boyfriend and his daughter?
Q. Hello all, I am in a relationship with a loving, doting, compassionate father of a two-year old who while is not mine, is a true beam of sunshine and I'd do anything for her. I am twenty, yes--young, was raised without a father and a vague, abusive ...
A. 10 April 2018: Part 2
In part 1, we laid down an understanding of love so we can talk about the trouble you are having with it. First I want to reassure you that it is not a problem with you loving. You have a desire and ability to love, you need practice and ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with the occasional need to be away from my boyfriend and his daughter?
Q. Hello all, I am in a relationship with a loving, doting, compassionate father of a two-year old who while is not mine, is a true beam of sunshine and I'd do anything for her. I am twenty, yes--young, was raised without a father and a vague, abusive ...
A. 10 April 2018: Dear Nervous me,
I was writing a very long and convoluted answer to your question. And I lost it all. Let's hope the second draft comes out better.
Your post is one of the most heart wrenching I have read here. You have very aptly describe... (read in full...)
What do my husband's cuckolding fantasies mean?
Q. My husband has lots of cuckholding fantasies and imagines watching me with other men. I have told him this will remain fantasy as I'll never do this in real life so that's not my question here My question is whether I should be worried that he ...
A. 9 April 2018: I want to focus on this question, "Does this mean I'm not exciting enough to him on my own(?)" snip "I feel totally inadequate."
Cuckolding fantasy is not about your inadequacy. It is about his. It is not because he wants more FROM you. It is b... (read in full...)
My husband has turned into a hateful old man.
Q. My husband of many years has become very verbally and emotionally abusive. He hates everyone including me. He has alienated even our children and no one comes to visit. I have a 50th high school reunion this summer and I intend on going..I am not ...
A. 9 April 2018: Dear seahag50,
I talked this over with my wife over lunch, I think I missed a solution for you. As you have no intention of pursuing a new relationship, you do not need a divorce to start a life away from him. You can move out any time. I know... (read in full...)
I have a boyfriend but my best guy friend has a huge crush on me and it's making me uncomfortable
Q. Hello there! I've been in a relationship with my bf for a while now, and I'm perfectly happy with him. He's not really the problem, I have - the problem is with one of my best friends. He's a year older than me and recently admitted to having a huge ...
A. 9 April 2018: If you never break your promises, then you should be a lot more careful about the promises you make. By keeping your promise to your long term guy friend, you are hiding the truth of your feelings from your boyfriend.
Now lets talk about your desi... (read in full...)
Am I bored or is this the end?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 10 years. We have been living together for 3 years. I keep asking myself the question lately- 'Should we be together?' He is into cars/geeky stuff/computers/food and that is pretty much all he is interested in....
A. 9 April 2018: I can't help but feel a sense of over the top irony when reading your post. You complain about infrequent sex, and follow up by saying that your libido is "Crap". You feel his love for you when he cooks for you but you say you are "fed up". but ... (read in full...)
My husband has turned into a hateful old man.
Q. My husband of many years has become very verbally and emotionally abusive. He hates everyone including me. He has alienated even our children and no one comes to visit. I have a 50th high school reunion this summer and I intend on going..I am not ...
A. 9 April 2018: Working out some basic math It occurs to me that he has lived in constant pain for over 30 years. That is hard to imagine. Your marriage is probably around 45 years old. 30 more than 30 years with a stay at home disabled husband with SSI ... (read in full...)
My ex has said he would never marry me, but I want him back!
Q. Does my ex still have feelings for me or not?. I dated him for a year and a half from 2015 until 2017. Then I left him for another man that we both know, who I was in a relationship with for nearly a year ( he broke up with me three months ago). My ...
A. 8 April 2018: OP asks:
Does my ex still have feelings for me or not?
What should I do?
First question, I understand that you really want to know the answer to this but I'm not sure that the answer will bring you help, or comfort. Before the break up your boyf... (read in full...)
What kind of girl does a guy consider special and different?
Q. What kind of girl does a guy consider special and different What about her physically mentally spiritually and emotionally will make her stand out from the rest? I hear a lot of women say things like “If a guy loses me, he’ll never find any...
A. 5 April 2018: As an experienced man, I'm really having trouble answering this. I've just read some questions from women complaining that their man doesn't treasure them or make them feel special. 20 years ago when my younger brothers were getting married, their ... (read in full...)
How do I move forward with my new boyfriend after cheating on him?
Q. Hi, I previously asked a question relating to the situation I found myself in. To be honest I had some rather rude and insensitive answers from one particular user but each to their own opinion. Basically I was in an violent abusive relation...
A. 5 April 2018: So your question is what should you do to move forward. I read your previous post and saw nothing I could add at that time. This post has more details but is at the same time even more incriminating. You have done some horrible things, and you ... (read in full...)
Was my husband lying about not loving the other woman?
Q. is my husband lying to me when he says he never loved the other woman? I found messages and video with him telling her he loves her...
A. 4 April 2018: While there is no way to know, the odds are that he will say anything to get out of hot water. The truth is complicated. He loves you , but not enough to protect you. He loves her but not enough to give himself to her. He loves himself enough ... (read in full...)
Should I break up with my live-in girlfriend?
Q. I am in a long term relationship and my gf isnt interested in sex. I've always had a higher sex drive than her but she only wants sex when it is her cycle for a kid. I want a kid but college is starting to get stressful and I dont think I want to ...
A. 4 April 2018: Do not do anything with this woman that could result in a pregnancy!
... (read in full...)
Is the size of the take out he brought home a sign he is becoming cheap?
Q. After dating selfish cheap guys, I'm pretty gun shy. My bf has always been generous w/me and we do pay for each other pretty often. Today he went out to eat and I couldn't make it, so I asked him to bring me some soup. I'm not one to eat a lot, but ...
A. 4 April 2018: Questions you need to ask yourself before ending the relationship.
- Does he show a pattern of doing the minimum in filling all of your needs physical and emotional?
- Are you punishing him for the sins of prior boyfriends?
- Is something el... (read in full...)
Is the size of the take out he brought home a sign he is becoming cheap?
Q. After dating selfish cheap guys, I'm pretty gun shy. My bf has always been generous w/me and we do pay for each other pretty often. Today he went out to eat and I couldn't make it, so I asked him to bring me some soup. I'm not one to eat a lot, but ...
A. 3 April 2018: That is a tough situation. Hard for him. There are 2 places my Wife and I eat that have good soup. I'm not a soup guy so it takes a bit to get me to order it. The one place offers a cup or a bowl. The cup is just that one cup, an appetizer. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend ridiculed me saying that I have small boobs and a big tummy!
Q. Dear cubid, The other day my bf of 2 years and i were video chating and i was wearing a tank top without a bra so he made a comment saying " ur boobs need serious help why doesn't the fat from ur stomach go up to ur boobs , just rotate the fat" ...
A. 3 April 2018: To all of the people who are upset about my advice: I'm going to repeat the main point.
Are you upset because you believe someone thinks you are fat, or are you upset because you don't like your own body?
Because if I'm right and she dumps hi... (read in full...)
My boyfriend ridiculed me saying that I have small boobs and a big tummy!
Q. Dear cubid, The other day my bf of 2 years and i were video chating and i was wearing a tank top without a bra so he made a comment saying " ur boobs need serious help why doesn't the fat from ur stomach go up to ur boobs , just rotate the fat" ...
A. 2 April 2018: 2 years. Well I wouldn't toss the relationship over this. Unless you are looking for an excuse. You are going to have to think about the overall state of the relationship. If, for example, you like boys who make you laugh, and he bombs a joke, ... (read in full...)
I feel like I am being pressured into having sex.
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together about 2 years now, at first we were having sex all the time whenever possible, as it usually is when youre with someone new. Now it has calmed down a bit and I am completely okay with that but he is not. Its ...
A. 30 March 2018: OP asks, "is this something i need to get out of quick?"
This problem of mismatched drives comes up all the time. While I don't believe that any person is entitled to sex with any other person, it is also true that no person is required to stay... (read in full...)
I think she has betrayed my loyalty and trust!
Q. I have a partner of 4+ years. We are 1,200 miles apart. I plan to join her in 6 months. She has vociferously prioritized loyalty and trustworthiness. I have been 100% loyal since we parted 5 months ago. Well, she went out with some girlfriends ...
A. 29 March 2018: Diagnosis:
She has toxic friends, and should avoid alcohol.
Advice:
Don't move until the friends and the alcohol are out of her life.
Warning:
You probably haven't got the whole truth yet. ... (read in full...)
My husband had an affair and now I can't sleep with him
Q. MOD NOTE: two questions combined into one Hi everyone. I've been married for nearly 6 years. We have a three year old son. Last year my husband and I had some issues where I focussed too much on one my hobbies and spent less time with him. He t...
A. 21 March 2018: I'm pretty Sure he isn't very interested in a sexless marriage, which has apparently been your goal all along.
Don't get me wrong I completely understand why you are no longer attracted to him. Sexual infidelity usually causes an aversion to s... (read in full...)
I had to test his loyalty but now he won’t talk to me!
Q. okay, so today i had the idea of making a fake snapchat account and adding and texting my boyfriend as another girl while simultaneously texting as the real me on my real snapchat...(i had two devices). he added the fake one and and asked who is it ...
A. 15 March 2018: As a result of your "test" you learned two very important things about him. One, he is loyal to you. Two, he doesn't do crap tests. He learned 2 important things about you. One, you don't trust him. Two you are willing to lie to him.
What did ... (read in full...)
Money mean son is refusing to bring his family to a family vacation.
Q. My youngest son has a good job with the US Postal Service. He has a wife and a daughter. His wife is a nurse. The problem is he is really tight with his money. I think he goes overboard with being tight with his money. He has always been tigh...
A. 13 March 2018: It never ceases to amaze me how much better other people are at spending money. If only I was as wise as the average Joe on the street I would know that a Chevy is better value than a Ford. The local politicians would stop wasting so much money on ... (read in full...)
Breaking up and getting back together after you have been with someone else
Q. Hello aunts I wanted to come in here and get peoples opinions on breakups and makeups. I was in a long term relationship and once we broke up - I couldn’t go back to what it was (there was a reason we broke up) I see couples getting married ...
A. 10 March 2018: This is a deal breaker for many people and the thinking is a lot like yours. So may times when someone asks for a break it is so they can try another partner.. That is hugely disrespectful. Like saying I love you, but I just want to check and ... (read in full...)
She says her married boyfriend will get jealous if we have sex.
Q. I met this girl, after speaking for weeks, we met for casual sex. It was great and she seemed to be enjoying it. We were probably busy for 2-3 hours. She even asked me to whip her, first time for me but she enjoyed it. She was good and was eager to ...
A. 10 March 2018: oh and one other thing. If she will cheat to be with you she will cheat on you. there is no prize to win here.... (read in full...)
She says her married boyfriend will get jealous if we have sex.
Q. I met this girl, after speaking for weeks, we met for casual sex. It was great and she seemed to be enjoying it. We were probably busy for 2-3 hours. She even asked me to whip her, first time for me but she enjoyed it. She was good and was eager to ...
A. 10 March 2018: STD testing right away, and feel to expose to the married mans family. Especially if you test positive.... (read in full...)
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Is this old saying true?
Q. Is it true what they say, that once a cheater, always a cheater? I mean if a wife forgave his husband for having cheated on her for a year and a half, are there chances that after 2 years he will cheat again? What are your thoughts or experiences on ...
A. 9 March 2018: Cheating is an addictive behavior. Serial cheaters and cheaters in long term affairs usually get quite addicted to the rush of getting away with it. This is the origin of the once a cheater, always a cheater saying. In the case of the one night ... (read in full...)
How do "average" couples have sex? How to politely avoid ejaculation?
Q. How do "average" couples have sex? How to politely avoid ejaculation? By that, I mean those who (if filmed) don't look like porn videos (pro or amateur). I can't find anything online about how less adventurous couples have sex. I'm probably co...
A. 9 March 2018: Actually I've been rereading the original post and somewhat regret my quick response. This is what the OP said, "Can guys "warn" you before they ejaculate? Is there any way to avoid it getting on you, aside from using condoms? Like some ejaculate ... (read in full...)
I need advice on dealing with his weeklong absence as well date ideas!
Q. Please help! My boyfriend and I have been together for about a month and we are still on that we see each other 24/7 phase and he is going away for spring break next week to Mexico for a month. How can I deal with him being gone a week?! Also, my b...
A. 8 March 2018: Abauer,
Based solely on what you have written here I think you should get more sleep and work on your math skills. But since I am not here to correct your homework let's look at your real question.
You are under 16, This is your first boyfrien... (read in full...)
How do "average" couples have sex? How to politely avoid ejaculation?
Q. How do "average" couples have sex? How to politely avoid ejaculation? By that, I mean those who (if filmed) don't look like porn videos (pro or amateur). I can't find anything online about how less adventurous couples have sex. I'm probably co...
A. 8 March 2018: Condoms are about your only option. In general if you use the word Nauseous to describe sex, You probably aren't ready to start having sex. ... (read in full...)
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