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Breaking up and getting back together after you have been with someone else

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up, Cheating, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 March 2018) 3 Answers - (Newest, 10 March 2018)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hello aunts

I wanted to come in here and get peoples opinions on breakups and makeups. I was in a long term relationship and once we broke up - I couldn’t go back to what it was (there was a reason we broke up)

I see couples getting married after they have broken up multiple times and slept with other people and then gotten back together

Should I be open to this? Personally if I am with someoen and we break up and this happens for whatever reason I still believe that you might not have loved me enough if you went with someoen else

View related questions: broke up

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (10 March 2018):

N91 agony auntYou said yourself, you break up for a reason and that reason will ALWAYS be there.

Why can't you find another person out of the billions out there that you have no history with and won't have issues that you class as deal breakers?

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (10 March 2018):

Honeypie agony auntPersonally? I don't think getting back with an ex is a good idea. For various reasons. While I get that people mature, grow and all that good happy stuff - I just don't think that it will work on try #2 if it didn't on the first "attempt".

And from what I have seen with people who go back to an ex, is that the SAME issues that broke them up the FIRST time is what complicate matters the second time.

People RARELY change drastically.

I think people who dated, then broke up, then dated and broke up and then FINALLY get married... I think they are settling. They think they can't FIND someone better suited so... "Better the devil you know" attitude. And that I can't imagine.

However, in some cases it comes down to the two of them deciding to "accept" who the other person is and make the best of it.

Some people do this, and others wouldn't dream of it.

If you are not a "fan" of this, then don't go for it. It's not like there is a shortage of possible partners out "there".

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (10 March 2018):

Fatherly Advice agony auntThis is a deal breaker for many people and the thinking is a lot like yours. So may times when someone asks for a break it is so they can try another partner.. That is hugely disrespectful. Like saying I love you, but I just want to check and see if this other person is better.

The other thing that causes breakups is incompatibility. When a couple is incompatible, they will still be incompatible when they get back together.

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