A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in a long term relationship and my gf isnt interested in sex. I've always had a higher sex drive than her but she only wants sex when it is her cycle for a kid. I want a kid but college is starting to get stressful and I dont think I want to balance it anymore. I mentioned a small comment to her about this the other day.I swear I have girls in college ogling at me but when I get home nothing. Weve had talks in the past, Ive tried to spice it up. Im essentially bored and tired of trying. If I broke up with her it would break her heart. We also live together. How do you know if it just isnt working in a long term relationship or are we in one of those low points?
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (6 April 2018):
 You two should definitely break up. Honestly. The two of you aren't doing anyone a favour by trying for a child.
The fact of the matter is that the two of you are sexually incompatible and want different things right now. You want a kid but it really isn't within your best interest right now.
Quite simply, based on the above, it's better to just let go now and be with someone who is on the same page as you are and also, allow her to find that someone as well.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2018): Your gf isn't interested in having sex unless it is to procreate. You've tried to spice it up but you're now bored and tired of trying. I don't think this relationship will survive the test of time. Don't bring a baby into this mix.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2018): It's probably better that you do leave her before the resentment builds to a point where you will cheat. And this would only make things worse. If you love her though, tell her what you've told us and give her a chance to change first before throwing in the towel.
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A
male
reader, SnowCave +, writes (5 April 2018):
She may need to see a sex therapist to determine the cause of her low sex drive. If it can't be fixed, you guys are just not compatible and you aren't going to be happy long term. I was in a LTR with very infrequent sex for many years (3 years) and it sucked. Now I'm in another relationship and we have sex daily or more often, and I'm so much happier. It's not worth staying if it's not working. Sex is one of the most important parts of a relationship (if not THE most important.)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 April 2018):
 Why are you trying to knock her up if things aren't working?
A baby will NOT fix your relationship!
If talking about not getting your needs met and perhaps discussing her needs too doesn't result in you two making it work, then YES, end it.
So what that it's a long term relationship? Sometimes they JUST don't work, sticking it out longer is not going to make a difference. You can WISH for all kind of changes in your relationship and your partner but if they are not realistic or probably you either STICK with what you got... or you walk away.
You BOTH deserve a partner who WANTS to be there. You don't.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (4 April 2018):
 Yes you should. Women who want babies but not want sex should not be relationships or either find a guys with no sex drive or a sperm donor. Women who don't understand why intimacy is important outside of procreation should not be in relationships either. If you stay with her it breaks you more. Women who only want kids but have nothing much to offer is just taking value from you, while adding your stress levels and breaking your self esteem and spirit.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2018): If you aren't in-love enough with this woman to marry her; don't impregnate her.
If you cheat on her, that would also break her heart; in reference to the comment about ogling college-girls.
Would it break your heart to breakup with her? Which is even more important; because you're the one writing this post, and bored with your sexless relationship. Your role seems to be that of a sperm-donor at the moment.
Sometimes having a child is a woman's way of solidifying a relationship with what's known as an "anchor-child." If they don't foresee marriage in their future, they'll secure the relationship through means of having a baby. That's what tricky insecure-women do. It's selfish and not in the child's best interest. Sometimes, it's also for the sake of having a chosen sperm-donor who has all the traits you want in your offspring; with the extra built-in benefit of having a man to help support the kid. Now that's smarter, but risky!
You can tell it isn't working when you can't compromise on things; and you can't be straightforward and honest with each other. If you find yourself incompatible on different levels; and if breaking-up with her seems to be the only solution that works for you. Both are supposed to win in a relationship. It can't be one-sided.
It will never be a perfect 50/50; but it's still the goal you never stop working towards!
If you sacrifice something you value to salvage and maintain what you have; you should receive something of equal-value to demonstrate that the love is strong enough to endure stress and a variety of challenges. I learned that being in a relationship that lasted 28 years. It took cancer to end it!
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (4 April 2018):
 Do not do anything with this woman that could result in a pregnancy!
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (4 April 2018):
 Couples' counselling may help, but you're not ready to have a baby and she is. That could be a big problem, especially with her only wanting sex then. Sex dissipates after having a baby, so it already being minimal is a bad sign, in terms of compatibility.
If you want to try, give couples' counselling a go. If not, just let go.
For what it's worth, marriage should come before a baby - if not just for the legal stability.
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