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My girlfriend never wants to mess around any more, this other girl I know does... what do I do?

Tagged as: Friends, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 March 2007) 5 Answers - (Newest, 15 April 2007)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

well me and my gf have been dating for a few months. everything was goin great. but latley she never wants to mess around. and last night this girl that is kinda a friend started txting me outta now where. we were just talkin then all of a sudden she said she really likes me. She started txting me all this stuff that she wants 2 do 2 me (it was a little graphic so ill let u just use ur imagination) i really care about my gf and i would never do anything 2 hurt her but its been so long since iv gotten any and idk what 2 do. this other girl is sooo hot and idk if im gonna b able 2 control myself much longer. any advice?

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A female reader, chirpychicken United Kingdom +, writes (15 April 2007):

chirpychicken agony auntDont whatever you do cheat on your girl! she doesnt deserve it!! Its not fair on her. Also i dont understand how you havent had any for ages if you have only been with your girl for a few months? thats hard to get my head round? but anyway whatever it is it sounds like you are more interested in being physically than emotionally involved with this girl. If this is the case talk to your girl and ask her what things she wants from the relationship. be grown up about things. If your girl really cares about you then she will be torn up about you cheating on her so think before you act you could regret it later on...if you want different things then move on tell her its not going to work and then see if you like this other girl. just remember the grass is not always greener quite the opposite in fact most of the time. think it through. take care

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A female reader, Lemonpixie United States +, writes (12 March 2007):

Lemonpixie agony auntIf you've only been dating a few months then how long have you gone without any? Control yourself. If your already thinking with your 'little head' than maybe its time to move on and find another person. Break it off with your GF before it gets to serious... If you want to stay with her than drop all contact with this other girl...who obviously has no problem with cheating. And let your gf know you miss being with her sexually. But definitely dont remain friends with the other girl if your planning on staying with your gf! Pick one or the other.

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A female reader, dragonette Sweden +, writes (12 March 2007):

dragonette agony auntFirst of all: Going for some time without sex is not going to turn you into an animal. You have control over yourself, and I'm sure you're a good guy, but try to avoid exchanging naughty text messages with your friend. It's not fair to your girlfriend and it will feel weird later.

About your girlfriend: Have you and her had a calm talk about how you're both feeling in your relationship? Sometimes when something doesn't click in the bedroom, it's because something else in the relationship is not working.

Make a nice evening for the two of you. Cook a good dinner, pour her a glass of wine, and when you're both relaxed ask her if she's happy in your relationship. Ask her if there's something about the relationship she would like to change. Tell her that you've noticed she's feeling uncomfortable about having sex (saying "you're not having sex with me" can be perceived as an accusation in such a sensitive topic) and ask what you could do for her to make her feel better.

Try hugging her and being close to her without making any sexual approaches. Maybe she's just missing tenderness?

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A female reader, cd206 United Kingdom +, writes (12 March 2007):

cd206 agony auntYes. If you want to be with this other girl dump your girlfriend first. Cheating is never right no matter how long its been since you've gotten any. If you don't want to dump your girlfriend then tell the other girl her texts are inappropriate and must stop and then talk to your girlfriend. There might be a reason why she doesn't want to mess around anymore. You won't know unless you ask. The basic truth of the matter though is that it's unfair to string two girls along. Make a decision and stick to it.


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A female reader, calli10601 United States +, writes (12 March 2007):

calli10601 agony auntLooks like your willing to take the plunge and see what this other girl has to offer. That means that if your willing to do that, you must be willing to forefeit your current relationship. Since that's the case, TALK TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND! You never know, you may have the most perfect relationship right now...all she may need is to know you care enough to ask her what's up. Just don't make any stupid mistakes without knowing the facts and the only way you'll know facts is if you talk to your girl.

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