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This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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16 July 2011: The following was forwarded to me by a member of my church. It is adapated from a book: "Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" I believe its worth passing on: "Dr. John gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minu...
A few things I've learned......
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 November 2010: Often we get posts from men and women who are wondering whether to ask their boyfriend or girlfriend "where do we stand"? Based on my own observations, and having been in situations such as this in the past, I have come to think its generally ...
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Our problems started when she moved in, and now she's with someone else. How can I get her back?
Q. i been with my ex for 1year 7 months everything was good, till she moved in . i thought she was trying to get pregnant.. and i just freaked so i just stopped having sex.. i wish i talked to her but diddnt .now she left in september and i kept blowin ...
A. 27 January 2011: Oh dear, I am SO sorry to hear of the pain and confusion you're going through!
Do you think you would be prepared to have a baby with her and be together for the long term while the child grows to adulthood? If you are clear that you would, a... (read in full...)
He's abusive, but I don't know how to live without him. What should I do?
Q. Im in 2 relationship for the past 4 years. My boyfriend beats me up. I've lost all my friends for him.now I have no one to tell me what to do. Every1, including his friends have told me to move on and I also tried. I tried getting into another ...
A. 27 January 2011: Look, you MUST get away from this man NOW! Before he kills you.
You CAN get out of it and you MUST. Also, don't try getting into another relationship to forget about this man. That won't work - not until you have left this horrible person a... (read in full...)
He broke up with me, so why is he doing all of this?
Q. :( please i need your help !! i was in a long distance relationship for more than 8 months ,i'm from tunisia and my boyfriend is from england .. we have never met but he said we were going to meet up last december but at that time we were fightin ...
A. 26 January 2011: Telling him you are ready to leave your friends and family to be with him REALLY is not a good idea!
Look, its way too soon to be giving him that kind of message. You haven't yet met in person; therefore you cannot, either of you, know whether ... (read in full...)
He broke up with me, so why is he doing all of this?
Q. :( please i need your help !! i was in a long distance relationship for more than 8 months ,i'm from tunisia and my boyfriend is from england .. we have never met but he said we were going to meet up last december but at that time we were fightin ...
A. 26 January 2011: Dear lovely_menaime.......you know, you CAN'T love someone you've never met! It's not in real life, but the danger is you can build up all sorts or fantasies, expectations, dreams without actually seeing what someone is like on a day-to-day basis. ... (read in full...)
Should I consider this a one night stand or what?
Q. background info..I'm in my late 20's and he is in his early 30's. We both have children. I have been talking to this guy I met on and off now for months. On one occasion, we wound up back at his place, but chose to wait to have sex. We have talked o...
A. 26 January 2011: Yes, I agree with Sherry. He should have seen you to your own home at that hour of the morning, NOT just walked you to his front door!
I'd consider him to be history now, if I were you......... (read in full...)
Should I believe the rumours that my girlfriend is cheating on me
Q. Ok, so i'm 14 and I know everyone will be like 'ohh your too young for this' or something, but i'm serious. I love my girlfriend, but does she love me back? I know she does marijuana and cigarettes, and I know everyone is telling me she is cheating ...
A. 26 January 2011: Well, so there you have it, YoungSupporter. She has serious problems, and I just hope she doesn't become pregnant or infected with an STD........she needs lots of help to address the underlying issues that make her behave the way she does.......
... (read in full...)
Should I believe the rumours that my girlfriend is cheating on me
Q. Ok, so i'm 14 and I know everyone will be like 'ohh your too young for this' or something, but i'm serious. I love my girlfriend, but does she love me back? I know she does marijuana and cigarettes, and I know everyone is telling me she is cheating ...
A. 25 January 2011: Good thought, eyes-wide-open......... (read in full...)
Should I believe the rumours that my girlfriend is cheating on me
Q. Ok, so i'm 14 and I know everyone will be like 'ohh your too young for this' or something, but i'm serious. I love my girlfriend, but does she love me back? I know she does marijuana and cigarettes, and I know everyone is telling me she is cheating ...
A. 25 January 2011: Well, I don't know. Does "everyone" have concrete proof that your girlfriend is having sex with this other boy who does drugs? Or are they just guessing and gossiping?
It does strike me as a red flag when she texts you to say she's going somewher... (read in full...)
How can I move on from my husbands past relationship
Q. I was reading the article a couple of men wrote. I have that same type of issue with my husband. I cannot let go of the past. We have been married for a long time and he is my best friend. My problem is that I cannot stop thinking about him and his ...
A. 25 January 2011: Strange as this may sound, you also might need to consider forgiving YOURSELF for holding onto your resentment and jealousy all these years........not only about your husband, but also for the pain you have because you remained a "goody two-shoes" ... (read in full...)
He can't open up to me without the help of alcohol
Q. I've been on and off with a guy for a little over a year. We have never actually officially been "boyfriend, girlfriend" but we have had a relationship like we are. He doesn't see other girls I don't see other guys. We have sex whether were ...
A. 25 January 2011: If you haven't heard from him by, say, the end of this week, I'd recommend leaving it alone - maybe permanently....... (read in full...)
What is with this guy and his disappearing act?
Q. So I was dating this guy a year back and he seemed lovely but I was just out of a relationship and wasn't quite ready for a new one. I started getting a little bit freaked out at how quickly and well things were going, and i thought we were going to ...
A. 25 January 2011: Well, you told him the truth, which is that you were not ready for another relationship and he took you at your word.
I realize you probably changed your mind about not being ready to get involved again after a couple months had passed. Therefor... (read in full...)
He can't open up to me without the help of alcohol
Q. I've been on and off with a guy for a little over a year. We have never actually officially been "boyfriend, girlfriend" but we have had a relationship like we are. He doesn't see other girls I don't see other guys. We have sex whether were ...
A. 25 January 2011: This man really doesn't seem to know his own mind.
You might want to consider sitting down with him to have a frank talk about what he wants - and you want - out of your "relationship." If you decide to do so, make sure its at a time and plac... (read in full...)
I really liked him until I saw his teeth!
Q. there was this guy i went to school with that i had the biggest crush on. through facebook we have been back in touch and so far he seems to be the most humble guy and i like him. i had of course not seen him in years so he came by this past ...
A. 24 January 2011: Why hasn't he decided to do something about his teeth?
Perhaps because he doesn't have dental insurance and it might cost a lot - if its a question of cosmetic work -... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to get upset, or was it wrong for him to discuss my friend's period at dinner?
Q. HI everyone! So my boyfriend and I have been together for a year yesterday he came to ick me up from my job and he said hi to my bestfriend wh also woks with me. Anyway we went get food and during dinner he said " does your best friend have her ...
A. 24 January 2011: NO, it most certainly was NOT alright for him to bring up such a subject, not at dinner, or any time!
He might not have meant it to be, but in fact it was very rude, and tactless.......some things are just not appropriate to mention.... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to get upset, or was it wrong for him to discuss my friend's period at dinner?
Q. HI everyone! So my boyfriend and I have been together for a year yesterday he came to ick me up from my job and he said hi to my bestfriend wh also woks with me. Anyway we went get food and during dinner he said " does your best friend have her ...
A. 24 January 2011: NO, it most certainly was NOT alright for him to bring up such a subject, not at dinner, or any time!
He might not have meant it to be, but in fact it was very rude, and tactless.......some things are just not appropriate to mention.... (read in full...)
Ex said he wanted to be friends but he's not talking to me
Q. I recently broke up with my boyfriend, and I was heartbroken, however when we broke up he said he still wanted to be friends and talk with me, yet nothing's happened. We talked for like a day after the breakup and then nothing since. I do wish that ...
A. 24 January 2011: I too am sorry for what happened to you.]
Unfortunately, when two people break up from being bf-gf, it is difficult to transition to being just platonic friends. Especially (but by no means limited to!) your young ages. I agree it was just a w... (read in full...)
Should I feel guilty for talking to a married man in this way?
Q. Okay, so i previously asked a question about 'how to get over this married man that i'm ridiculously obsessed with' so, i guess you can go check that out if you want before answering the question so you know so background info but anyway, i did ...
A. 23 January 2011: No, it wasn't terribly awful that you started chatting with him. It WAS poor judgement to begin a conversation with a married man, however.
I'm going to go easy on you as you are very young, though. And your friend is right.
Just be sure ... (read in full...)
I just want my fiance back!
Q. I have cheated on my fiance several times,he had an idea, but as nothing was admitted or had been confirmed was thinking he just may have got it wrong. Well thats how it seemed. Last week he walked in and showed me a text he`d been sent with the ...
A. 23 January 2011: You say "why has she done it? What makes people enjoy breaking up relationships?"
Now just wait a minute! You are blaming your friend for blowing the whistle to your fiance about the men you had sex with when you were (supposedly) in a monogamo... (read in full...)
I've been asked to participate in a threesome but have conflicting feelings about it
Q. Been asked to partisipate in a three some but have very pro/con views on it plus I like the guy and dont know who the other person is. Am worried that I'll chicken out, it wont be as good as expected and am very nervus about this. Should I do it...
A. 23 January 2011: In another word: "When in doubt, DON'T".
I believe this saying applies to you, in your situation........ (read in full...)
LDR-how can we work things out when he doesn't want to communicate?
Q. I am very confused and Idk what to do! My long distance bf and I have been dating for about eight months now and we plan on meeting this summer. He lives in Denmark and I live in Canada. Anyways when we first met everything was great, sparks were ...
A. 21 January 2011: I'm more concerned over all the arguing, you know. What is THAT all about??
Perhaps you could tell us a little more......however, I believe the arguments are more likely to be the reason he isn't using Skype so much, rather than shyness.... (read in full...)
Why did he give me the cold shoulder?
Q. Can you please tell me why a certain boy gave me the cold shoulder? Basically, I met him at a party, and we got chatting. We talked for ages about anything and everything and I immidiately felt a connection, and soon his arm was around me. He had ...
A. 19 January 2011: Yes, its painful. I can only tell you the hurt will fade given a little time and you'll be free of it. After all, it was only a party one evening, and not several months of dating!
Stay busy with your studies, friends, books, music, family, ... (read in full...)
I'm married and have a strong emotional attachment to a co-worker. How do I get out of this mess?
Q. I apologize in advance for the length and breadth of this posting, as it's going to be quite a novel. I've been going through a self-inflicted emotional turmoil for about two years or so now and I've not shared it with anyone close to me because I'm ...
A. 19 January 2011: You must not tell your co-worker of your feelings for him - even though its possible he senses something of your attitude. But bringing it out into the open would put him in a very difficult position of either backing out of your friendship because ... (read in full...)
I want to get married but my boyfriend is illegal!
Q. im am 16 i will be turning 17 in a month , my boyfriend is 17 he will also be turning 18 in a month. well we want to get married and he doesnt have his papers so he is ilegal. what do i need to do. i am also a foster child and i dont have a clue how ...
A. 19 January 2011: Whoa! What ever is your big hurry?!
Seriously, you are barely grown up (I don't mean that as an insult; its simply a fact: you ARE still very young).
He is an illegal alien and I don't know whether he has a job or not, but even so, there i... (read in full...)
Why did he give me the cold shoulder?
Q. Can you please tell me why a certain boy gave me the cold shoulder? Basically, I met him at a party, and we got chatting. We talked for ages about anything and everything and I immidiately felt a connection, and soon his arm was around me. He had ...
A. 19 January 2011: Well, sorry, but if you met him at a party and then spent the night with him and had sex (not clear if you had sex or not, from your post, you say you were "making out").
But him not being able to bring himself to look at you after this, may indi... (read in full...)
I'm really in love with him but don't want him to put his hands on me in anger again
Q. ok me and my husband have been together for 5yrs now we have a daughter and everythang..will he has slapped me choked me and throw me cross the room,an not only throw me a cross the room but im late on my period like 2weeks late so i mite be ...
A. 18 January 2011: I agree with the other aunts: this husband of yours IS GOING TO KILL YOU UNLESS you leave now!
Its good that your daughter is with your mother because the very last thing in this world she needs is to be in contact with her father!!
If you ... (read in full...)
Am I just demanding too much from her?
Q. In April, my fiancee and I will finally travel to Australia to marry. She is Chinese. My time here in China has been OK. But, there is something which is seriously pushing me away. She hasn't done her overseas work for about 6 months which is ...
A. 18 January 2011: If you are working two jobs, how are you going to find the time to plan a visit to a nice, candlelit restaurant with wine and flowers? (if that's your idea of a romantic evening, that is).
I think you need to sit down and have a talk with her... (read in full...)
Meeting his parents is a big issue for me but he won't allow it
Q. Hi, I have been dating my boyfriend for one year and three months now, i have been asking him to meet his parents since but he wont allow me to; he was married and is older than i am, he says he told them about me, i am not making any excuses ...
A. 18 January 2011: You know, if the issue of you wanting to meet his parents is ruining your relationship, the obvious thing to do is for you to back off. What I mean is you need to drop completely any more requests/comments/criticisms about meeting them.
There... (read in full...)
Emotionally Confused And Sick Of Playing Games!
Q. So usually when I come to agony aunts with a question you all always help me out and I'm looking for that same positive help this time. In November 2009 I met a man online and we talked for 7 months until he came to visit. He said he was in love w...
A. 18 January 2011: This is an awful mess. He is much older than you, and jumped into sex with you real fast during your first face-to-face two week-visit.
When you told him you were pregnant he was hardly caring of you, was he? Quite callous, in fact - until yo... (read in full...)
Confusion between my heart and my head...
Q. I am 24 years old, and have been dating a 44 y.o man for a year and two months. We have been in a long distance relationship since we met, with a four hour distance between us but we still managed to see each other nearly every week due to our work ...
A. 18 January 2011: I'm afraid I don't really know what to advise you.
He was certainly evasive about his plans for the trip and on those grounds you have good reason to doubt how trustworthy he is.
On the other hand, he now has legitimate reason to question how ... (read in full...)
What should I wear on this date?
Q. i cant decide between 5 dresses which one i should wear for a date.. please someone give me a clue on what type of dress we have to wear on a date. your answer will be appreciated...
A. 18 January 2011: You live in Saudi Arabia. I thought women and men are not suppsed to go on dates to begin with - or if so, should be chaperoned??
Not only that but whatever dress you wear - and it SHOULD be something modest - you have to wear the black chador a... (read in full...)
I fell for Mr Nice Guy who promised the world and delivered nothing.....
Q. i am hoping to recieve help. my husband and i have been married only a year. we met on an internet dating site. he was the most romantic caring guy on the planet until we got near our wedding day.weve known each other 3 yrs. i had serious doubts t...
A. 17 January 2011: Cerberus, I read the attached article and found it very informative. Good advice to vip66.
Vip66: Yes, you do need to leave. Please plan how you are going to go about it carefully. Do you have family or friends you can go stay with for a fe... (read in full...)
Don't want to hurt my brother but I want to get my sister in law into bed
Q. i need help for years i`ve had a sexual attraction to my sister in law and hurting my brother is the last thing i want to do but this sexual attraction is really strong i really want to get her in bed what should i do?...
A. 15 January 2011: What should you do? You should FORGET ABOUT IT and her, that's what!!... (read in full...)
How do you know that the person you love is your soul mate?
Q. I know this is gonna sound stupid but it something that has been Worrying me for sometime now,I,ve been dating different gys in my Life but seem not to have an answer.I want 2 knw that how Do u tell that the person u in love with is your soul m...
A. 15 January 2011: For starters there is a big difference between infatuation and real love.
Infatuation is stars in the eyes; head over heels "in love"; you may be obssessed with the person and think about him non-stop - sometimes to the extent that other things y... (read in full...)
I'm happy and in love with a married man!
Q. I have been married for 8 years and the last 3 years have been awful. My husband is on drugs and I have found several female numbers in his phone, on one occasion I caught him in my vehicle with a female. I have been with this man 14 years all ...
A. 15 January 2011: If you "decide to ride the wave and let nature take its course" what will most likely happen is that you will be happy with this infatuation for a few months - until the man refuses to divorce his wife - and you'll still be stuck in a miserable ... (read in full...)
He just says he doesn't mean to hurt me and doesn't know why he does it, but thats not enough for me. Should I give him another chance?
Q. Hi, about 8 months ago I found out that my boyfriend of 3 yrs has been txting dirty messages to at least 3 girls, one of which I know. I found this out just after we had purchased a house together, so decided to forgive him and try and move on. He ...
A. 15 January 2011: No! You should NOT give him another chance! Move back to your home town and or put the house you and he now have on the market or rent it out. When/if sold, you are entitled to receive some of the proceeds from the sale.... (read in full...)
Is she losing interest in me or not?
Q. Hi, I have a question I love this girl to death, and she loves me to, altleast I think I think she has lost intrest in me or is having troubles. because she's acting completly different. she used to tell me that she loved me and gave full on sent...
A. 14 January 2011: Do you only talk on msn or do you go out together, and talk by phone?
If msn is your only means of communication, that's not very much, you know. Part of relationship (a large part actually) is going out and doing things together that are inte... (read in full...)
Lack of commitment from him, he won't put a label on our relationship!
Q. Okay heres the thing sort of an awkward situation. So back about two years ago i met this guy online for just intercourse. I was only 18 at the time and really confused about my sexuality. It was my first time with a guy. So after that I decided I ...
A. 14 January 2011: Well, trying to convince him you'd be great together is not likely to get you where you want to be. He has to come to that realization (or not) on his own. Pressure and ultimatums (not that you seem to be thinking along those lines) don't work.
... (read in full...)
He got married! Is it wrong to still care about him?
Q. Years ago I meet this man that I was afraid to approach, over the years I never forgot him and he has never forgot me. When I finally got the courage to tell him how I felt and I always wanted him I found out he was a newlywed. But since that day ...
A. 14 January 2011: To the anonymous poster: True, you can't help having feelings for someone you're attracted to. BUT you most certain CAN help by not fantasizing about the person, and letting yourself dwell on said feelings! It may be difficult, but you just have ... (read in full...)
He got married! Is it wrong to still care about him?
Q. Years ago I meet this man that I was afraid to approach, over the years I never forgot him and he has never forgot me. When I finally got the courage to tell him how I felt and I always wanted him I found out he was a newlywed. But since that day ...
A. 14 January 2011: Well no, its not exactly wrong to still care about this man and to want him - SO LONG AS you don't ACT on those feelings.
For you what this means is that you need to quit emailing, texting, talking (whether in person or on the phone) and remove h... (read in full...)
What is the right way in dealing with my ex wife?
Q. what is the right way to deal with seeing my ex wife who i still love with her new boyfriend? we were together 4 years and have been seperated 10 months,she met this guy through one of our many mutual friends and i constantly hear of where they have ...
A. 14 January 2011: Yes, I agree with rcn, that the best thing to do is to make clear to any mutual friends/acquaintances that they are not to tell you about her doings. I must say I would have thought they should have known better! But I guess people don't always ... (read in full...)
We have tried counselling, but I am still unsatisfied and now considering an affair. What should I do?
Q. I am married and unsatisfied. I'm not sure if i love my husband and I am contemplating having an affair. We have tried counseling...what should I do?...
A. 11 January 2011: You should NOT have an affair while still married. Tough potatoes, but the reality is that being unsatisfied is no excuse to cheat on your husband. Remember "for better or for worse"? Now you're in "worse."
So what do you do? Talk to the coun... (read in full...)
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