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This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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16 July 2011: The following was forwarded to me by a member of my church. It is adapated from a book: "Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" I believe its worth passing on: "Dr. John gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minu...
A few things I've learned......
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 November 2010: Often we get posts from men and women who are wondering whether to ask their boyfriend or girlfriend "where do we stand"? Based on my own observations, and having been in situations such as this in the past, I have come to think its generally ...
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Is there any way to salvage a friendship from this mess?
Q. Well, there is a much longer story, that I already explained earlier (http://www.dearcupid.org/question/her-family-situation-has-made-her-push-me.html) with lots of vital information, but I'll skip most of it: Basically, a longtime friend ended ...
A. 10 February 2011: Well now. You really sound "invested" in her as considerably more than a friend, don't you think?
I believe your first mistake was when she was very upset over her father's legal problems. You made a wise decision in not asking her out and reco... (read in full...)
What is going on with this girl? I don't want to lose her! What should I do next?
Q. I have loved this girl since the moment I met her. The first time we met there was a spark bigger than an atom bomb. The day after that she wrote me a message with "I miss you 3", but I wanted to see if this was really the girl for me, so we met two ...
A. 10 February 2011: You have actually been out with her, what, twice since you met initially? And you tell us you're AFRAID to tell her you love her?
Sorry, but you jolly well SHOULD be afraid to tell her that! Perhaps "afraid" isn't quite the right word: I mean, ... (read in full...)
My online guy thought the bad in photo was mine but its not!
Q. afraid to loss my online friend. this is what happen to me today i make my facebook profile pic, me kissing my little sweet niece...and this online guy asked me why i didn't told him before that i have a baby and lied to him that cuz i don't wa...
A. 10 February 2011: Now hold on a minute! If you told him she was your DAUGHTER'S baby that would make you the baby's grandmother, not your niece! But before that, when he asked why you didn't tell him you had a baby, you said you lied because "I don't want to lose ... (read in full...)
I don't want him to think I'm clingy or try too hard
Q. i really like this guy, he's really hot. but i don't really know him, he used to fancy me but now i think he just thinks i don't like him. i don't want to be to clingy or try-hard how should i tell him i like him in that way too?...
A. 10 February 2011: If you don't really know him it would be better to go out with him on casual dates, coffee or lunch and start having conversations to see how much you both have in common.
If you want a relationship with him, you'd do well not to focus on the "I t... (read in full...)
What on earth was with this guy's behavior?
Q. Hi, This thing has been bothering me since last thursday. I'll begin at the beginning of that day first. I was walking into walk that day. I opened the swing-doors a few minutes later when I was walking inside and I saw this man I know next to the...
A. 10 February 2011: What strikes me is that he was very rude, and controlling. I do wonder what you meant when you told him you "didn't do the such-and-such." What had he said to you to provoke that comment, I wonder?
Does he work in the same room as you? I ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my sister I think her boyfriend might be gay?
Q. I think my sister's boyfriend is gay. I had met him before she got together with him, and plain just assumed he was. He is very very camp, his voice, the way he acts and jokes, it would be right to assume he had to come out as straight. When my ...
A. 9 February 2011: Do you just stay quiet? YES! Unless and until you have cast-iron evidence that he is gay, you should say nothing.
Your sister won't thank you for voicing your concerns. Better to let her figure out her relationship for herself.... (read in full...)
Tough Love...what to do? My boyfriends a bigger handfull then I ever imagined
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years. He goes to counseling once a week, is on antidepressants and anti anxiety medication. When we first met he was soo soo sweet (I really thought I got super lucky) but now we are living together in a ...
A. 9 February 2011: Clearly HE is the one with problems, rather than you.
I think for right now you should go to joint counseling with him, and perhaps schedule a few sessions for yourself only. See how it goes. If in time he shows signs of making an earnest ... (read in full...)
He couldn't break it off with his girlfriend but kept calling me while with her!
Q. Dear Cupids :) Im so so confused would love an outside opinion.. I met a German guy at University about a year ago (im from the u.k). he previously lived in the U.S.A for 5 years for Uni.when we met him things were casual at first, but then ...
A. 9 February 2011: Clearly he was attracted to you, but cannot bring himself to break it off with this other woman he's known for five years.
I'm very sorry, but he was indeed letting her down badly by dating you and letting YOU down by leading you on and keeping ... (read in full...)
So confused. Married but have a huge crush.
Q. Hello, This is my first post so please be gentle with me! My husband and I got married 6 months ago after 6 years of being together. I didn't have any doubts at all before the wedding. However, only 2 weeks after we got back from o...
A. 9 February 2011: Yes, just because you're married doesn't mean you won't find other men attractive......BUT SO soon after you got married?
You have to put this man out of your mind, knowing that you ARE married and your first loyalty should be to your husband,... (read in full...)
Be friends but dine me?
Q. Oh dear, I text-killed my date! So I meet this girl through Internet dating, we text for a few weeks then decide to meet up. We get on so well, she even says people would find it hard to believe. Eventually she asks me to kiss her and we're kissing ...
A. 8 February 2011: She's got some nerve after raising all that fuss about you making too much of a big deal and then turns around and demands you take her out for an expensive dinner!
You sent her two emails, now its best to wait and see what she says - if she resp... (read in full...)
My LDR blocks me and unblocks me at random
Q. Why does she block me from calling her and then some thimes she unblocks me? Like yesterday I tryed to call her and it rang then I texed her by the end of the night saying. Dont forget to block my phone number. Then she texed back saying "Who is ...
A. 8 February 2011: She's obviously playing games with you.
Why don't you ask her what is going on and why is she sometimes blocking you from phoning her? See what she says. If she denies it you can tell her you know for a fact that's what is happening.
I suppo... (read in full...)
I want to commit but I don't think he does!!
Q. Hi everyone, hope you're all doing well! So here's the thing me and my boyfriend have been together for 9 months, not that long I know but I'm ready to settle down now I've done all that playing the field and so has he so I was hoping he would ...
A. 8 February 2011: Sounds to me as if he is very interested in you and maybe "testing the waters" as it were. Perhaps you could joke back to him about it but don't put pressure on him and begin asking if in fact he DOES want to get married.
Nine months is really n... (read in full...)
I've had enough of her childish behavior!
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for 20 months (1 year, 8 months) and our relationship has really been going down the crapper lately. When something doesn't go her way, like say she was wrong in a discussion/argument, she crosses her arms...
A. 7 February 2011: She sounds very self-centered and immature. How old is she?
You've tried reasoning with her, expressing your disappointment and anger and finally laid it out to her in very strong terms: "Now listen up: 'A', 'B', 'C'" so to speak and THAT got... (read in full...)
We fought and haven't spoken in a week. Will he come back to me?
Q. So, My boyfriend is 23 and I am 18. We have been together for over three years now, long distance. Mostly we have a great relationship, he's a really great boyfriend. He's really attentive, loving, always tells me how perfect I am etc. We used to ...
A. 6 February 2011: The advice everyone is giving you about getting on with your own activities and, importantly, trying to understand what it is that causes you to worry, is great.
It goes almost without saying that if he wasn't talking very much and was being qu... (read in full...)
How can I tell someone I love him, when he's getting married in two months?
Q. Hi, I'm kinda at the end of my tether with something... how can I tell someone I love him, when he's getting married in two months? Or should I? But what can I do? Nothing has happened between us. I'm trying so hard to keep things platonic. I real...
A. 5 February 2011: The simple truth is, you can't.
The time for telling him has long passed. I know you're upset and hurting, but you just have to be firm and resolve to put him out of your mind once and for all. Everyone else is right: he loves his fiancee ... (read in full...)
He's really good-looking and it makes me feel like I'm inferior....
Q. Hi poeple my names Annie I'm almost 18 and Ive just started a new job as a cook in a food place (not exactly)a career but nontheless its employment. Well theres this really nice guy I met there named brendan,hes foreign and moved to my part of the w...
A. 5 February 2011: The way he was staring at you so intently was not very considerate of him, particularly to continue when he must have seen it was making you uncomfortable.
We all have "boundaries" - i.e., personal space which, if another person (be a relative... (read in full...)
Is he serious about me? Or does he just want to get laid?
Q. I've been seeing this guy on and off... It all started off when we ended up kissing on his birthday (we were best friends)...and the kiss was so good that we ended up getting frisky a couple of times after that. I fell for him...and even told...
A. 5 February 2011: I think you should proceed very cautiously with this man.
True, it was perhaps too soon to speak of your feelings for him, and it MIGHT be that he has come to value you a lot more than he first thought.
By all means see him before he goes a... (read in full...)
Contacted by my love from college, and it's awakened the old feelings
Q. Well I guess I should start from the beginning. I am a male and of Arab decent (Lebanese) born in the United States. I come from a family that is very Anglo looking, with blue eyes and light brown hair. I have been married about 6 years with two ...
A. 5 February 2011: I'm sorry, but if you value your marriage and your wife and daughters - clearly you do - you HAVE to put a stop to it.
You really can't, in all good conscience, betray your wife by beginning an affair - whether it be emotional without sex involved... (read in full...)
Why isnt he replying to my texts or calls, has he done a dissapearing act?
Q. i met a guy about 2 months ago, a single dad of 1 (a 2 an a hlaf year old girl) we got on really really well an he wanted to take things further, we since been in a relationship an hes met my family an friends and has agreed to come out for my ...
A. 5 February 2011: Hmmmm......The first thing that comes to mind is maybe he had to go out of town suddenly. This may well have nothing whatsoever to do with you or meeting your family. If you got the impression that he enjoyed staying with you, then the odds are he ... (read in full...)
I thought it was going well but then he got a girlfriend
Q. Well i dont know where to start, its kind of complicated and now im really confused :/ soo pleasee any advice would be greatt. So basically i met this guy on fb hes 20 and im 16 (i know big gap =S) i tried talking to him, but he didnt seem very ...
A. 5 February 2011: I know you're hurt, and I'm sorry.
The fact is, he IS quite a bit older than you and even if he enjoyed chatting it would be rather to be expected if he were to meet someone closer to his own age. I don't see that you did or did not do anything... (read in full...)
She said she didn't fancy me because I wasn't Asian?
Q. I started dating this woman a few weeks ago. I found her very attractive and we seemed to sizzle together. We went out 6 times and I thought we were like 2 peas in a pod. On the last occasion we had a very long intimate session. We had planned a ...
A. 4 February 2011: Yes, I can well imagine that you are shocked and very disappointed.
You have only been dating a very short time, and possibly she might have felt things were moving much too fast. PERHAPS she didn't know what else to say to you to slow it down,... (read in full...)
How do I know if I feel anything real for him?
Q. Can you actually fall in love with someone online? I have been talking to a man with whom i went to school and have been chatting for about 3 months. He says he thinks of me as the one that got away and that he wants to rekindle a friendship with ...
A. 4 February 2011: Well, you haven't seen him since you were at school together many years ago. Both of you have had numerous experiences of life in the intervening years, and are quite different people to what you were when at school.
You're practically stranger... (read in full...)
We've always cheated on our partners with each other, should we end contact?
Q. ive been having sex with my exboyfriend off and on for the last 8 yrs(dated in hs) we always seem to reconnect. we've always cheated on our partners with each other. should we end contact? he has a gf now and a one yr old...but he claims he doesnt ...
A. 3 February 2011: Stop having sex with him and cut all contact for ever.
Either that, or get back with him in a mutuallu committed relationship.
I frankly do not understand why you split up in the first place........ (read in full...)
It's been 3 months since she said she needed some space. Is this over?
Q. My mistress of 4 years told me she "needs some space". Her friends told her we should not talk or e-mail for a few months. we both miss doing things together (not just the sex). It's been 3 long months . Is it over ? Neither one of us (I think) h...
A. 2 February 2011: Yes, it does sound bad. I'm sorry, but while you are still married, you really have no business being involved with any other woman, until and unless you separate and get a divorce.
Harsh? Yes, but those are the facts........even knowing ... (read in full...)
I want to take my time, get to know her, respect her before I can feel any love for her. Is that me being selfish?
Q. Some people fall in love quickly, but other people take a bit more time before they develop those kind of feelings for someone. If I met a nice lady and I didn't love her for a few months, but I respected and valued her, is that a sign of ...
A. 2 February 2011: Selfish? Not at all! I think you're being very sensible to take things slowly and want to get to know someone gradually. It is a process that DOES take time.
Relationships do have their "bumps in the road" sometimes and that's to be expected... (read in full...)
Is he waiting for me to dump him or am I being neurotic?
Q. Hi Guys, I met this man back in September and we see each other every other weekend, as he lives 300 miles away. He calls me every night, sends 2 txts each day, morning and goodnight. He is very busy with work and he has a child (the child doesnt ...
A. 2 February 2011: I'm really quite puzzled by your post. You say he sends a text every morning and evening - except that sometimes instead of Friday night its Saturday morning (not sure if you are referring to receiving a text in that particular instance or a ... (read in full...)
I dumped her, yet I'm turning into a wuss over her. What's a good action plan to get me coping again?
Q. What is wrong with me? I broke up with a woman 16 months back but I'm obsessed with keeping tabs on what she doing. My obsession is taking over my life. I hardly eat, my condo's filthy, I don't go out. I feel like I'm married to my laptop and b...
A. 2 February 2011: For goodness sake, contact her, ask how she is and see if you can meet for coffee! Perhaps you'll find you both want to get back together - or that you don't and either way can be at peace!... (read in full...)
Should I break things off?
Q. Here is the thing. I met a girl who was interested in me before. She broke up with an a**hole who treats her like ****, but got her pregnant. Everything was great at first; I told her how I felt about her, she said she was in love with me too. I ...
A. 2 February 2011: I am sorry to hear what you are going through and your desire to stand by her even to the extent of wishing to help raise the baby, is admirable.
Right now, she has an awful lot on her plate. She may not know quite how she wants to proceed ... (read in full...)
It's been 3 months since she said she needed some space. Is this over?
Q. My mistress of 4 years told me she "needs some space". Her friends told her we should not talk or e-mail for a few months. we both miss doing things together (not just the sex). It's been 3 long months . Is it over ? Neither one of us (I think) h...
A. 2 February 2011: Your "mistress"? I hope neither of you is married to someone else......
Anyway, if not, why not make a phone call or send an email to ask how she is, and see how she responds? No harm in telling her you miss her.......... (read in full...)
What should we do for our anniversary?
Q. Dear Cupid, i have a bf who i've been with for 4 months and its about to be 5 on a special day...VALENTINES DAY:) I have no idea what to do to celebrate Valentines Day and especially our 5 month anniversary. What should we do? Any ideas will help ...
A. 2 February 2011: Maybe just send him a light, perhaps humorous Valentine card.
I really wouldn't make it too much of a big deal, or laced with a lot of romantic stuff........... (read in full...)
I want to break up my friendship because he's rude, but how do I tell him and break up?
Q. I have a male friend who's 16 and I am 15. He loves me and i love him too, but am not yet ready for a relationship. Sometimes when we talk he's rude, sometimes he's caring. Anytime i tell him he's rude, he says, 'dats d way he is'. I hate rude ...
A. 2 February 2011: In that case you REALLY ARE better off without him! If he cannot accept that you're not ready for a relationship without getting rude and nasty, then that's HIS problem, not yours!... (read in full...)
I was unsure about trusting him, so he got fed up of waiting and left me! What should I do?
Q. I REAALLY NEED HELP! I was dating this guy after i broke up with my boy friend...actually; he was the reason why I did break up...It was at a stage when my rel'ship with my ex was almost dead and i met him. At that point of time i was totally...
A. 2 February 2011: Sometimes life can full of "if only(s)" : - (
Again, I am so sorry.....best thing is to grieve awhile, be angry, let yourself feel whatever you are experiencing - but know its not the end of the world - even if it seems as if it is right no... (read in full...)
I cant accept his religion, but I cant be without him either!
Q. hey..im really confused and stressed out lately. i m in this relationship for 5 yrs. well i love him so much.. and he does too. but there is a religion difference between us..i mean its okay with me of being different, but he want me to convert to ...
A. 31 January 2011: DO NOT GET MARRIED! I really think you'd be very unhappy and making a huge mistake.
You say you converted to his religion because he urged you to. He should never have put pressure on you to do that.
If you have a job in another country,... (read in full...)
I was unsure about trusting him, so he got fed up of waiting and left me! What should I do?
Q. I REAALLY NEED HELP! I was dating this guy after i broke up with my boy friend...actually; he was the reason why I did break up...It was at a stage when my rel'ship with my ex was almost dead and i met him. At that point of time i was totally...
A. 31 January 2011: You and he are obviously not a good match.
For one thing, he was a rebound for you. It really is better when you break up with someone to take at least a couple months off from dating anybody before you jump in the pool again. You need to think... (read in full...)
Despite all the bad things he has done, he is the only one I want. How do I get him back?
Q. Hi everyone it would be really appreciated for help on this because I'm completely confused. My boyfriend of 2 years and I have been off and on since October but on Christmas eve he broke up with me via text not giving me a reason then ignored me ...
A. 31 January 2011: Sorry, but I'm not about to give you advice on how to get him back.
He doesn't deserve you, period. And YOU need to set a MUCH higher value on yourself than to be pining after a lout who shows SUCH honesty and integrity in his dealings with you... (read in full...)
I spend hours waiting for my LDR girlfriend to get online!
Q. hello guys, im a guy who used to be so active, energetic, a party boy, in other words i used to be cool, but since a while, i got back with my ex, and now we re in a long distance relationship, and believe me guys :s i love her way too much and...
A. 30 January 2011: If you communicate by Skype you can log on and put your status as "available" (little green icon) or "away" (orange icon), turn on your speakers but still be doing other things - reading, watching television, cleaning, whatever. You can be in ... (read in full...)
I want to break up my friendship because he's rude, but how do I tell him and break up?
Q. I have a male friend who's 16 and I am 15. He loves me and i love him too, but am not yet ready for a relationship. Sometimes when we talk he's rude, sometimes he's caring. Anytime i tell him he's rude, he says, 'dats d way he is'. I hate rude ...
A. 30 January 2011: All you have to do is tell him you find his rudeness to be something you're not willing to put up with any longer, and that he is not to contact you again, ever.
Then: block him from sending you emails or texts, don't pick up the phone if he ca... (read in full...)
He's a nice friendly guy. But have I been reading too much into his nice friendly texts?
Q. I have been having a nice friendly? relationship with this single guy. He has been very warm and friendly all through. Sometimes I really doubted it he liked me romantically. But I know I was not worthy of him and never bothered. But I did imagine ...
A. 30 January 2011: Is this just an online acquaintance or have you actually met in person?
That might make a difference. Perhaps he was just trying to help you out - if you had problems you confided in him, that is (but perhaps you didn't, just chatted). How much... (read in full...)
I really need an answer for how to stop being so needy and clingy!
Q. Hi; I am 45 and have been single for almost 19yrs. Everyone says I am a great person and very good looking. But my friends also say that I am needy and clingy. How do I stop being so needy and clingy? My thought were the reason was becau...
A. 28 January 2011: Well, sorry to hear you have had quite a difficult life.
How not to be needy and clingy? Well, for starters, put yourself first and don't go overboard trying to please others or conform to their ideas of how you should live. be involved in activ... (read in full...)
My real life friends want me to delete my online friend from my life!
Q. what do i do! i met this guy online and we really like each other. however i told my bestfriends and they were like what the hell. I have been talking to him for 7 months , we talk to webcam etc etc and we both like each other. We cant be together...
A. 28 January 2011: First of all: do your friends have a specific reason (or reasons) for urging you to drop your online friend? I mean, do they see qualities in him that make them dubious? Or are they simply jealous of the attention you pay him?
I would say that... (read in full...)
Our problems started when she moved in, and now she's with someone else. How can I get her back?
Q. i been with my ex for 1year 7 months everything was good, till she moved in . i thought she was trying to get pregnant.. and i just freaked so i just stopped having sex.. i wish i talked to her but diddnt .now she left in september and i kept blowin ...
A. 27 January 2011: Oh dear, I am SO sorry to hear of the pain and confusion you're going through!
Do you think you would be prepared to have a baby with her and be together for the long term while the child grows to adulthood? If you are clear that you would, a... (read in full...)
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