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This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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16 July 2011: The following was forwarded to me by a member of my church. It is adapated from a book: "Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" I believe its worth passing on: "Dr. John gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minu...
A few things I've learned......
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 November 2010: Often we get posts from men and women who are wondering whether to ask their boyfriend or girlfriend "where do we stand"? Based on my own observations, and having been in situations such as this in the past, I have come to think its generally ...
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B/f won't talk to me but won't tell me its over either!
Q. I am 22 years old and I have been dating my bf for 8 months..just recently he has pulled away a bit and I am not sure why..I was texting him a bunch of times and he wasn't replying so I started freaking out and eventually he responded and he was ...
A. 24 March 2011: I'm sorry you are finding it so difficult to deal with this. It seems to me as though he has effectively ended it - but without telling you. I'm afraid some men do do this. Not very considerate, no, but sometimes they'd rather not have the has... (read in full...)
Sweet man or sociopath?
Q. if a man is charming does it always have to mean that they are trying to schmooze? my new guy is rather over the top charming towards me, i have told him it makes me uneasy and he said he flatters me coz he wants me to like him. he is not a silly ...
A. 23 March 2011: No, if he's charming, it doesn't necessarily mean he's a sociopath.
You'd need to see more "clues" in his behavior to determine that. For instance, does he tend to be controlling; always trying to keep tabs on where you go, who you see when not... (read in full...)
How do I make cheating boyfriend realize I may not always be around?
Q. my ex tells me he doesnt want to be with me right now? what does that mean i love him a lot but i need to be strong how can i make him think that i aint going to always be there? i mean thats why hes says not right now right? i mean the only reason ...
A. 23 March 2011: You ask how you can be strong and show him you're no pushover?
I'm afraid there's a simple answer to your question: DUMP his sorry self once and for all! Block him from texting or emailing you; block his number from your phone - or if you have... (read in full...)
B/f won't talk to me but won't tell me its over either!
Q. I am 22 years old and I have been dating my bf for 8 months..just recently he has pulled away a bit and I am not sure why..I was texting him a bunch of times and he wasn't replying so I started freaking out and eventually he responded and he was ...
A. 22 March 2011: Some men do simply "disappear" rather than tell the woman its over, yes. They do this because they want to avoid getting a lot of flak from her......... (read in full...)
B/f won't talk to me but won't tell me its over either!
Q. I am 22 years old and I have been dating my bf for 8 months..just recently he has pulled away a bit and I am not sure why..I was texting him a bunch of times and he wasn't replying so I started freaking out and eventually he responded and he was ...
A. 21 March 2011: True, it is a bit hard to accept. Nonetheless, hang in there! It will be alright - whatever happens!... (read in full...)
B/f won't talk to me but won't tell me its over either!
Q. I am 22 years old and I have been dating my bf for 8 months..just recently he has pulled away a bit and I am not sure why..I was texting him a bunch of times and he wasn't replying so I started freaking out and eventually he responded and he was ...
A. 21 March 2011: You are still telling us you love him, when he is not apparently feeling the same way toward you.
Several responders have recommended that you pull back, not be so clingy - in fact, being a bit standoffish toward him in your BEHAVIOR AND your MIN... (read in full...)
Do you think the man I am having an affair with is seeing someone else?
Q. Please don't judge me... I am married and am having an affair with a recently separated man. (We hooked up when he was married last year). To give a brief hx, I knew him from the past yet never hooked up. Well we did last year and had sex. I never...
A. 21 March 2011: I will add just one more thing: life with your husband is clearly a nightmare, but really, there is no future with this other one, by the sound of it. Doesn't strike me as very trustworthy at all.... (read in full...)
Do you think the man I am having an affair with is seeing someone else?
Q. Please don't judge me... I am married and am having an affair with a recently separated man. (We hooked up when he was married last year). To give a brief hx, I knew him from the past yet never hooked up. Well we did last year and had sex. I never...
A. 21 March 2011: So you are cheating on your husband; he cheated on his wife with you last year; now you suspect he's cheating on you.
Great.
I have nothing more to say to you except either work on improving your marriage, or if that's not possible, get a ... (read in full...)
B/f won't talk to me but won't tell me its over either!
Q. I am 22 years old and I have been dating my bf for 8 months..just recently he has pulled away a bit and I am not sure why..I was texting him a bunch of times and he wasn't replying so I started freaking out and eventually he responded and he was ...
A. 21 March 2011: How long has it been since you last talked with him? A few days? A week? Two weeks?
I think you would do well to wait two weeks and then, as I said before, if you have not heard from him send him a brief message and see if he responds. If he d... (read in full...)
B/f won't talk to me but won't tell me its over either!
Q. I am 22 years old and I have been dating my bf for 8 months..just recently he has pulled away a bit and I am not sure why..I was texting him a bunch of times and he wasn't replying so I started freaking out and eventually he responded and he was ...
A. 20 March 2011: For goodness sake, find something else to occupy your time!! As Aunty BimBim said, books are a good place to start.....your bf told you everything is fine so go with that.....ONE apology would have been more than enough! Wait now until he DO... (read in full...)
Am I just a woman in a box to him now?
Q. I have been committed to boy friend online for almost 8 months now. I know, it sounds unusual since working relationships usually happens in person. I don't have a choice here really. He's 8000 miles away from me and I just can't go there for visa ...
A. 20 March 2011: Or maybe the fact that it is proving so difficult to meet in person is the problem.
I mean to say, you tell us you have twice now been denied a visa from the embassy of his country, and that your lawyer is working on your papers.
Well, even if... (read in full...)
She's 59 and I'm 18 so how can I tell her I love her? Also she's with someone.
Q. Help i am in love with my mums friend and i think she likes me too. But she is with some one and she has two kids. I am 18. i really want to tell her but i am not sure because she is with this other person and she is 59 and she doesn't act nor look...
A. 19 March 2011: She's WAY too old for you (no matter how attractive she may still be)
She's in a relationship
You need to find something else to occupy your mind/fantasies with - like shooting rubber bands at the stars.......
Enough said.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend went out without me again and there is more...disrespectful!?!
Q. I have been dating a guy for about a year now. We spend about a 1/2 a day together each week due to his career. I try to be understanding but admit I often feel lonely and there is a lot of tension. The relationship feels one sided. We typically ...
A. 19 March 2011: He IS very disrespectful and inconsiderate of you, heavy workload or not.
You have talked at length with him about the issues you mention above, and basically things have not changed for the better......in fact, shooing you away at the dance wh... (read in full...)
She's 59 and I'm 18 so how can I tell her I love her? Also she's with someone.
Q. Help i am in love with my mums friend and i think she likes me too. But she is with some one and she has two kids. I am 18. i really want to tell her but i am not sure because she is with this other person and she is 59 and she doesn't act nor look...
A. 19 March 2011: You will embarrass the heck out of your mother if you pursue this friend of hers.
You may well shock and embarrass the woman herself, if it comes to that.......look, she's 41 years older than you, whether she is well-preserved or not. That is ... (read in full...)
I think he's going to dump me and I don't know how to stop it
Q. This is prior to one of my questions some of you helped me on: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/apparently-my-boyfriend-has-changed-his-relationship-status.html But i don't know what I can do anymore....I talked to him about he just says b/c of a...
A. 18 March 2011: First: if he's got a lot of "stuff" going on, keep in mind it may not necessarily reflect on you, or be anything to do with whatever you are doing or not doing. That's the first thing.
Second: I know you're very anxious - and that's natural ... (read in full...)
I asked for more commitment, that backfired and now there's barely any contact
Q. I would appreciate some advice... I was seeing a guy for 3 months, we are both 27. I felt our relationship was too casual and told him i had to end it as i was getting attached. He asked me to stay with him and he would try to change. He did change ...
A. 18 March 2011: I'm truly sorry to hear you have been so hurt by this turn of events.
I have to say that to date someone for three months and then ask for more commitment is rather rushing things.
After three months you both are STILL in the beginning stages... (read in full...)
I like him, but he's unsure of his feelings; I want a relationship, but he wants us to be Friends with Benefits. What do I do now??
Q. Hello, everyone. I am really confused about my feelings for my best friend and was hoping maybe you guys would help me. We became really good friends when we started university together. At first I didnt like him, just as good friends. When we ...
A. 18 March 2011: Sorry, but this is a losing proposition for you. He likes you, yes; you're friends, yes, BUT he wants sex even more.
His desire to have sex with you has priority over everything else.
It's true that men DO respect women who respect themselv... (read in full...)
Need help in dealing with a long distance relationship...
Q. Hey everyone, I would really appreciate any advice here especially from people in the same situation. At the moment, I have been with my boyfriend for just over a year and in September we will be going out of London to other cities for unive...
A. 18 March 2011: Well, yes, it IS going to be very difficult. You have to bear in mind, however, that you both have chosen the universities you'll be attending, and perhaps there were no available choices closer to each other.....
Unless you CAN still change y... (read in full...)
Pregnant and my boyfriend dumped me. What can I do to make him pay?
Q. Okay so this is very long and drawn out and I'll apologize in advance for this, but here goes. My ex and I started dating about 8 months ago and things moved very fast. We loved one another and talked about a future together and marriage but wan...
A. 18 March 2011: Well, this is really tough for you. If he is that financially unstable and has so much debt, how do you think the court making him quit school to make a higher income (even if that's possible) is going to help? Sounds totally unrealistic and very ... (read in full...)
Why has he suddenly gone quiet?
Q. Hello! I'll try and keep this brief! I've been chatting to a guy online for the last month, everyday. It first started off with 4 emails each everyday. Then as I've been off work it was more frequent, sometimes chatting for 5/6 hours etc. He ...
A. 17 March 2011: IMHO it was not a good idea to mention that this other man wanted to meet you and that you said "no" but you wouldn't say "no" to your online friend. I mean, everyone is entitled to have friends of the opposite sex, but I don't know that I'd go ... (read in full...)
Does Love Begat Love?
Q. Just a philosophical question for folks... Can you MAKE someone love you by loving them first??? Cliff Notes version of the background story: I am/was married. (we have separated) I met a man and started a relationship with him in J...
A. 16 March 2011: In my experience, my friend in England is someone I met who is a member of the same church I attend when there. So we had that in common right away, when we had a couple of very enjoyable and interesting conversations on first meeting in Nov. 2009. ... (read in full...)
I need to put out the fire!!!! How do I get him out of my head?
Q. Hi everyone. How do you get over someone you are INCREDIBLY attracted to? We are both in committed relationships and can't be having these thoughts. But I think about this guy all the time and fantasize about being with him. I can't get him ou...
A. 15 March 2011: "Jumping each other will not put out the fire" - as you should well know; it will only make it more intense.
So, if you are both in committed relationships, what you must do is to cut any and all contact you have with this man, whether by phone, e... (read in full...)
Hit a deep low in our relationship, but I just don't know what to do anymore
Q. Hi, I've been together with my girlfriend whom I love very much, for almost 3 years now, we're in a long distance relationship, and have a 5 year age difference. But lately it hasn't been going so well and over the weekend it got really bad. A b...
A. 14 March 2011: Unfortunately, your gf is a spoiled brat. Insulting, demeaning, refuses to listen to any and all criticism......
Tell her not to call you at midnight if its only to say she's about to go to bed.......if she has such a busy schedule, tell her to c... (read in full...)
What is he looking for? How can I make him see that I'm girlfriend material?
Q. Heya About a year ago i met this guy through mutual friends and we instantly clicked and had a lot of chemistry and whenever we saw each other on a night out we would get with each other (not sleep with him) anyway then i found out he had a girlfr...
A. 14 March 2011: He just wants to have sex with you again. I don't see anything more than that from the text you quoted us. Most men want a woman they can respect and they're apt to respect someone who respects herself. A drunken text isn't a good sign in that ... (read in full...)
He gazed into my eyes, but he won't respond to my email.
Q. I can't stop thinking about a man I use to work with. It was a two way attraction although neither of us said anything to each other. The only thing he said was that I should be more discreet when I was working with him. (He was the top boss). I ...
A. 14 March 2011: Well, all I can say is that if he wants to get in touch with you he will.
However, if he knows you are in a relationship - albeit a very unhappy one you're attempting to get out of, he may be wary of responding, and not really want to "go there...... (read in full...)
How do you play hard to get by text?
Q. How do you play hard to get when texting a guy? I know most people don't like the idea of the 'play hard to get' game. So please, if you're one of them, this question isn't for you. ...
A. 14 March 2011: Playing hard to get is what my father meant when he told me many years ago that "a man chases a woman until she catches him."
The trick to this is, of course, to strike a balance: don't play SO hard to get that he thinks you're not interest... (read in full...)
Called too soon or is she testing me?
Q. Ok, so here is the situation. 4 weeks ago i started to take this course in school and there is this sweet and cute girl i like. We always sit together since the second week of class (we have 1 class per week so only see her once a week). She caught ...
A. 14 March 2011: No, you didn't do anything wrong! Sounds as if she likes you too - and its ONLY been two days - RELAX. You'll probably hear from her sooner or later - and if you don't why then you'll see her at the next class.
Don't worry, it will be alright!... (read in full...)
After begging for me back, he dumps me for someone else!
Q. How do cope when the one you love dumps you for someone else?:(? I was with him for 5months..everything was great then after 4months he started been weird and asked to go on a break and I said ok. He begged for me back and he asked for anot...
A. 13 March 2011: Well, he lied to you and you just found out, and are in a state of shock. Not surprised you hate him. Not surprised at all after the way he treated you. Perhaps you could write a letter - don't send it! - expressing your feelings about w... (read in full...)
He gazed into my eyes, but he won't respond to my email.
Q. I can't stop thinking about a man I use to work with. It was a two way attraction although neither of us said anything to each other. The only thing he said was that I should be more discreet when I was working with him. (He was the top boss). I ...
A. 13 March 2011: Have you asked this question before? I seem to remember it from a month or two ago.
Anyway, what IS your "domestic situation"? Are you married?
Because if you are, I have only one thing to say: forget about it.... (read in full...)
If there's no one else in his life, then why did he push me away??
Q. Why did my boyfriend do that? did he really love me? ? I was with my ex boyfriend for 5months, we were so in love and everyone thought. We were the cutesy couple. I believed him when he told me he loved me, but I was so paranoid in our relat...
A. 13 March 2011: Yes, five months is a very short period of time. Maybe as others have said, you were in a bit of a rush and it scared him off. You HAVE to go a lot slower then you two apparently were doing - because it takes time, quite a bit of time - to really ... (read in full...)
Safe with birth control?
Q. Im currently on Birth control have been for 5 years none of my previous boyfriends (2) ever cam inside of me.. my boyfriend now wants to. Not all the time but just every once and a while.. im not sure if i should let him iv never done that b4 ...
A. 13 March 2011: If you are on the pill it should be safe for him to come inside you.
Just as important is to know for a fact that both you and your partner have been checked for STDs, and are disease free.......(expect you are, but just "a word to the wise..."... (read in full...)
Long distance relationship and huge age gap... can this work?
Q. Hi, my name is Alexia I am 19 year old. I live in Canada and I am head over heels for a man who lives in romania, he is 36 year old...divorced and father of a little girl. I met him on vacation down in mexico only hours before my departure. We ha...
A. 11 March 2011: Rather a flimsy sort of arrangement if you ask me.
What I mean is this: as you said, you met him literally a few hours before your departure from Mexico. You live in Canada, he in Romania. Not only that but the age gap is considerable: 16 year... (read in full...)
He said he had a great time and then just vanished!
Q. I went on a date last Saturday night with a guy I had met a few times before. I was thrilled when he asked me out for a drink as I had liked him for a while. We had a lovely evening. The conversation flowed and we spent hours just chatting until t...
A. 11 March 2011: So you're ot going to have dinner with him after all?
Well, I do think if he had worked two 24-hour shifts one right after the other, it was reasonable that you didn't hear sooner......oh well.... (read in full...)
He said he had a great time and then just vanished!
Q. I went on a date last Saturday night with a guy I had met a few times before. I was thrilled when he asked me out for a drink as I had liked him for a while. We had a lovely evening. The conversation flowed and we spent hours just chatting until t...
A. 11 March 2011: Wait a minute!
I think it rather depends on what the arrangements were when he texted to ask if you'd like to meet again. You told him you had to be away for work this week, but Friday would be good.
I know he said he'd book a table, but did... (read in full...)
I find myself wanting my exhusband back, even though he left me 2 years ago and has a fiance!
Q. my husband left me over 2 years ago because of a midlife crises,he has been so so nasty to me,he is still living with his parents but does have a girl friend 13 years younger than him self and they are seemingly engaged and planning to marry next ...
A. 10 March 2011: Nice guy, your husband. If he's not divorced, he can't marry this other girl.......yes, you do need to move on......... (read in full...)
What's this with me and my male friend? Views on our relationship please!
Q. I know I love him even when I am married to a very nice guy. But no alarms here. I don't try to get him to wreck lives. But I need all your views on our relationship. I know this guy for a few years now. He is a junior advocate and I am a clien...
A. 10 March 2011: Obviously there is more than simple friendship here. You've got a crush on him.
Be warned: you are treading on thin ice!
Perhaps you'd better think twice - no three times - about continuing this friendship - esp. the late-night conve... (read in full...)
I find myself wanting my exhusband back, even though he left me 2 years ago and has a fiance!
Q. my husband left me over 2 years ago because of a midlife crises,he has been so so nasty to me,he is still living with his parents but does have a girl friend 13 years younger than him self and they are seemingly engaged and planning to marry next ...
A. 10 March 2011: YES! There is indeed something you can do.
You can recognize that he was, as you said, very nasty to you and (presumably) you are now divorced. Why would you want someone back who treated you like dirt, and who in fact has a younger girlfrie... (read in full...)
I don't know what to say to her or if I should say anything at all...about my feelings.
Q. Five years ago I met this girl we became best friends and I was crazy about her, a year into our friendship I got really drunk and told her I loved her, but I didn't remember until some one told me about it six months later (I got rejected ...
A. 10 March 2011: She's engaged. I don't think it would be appropriate for you to tell her you still love her. That window of opportunity has long since passed, and it could be very upsetting as well as unsettling for her were you to say anything.
The ONLY pos... (read in full...)
This question is for the guys. What does it mean when a guy says "I never meant to...(e.g. hurt you).)
Q. What is the meaning of "I NEVER MEANT TO"? I thought I knew the meaning of the phrase, “I never meant to”...but now I realise that I don’t. This question is mainly for the MALES. Guys, what is the meaning of the sentence, “I never meant to...(e....
A. 9 March 2011: I'm not a man, but I can tell you this: if he says "I never meant to hurt you" and then, going forward in the relationship, his behavior is CONSISTENTLY thoughtful, courteous and considerate, you will know he is sincere and stands by his ... (read in full...)
Does No-Contact (NC) Works on failing relationship
Q. Hi Does NC (No Contact) rules really works. My bf of 2 years is not attentive to me as he was before, he often ignores me and i am the one who always initiate the conversation. I am planning to use NC for few days and see how that goes. I li...
A. 8 March 2011: Do you have any idea at all as to why he is no longer as attentive to you? Have you had a serious disagreement, or a number of "minor" unpleasantnesses recently?
Have you been wanting to take things to the next level, and he doesn't seem too keen... (read in full...)
I lied about pregnancy and want to regain his trust.
Q. Okay, I had a huge fight with my fiancee a couple of days ago and in the heat I busted out. I am pregnant! We had been trying to get pregnant since december so I felt awful... So a few days later when he asked me if it was really true I coulde...
A. 7 March 2011: I have a "revolutionary" idea for you: why don't you get married first? The aunt who pointed out that 18-21 is quite young and you may not be prepared yet - to get pregnant.
All the best... (read in full...)
Is he not interested in my replies?
Q. I hate what he is doin'.when he txts me, i reply, but when i reply he takes long time to txt again, is he not interested with ma replies.this guy told me that he loves me.but i said no to him.now i'm catching feelings for him.is he really ...
A. 7 March 2011: You should RELAX! Look: he sends you a text, you reply and then you say he takes a long time to respond.
Just how long are we talking about? Does he reply the next day, after two or three days, a week?
If he responds within a week, you've n... (read in full...)
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