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This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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16 July 2011: The following was forwarded to me by a member of my church. It is adapated from a book: "Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" I believe its worth passing on: "Dr. John gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minu...
A few things I've learned......
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 November 2010: Often we get posts from men and women who are wondering whether to ask their boyfriend or girlfriend "where do we stand"? Based on my own observations, and having been in situations such as this in the past, I have come to think its generally ...
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Boyfriend at uni 200 miles away and I rarely see him...
Q. My boyfriend moved to uni, 200 miles from me.. ever since his been down ther ive always asked him to come down or ill go down to him.. its been 5months since he left and in that time ive only seen him twice... ive spoken to him about this and h...
A. 23 February 2011: I'm afraid you have ALREADY lost your boyfriend, by the sound of it, so that's one less thing you have to worry about.
I know that's hurtful and disappointing, but there isn't a whole lot you can do about it. It's not as if you haven't raised t... (read in full...)
She wants to hear from me but I think she still loves her ex
Q. i want to date this lady who jst came out of a 4 month relationship which did not work out,we've been talking on fon for two weeks now n the respond has been great.i told her how i feel abt her bt she said she likes to hear from me bt she think ...
A. 23 February 2011: Good for you, Pierre! Good luck to you.... (read in full...)
How do I tell her about my feelings?
Q. i love one girl since 7 years .i didn't tell her about it,i am afraid to tell her,i can't even face her,how can i tell her about my feeling?...
A. 22 February 2011: Okay......let me ask you a couple questions: Is the reason you haven't approached her because her/your parents want to arrange a marriage (to someone else) in the future?
Might it be they don't approve of her or of you, going out on dates?
... (read in full...)
She wants to hear from me but I think she still loves her ex
Q. i want to date this lady who jst came out of a 4 month relationship which did not work out,we've been talking on fon for two weeks now n the respond has been great.i told her how i feel abt her bt she said she likes to hear from me bt she think ...
A. 22 February 2011: Well now. She apparently likes you and enjoys chatting with you on the phone. That's good.
HOWEVER, she has JUST broken up with someone else. Therefore, your best bet at present is to offer her your friendship - no more than friendship, mind - a... (read in full...)
Boyfriend broke up with me because he said I pointed out his flaws
Q. So the other day I went to see my boyfriend and he had some weird bumps on his lips and I pointed it out and ask him if it was a cold sore because it could be herpes and you should go check it out. So at first he was playful with it and after I ...
A. 22 February 2011: You DO owe him an apology. A cold sore may be just that: a cold sore and nothing to do with any STDs. It would have been better if you had stopped talking at "go see the doctor" and not mentioned herpes......... (read in full...)
For the past 4-5 months I've been irritable, impatient, angry, and eating comfort foods. How do I combat this?
Q. Hello all, For the past 4-5 months, I don't know why, but I am getting very impatient with everything. Impatient and Angry. I have a bad attitude towards everything and my eating habits are out of control. I'm rude to my parents and other fa...
A. 21 February 2011: You might be depressed. It surely would be worth it to make an appointment with your doctor to see what might be going on......... (read in full...)
For the past 4-5 months I've been irritable, impatient, angry, and eating comfort foods. How do I combat this?
Q. Hello all, For the past 4-5 months, I don't know why, but I am getting very impatient with everything. Impatient and Angry. I have a bad attitude towards everything and my eating habits are out of control. I'm rude to my parents and other fa...
A. 21 February 2011: You might be depressed. It surely would be worth it to make an appointment with your doctor to see what might be going on......... (read in full...)
Do I have the right to be concerned about his porn use, and the fact that he lied about his facebook friends?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend almost a year now and everything is absolutely perfect to me. I've never loved a man the way I love him. I've been in relationships before, but we both feel we’re made for each other. He treats me very good, but sometimes ...
A. 21 February 2011: Yes, you have a right to be upset.
I have only one other comment about his actions: UGH - Yuck! : - (... (read in full...)
Do you think this man has lost interest in me?
Q. Last spring, I hit it off with a guy, who was charming and doting and looked at me like the world would end if he turned away. After a few weeks we had our first kiss and slept together. We had a couple more great nights talking and drinking and ...
A. 21 February 2011: I'm afraid it does. He cheated on his then-girlfriend with you and tried to justify it by saying he thought you had a boyfriend. So, he's deceptive and as later behavior showed, unreliable.
Surely you can't still want him after all that - can yo... (read in full...)
Is he hiding his feelings?
Q. "I know him since my childhood (Family friends) .. but in between for few years we lost touch when he felt the country (some 8 years back) .. later again we got in touch through gmail and facebook. we used to chat once in a while . . (not often ...
A. 21 February 2011: I do realize you want there to be more with him, but, you have to take seriously the fact that when you brought it up with him his response was that he thinks of you fondly as the little girl he knew in school. It doesn't sound to me as if he's got ... (read in full...)
She just wants to be friends and I want more. It is driving me crazy! Should I leave her?
Q. Hi Agony Aunts, i am wondering if you can pls. help me with a problem that is driving me crazy. I have a friend whom i am feeling very close to. she just wants to be friends. but the closer i get to her the more i feel i am falling in love with her...
A. 21 February 2011: No, you're not bad or selfish at all!
You have considered whether you are able to take up her offer of being no more than good friends, and have realized you cannot.
This being so, you really have no choice (as Banshee and Cerberus have sa... (read in full...)
I don't want to break he and his girlfriend up.
Q. I have been friends with this guy since 4th grade and I've liked him for a while. We are in high school now and he has a girlfriend. He doesn't really like her anymore but doesnt' want to hurt her. People have told me that he likes me, but I don't ...
A. 21 February 2011: Don't offer to help him end things with his girlfriend. Not unless you want her to hate you.
Also, don't tell him you've heard rumors that he likes you.
Just act friendly when you see him, and say nothing. If he chooses to break up with her the... (read in full...)
Religous boy crush
Q. Okay im having boy issues. Im thirteen years old and the boy im in love with is 16. Last summer i told him that i had a crush on him and it turned out he had a crush on me too. He told me that he liked me coz her had a dream about me n him getting ...
A. 21 February 2011: Look, both of you are very young and only just starting to experiment with being friends of the opposite sex. He probably DOES like you, but at his young age its hard for a boy deal with his feelings. He might even feel uncomfortable in front of ... (read in full...)
Help, I don't know what's wrong with my boyfriend...
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for going on a year now and everything is fine... my problem is that i havent talked to him in 2 or 3 days now so i dont know if i should just wait until he calls me or should i just try and contact him... i ...
A. 21 February 2011: Yes, something's going on alright and you should be worried out of your mind! By all means, call him, go round to his house, keep sending texts and emails until you get an answer! Insist on knowing what's up!
NOT! Do this and something really W... (read in full...)
He doesn't call or text any more!
Q. I am a girl of 21 i have this boy friend who i truly love and he also claim to love me we have been dating for 4months but resently he has realy changed he doesnt call me as he use to and even yesterday i called him and he refused picking up i ...
A. 21 February 2011: How long has it been since you last went out on a date with him or spoke on the phone?
You say its a relationship without sex. Have the two of you talked about the reason you're not sexual? I mean, I certainly don't advocate getting into bed... (read in full...)
Waiting and waiting for them to break up...
Q. There's a girl that I love more the world. But there is one problem, and thaty is she is (bi-sexaul.)(We are just best friends and are not going out or dating.) It sucks though because she has a girlfriend and doesn't give any sign of slowing down. ...
A. 20 February 2011: Oh dear, I am so sorry to hear of your dilemma.
I hate to have to say this, but if she is bi-sexual and involved with this other woman, it really sounds as if you could literally wait forever for them to break up - and even then, assuming they do,... (read in full...)
Should I now apologize for my past actions? Or is it too late to do so?
Q. Hi everyone. I am mulling over an issue and need some direction from the Aunts and Uncles. I'm a MM who fell into an emotional affair with a co-worker a few years back. Prior to that, we had known each other for years with no issues. Just acqu...
A. 20 February 2011: Why are you even chatting with her now? Personally I think you'd do well to drop ALL contact at this point and just let it go.
... (read in full...)
She dumped me all of the sudden, I'm not sure what to believe!
Q. My fiance had cheated on her husband and divorced. She still says the ex is her soul-mate. AFTER WE WERE ENGAGED! All the sudden she said we were through. She wants no contact anymore. Just 2 days prior we had sex and fun. But she couldn't sleep ...
A. 19 February 2011: Sorry to hear that. what a horrible shock for you.
I'n afraid you'll have to consider her your ex-fiancee now.
Sounds like she would definitely not be a good candidate as a potential wife for you, anyway.... (read in full...)
Does he want a break up so he can play the victiim?
Q. I've been in a relationship with this guy for about 3 months now. Things were good at first we had our petty couples quarrels but other than that we respected each other. But lately my boyfriend has been getting vicious with his words and the things ...
A. 17 February 2011: He really sounds like he's a lot more trouble than he's worth.
Getting nasty and yelling at you on Facebook? Cutting you off if you try to talk about your situation, and telling you you're full of drama.........he's full of rubbish!
Why don... (read in full...)
What does this man want from me?? How do I stop caring?
Q. Last year I moved to a new country and met a man whom I really liked and dated for about 4 months. During those 4 months, I had caught him sending 'flirty/sexy' text messages to other women and had confronted him. He apologised but then I found...
A. 17 February 2011: You are sending the man mixed signals. You were not happy because he was taking other women out for coffee and drives. Did you and he have an agreement to date each other only? Unless you both agreed to be be exclusive, you have no cause to ... (read in full...)
I broke off the affair with an older women but now I feel badly
Q. Dear Cupid, I had an affair with 40+ married woman. I'm 20+ and single. After getting great advices from this forum, I realized it's not right. Then, I broke up with her. I stayed silent and keep away form her with no sms, no call. I even d...
A. 16 February 2011: Why didn't she seek a divorce sooner knowing her husband is gay? Good question. I'd be rather suspicious of that particular tale.
You do well to stay away from her.......... (read in full...)
Is it ok to date your ex brother-in-law?
Q. Do you think it's ok to date your ex brother-in-law? We were related by marriage, I have been divorced from his brother for six yrs, and he was widowed over a yr ago?...
A. 16 February 2011: I don't see why not. After all, you and he are not related by blood, and it has been quite a long time since your divorce......being widowed often does take at least a year for the surviving spouse to heal from that experience - although if the ... (read in full...)
So...does size really matter? Let's put it to rest.
Q. A good friend of mine let’s call him S is going through a very tough, emasculating time. A girlfriend of his made comments to her friends, stating that while she really enjoyed being with him, and that he was a great guy both emotionally and ...
A. 16 February 2011: Well first off, the woman showed VERY poor judgement in talking about her bf's size to anyone (except possibly her doctor or therapist, if she's in therapy). Not only that but she apparently didn't even stick to telling just one ... (read in full...)
I broke off the affair with an older women but now I feel badly
Q. Dear Cupid, I had an affair with 40+ married woman. I'm 20+ and single. After getting great advices from this forum, I realized it's not right. Then, I broke up with her. I stayed silent and keep away form her with no sms, no call. I even d...
A. 15 February 2011: Re Anonymous Poster: True, not all marriages are happy and almost always there are numerous issues or conflicts that have to be worked through if the marriage is valued enough by both to want to stay together and be better.
The OP is single, ... (read in full...)
How do I get over wondering if I'm pretty enough for my boyfriend?
Q. Okay! First off i was in a realtionship with this guy for 3 years. The beginning was amazing, but then during about 2 years into our relationship, he began to be very standoffish, meaning we never (very rarely) spent anytime together. He was always ...
A. 15 February 2011: Okay then: STOP!
STOP checking his phone to see who he has been calling or texting. For one thing, its none of your business, and for another, have you not heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy? It means that we can, by our behavior (in your cas... (read in full...)
I don't know if I like this man or its just fear. Really confused!
Q. I hsve been broken up with my ex for well over a year now because he was cheating. Yet, I still find myself thinking about him, not able to move on. I sort of have a new man in my life that knows I am not fully over my ex and is willing to wait for ...
A. 15 February 2011: If your experience with your ex was not too good, or if it was a bad breakup, I can understand your reluctance to get involved with anyone else.
Why are you hesistant about pursuing this new friendship? Is it that you're scared it might not work... (read in full...)
What is the problem with this guy?
Q. First of all i wanted to say how come guys who obviously are interested dont make a move? I met this guy who was in the same club as me and at my college thats how we started talking. I was on facebook and he chatted me and we started talking then ...
A. 15 February 2011: I have to say that playing tennis would be a much better pastime than the "game" you and he are playing!
You say he's going to be leaving in three weeks. How long will he be gone? If only for a few weeks or a month or two, why not invite h... (read in full...)
I broke off the affair with an older women but now I feel badly
Q. Dear Cupid, I had an affair with 40+ married woman. I'm 20+ and single. After getting great advices from this forum, I realized it's not right. Then, I broke up with her. I stayed silent and keep away form her with no sms, no call. I even d...
A. 15 February 2011: If you didn't tell her you were ending it, you should send an email and say that because she's married you don't intend to continue. Wish her well but make it clear that she is not to contact you again. If she does contact you, don't respond.... (read in full...)
The girl I'm chasing happens to be married!
Q. So, Im in the army, and oversea's at the moment. this woman that I chased for well over a year sent me a email saying she wanted to start "dating" me all of a sudden ok, all good. yeah im down for that. Im over here doing the right thing, no...
A. 14 February 2011: Stop chasing her. She's married. End of story........ (read in full...)
I know he's busy but doesn't he even have time for a brief message?
Q. Hello, Let me try to summarize the whole story really quickly. (for more detail on how things started, read "I want to show him I care without scaring him off". This is a followup.) I met a wonderful man who lives in another country not far...
A. 14 February 2011: The walkin dude: Your message makes a lot of sense!
I must admit that while I do think the OP probably should have waited longer (yes, yes, I know they're in different countries, but she did say that where he lives is not that far from her home... (read in full...)
I absolutely refuse to get back into a relationship and want to be single for the rest of my life. Is that way of thinking abnormal?
Q. About a month ago, I dumped my boyfriend. Long story short, I simply wasn't happy. He wasn't necessarily abusive... it was because he had some emotional issues, manipulating, no motivation, and lack of direction and ambition in life. Plus he ...
A. 14 February 2011: Now that you are (thankfully) out of your relationship with your ex boyfriend, its perfectly normal if you feel emotionally scarred by your experience with him. It might help to forgive him in your own mind for what he put you through.
I'm n... (read in full...)
I feel trapped but if he harmed himself I would feel guilty for the rest of my life
Q. I've asked a question similar to this a while back, but didn't get a response and some new stuff has come up... so here I go again. And thanks ahead of time to those that read What do u think? What would you do if this was you? I have been wit...
A. 13 February 2011: He sounds extremely controlling and inconsiderate.
He gets jealous if you even mention another man, yet allows himself to contact his ex, talk to other women, etc.
YOU are not responsible for his mental health and well-being. HE is. If he we... (read in full...)
Why does he always have to be an idiot? I want him to feel guilty!
Q. Wow, I just read most of these responses to columns about boyfriends who forget their girl's birthdays. I have to admit, my boyfriend isn't that much of an asshole. I guess reading these responses makes me feel better about my situation. It's 4:12...
A. 13 February 2011: "Feel your pain"? Oh, give us a break! He already regrets being late for your birthday, why on earth are you so bent on punishing him for that? You seem to be very critical of the man.
Get over it - unless you want HIM to "get over it" and deci... (read in full...)
We hardly communicate effectively. He's sensitive. How do I improve our communication?
Q. I am in a new relationship after the death of my husband in 2007. How do I deal with an emotionally sensitive person? we hardly communicate effectively. I don't know how to handle this. ...
A. 13 February 2011: Perhaps you could write again and give us some examples of how you "don't communicate effectively." It's hard to know what feedback to give you with so little information.
I could say right off-hand to listen to what your new friend is saying b... (read in full...)
Can I stay friends only with my married lover?
Q. Hi.. I have been having an affair with a married man (co worker) for 2 years. I am married aswell. We are both in unhappy marriages and here for our children only. We have had many ups and downs in the 2 years. On Wednesday we went away for ...
A. 13 February 2011: If you tell his wife, are you also prepared to admit that you have been carrying on with him for the last two years?
She may well suspect that he is involved with someone else, but such news would not be welcomed by her. And how would he feel abo... (read in full...)
I'm stressing him out and he wants a break. I want him back!
Q. For all the virgo man on this please help! I am a Pisces women and I Love My Virgo boyfriend very much and he has told me he loved me to.I do everything he wants me to I changed almost everything for him but as soon as there is a problem I have with ...
A. 13 February 2011: I'm in agreement with Aunt Honesty.
Don't try to think whether his asking for space means he wishes to end it with you - or only wants a little time to himself - because attempting to figure that out will only give you more stress and your hea... (read in full...)
I know he's busy but doesn't he even have time for a brief message?
Q. Hello, Let me try to summarize the whole story really quickly. (for more detail on how things started, read "I want to show him I care without scaring him off". This is a followup.) I met a wonderful man who lives in another country not far...
A. 12 February 2011: WHAT mixed signals?! He's been overseas for one week and you're complaining because you haven't heard from him?
You heard what your friend told you about her experience and how a week can go by and feel like a day; you saw that he hasn't commente... (read in full...)
I know he's busy but doesn't he even have time for a brief message?
Q. Hello, Let me try to summarize the whole story really quickly. (for more detail on how things started, read "I want to show him I care without scaring him off". This is a followup.) I met a wonderful man who lives in another country not far...
A. 12 February 2011: WHAT mixed signals?! He's been overseas for one week and you're complaining because you haven't heard from him?
You heard what your friend told you about her experience and how a week can go by and feel like a day; you saw that he hasn't commente... (read in full...)
I'm not over my ex, and he tells me he loves me, and I see my future with him. His girlfriend doesn't like me though, not sure why?
Q. Hi, I have currently been in an relationship for nearly two years but cannot stop thinking about my ex, we broke up nearly 4 years ago and I have had 2 bf since him but I always find myself comparing everyone to him. Me and my ex were still ver...
A. 11 February 2011: Look, the whole point of ending a relationship is that you both move on because it isn't working. You do not stay in touch, precisely because you need to go on with your separate lives.
You and your former boyfriend ended it four years ago. Yo... (read in full...)
Do you think he has any feelings or compassion left for me? Should I call him or not?
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years last year because we felt like we were just friends and I had started to like someone else. However, we carried on seeing each other as friends, but occasionally sleeping together. After a couple of months I ...
A. 10 February 2011: I'm very sorry for your pain, grief and anger. Too late to say now that once you break up with someone, they are - or should be - past history; no more remaining friends, let alone even occasionally having sex.
He evidently was happy to go on va... (read in full...)
Is there any way to salvage a friendship from this mess?
Q. Well, there is a much longer story, that I already explained earlier (http://www.dearcupid.org/question/her-family-situation-has-made-her-push-me.html) with lots of vital information, but I'll skip most of it: Basically, a longtime friend ended ...
A. 10 February 2011: Well now. You really sound "invested" in her as considerably more than a friend, don't you think?
I believe your first mistake was when she was very upset over her father's legal problems. You made a wise decision in not asking her out and reco... (read in full...)
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