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This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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16 July 2011: The following was forwarded to me by a member of my church. It is adapated from a book: "Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" I believe its worth passing on: "Dr. John gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minu...
A few things I've learned......
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 November 2010: Often we get posts from men and women who are wondering whether to ask their boyfriend or girlfriend "where do we stand"? Based on my own observations, and having been in situations such as this in the past, I have come to think its generally ...
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I want him to get a divorce so we can marry. Why does his wife keep trying to get his attention? I want her gone.
Q. im living with a man twice my age. yes he could be my daddy. but i love him. he works hard, cooks for me, cleans. and i dont have to work. the problem is is that his wife is still in the picture. she just wont get the hint, that he loves me and n...
A. 15 August 2012: He is married to HER, not you. If he really wanted to make a serious commitment to you don't you think he would have initiated divorce proceedings by now so that he could legally marry you?
Sorry, but in this situation you can talk about what you... (read in full...)
Long distance stringing along?
Q. Met a guy 6 months ago, he knew I was moving West in a few months he fell in lone with me and I fell for him too. We spent 4 months together every night then I left for Nevada. We are 1700 miles apart he calls or web cam daily, says he misses me ...
A. 13 August 2012: Look here: you shouldn't have allowed him to persuade you to give him one more chance!
Hasn't he ALREADY proved he's not a good catch?
Tell him you've thought it over and now it's OVER. ... (read in full...)
Long distance stringing along?
Q. Met a guy 6 months ago, he knew I was moving West in a few months he fell in lone with me and I fell for him too. We spent 4 months together every night then I left for Nevada. We are 1700 miles apart he calls or web cam daily, says he misses me ...
A. 12 August 2012: You've really only known this man for 4 months even though you met him six months ago.
That is NO time at all to get to know someone, let alone determine whether he is a good prospect as a husband.
From everything you have told us, my response ... (read in full...)
I don't understand his lack of communication.
Q. My husband and I have been separated for three years and are currently going through a divorce. We have no children, and just before my divorce began, I met a man about 20 years older than me who asked me out. I wasn’t looking for anyone, but we hit ...
A. 12 August 2012: What should you do?
You do what he's doing, that's what. In other words, don't call him, don't text him, delete him from your Facebook "friends" list.
He might be telling the truth about being exhausted from his trip to see his brother, and... (read in full...)
Am I a rebound? Is my boyfriend just using me to make his pregnant ex jealous?
Q. Well thank you for reading. Here it goes short version. I met a guy 3 days after his relationship ended. He has known her for 11 years, dated off and on. Now she is pregnant and broke up with him and we started dating three days after. He te...
A. 11 August 2012: He has known her - been in relationship with this woman for 11 years and a mere THREE DAYS after he ended it with her you and he started dating? While he had already impregnated her?
I'm sorry, but this whole thing strikes me as sleazy. ... (read in full...)
Have his feelings changed?
Q. I've been hooking up with a guy from work for a little over a month now. We said we just wanted to be friends but we both started to develop feelings. Last Friday we were together and he was telling me how he likes me and wants to see me more. ...
A. 10 August 2012: You don't know what's going on with your coworker, and you have only JUST started going out with him for the past month.
He could be busy and preoccupied with work. You sent him a text last night and he hasn't responded by this morning. That's N... (read in full...)
We're planning a wedding, but I don't think I want to marry her. Please help!
Q. Hi,Im with my girlfriend 5 years.We got engauged a couple of months ago and ever since we are not as close.I am happy about 70% of days but to be honest when we are out for a night I find we are very quiet with one another.We have sex about once a ...
A. 10 August 2012: It's not unusual to have "wedding nerves." After all, getting married is a huge commitment with the expectation that it will (or should be) for life. Not a good idea to get married with the thought that if it doesn't work out we can file for ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is mas at me because my ex wants to live with me?
Q. Hello everyone. I really did it!!! I pissed off my boyfriend and now he isn't talking to me. Well, I have been staying with friends since separating from my husband. I am ready to go out on my own but I don't make much money with my minimum ...
A. 10 August 2012: Your boyfriend is showing his insecurity, unfortunately.
You have TOLD him you have declined your ex-husband's offer to rent a place with you - by the way - was he offering to share a bedroom with you, or to rent an apartment with two bedrooms... (read in full...)
Why hasn't my boyfriend divorced his ex wife yet?
Q. I'm in a fairly new relationship of about four months with a wonderful guy, and it's probably the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. We hardly have cause to fight, we don't live in each others' pockets or see too little of each other and we ...
A. 9 August 2012: He married his business partner because it "just seemed like the right thing to do"; then quickly decided they were both going to be free to see other people, and now he's in no hurry to get divorced. He sure has a cavalier attitude toward marriage ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants me to move interstate with him, which means quitting my job, selling my house, etc.
Q. My boyfriend of 3.5 years is considering applying for jobs interstate. He may be lucky to find a job where we currently are (his current one will be ending soon) but i would say it is 50/50. I know it isn't actually happening yet but we need to be ...
A. 8 August 2012: My advice to you is don't move.
As others have pointed out, if his job is only for a couple of years or less; plus you say he's never been honest with you and dodges the question of maybe offering you marriage.
Giving up your house, your job,... (read in full...)
Why hasn't my boyfriend divorced his ex wife yet?
Q. I'm in a fairly new relationship of about four months with a wonderful guy, and it's probably the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. We hardly have cause to fight, we don't live in each others' pockets or see too little of each other and we ...
A. 7 August 2012: Evidently you have already broached the subject of his non-divorce with him or you wouldn't know that(apparently) divorces take a long time in Finland.
We have no idea whether they do or not. You might try checking online and see what you find... (read in full...)
What are the pros and cons of revenge sex?
Q. He is the only person I have ever had sex with. At the beginning of the relationship, years ago, I was too. I am going to go out and have some fun with other people, just so that I can stop feeling like such a loser. Maybe then we can decide if we...
A. 5 August 2012: Excellent feedback from Youwish and Danielpew.
My advice?
Simple: if the relationship with your now-ex was that bad, then move on! " as high school sweethearts we always do" get back together. Nonsense!
You don't HAVE to go back to him -... (read in full...)
How can I forgive him for hurting me this way?
Q. Two months ago I started sleeping with a very good friend of mine. He had just broken up it his ex a few months before. Their relationship has always been on again off again for the past seven years. She is always trash talking about him to ...
A. 1 August 2012: Well, you knew his situation with his girlfriend, and the history between them, yet you chose to sleep with him (evidently more than once).
Why? did he ask you to, or did you have some thought that maybe this time YOU could become his girlfrie... (read in full...)
How can I forgive him for hurting me this way?
Q. Two months ago I started sleeping with a very good friend of mine. He had just broken up it his ex a few months before. Their relationship has always been on again off again for the past seven years. She is always trash talking about him to ...
A. 1 August 2012: Well, you knew his situation with his girlfriend, and the history between them, yet you chose to sleep with him (evidently more than once).
Why? did he ask you to, or did you have some thought that maybe this time YOU could become his girlfrie... (read in full...)
Lack of communication caused me to break up with boyfriend. Did I do the right thing?
Q. Hey, I've been having issues with my boyfriend for a while, and eventually they became overwhelming. There suddenly was too many to fire fight. It was to do with my bf not really finding it easy to communicate. He slowly got better, but when m...
A. 1 August 2012: It sounds as if the two of you were just not compatible.
You say he could never see your point of view about issues in the relationship; never expressed what he was actually thinking or feeling about things, and what about the "female friend" ... (read in full...)
I want to know how to gain my jailbird boyfriend's forgiveness!
Q. I was friends with this guy for the last two years, he helped me out when I was in difficulties and needed emotional support. We were close friends plus I thought he was gorgeous and was very attracted to him. A year ago he was sent to prison for ...
A. 1 August 2012: The jailbird doesn't deserve your forgiveness!
He obviously did something seriously wrong to end up in prison.
If I were in your shoes I would stop writing to him, and not visit him. This so-called "friendship" needs to end, NOW!... (read in full...)
We both love each other but I am jealous about the men he hooks up with!
Q. I am 18 and have been seeing a boy on and off for well over 2 and a half years. We're both in love with each other but about 9 months ago I found out that he thinks he's bisexual. At first I was so shocked and thought he was jokin with me. We had a ...
A. 30 July 2012: DUMP HIM!
Whether it is with other women, or other men, makes no difference, he's cheating on you. He can't talk to anyone else about his encounters and feelings, so he talks you you? Well, I'm sorry, but that's not YOUR problem. Let him find... (read in full...)
He chose to be with somebody else, even though he doesn't like her!
Q. He wont go out with me because he says Im too good for him, that he wouldnt make me happy, and Id end up finishing with him. We both like each other alot, and everyone knows it. Im a model and I do get alot of attention. He is unemployed and has ...
A. 29 July 2012: Yes, it makes sense.
Unfortunately, this man has deliberately chosen to pursue women who are unreliable, do drugs and generally don't take care of themselves.
Maybe he feels they are "safe" because he is unemployed, and in his own estimation, ... (read in full...)
I don't want to seem like the silly friend with a crush on her, so I'm thinking of staying away from her for a few days. Is this a good idea?
Q. Okay, this is going to sound weird but I'M the one who decided I should give my crush a little space from me. There's this girl that I've been crushing on for the last few weeks. I finally got up the nerve to talk to her two weeks ago and I've never ...
A. 27 July 2012: I don't think your question is weird at all.
At this point you're the one who's been showing all the interest, letting her know much you like her and everything.
I don't see any harm resulting from backing off a little and not contacting her f... (read in full...)
My brother is verbally abusing me and I've had enough. What should I do now?
Q. just a quick moan, fed up with my younger brother. Hes always been a bit high strung, on his high horse, strong opinionated etc but hes such a hypocrit! Last year he got a 30k pay off from work and pretty much blew the lot on daft nights out, clot...
A. 27 July 2012: What a horrible, selfish, extremely rude and uncaring dolt you have for a brother!
Abella is quite right: don't lend him another penny ever again! If your Mother finds out, you should tell her exactly what he said to you, all those put-down... (read in full...)
Why did she throw me away for this other guy when it clearly wont work out? Is this a case of 'the grass is greener on the other side'?
Q. Hello, About 5 months ago i got dumped out of nowhere. We were together for 4 years and it was a really good relationship, we have real love, we did alot together, shared everything and our family's loved us both. Then all of a sudden she wante...
A. 27 July 2012: Well, there evidently must have been something lacking in your relationship with her, or she wouldn't have thrown you over. It's telling that she would say she loves you but isn't "in love" with you any longer.
As upset, angry, jealous and conc... (read in full...)
He's unwilling to commit to me. Any suggestions or ways to encourage commitment from a guy?
Q. I need help... I love this man and he loves me. We do really care about each other trully. I want to be with him only. We've been "dating" for 6 mos now. But he wont make any commitment to me. Im not asking for a wedding ring just a standard re...
A. 27 July 2012: Well, you have only been dating six months. That's too soon to be asking for commitment. the conventional wisdom (and it makes sense in my experience) it takes a year, if not two, to discern whether or two people are really compatible or not.
... (read in full...)
Love, virginity, scared. How do I deal with my fears about losing my virginity with my BF?
Q. So I'm a virgin a complete utter virgin, but I think I might be too childish or I am thinking too childish about sex. My body is telling me it wants to but my head is saying different. I'm not scared of having sex, I'm just scared of what my ...
A. 27 July 2012: How long have you been dating? If its only been a matter of weeks, or a couple of months, it may be still too soon. Yes, you should talk to your boyfriend and express your concerns.
Get to know him even better than you do now, and build up some ... (read in full...)
I'd be with my ex but for the sex! New guy or the ex? Help!
Q. hey everyone im writing because im really confused on who to be with or at least who to try and be with. okay so the first guy is my ex boyfriend of about six months now but we still live together after the first part of the breakup due to a lease. ...
A. 26 July 2012: Any thoughts?
Yes. Your former boyfriend IS your ex - yet you are still living with him. A very bad idea. What you should do is move out immediately and get a place on your own. NOT move somewhere else with your ex, and NOT with this new guy.... (read in full...)
Did I do the right thing? He cheated, and he asked me to tell him when I do forgive him?
Q. I found out today that my boyfriend of two years has been skyping another girl, calling her 'sexy', 'love', 'cutie', all things that he calls me, telling her she's 20 times hotter than me, that he'll think of her when he's in bed with me, etc. ...
A. 25 July 2012: Think about it: this man knowingly and deliberately went after this other woman. Numerous times. Whether or not he actually had sex with her is beside the point. His behavior was calculated and underhand.
Moreover, despite him telling you he'l... (read in full...)
He has a girlfriend, but I get the feeling he's into me.
Q. I met up with an old friend, who has a new house and a new girlfriend, yet he invites me over every week in the evening when his gf is not there. Is he into me? Okay, the above was basically the cliff notes version. Here's a more elaborate descri...
A. 25 July 2012: Cerberus as usual has hit the nail on the head.
You ARE playing with fire. If you don't want to betray his girlfriend and are telling us "you'd never cross that line when someone's taken" then if you really mean it, you should quit going to his h... (read in full...)
How do I choose between two loves?
Q. I just broke with my boyfriend of over 3 years about a month ago. He was very afarid of commitment and took me for granted.He would always put me down saying I wasen't skinny enough or I didn't waer enough make up...he is also very wealthy and his ...
A. 25 July 2012: How do you decide between two loves?
The answer to that is: You DON'T.
Look, you only broke up with your recent ex (of three years duration) a month ago. Then just one week ago on a visit to your hometown you met your very first boyfriend.... (read in full...)
I am not ready to move in with him!
Q. So, my bf is pressurising me to move in with him, and is starting to say things that are really immature and I don't know how to gently keep on explaining why I'm not ready to move in without getting a little frustrated! We've been together 20 ...
A. 22 July 2012: Look: the heck with trying to "gently" tell him why you don't want to move in with him!!
You have explained your reasons to him, and that should be enough. If your choice is "no" - and it obviously is - there is no more to be said. You don't ow... (read in full...)
He is willing to give me up if I want a more secure relationship ...
Q. A person who doesn't like expectations and commitment in a relationship but tells you he is in love with you and the love is real and pure. Is this love or just playing games? I am in love with a person who tells me this and my relationship wit...
A. 22 July 2012: Good lawd, girl you are groveling to this man, saying and doing just about anything to get him to agree to what you want!
As others have pointed out, he is MARRIED and he is NOT about to leave his wife for you - why did you ever get involved... (read in full...)
Is it wrong because I don't like my b/f texting and planning on meeting his ex?
Q. My boyfriend and I had our first big fight last night. He mentioned that he was asked to hang out with his ex. This is an ex who, a couple of months ago, has confessed she wants to give their relationship another chance, they apparently still talk ...
A. 19 July 2012: "Anonymous poster": IMHO You are way off base in stating that "all you posters have been scorned and have an ax to grind." You can't possibly know that, now can you?
For myself, when a relationship ended (whether it was my decision or "his") I... (read in full...)
Is it wrong because I don't like my b/f texting and planning on meeting his ex?
Q. My boyfriend and I had our first big fight last night. He mentioned that he was asked to hang out with his ex. This is an ex who, a couple of months ago, has confessed she wants to give their relationship another chance, they apparently still talk ...
A. 18 July 2012: No, you're not wrong, and you are not being pyscho.
Look: they were once dating but then split up - for whatever reason. That is now beside the point. She apparently now has a boyfriend of her own, and is aware of the fact that you are in relat... (read in full...)
My partner cheated and says he doesn't know why but it was 4 different times!
Q. Ok so here goes...After 9 years together and nearly two years Married, My partner has had a so called affair. I found out in June that he met another guy from an IPHONE app called Grindr, and this fella he met came into our home on 3 occasion...
A. 18 July 2012: Let's think about this:
You both enrolled in the app and you were honest about what you were looking for - but why did you send a "rude picture" to one of the men on it? That really wasn't a good idea, as you now realize.
BUT your partner met... (read in full...)
My ex lied and told me he wasn't dating. How do I overcome the bitterness I feel?
Q. Well it's been three years and my divorce is finally final. I cried like a baby even though we separated for three years and I been still intimate with him. He had a a friend he started dating and I have a child father. Now we talk about getting ...
A. 17 July 2012: You separated and he started dating. Are you now divorced?
If you and he were going to divorce, why were you continuing to have sex? I suppose he wanted to end your marriage and you didn't. But him being intimate with you, while dating other wo... (read in full...)
Do you think we could still be friends?
Q. Hey all... I'm back again talking about the same girl that I've talked about in previous posts, with the party and the creepy joke and me pouring my heart out to her and failing. For those of you who don't know this long and painful story, here it ...
A. 17 July 2012: Look, she was TEN when you asked her out. for heavens sake, she was a child! She might have liked you as a pal, but most likely her sensing that you wanted "more" scared her half to death - even though she might not have wanted to let you know her ... (read in full...)
Do you think women have a more difficult time letting go?
Q. This is just a general question, but do you agony aunts find that girls have a harder time getting over exes than guys? Every girl I know has an ex who they still have a thing for if even in just a small way. I admit to still being attracte...
A. 17 July 2012: Quite a few of them do seem to. I'm surprised that the ones who write and are (understandably) all upset when they've been dumped, or even when they have ended a relationship, still often seem to pine for their ex - some of whom sound like real ... (read in full...)
What do I do? He doesn't seem to have time for me any more...
Q. Hi all! I have a boyfriend and weve been together for 1.5 years now. We used to meet a lot but recently he has gotten very busy and i havent seen him in 3 months. Firstly about 2 months back he went to his native town, about 7 hours drive away from ...
A. 16 July 2012: On the other hand, you could consider that he has in fact ended it with you, by default - that is, by not having the basic consideration or courtesy to get in touch with you for the last three months, health issues and business matters ... (read in full...)
All of my boyfriend's ex girlfriends and friends are strippers, ex cons, prostitutes, porn stars ...and generally people who are a little shady, while I'm a virgin!! What the hell is going on?! Why did he pick me?
Q. My bf is 31, I am 26 and we have been together for about seven months. Things are going great...however...I'm confused about the fact that all his exes and friends are strippers, ex cons, prostitutes, porn stars ...and generally people who are a ...
A. 16 July 2012: You might be familiar with the old adage that people are known by the company they keep?
In other words, him having all these 'shady" friends reflects badly on him - and indirectly, on YOU because he is your boyfriend.
MAYBE he is now a "reform... (read in full...)
I don't trust my b/f and I'm afraid he'll cheat while out with the boys for the weekend
Q. Hi, well what it is I that I don't have any trust in my boyfriend what so ever. We've been a couple for nearly 7 months and right now he's in Ibiza. He went there yesterday with his friend and I don't trust him at all. It's eating away at me and ...
A. 16 July 2012: If he has never given you any reason to think he might not be trustworthy and you freely admit that your fears and insecurity stem from a previous boyfriend who did cheat on you and who was extremely nasty, then you need to keep telling yourself ... (read in full...)
What can a 33 year old man possibly see in a 66 year old woman?
Q. I am a healthy, attractive 66 year old female who is being ardently courted by a very handsome 33 year old male. That is a big age gap! What can this man possibly see in me?...
A. 9 July 2012: You have given us very little information about this man. Do you WANT him to pursue you??
Attractive or not, he could be after your money. be very, very cautious........... (read in full...)
Despite making myself very clear he insists on pursuing me
Q. Hi everyone, I am in a bit of a difficult situation so if anyone has any advice or comments, it would be greatly appreciated! Just last year I moved back to my home town to attend college, and I got in touch with an old childhood friend. He and I...
A. 9 July 2012: Unfortunately you have made it crystal clear to this man that you are just not interested in a romantic relationship with him.
BUT he refuses to accept your choice. He wants what he wants (don't we all?). While he can't be blamed for that, he... (read in full...)
He says he loves me so why keep pictures of the woman he cheated with?
Q. My bf is 23 and I'.m 22. We've been together 2+ years.Las Saturday I foun out through a friend he hd an affair for 4 months(feb 2012-may 2012) but it was over. I was upset. I also found out he had a one night stand the day before,Friday. I called ...
A. 8 July 2012: Quite frankly, this man is not much of a boyfriend!
Why did he give you his home number and ask if you need help with moving expenses and paying the first month's rent in you new home. I think because he had a guilty conscience - although... (read in full...)
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