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*4u04 agony aunt

*4u04

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*4u04's profile:

Im 20, gay and I live in the West Midlands in England.

My relationship status at the mo is with a partner. He's called Rob and we've been together for about 3 years which, in gay years, is a lifetime! Lol

I've been through many a tough time so I think I'm qualified to help others who have been through similar things, I may not be online that often and I apologise but because I'm now at university I simply just don't have the amount of time that I used to, I'll still do my best to advice though when possible.

< Prev123Next > [3 pages, 89 answers]

My straight boyfriend works in a gay bar and flirts with the guys!

Q.   My boyfriend is working in a gay bar although he is straight. During the day he works out at a local gym and he looks good. He says a lot of guys come on to him and admits he likes it. He says I am stupid to be jealous because he would never ever...

A.   4 April 2006: I agree with your boyfriend my darling, I know it's hard but you do need to trust him until proved otherwise, trust is the basis of a relationship, no trust, no nothing x... (read in full...)

He keeps promising he isn't going to lie and every time he breaks that promise!

Q.   Hi there, I have a little problem, could you pease help me with it if you can? I'm almost 16 and in a relationship with a guy who I really love. like I say, I really love him, but theres just one problem... recently, I've found out that he's li...

A.   30 March 2006: Obviously the lies and paranoia and stuff are eating away at you and this really isn't healthy. If you can't trust what he says is the truth anymore then end it chick because relationships are based on trust and without that you don't have a ... (read in full...)

Shall we get back together for the kids sake?

Q.   I have been separated from my wife for 10 months now, and only recently have we began to talk without anger. We have 3 kids, and because of work, I am a distance dad who travels to see them about twice a month. Recently, my wife has been ...

A.   30 March 2006: As you are a distance dad it seems likely that it's coming down to a choice of your job or your home-life and you shouldn't have to choose. The kids are important i totally agree but if your relationship with their mother is not sustainable then it ... (read in full...)

I have a broken heart, help me mend it....

Q.   I was in a relationship for seven years. My boyfriend left me seven months ago and relocated to his home town, promptly met someone else and is now living with her. I feel that I have nursed my hurt long enough and everyone says move on and meet ...

A.   30 March 2006: You just need to start dating when you feel ready hun. No one person is the same so there's no magic number as to the number of months or weeks or whatever to start dating again, only when you feel comfortable. It is scary getting back into the game ... (read in full...)

I'm 14 with facial hair can any one help!

Q.   At what age should i be looking to shave at as im 14 and already I have facial hair. what should i do please help asap...

A.   30 March 2006: just shave now if you don't like your facial hair. But if you do start shaving earlier, it will grow back faster and thicker, and you need to bear in mind that shaving will then have to be a regular occurance.... (read in full...)

Could his attitude towards me be because of our age gap?

Q.   weve been together for 3 yrs,.i dont understand his attitude towards me sometimes he likes me sometimes he dont..his 45 yrs of age and im only 21,,but i do loved him,.but his always holding back,.because of our age gap.....

A.   27 March 2006: It will never be a healthy relationship if one of you has issues about age. If he's not comfortable with it and won't become comfortable over time then the relationship is doomed anyway. Just tell him that it doesn't matter what anyone thinks and ... (read in full...)

How can I show her that the 14 year age difference doesn't matter?

Q.   Ok I am in love with a girl that is 18. We were together for a year but she ended things because of the age difference. The age difference is 14 years and she feels her family won't accept it. She is with another guy now just to be with someone but ...

A.   27 March 2006: yeah i totally agree and to quote myslef from a previous answer 'love and relationships are based on compatability and trust, not numbers.' Her parents will be shocked about it because that's what society thinks they should be, but they will come ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend has changed, and it's not for the better either!

Q.   i feel that hoping for a mircale to happen with our relationship. it feels are relationship is going from bad to worse. i knew before i entered into this relationship that long distance ones were hard. but i feel that the relationship as lost all...

A.   27 March 2006: Can I just say that it's a sad situation people get themselves into when they think they need someone else to survive. Being in love is the best and the worst feeling in the world, I know that, but losing all of your individuality and just becoming ... (read in full...)

Call for moderators to help out with DearCupid!

Q.   Hi everyone, This is another appeal for volunteers to be moderators. You get to approve and categorise questions and approve answers. If you could spare say ten minutes a few times a week, then this could be for you! Just add your name in thi...

A.   27 March 2006: I would also like to be considered ^-^ but I think I would also need the same guidelines, etc as sexybum much appreciated... (read in full...)

I have a different discharge the day after I have sex.....

Q.   When i have sex, the next day i have a funny colour discharge. is this normal?...

A.   27 March 2006: it doesn't really sound normal honey. It might just be nothing but it also could be syphillus or chlamydia, etc. As a discharge (usually white) is a common symptom. I would very go to your GP or doctor, depending on where you come from and get it ... (read in full...)

I can't seem to keep my erection. Can you help?

Q.   Ive got a bit of a problem Id really appreciate some help with. I split up with my wife whom I loved about a year ago, I stupidly embarked on a relationship which I hoped would work, but didnt and throughout although I got an erection during f...

A.   27 March 2006: well yeah it is mainly psychological and you just need to start enjoying sex gain because it sounds like you're worrying and thinking about etting hard way to much. Erections never work well under pressure, remember that. But other than ... (read in full...)

I slept with him without knowing he was a virgin!

Q.   last week i slept wiv my brother mate then i found out that before we slept together he was a virgin i really like him but he ignoring me...

A.   23 March 2006: very brief :-S but if he's your brother's mate then can't your brother set up a meeting just to see where he stands? If he's OK with you taking a virginity then there shouldn't be a problem, but he's probably just freaked out because losing it is a ... (read in full...)

He lied about looking at porn for 3 1/2 years!!!

Q.   Sorry this is a little long, but I am desperate for advice!!! I didn’t find out my husband looked at porn until after we got married and lived together (he lied to me about it for the 3 1/2 years before we married). I am 21 (still get hit on by ...

A.   23 March 2006: If you're this paranoid honey then it's really not worth the aggrovation it's causing. Lying once, admitting it then changing is one thing but continually lying to the point where he probably doesn't realise he's doing it anymore is beyond ... (read in full...)

I turned him down, he's my friend, but now he's being horribly mean!

Q.   My guy mate is really frustrating me. The other day he told me he fancies me and that he wanted to go out with me, but i told him that i didnt want to go out with him. He asked me again but this time he started going on about how depressed he is an...

A.   23 March 2006: This sounds like a friend of mine who is constantly suicidal, all you can really do is be there as a shouler to cry on if he needs to talk but tell him straight you won't take his verbal abuse, you're there to help, not be his emotional punch bag. ... (read in full...)

Is it normal for gay guys to flirt with girls they don't fancy?

Q.   I have a friend and his gay, the thing is he seems to flirt quite a bit with me. for example he would touch and sqeeze my leg, he wanted to give me a eskimo kiss, and he rub his face against mine, mirroring my body language. I dunno , is he ...

A.   23 March 2006: As a gay man myself I agree with the below comments that it's just friendly flirty kind of things. I do it to my girlfriends all the time :-) x... (read in full...)

She's given me odd hugs and I can't tell if she likes me or what!

Q.   Dear Cupid I'm confused about a girl at my school. We made friends through someone else, and she's pretty nice. She walks home with me sometimes and hangs around with our friendship group, but whenever she gives me a hug, she stays hugging for a li...

A.   23 March 2006: I think she's just being friendly, try not to let it creep you out because it's probably really innocent and you're reading too much into it. The rubbing on the back thing is normally a sign of friendship, like patting your back. But if it really ... (read in full...)

I had an affair but I have found out my husband has been sleeping with a mutual friend and met a girl off the net!!!

Q.   I have been married for 10 years and together for 5 years before that. About 6 years ago i had an affair due to unhappiness in our marriage, unacceptable I know. We seperated for six months then got back together and made a go of it. My husband had ...

A.   22 March 2006: You need to get over your embarrassment and end this my darling, he's been lying and sleeping around and it's not acceptable, no matter how much you want to make it work. Cheating and being upfront about it and then trying to make a go of it is ... (read in full...)

We split up and she showed no emotion. I dont feel she is over her grief but is it any of my business now??

Q.   My girlfriend and I recently broke up, and she showed very little emotion over it. She really isn't much of an emotional person, and I think it's something to do with her past. Her and her ex boyfriend suffered a miscarriage about 4 years ago, and...

A.   22 March 2006: its very understandable that you still care about her but i really do believe that you need to let her fight her own battles, I'm sure she will come to her sense eventually because lugging around that much emotional baggage will have effects which ... (read in full...)

I got drunk and snogged my online friend... in front of my boyfriend!

Q.   I did something horribly wrong and stupid this past week and need advice very badly. This weekend my BF of 8 years and I went on a business trip. While on this trip I had the opportunity to meet an online male friend I've known for over 10 years, ...

A.   20 March 2006: Well can I just state for future reference having been in similar situations, when people say drunkeness is no excuse, I beg to differ! If you're THAT drunk, anything can happen and you probably wouldn't even rememba most of it. Anyway, sorry about ... (read in full...)

I'd rather lose my viriginity to someone I love, but if I tell my girlfriend that, we're sure to break up!

Q.   I'm 19 and I've been dating my girlfrind now for 6 months and everything is good. I am a virgin, she is not, and she knows this. She wants to have sex and I tell her I'm not ready and she gets a little annoyed but deals with it. It's just tha...

A.   20 March 2006: First of all, you shouldn't have to compramise your morals for anyone, if your girlfriend can't handle going without sex if it makes you happy then I really don't think she's right for you, no matter how good things are. Relationships are must than ... (read in full...)

He's always going on these fishing and hunting trips....but I get lonely!

Q.   hello......i have been dating an older man.67yrs olds to be exact and i am 63 yrs. old. he is an outdoors man and loves to hunt and fish. i don't mind if he fishes or hunts locally but he goes away for at least 2 nights and sometimes a week. i ...

A.   20 March 2006: Well this may be hard to see but the silver lining in all of this is at least it's only 2 days, it could be much longer. It's completely understandable that you miss him and in fact it's very sweet but occasionally people do just need time with ... (read in full...)

We've fooled around, but now it's stopped and I don't know how to mend things.

Q.   Im a 17 year old boy.Me and my male friend have been in a sexual relationship. we used to do it every now and then, but now we completely stopped, and havent done it in months.I cant stop thinking about him, but i also cant tell how he feels about ...

A.   20 March 2006: I agree with Shania, if you don't ask, you don't get. And if he does love you but is just too shy to say it (which i think you also are) then you might have lost a chance of real love. I'e said this before but it's apt now aswel. The worst he can ... (read in full...)

Went out on a date with a boy for a "dare"... But we ended up kissing, and I felt a spark!

Q.   Ok well I know I did some thing bad, and should have not done it in the first place, but it happened and I cant go back. Well I went out not like a date, with a “friend” (who I know of course likes me). Well to tell you the truth in find my...

A.   20 March 2006: OK well first of all cheating on your boyfriend is wrong in every case you can put forward but you already know that obviously so I'll skip over it. If you do like this boy more than your boyfriend and 'J' feels the same way about you and you can be ... (read in full...)

Why don't she realize I am what she wants?

Q.   Hi, I have a very dear lady friend, whom i have harboured feelings for for over a year now. At first she seemed interested, but now says that she values me so much as a friend, she would be devasted to lose me. She says that she always mes...

A.   20 March 2006: I don't think she's comparing guys to you, I think she thinks you're just the best friend figure who will be there to have fun with and when she needs you, which is great, but these feelings you have for her are obviously getting to you and she ... (read in full...)

I'm 12 and just had my first kiss. Are things moving too quick between us?

Q.   Hey guys, as you all know I'm 12 and in the sixth grade and I just wanted your opinions on something... You see my boyfriend and I broke up about 2 or 3 weeks ago and got back together last week. When I was texting him a couple of days ago and ask...

A.   20 March 2006: I think you're going as fast as you think you are darling, if you think it's too fast, then it is. Slow it down if you thinks it'stoo fast but if you think it's not then just stick to kissing and holding hands and stuff for now, don't let him or ... (read in full...)

My best friend might never forgive me if I dated her ex.

Q.   Dear Cupid, I really like this boy but the only problem is that it is my best friend's ex.She absolutely hates him now! She would never forgive me if I dated him but I like him a lot and I'm pretty sure that he likes me too, but I love my best fri...

A.   19 March 2006: Talk to her, liking this boy as much as you do, tell her what you feel and I'm sure she'll understand, she might be a bit annoyed at first but that will blow over. If she's a good friend then she'll understand that you like him and you're not doing ... (read in full...)

He's choosing weed over me and I don't know what to do.

Q.   hi erm.. well rite now im sat alone in my bed room because my boyfriend has chosen his friends and weed over me! i suppose it is my fault 4 actually not saying anything to him wen he smoked it in front of me bt not when hes leaving me on my own all ...

A.   18 March 2006: Darling this is going to be hard but he needs an ultimatum, weed or me. Because it's a disgusting habit, it really is, and like myself, only when you stop it is when you realise, but he doesn't seem like the kind of person who will stop smoking it ... (read in full...)

We don't want to have sex, but I can't stop thinking about it!

Q.   Me and my bf are both Christians and we've been going out for almost a year, and have been celibate with each other because we've had bad sexual experiences in our past experiences and we don't feel ready for that sort of thing, so it's not an ...

A.   16 March 2006: Well you obviously have to respect your religious beliefs but your sex drive is natural, and as your boyfriend is adamant that he won't you obviously feel sexually frustrated, but would you ever have sex in the future? Because the best cure for this ... (read in full...)

He's taking his time to propose - should I ask him?

Q.   I want to know if I should propose to my current partner. We have been together for just over a year and get on so good. We have talked about marriage and kids and have decided we want both but he's taking his time to propose. He tells me he loves ...

A.   16 March 2006: Ask! ideas are constantly changing and who's to say that men have to ask women in this day and age? Fair enough he may feel slightly emasculated but it can be just as romantic if a woman proposes and also with the female condition, men will know ... (read in full...)

How can I stop boys thinking I'm easy ('cos I ain't)

Q.   I am 16. I was going with my bf for over 4 months. A little while ago, when we were out, I let him deflower me. After that, we had sex on every date. Apart from the first and second times, I made sure that he was wearing a condom so I am not ...

A.   16 March 2006: Well there's a difference between lads wanting sex and you giving it to them. If you don't want people to think you're easy then don't put out right away until you feel comfortable with it. And even if you do feel comfortable straight away and ... (read in full...)

Can I trust her if her job requires her to flirt with men!?

Q.   i met this woman who works in a club, we hit it off, and we've even had a lunch date. she calls me often, and she shows all the signs of atrraction. but can she be trusted if her job requires her to flirt with men? what do i do?...

A.   16 March 2006: This simply is a case of trust, which relationships are based on. If you can trust her then her job shouldn't be an issue, but if you really can't trust her then don't get involved in the first place because your jelousy is probably likely to ... (read in full...)

What IS love, anyway?

Q.   How do you know it's real love and not just the love of having a warm body next to you or a love from being touched or kissed? How can you tell the difference and not fall for the wrong love?...

A.   16 March 2006: I think it depends how old you are because as a teenager myself I don't think we're mentally old enough to experience real love, and all love we think we have is just puppy love and when we break up with the person, we realise that. You can't really ... (read in full...)

I thought we were giving things another go, until a text message said we were "just fun and sex" and nothing more!

Q.   Please help... I posted the other day about problems with this guy I am seeing. He's due to be moving away soon and didn't think we'd work out..Thanks for the thoughtful replies I received. Right, well things have been a bit up and down with us...

A.   15 March 2006: It sounds to me like when he says you've got 'someone else on the go' he's really the one who has and is trying to shift the blame. I know you're devestated honey but you need to get rid. Also, the reason he always makes the first move is because he ... (read in full...)

About to break up with him, but I'm terrified to be alone.

Q.   Hi. I am 29 and on the verge of breaking up with my boyfriend of 2 years. He moved 400 miles to live with me over a year ago so doesnt have any family in the area. Last night we had another argument about my jealousy (he has a new female friend ...

A.   15 March 2006: Well obviously not every relationship is black and white but if your boyfriend hasn't actually cheted on you, I would just try to learn to have more faith and trust him because as I've said on many an occasion, trust is the basis of a healthy, ... (read in full...)

He dumped me by text and now he won't see me.

Q.   He dumped me by text...after his ex has been messing with his head. he says there is no point meeting up, that its too early and it wont achieve anything! i have deleted his number, but i want to meet in person am i asking too much?...

A.   15 March 2006: 1st of all if he dumped you by text that is very disrespectful and pathetic. And if his ex was messing with his head and he believed her while going out with you the relationship was doomed anyway as my belief is relationships are based on trust, no ... (read in full...)

Found pictures of his ex.... why is he keeping them?

Q.   I've been married for a year and a half. Today I was looking for some bank info and stumbled across naked photos of my husband's ex-girlfriend. I know they are old, but why is he keeping them? The worst part is, she's a lot more attractive than ...

A.   14 March 2006: I think you are reading more into this than there actually is. I know this won't happen overnight but you need to get over your inferiority complex, he said he married you for a reason and did you think that reason could be that he loves you and ... (read in full...)

I need more ideas for my gay male sex

Q.   what alternatives are there for pleasurable gay male sex? toys? any ideas thankyou...

A.   14 March 2006: Yeah there are toys, such as vibrators, anal beads, etc. If you don't know how the above are used there are normally instructions on the box they come in. Also, you could try different positions, more/different foreplay (such as rimming, if you're ... (read in full...)

I find myself wondering what sex with a woman is like, even though I'm happy with my lover

Q.   Hello everyone. I'm a little worried about the way that I've been feeling. I've just recently come to terms with the fact that I am gay. I'm 21 almost 22, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend, and it was very special, and I want to be with him for ...

A.   14 March 2006: I wouldn't advise this to everyone but why not float the idea of a threesome to your lover. Most men find it a turn-on anyway then you will be able to get the question out of your head. If this is not an option however then i agree with the below ... (read in full...)

Why does it seem impossible for me to find someone?

Q.   I am fast approaching my 40th birthday and at this age will i be still taken seriously as a potential partner. I have not had a relationship either short or long term for over 8 years after a break up of a long term relationship. I did put on a lot ...

A.   14 March 2006: You sound like the perfect guy! And I can't understand why you haven't got someone at the moment, all i can suggest is you could just keep on with pubs and clubs as there is normally long periods where no-one fits the criteria you are looking for ... (read in full...)

Teething trouble in a secret relationship - should I let her go now?

Q.   I've got myself into a complicated situation and really don't know what to do. I first met my close friend's sister about 4 months ago and we immediately had feelings for each other and the second night we met we were making out at a club. I'm 31 ...

A.   14 March 2006: Ok well 1st of all, the age gap shouldn't matter as compatibility and feelings about eachother are what make a relationship, not numbers. I completely understand what your saying about her starting off in life, but you never know, she could be in ... (read in full...)

Why would he be telling me that he thinks his ex is "fit"?

Q.   I'm scared I'm being too needy with my boyfriend but I feel he is trying to make me insecure. The other day he told me he thinks his ex girlfriend is 'fit' and I don't know what to think about that. He said he's not gonna think she's ugly as he went ...

A.   13 March 2006: darling this is going to sound really cliche, but just talk to him about it, I agree that you did not need to hear that and him justifying saying it with the 'i went out with her' remark will understandably make your mind wonder, but it seems most ... (read in full...)

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