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My father is molesting me and my mother has cancer. What can I do?

Tagged as: Family, Health<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 August 2008) 18 Answers - (Newest, 9 October 2009)
A female United States age , anonymous writes:

It was a few days ago when my mom took me my dads house for the first time after they were divorced. She had to work late that night so i had to stay there until the next day and my dad came in to my room n started talking because he wanted to catch up n all he kept commenting on was how big my chest had gotten since the last time he saw me and that i looked like a woman more than a little girl and he just kept commenting on figure and i started to feel very uncomfortable so i asked him to go out so i could get dressed for bed and when i took off my pants and shirt he came back into the room and i asked him to leave but he wouldn't and he closed and lock the door and hit me across my face and told me to sit on the bed and when i did he held my head into a pillow and tore off my underwear and bra and took his clothes off and forced me on my knees and made me do stuff to him and he kept touching me inside my body and doing things to me and he had sex with me even after i begged him to stop and this happened twice since then every time i go over his house he does this to me but I'm to scared of what he might do to me if i tried to tell anyone and i have to stay with him all school year because my mom was recently put in the hospital for cancer treatment and it might get worst. Please help me I'm terrified and hurt and i don't know what to do please help me please.

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A female reader, Kattie Italy +, writes (9 October 2009):

Darling

I don't say to you to stay strong, I won't say to you to be brave, I am telling you to be mad, next time (I hope never will happen again) you know it's going to happen get mad scream and scatch his face , and wherever you can get your hands on, and make sure your mobile phone its charged because you are going to record everthing, don't be a victim think yourself as a winner, don't let him to be the winner let me know how you are doing, don't feel inferior to others, you are strong and beautiful and make sure you take him to court to get COMPENSATION take away his last penny, you deserve security after what you have suffered.

Love you and god bless you every day of your life

Let us know how you are getting on please

Anna

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A female reader, Lib1 United States +, writes (8 September 2009):

Lib1 agony auntI am so sorry this happened. I tried my best to advise you against going to the police without solid evidence. The courts do this all the time. My poor friend was called a liar in court as well and they made her go to a psychologist like she was a liar. I understand where you are coming from and my heart goes out to you. Stay strong and remember you're going to be very angry from this and try to continue your life (when you escape this nightmare) without taking out the anger on others or even yourself. Please be kind to yourself and if he is still doing what he is doing I still say try to capture it on tape. Cell phone, digital camera then they'll know you aren't a liar.

We believe you. Goodluck.

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A male reader, hoppy Ireland +, writes (5 September 2009):

hi, im very sorry this has happend to you. My mom had cancer and my dad also and it can be hard! Very hard. Your dad wont hert you if you tell some one! he is using your fear and worry of your mum being sick to stop you telling someone! Please tell someone it will help you help your mum on this long road back to health and she will not need that pain of knowing she could not of helped you. Please tell someone. I just wish i could make it al better for you! But my words are all i can give. I pray to god to help you. Im not a church person but i will say a prayer. Colm.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Well I went to the police as everyone said I should, but things didnt turn out in my favor. He lied and began saying that I would sneak out of the house and bring back boys all different hours of the night. He brought up that fact that I had been pregnant even though it was his child and I'd gotten it aborted. So he got off with nothing and I had to take a year of psycologist talking to me 3 times a week for someting that wasn't even my fault he is a jackass and I hope his last days some soon. He still does this but not as often because now I fight back HARD. But soon enough I will be gone I chose to move with one of my moms close friends who she left in her will could adopt me if it was allowed. Hopefully things will get better. R.I.P. MOM

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A female reader, kye979 United Kingdom +, writes (18 May 2009):

How are you and what has happened please email me here on Dear Cupid. I hope you're okay and if you need help then I will! I'm here to help.

(MOD NOTE: Personal email addresses are not allowed to be given out!)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008):

First of all make sure you stay away from your dad at all costs!!Tell anyone a favorite teacher, school counseller or even look in the yellow pages for child abuse.No matter how scared you are you must tell someone before your physically or mentally scared for life.God bless you and I hope this turns out alright =/

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A male reader, RON_499 Japan +, writes (15 October 2008):

RON_499 agony auntFrankly your father is a big ass**** and I'm sure you agree. You're very nice to think about not telling your mother but I don't frankly think that your mother would want not to say something like this to her. Tell your mom but make sure she goes to the police before anything else and well you could try that web cam tactic just don't get caught and well you could also use a cell if there is no pc in that room. best of luck and well mail me if you think you need any extra help or need to talk.

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A female reader, xelax United Kingdom +, writes (11 October 2008):

o my god i got goosebumps reading that, tell someone teacher police anyone there is nothing your father can do once he is arrested, im so sorry you've gone through this, i hope you gain the courage to seek help xxx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2008):

Let me tell you right now - this is not your fault.

It doesn't matter if your breasts got large and you were wearing a tight shirt. It doesn't matter if you were undressing with the door open. Even if you walked around the house stark naked, it is not your fault. FATHERS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE SEXUAL WITH THEIR DAUGHTERS IN ANY WAY. Period.

Second thing - tell someone, anyone, everyone you can tell. Your father is wrong and this has to stop. I can tell you from my own experience, I was molested by my father and it took me 30 years to learn how to deal with it. I could have dealt with it sooner if I had told someone, but I was afraid.

I'm sorry that you Mom is sick and can not really help you now. But there are counselors at school that you can and should talk to. Good luck honey.

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A female reader, helpme86 United States +, writes (17 September 2008):

oh my god sweetheart! That's why police and teachers are there. You have to tell someone, god forbid anything happen to your mother that you would have to live with this monster. You need to seek legal help now and have him put away. God help you. You are in my prayers sweetheart!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2008):

i'm so sorry u had to go through this. i also was sexually abused as a child and i turned my stepfather in. i'm so glad i stood strong and faced him. he got exactly what he deserved. u wont be sorry u told.he may do this to some other victim. go to a school counselor or your mother and please tell someone. i wish u the best my dear.

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A female reader, Lib1 United States +, writes (1 September 2008):

Lib1 agony auntGet a digital camera or borrow one. Hide it so you can capture this monster. You'll have undeniable proof. I had a friend whose father was raping her. When she told her mother she wouldn't beleive her. Finally, her mother saw condoms in the trash and realized my friend was telling the truth. When the case went to court the lawyer said my friend's depression was the cause of her lying about her father raping her. They threw the case out and he went free.

I saw on television a girl was going through the same thing you were at 14 years old. She became pregnant by him and still didn't tell her mother. Her mother stumbled upon the tape and it was undeniable proof. You don't want the courts to do to you what they did to my friend. Make sure you have proof! Stay strong this has happened to a couple of my friends its not unusual you're not inviting it don't worry. Just try to get proof then go to the police so no one takes the evidence from you. You deserve better.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2008):

be strong. do whatever it takes to get out.

call the numbers 'TkElle" posted or go to a teacher you trust.

my heart goes out to you.

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A female reader, *snowy* United Kingdom +, writes (31 August 2008):

i am so sorry to hear what has happened to you!! thank you 4 sharing this...

keep strong u can get away from this! this man has definetly lost his mind, if you dont feel so comfortable to actually talk to your mum perhaps write to her? she must know..i was sexually abused by a neighbour n a family frend around the age of 7 or 8 n told my mum when i was 15..i remember we were in the bathroom 2geva jus randomly chattin which is quite jokes when i fink about it lol..neway she was so shockd n disgusted n wanted 2 do something! i no she n my dad both thought about the fact that this was all going on in their own home and more importantly how they both wished they could have prevented anything like this from happening but it is not her or his fault..it happend

its in the past n we all accept the fact that nuffin can change that but this is happening now 4 u so please tell a woman in the police force or something because this man needs 2 recognise what he is doing is so wrong n so evil n he should be treated 4 mental health..i hope u experience complete healing from this abuse that you so not deserve. take action!! you can do it...just go down to the police station wotever it takes!! he needs to be stopped!! all the best hun.x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2008):

I agree with everything that has been said previously. Is there a school consuellor, teacher or Aunt that you can talk to.

People do this because they think they won't get caught. You don't deserve unhappiness, particularly since you must be going through a hard enough time with your mum having cancer.

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A female reader, debrasue64 United States +, writes (31 August 2008):

The other reader is absolutely right. Talk to someone you trust IMMEDIATELY. You are being abused. If it happened once it will likely happen again. Do you have other family members you can talk to and stay with? or a pastor or counselor

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A male reader, ChiRaven United States +, writes (31 August 2008):

ChiRaven agony auntYou need to talk to somebody right away. You are being abused, and this has to stop. If you can't talk to your mother about it, there is undoubtedly a counselor at your school who you can go to. Such people are there to help you through situations like this, and will absolutely respect your privacy.

But get help right away. You need to understand that what is happening is going to have very serious consequences on your entire life. The sooner you tell somebody, the sooner it will stop and the sooner you can start getting the kind of professional help that will make it less likely to cause you terrible problems later on in your life.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2008):

You need to tell another family relative.Your mom needs to

know this too,but also tell someone who is able to take action at the moment,like an aunt or uncle,or grandparent,or

the police.Your father has no right to do this to you and

needs to be told on and punished.Tell your mom,and the police immediately.I'm sorry that this has happened to you

and wish you a big recovery.Message me if you want to talk.x

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