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I was abandoned by my mom, my dad's girlfriend has managed to put a wedge between my father and I and I'm hurting

Tagged as: Family, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 May 2018) 4 Answers - (Newest, 14 May 2018)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hi I'm really upset, I hope you can help. My dad when I was younger was horrible to me and my mum, I won't got too into things but when he was drunk he took is anger out on me, I was 6 year old and constantly covered in bruises ( my body not my face) anyway to cut a long story short my mum got the courage to get rid of him, but she also didn't want me anymore and her and her new toy boy moved away with my sisters and my nan took me in, she gave me all the love in the world.my dad came back and he started being the dad he should have been and when I got older he apologised for what did he to me, so I forgave him I just needed a parent and I was hurting over my mum not wanting me( I was her first child ).

My dad had a serious girlfriend and was so lovely but sadly she passed away of cancer and it affected my dad very badly but I was there to help him, fast forward 4 year he met another lady and been together 8 year and weridlly she is a nurse and she looks simlar to the girlfriend he lost , my dad started to change and she started to control things , she got him to move away sayin me and my sister are old enough to look after ourselves he never celebrated my special birthday last year like he promised and he doesn't respond to my texts or wants to see me, my sister gets everything from him but I work for my own money. My nan told me years and years ago me and my sister would get a lot of money from my dads will , looks like that has changed because apparently his girlfriend got him to change is will and he is spending money on 5 holidays a year, yes it's his hard earned money but he never gave us anything when I was younger( just beatings) and now he acts like I don't exist.. Oh he did say when arguing with my mums boyfriend that I should have died at birth instead of surviving! He didn't realise I heard him saying it and was heartbroken! So he really was lucky I gave him a chance and now he is back to bein nasty and uncaring ! He knows my mum wants nothing to do with me ! I feel a little lost and before anyone says anything no it's not about his money, it's about how he has treated me and like he forgot all what he did through my childhood. Plus what should this new woman get everything , she has made sure her kids are sorted , so shouldn't she encourage my dad to make sure his daughters are looked after . Any advice would help, and yes I am still affected by my childhood years and my mum abandoning me, it's like the blamed me for them getting married, yet my sister was loved and wanted

View related questions: drunk, heartbroken, money, text

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A male reader, Code Warrior United States + , writes (14 May 2018):

Code Warrior agony auntThat's a sad story. It seems you're not going to get the love and support you want and deserve from your parents. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do about that. You've tried your best and they've rejected you. The other aunts have suggested counseling, and that's really good advice.

However, I think you're a much stronger person than you believe. You've overcome so much and you're supporting yourself. That's an incredible accomplishment and you should take great pride in that. It should be a source of strength for you to know that despite all the bad things that were done to you, you're a self supporting and forgiving person.

The amount of strength and character it has taken to do what you've done humbles me. You're an amazing person. And, if you read my posts, you'll know that I am a very harsh critic of many people and I don't dole out praise very often. I'm mostly a jerk and I've certainly upset my fair share of posters. So when I say that I'm humbled by your accomplishment, you can take it to the bank that you've achieved greatness in my mind.

It's time for you to move on from your parents. Be the strong, independent woman that you are. Take joy in knowing that you're living life the right way and if your parents can't find an honored place for you in their lives, then they're missing out on your light.

It's time for you to heal yourself. Stop seeking their love. Set your own goals and live your own life. I believe you have a great deal of love to give. I hope that you can find someone to love you like you deserve. Be choosy though, it's all too easy to inadvertently choose what's familiar, and in your case, that would be bad since you're familiar with emotional pain and suffering. You owe it to yourself to be choosy. You're worth it.

Good luck and God bless.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2018):

The lovely thing here is that you are nearing or already 40.

You don't need or have to have these humans in your life anymore. They didn't nurture, respect or LOVE you properly when you were young and they care nothing for you now.

But...

I do and I don't even know you and you care abou you - don't you? I get the feeling you are a thoughtful lady who's a bit bished about by it all. Maybe like a lot of us?

You are not alone.

You can really concentrate on healing yourself. Cut those bonds with them (if you can and you can) they do not serve a good or meaningful purpose in your life. They only bring you misery and at heart you know that you want happiness and rest from it all and it's all there ready and waiting for you, you just have to work at it a bit.

Isn't it Time to stop feeling sorry for yourself and to respect, nurture and LOVE yourself. It is the greatest Love of all for we are created in Gods image and God respects, nurtures and LOVES.

It's all there. Right inside you and not with your parents. They threw that opportunity away.

Let it all go and keep moving forward.

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A female reader, Aunty Susie Australia +, writes (14 May 2018):

Aunty Susie agony auntYou've certainly been let down by your parents. Have your tried professional counselling to help you cope with the past? I would most definitely advise this. There is far too much emotional wreckage for you to be able to deal with this on your own, even with advice from the aunts and uncles here.

First point I'd like to make for you - you did not choose to be born. That was entirely on your mother and father. You should not accept even the slightest hint of blame. Regarding your sister - are you close? Or do you feel bitter/jealous toward her, as you believe her to be "loved and wanted"? You state that you support yourself financially, well done. I think you need now to support yourself emotionally. Family is wonderful, if they love and support you unconditionally. But your family have repeatedly let you down. Be grateful that you had the chance to forgive your father, and for some time managed to have a good relationship. That was an amazing thing to do, and I mean you, not your father. It tells me that you have a big heart and a kind soul, and by letting go and moving forward with a relationship with him, you healed yourself somewhat. It is extremely sad your father reverted to his old self - but again, that is on him and not you.

I think for self-preservation, you need to distance yourself form your family. Let your father leave his money to whomever he wants - I think getting involved in that issue will only cause you more grief. You need to look after you, and what's going to make you healthy and happy. And I wholeheartedly advise seeking professional assistance.

Take care xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2018):

I really feel for you Hun, i can relate to this story very well , it took me many years to get over what my parents did , I went to councilling and therapy also I am lucky to have good friends and partner and kids that helped me and accept my situation regarding my parents! My advice is councilling, therapy it does help.. Spend time with true friends and keep working hard and focus on the positive in your life, it's your mom and dad's loss and I believe in karma! In regards to your dad's girlfriend yes she should be encouraging your dad to see you and to make sure you are like after but it seems she has him where she wants! Hopefully this bubble will burst and he will realise what is important, life is too short. I'm sorry you have gone such a tough time but be strong and live each day being happy and look forward to the future and not look back on the past! You did nothing wrong and your parents should feel ashamed. Good things will come your way and remember you had your nan who took you in no problem and loved you dearly and that's better then any money or fortune xx

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