A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,So I’ve been with my new boyfriend for nearly 6 months, it’s all going brilliantly, he’s everything I’ve wanted and we get on so well, I’m 28, he’s 30. He’s been with a lot of girls for one night stands and his longest relationship is 8 months.He’s very sure of me and I am with him. He’s never told a previous girlfriend that he’s loved her before and often says I’m his first love and ‘the one for him’. He says that he’s been with other girls before but he’s never felt the way he does with me about those other girls and he’s completely sure I’m the one that he wants to marry and spend the rest of his life with. We’re talking about moving in in a month or so which I’m really excited about and he is too.What worries me is that he’s told me in previous relationships he’s been a commitment phobe, he’s said that he’s had problems where he’s ended the relationship because he doesn’t want to commit, I questioned him about this and he’s said ‘it’s completely different with you, I’ve never felt this way about a girl before and I’m completely sure of you, I wouldn’t be moving in with you if I wasn’t sure’. That’s all fine, but what’s to say he won’t get cold feet in the future? I asked him about this too and he’s said he knows how he feels about me know, but he can’t predict the future, he said he can’t see it happening but there’s always a possibility and as long as ‘you don’t change as a person or I don’t change then we’ll be fine’.I think he’s a great guy, but I don’t want to get hurt, I’ve been hurt badly before and I don’t want to fall into that black hole again, what happens if in 6 months time he decides it isn’t right for him…
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 August 2018):
 That is life, nobody can guarantee anything. He is being open and honest with you and that is all you can expect really. I think you are overthinking it and worrying to much. You say you have been hurt before, I bet most people have. Relationships and marriages break down all the time, things that we cannot predict. If you are having so many doubts already then slow it down and don't move in with him to soon. Nobody wants to get hurt and fall in to that black hole again, but if you don't take a chance in life then you will never know if things could work out or not. There is no point living in fear, the only person you are making miserable is yourself.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2018): All I'd add is: why would you move in before you've beaten the length of his current longest relationship?Anyone can break up at any time, but that doesn't mean it's wise to rush things. One poster said they're sure their first girlfriend is the one they'll marry and that may be true, but most of us feel that way and it's clear most of those "I'm sure" relationships don't actually last.You have talked about moving in? Great, but that doesn't mean it needs to happen before 12 months together.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (22 August 2018):
 What’s to say ANYONE won’t get cold feet? Why just because he’s never had a GF does it mean that it’s going to be HIM that calls things off? I’m similar to your BF, I’m 26 years old and I’ve only ever had 1 GF who I’m with right now. We’ve been together for just under a year and I am absolutely certain that I will marry her in future. I never had a GF because I hadn’t found anyone that made me want to stop being single, now that I have the way I live my life has completely changed.
You’re right though, 6 months down the line he could decide things aren’t working. But you could just as easily do the same. People break up years down the line, after 5, 10, 15 years of marriage. No relationship is guaranteed no matter how solid it seems on the outside but if you progress with doubts and negative feelings in your mind then you’re setting it up to fail. As Aunty Susie said, live in the now, of course plan for a positive future, but if he’s not given you any reasons to doubt him, then stop doing so or you’ll sabotage the relationship yourself.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (22 August 2018):
 I believe people settle down when they are ready to settle down. Your boyfriend was never ready before but now he sounds like he might be. He is older, he has "sown his wild oats" and he has met someone special who he can see himself with long term.
Nothing in life comes with guarantees and even the strongest relationships can break down and fall apart. However, that does not mean you shouldn't give it a go if YOU want to.
Living together will take compromise on both your parts. Go in with your eyes open. Acknowledge that it will NOT be a fairy tale where you will live happily ever after. There WILL be difficulties. There WILL be hard times. However, if you are both committed to making this relationship work, then you will work through all that and come out the other end.
At the moment it sounds like he is dragging you into this and having to persuade you it is a good idea. Either put your heart into giving it a go or walk away, otherwise your fear of getting hurt may be self fulfilling if he suddenly decides there is only one of you who is 100% committed to this relationship.
Give it your best go and you will not have regrets in the future, whatever the outcome.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (22 August 2018):
 Are you sure it's not you that's getting cold feet? Are you looking for a way out? You can't expect to get any guarantees in life, but I understand you've been hurt in the past, so you are looking for rock solid. He sounds as committed as he can possibly be to me, and if you decide not to risk it, you may just be walking away from something incredible. Don't live in the future, or the past, live for right now. And right now sounds really good, and you can choose to be happy.
Take care xx
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