How do I help myself?. As I can't change him. Do alcoholics tend to avoid loved ones who are concerned about them and hang around with their "drinking buddies?
Q. I am positive my boyfriend is an alcoholic. I just put the pieces together and it all adds up every time he goes on these binges, I don't hear from him. I thought he didn't want me anymore but it wasn't that, I know he loves me. It is the drinking...
A. 8 January 2012: I'm afraid that you can't help your boyfriend, that's something only he can do with the help of professionals. You can be there for him and support him; if and when he chooses to get help. In Australia, there is a support network for families of ... (read in full...)
Can an online relationship with a pen-pal guy in prison and me a virgin in UK work?
Q. I have a prison pen pal, and have been writing for a few months. There is definite connection but last night he asked if we can be in a relationship. I'm in the UK and he is in the US. I am kind of a 'loser' out here in real life. I am 34, still a ...
A. 24 December 2011: What you have with this person isn't real. You have to tell yourself that now. He cannot love you, he has never met you.
What you have to do is find a way to love yourself first. You will never find what you are looking for until you do.
I bel... (read in full...)
Is it over for good? Or do I just give him space?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year now. Lately in the last month, it was extremely rocky. We've been getting into a lot of arguments I admit a lot of it has to do with me picking at little things. He wanted to break up in the beginning ...
A. 24 December 2011: I believe that he is probably finding it hard being in a committed relationship, and starting school which is also a very big commitment. He is young and trying to be everything for you. You said that - 'he knows what I need in a relationship' - ... (read in full...)
I'm the opposite of his type, but should I still go for him?
Q. Hi I've been through alot in my life when it comes to men. I've just gotten over a tough 7 year relationship and spent the yr after breaking up being overly promiscuous and making alot of mistakes. I've mended my ways now and am ready to settle down ...
A. 27 November 2011: At the moment you are not going out with him, right? If you ask him out, and he says no, well, you'll be in the same position - not going out with him. So, you'll have not lost a thing. But, if he says yes, well you'll have gained what you ... (read in full...)
What is my friend's problem? She seems to behave like she's competing with me!
Q. hi. my best friend thinks she's all that. she is 27 and works at a pharmacy with no real certificate while im 24 and a teacher at a high school. so she earns like a third of my salary and does not have a place of her own. she comes to my place every ...
A. 27 November 2011: It sounds more a case of your friend feeling inadequate when she is around you. This could possibly be why she feels the need to 'brag' as you say, about who she know etc. You need to let her know ,that you are friends regardless of who does what, ... (read in full...)
She isn't good for me and I want to (politely) move on
Q. Hi this is my first time on this site. I am feeling quite confused and depressed. I am in love with a girl, i think shes my best friend or im hers i dont know, but anyway, I get the feeling she only talks to me if she needs help with something or if ...
A. 19 November 2011: Just don't make yourself available to her as you have been. If she wants to see you, arrange for some other friends to be around at the same time, so that it's not just the two of you and you can't talk intimately. Make some new friends, start ... (read in full...)
How do I overcome my boyfriends past behaviour and gain my confidence back, should I stay or go?
Q. Hello everyone, I would really appreciate some advice off both men and women please, I desperatly need help of some sort, as much as possible please. I am a 22 year old woman, my boyfriend is 32, I have been with him near 4 years now. He is my fi...
A. 19 November 2011: You really need to get away from him. You need to get some counselling yourself, to get back your self-esteem and gain confidence in yourself. The size of breasts is irrelevant, the size of your heart is what counts. As well as he may be now, the ... (read in full...)
Was she using me? Never interested in the first place?
Q. This is about a girl I met on the internet about 2 years ago. I'm from Norway, she's from Spain. We've always stayed friends until this summer she asked me, surprisingly, to come visit her in Spain and she wanted to know my relationship sta...
A. 19 November 2011: She is definitely your friend, but obviously wasn't interested in a romance, hence the boyfriend. But, if you want more than friendship, you will have to let her know. You don't want to just cut her off without an explanation, she is a friend and ... (read in full...)
Am I controlling?
Q. I was analyzing my own behaviour the other day and I began to wonder if I was controlling or not. I dont have to know where my boyfriend is or what he is doing at all times. I am fine with him having a social life. What does bother me is no...
A. 17 November 2011: I don't think that you are 'controlling'. I would say, you feel this way because you care a deal great for him. Being aware that he does have panic attacks and bouts of depression, would make you more concerned than normal, which is why you feel ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is extremely lazy, has no ambitions in life and his personal hygiene is a big issue!
Q. My boyfriend is extremely lazy and has no ambitions in life. He doesn't do his schoolwork, puts everything off till last minute, has no eagerness to do anything. When I come over his house, usually I would want to go somewhere but he will instead ...
A. 16 November 2011: You can't make him change, and will drive yourself insane waiting for it to happen. You say you love him, but really, there isn't much left to love is there! He probably is the way that he is due to his shift work, and those games are definitely ... (read in full...)
Drifting apart after just 1 year!
Q. I worry that my husabnd and I are drifting apart after only 1 year of marriage. After work he spends alot of time alone in the office he set up at our house. He frequently gets up at 5:00 AM to "pay bills" and goes into his office and surfs the web. ...
A. 16 November 2011: Something is definitely up. You are going to have to get him to talk to you. Get up with him at 5am, ask him what he is doing, and could you help. After work, wander into his office with a drink/coffee, ask what's he working on. The sex is ... (read in full...)
GF won't let me walk her home.
Q. I've been dating a girl from work for almost six months now and we have been getting along very well in that time. We don't get to see each other as often as we would like as she also works as a live-in carer looking after a man who is 71 years ...
A. 13 November 2011: How long does your GF intend on working for this gentleman? Is there a plan for the future? Because I honestly can't see you lasting with her, if this arrangement continues. If she is being honest, which she quite possibly is, I can understand ... (read in full...)
Are there other T shirt addicts out there?
Q. Dear All, My boyfriend is addicted to buying T Shirts. Sometimes he will spend approx £60 on T shirts, normally white, and there is no space in the wardrobe. Then he is reluctant to get rid of his other T shirts. Is there other T shirt addicts ...
A. 4 November 2011: I have a twenty-two year old son who is also a T-shirt addict. Plus a husband with a golf shirt addiction. So I understand where you are coming from :-)... (read in full...)
Are my concerns about her past justified?
Q. I have been going out with a woman for a few weeks and i feel a big connection with her. Everything feels easy and we get along great. The only thing that concerns me is her past. She has told me she was very flirtatious when she was in her late...
A. 1 November 2011: It is hard to trust again, when you have been burnt in the past. But if you want to move forward with your life, you have to let go of the past. I feel this girl is trustworthy, as she has been open with you. Let the suspicions go and enjoy ... (read in full...)
I made a comment about her name, now she thinks I was stereotyping!
Q. Ok here's the deal. I met this girl and her name is Diedra, now we were on the bus heading home from school and I made a comment out of nowhere (without thinking) stating girls with the name Diedra are typically fat. Now she got pissed and I thought ...
A. 5 October 2011: You really messed up big with that one, didn't you! Apologise, tell her everything you said was stupid, that you were really, really nervous being in her presence, that you didn't actually know what you were saying. Try and get her to laugh at ... (read in full...)
The guy whom I was with on and off for 5 yrs, is going abroad tomorrow and I don't know if I'll ever see him again
Q. hello, the guy I have been with for five years ( on and off but most of the time we knew that we are going to go back to each other ), well..he is going tomorrow to work abroad and I don't know when I'm going to see him again, he is not the talker ...
A. 30 September 2011: It doesn't have to be too late. There is always the apology and explanation way to make things right. Worth a try?... (read in full...)
GF lost all sex drive before our relationship became long distance
Q. My girlfriend left the country to study abroad for a year. We decided to go on with a Long Distance Relationship as I will visit every now and then, as will she. We used to have a very sexually active lifestyle before the news of her scholarship, ...
A. 29 September 2011: She was probably scared stiff about the huge move she was making. Her brain would have been consumed with all the things that she had to organise before moving. I wouldn't take it to heart if I were you. Fear can put a dampener on passion. Just ... (read in full...)
I'm 34 and feel I should be married but I'm only attracted to the "bad boys"!
Q. HELP! I'm only attracted to the so-called "bad boys". The ones in a band, or with dark hair and leather pants, etc. Metal. Goth. Punk. And the one thing in common. They break my heart. Because they start to act like they want something real and...
A. 29 September 2011: How many 'straight edge guys' have you actually dated? Why not try looking for guys who have the same interests as you, whatever they might be. Having similar or shared interests is a great place to start dating. Get to know a guy, don't ... (read in full...)
I think I have to choose between my career and my boyfriend.
Q. Hi, Just a quick question! Should I accept my boyfriends offer to financially support me or focus on my career just in case?! I live with him for a few years now and have always been pushing myself really hard to get a great career so I'd have s...
A. 29 September 2011: What gives you the idea that your relationship will end? Are you insecure, or is the relationship shaky?
The way I read what you are saying; is that he loves you , wants to marry you, and don't see you nearly enough. You have a crappy job, and ... (read in full...)
The guy whom I was with on and off for 5 yrs, is going abroad tomorrow and I don't know if I'll ever see him again
Q. hello, the guy I have been with for five years ( on and off but most of the time we knew that we are going to go back to each other ), well..he is going tomorrow to work abroad and I don't know when I'm going to see him again, he is not the talker ...
A. 29 September 2011: You need to get in contact with him. Don't wait for him to make the move. You organise that 'something special' before he leaves. Let him know exactly how you feel, before he goes. Who knows what the future holds for both of you! You don't have ... (read in full...)
My mother is emotionally and physically abusive
Q. Ok I am aware this doesnt really have anything to do with love but I really really need advice here or input of some sort so if you could all please read and help me id be soo grateful. So here it goes...I have an awful relationship wit...
A. 16 September 2011: Do you have to live with your mother? Can't you keep the job for a while longer, but move out and rent elsewhere? Or board with another family; which would be cheaper for you. You could save money for when you do leave for Canada, or where ever. ... (read in full...)
I'm so confused! This unplanned pregnancy could cost me my job and I don't know how my children would react to this!
Q. I don't even know where to ask this question. It is such a dilemma and heart wrenching. About 18months ago I had the worst thing happen in my life. My husband suicided and and left me with two sons 8 and 10 at the time. I have been strong and have ...
A. 16 September 2011: Don't rush into anything. You need to stop, and take a deep breath. Dependant on how many months into the pregnancy you are, you may have a little time to consider all your options, carefully. If this new man loves you, is he willing to make a ... (read in full...)
How do you move on from past heart ache?
Q. How does a person move on from a past heartbreaking relationship? About five months ago the man I was involved with chose to abandon me after I went through what I consider to be the most heartbreaking excruciating time in my life, of which he was ...
A. 16 September 2011: No, you're not a horrible person. And yes, what you're feeling is quite natural in the grieving process. There is the devastating sense of loss that you have been through, then along comes the anger; right where you are now. You will get past ... (read in full...)
Why is it so easy for me to forget all the horrible things he did to me?
Q. i am a 19yo woman that cant stop thinking about her ex.. ok lets start from the beginning.. we met through a friend at a party and suddenly hit it off.. went on a cute date and saw eachother every day until i moved into his mothers place a...
A. 11 September 2011: You need to tell yourself that you deserve better than this. Possibly you may need extra assistance, some counselling to give you the skills you need to get out of living this way. You are young and have a chance to make a great life for yourself. ... (read in full...)
Attempts at online dating are hurting my self-esteem. Advice, please.
Q. I am newly single after a long-term relationship (19 years) ended and now back in the dating game. I have never been the most sought after guy at the party, but I've attracted attention of women in my time. I don't have classic good looks, but ...
A. 11 September 2011: Possibly it's just early days, and you just need to hang in there a bit longer. It is hard, especially when you don't sound too confident to start with. Why don't you try joining some groups locally, that you might be interested in. It is a way ... (read in full...)
How can I change my BF's behaviour toward me?
Q. I don't like the way my boyfriend has been treating me lately. Like today , we were suppose to go together and study at the library when he realize that he had lost 100 bucks, he became super sad looking for it all over his dorm and ended up wanting ...
A. 11 September 2011: Always be up front and open with how you are feeling, in regards to how he is treating you. Don't just assume he will guess that you don't wish to be treated a certain way, tell him. If you don't like how he is behaving, walk away. But then don't ... (read in full...)
Is he having a change of heart about me?
Q. What do i do? I love my boyfriend but lately things have gone weird. We used to live 10-15 mins away from each other and we used to spend all of our time together, texting, calling and hanging out but ever since i moved closer to my family abou...
A. 9 September 2011: It's not sounding too good. It sounds as though you are the only one interested in this working. I wouldn't be putting myself out too much for him, if I were you. Try talking to him when you can, to find out exactly where you stand with him. ... (read in full...)
Does what he's saying mean that he's been cheating?
Q. Hey everyone, I have a quick question. I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years. 9 months out of the year its long distance when he goes away to school. The other months he's home which is half an hour away from me at most. Anyways...
A. 9 September 2011: I would not assume from that conversation, that he has been cheating. If you doubt him, you could come straight out and ask him. But I think you are on the right track, in thinking that it is his inexperience with relationships that is behind it.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has disgusting habits, will he ever stop? Everything else about him is good
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for several years and live together. For the most part it's been smooth sailing. Then we moved to a big city a few months ago, which made me germaphobic and him less careful about things. I don't know what to ...
A. 28 August 2011: Don't believe for one minute that you are the one with the mental health issues. He has grossed me out, and I haven't even met him. Very odd behaviour, and easy to understand your disgust. If he can't understand enough to change his behaviour to ... (read in full...)
Why is he pursuing me so relentlessly, despite my attitude? He has a partner already
Q. I am currently involved with a long distance relationship/friendship that's puzzling. This person claims they are "in a relationship", yet has been pursuing me relentlessly. I have received flowers, money, clothing, letters, cards and other gift...
A. 26 August 2011: I'd be blocking him from my life, phone, facebook, the lot. He's messing with you, and her both.... (read in full...)
Am I right to be uneasy about his request that I strip on cam for him? .
Q. well. i have know this guy as a good friends more than 2 years. he always compliment me on my hair and says you look good plus he keep saying don't cut them off. he lives far from me so finally i asked him to catch up soon on cam. I was surpr...
A. 26 August 2011: Don't ever, ever do such a thing. And his asking tells you a lot about the kind of person he is. Not the kind you should have for a friend.... (read in full...)
He truly doesn't turn me on sexually anymore. What should I do?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years and it feels like I've lost my interest in him sexually. We went hard and heavy the first 2 years but it went downhill from there. We have been going through problems which I think has some...
A. 26 August 2011: Possibly you've just got yourself in a rut, become lazy in the bedroom. When you don't like him touching you, could be you just don't want to become aroused, because you can't be bothered. Or, it could be over, and there's nothing there anymore. ... (read in full...)
Is it even worth taking holidays with my BF when he will not allow me enough relaxation time?
Q. Every holiday I take with my boyfriend barely feels like a holiday for me. He always insists we get up very early and go do activities despite the fact that whilst on holiday I may like the occasional lie in or a relaxing day. I usually go alon...
A. 26 August 2011: Have you tried a cruise? I've not had the pleasure myself, but have been told that these can be very relaxing holidays. At the start of your holiday, set the guidelines of what you want from the holiday, ask him what he wants, make an itinerary, ... (read in full...)
I want to prove this can work. But can it? Even if we were raised differently?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 6 years. Within this long period of time we have not progressed. I was brought up in a family where we were pushed to further our education and strive for the best. I've always came from a stab...
A. 26 August 2011: Don't stick at something, just for the simple fact that you "hate being wronge!!!!" Six years is a long time to have not progressed. And sometimes, even though it hurts us to admit it, our parents do actually know whats best for us. I think you ... (read in full...)
Is there any hope for improvement? He is not as interested in satisfying me as I am for him.
Q. i can't understand why me and my boyfriend have such problems when it comes to sex? Yesterday we had sex but none of us got off. So we said oh well lets just try tomorrow. So tomorrow comes and I put a sexy little dress on in the hope that he will...
A. 26 August 2011: Possibly there isn't anything wrong with your sex drive, maybe his is just on the low side. You need to talk to each more. ... (read in full...)
Have I made a huge mistake - allowed my BF to have sex with my BF???
Q. my boyfriend of 4yrs on and off again just cheated on me with my best friend last week. we have 2 kids and i think i want to try and work past this, but here is the issue, my friend has wanted a child for a long time now, so 3 weeks a go we mad a ...
A. 26 August 2011: Yes, you made a massive mistake. It has happened, now you have to move on and start a new life for yourself, and your children. Many women manage to create wonderful lives for themselves and their children, it will be hard going to start with, but ... (read in full...)
My man will live in my basement, but not move upstairs with me, WHY???
Q. I have been in a relationship with my partner for almost 5 years we live in the same house for just over 3 years . We have great sex in bed lots of passion, but he only sleeps with me on weekends. He lives in my basement, I have asked him to move up ...
A. 26 August 2011: Its obvious that things are working just nicely for him. Does it bother you that much? Does he consider you his partner, or a room-mate with benefits? Sorry for questions and not answers. Just looking for different perspectives on the subject.... (read in full...)
As a relationship, how can I make this work? Is she just humoring me or being genuine?
Q. me and my ex just started seeing each other not even a week ago when my therapist called her to see if she would come in for a session. She called me and we met up. Then hooked up and it was great. We still fought almost the whole time (just...
A. 26 August 2011: It is really hard to judge just what is going on with her. If you can handle it, just hang on and see how things pan out. But it does sound very, very difficult, and I am afraid that you will be hurt. Best of luck, whichever way you choose to ... (read in full...)
How do you know if you will want to have children or not?
Q. Question for you since no one has a real good answer for me. My fiancee and I had a discussion the other day about having children. Up to this point in my life I have gone back and forth a lot. Sometimes I want a child, sometimes I absolutely do ...
A. 24 August 2011: It's fantastic that you and your fiancee are having this discussion before marriage. Many don't, and just assume what the other will or won't want. It is a huge step, especially for you, so keep thinking, and talking. There is no rule written ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend says I'm not loud enough during sex
Q. My boyfriend and I have really good sex but he still asks me if I'm enjoying it. I know it's good that he wants to make sure I feel good but it's his reasoning that gets me. He says he's not sure because I'm not loud enough. I moan like the whole ...
A. 23 August 2011: Just nicely let him know that it ain't gonna happen babe. You don't want to be doing anything that you're not comfortable with. And promise me that you'll practice safe sex!... (read in full...)
We broke up a year ago, but I still think about her every single day!
Q. Hi I broke up with my ex about a year ago. We lived together for 2 years and were together for about 4. I really miss her and think about her every day. I havent been with anyone since as every time I meet someone I shy away because I still love my ...
A. 23 August 2011: You will never get over her while you are still in contact with her. Try to distance yourself from her. You are probably shying away from other girls because, with your ex still so much in your life, you might feel that it would be a betrayal to ... (read in full...)
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