A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So here’s my story. I’ve always kind of been a sap for relationships and I tend to over think things. I’m an ENFP and I’m kind of at a cross road in my life. I’ve never really liked to just jump into relationships with people or dating. I don’t feel like I have a problem meeting people but I’ve always needed to have that “special” connection with someone. So if it wasn’t there I didn’t pursue it and after that severed relationship it was a couple months or years down improving myself before I let myself date again. A couple of months ago I got out of a toxic relationship that I fell head over heals for…I was stupid, doing a lot of chasing, and should of known that seeing someone once a month at a time because they were “busy” was code for something else going on…maybe they were busy…anyways one of my friends pushed me towards a couple of books. It’s all about plate spinning and seeing multiple girls at one time. Feels like girls and guys are both doing this…kind of crushes my idea of what I thought was going on and I kind of feel like an idiot because I’ve been trouncing along and only jumping into relationships when I feel ready…I’ve got a couple of girls to choose from right now that I could date…but I don’t think any of them are marriage material…I don’t think I could see myself with any of them…I like them as people but if I did date them it would just be for fun..Is there anything wrong with that? How do I get over that value of having someone special? I feel like everyone else is doing it but I’m holding myself back. I feel like others are getting experience of picking up behaviors of people and I’m not…Which is getting me burned in these relationships...
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female
reader, Soulstar  +, writes (8 May 2018):
INTJ here - couldn't resist when i saw ENFP :)!
First of all kudos to you - you are one of the growing rare species of humans left in this world who hold onto values, morals and serious commitments. That makes you a treasure now doesn't it?
If you really want to find that special someone it will have to start with friendship and good, mature communication, mutual self-respect and of course love and honor.
Now there are many people involved in various activities that can be looked upon by others as immoral and just because the crowd is indulging in these means to learn about human behavior, it doesn't mean you have to do likewise. Simply put, you don't have to take drugs to know that they are bad nor do you have to get into such random relationships to learn about human behavior.
Hold your head up. Make your choice. If you want to date - date. But if it is for fun then make it clear right at the beginning that you don't want a relationship at this point but that will defeat the purpose of the other party seeking a date. Better perhaps, find a site where you can make friends and hang out with them over common interests and perhaps you will find that special someone when you are out living your life in the most ordinarily extra-ordinary way possible.
A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (4 May 2018):
 I see it this way - you're under 30, single, not setting out to hurt anyone, so there's nothing wrong with dating for fun. If you're open and honest, and being your true self, there is no harm. If you are dating a girl who wants to get serious, but you don't, let her know straight away. One day, you just might get serious yourself. Stop worrying, and just be present with whomever you are dating currently. Life is too short. Have fun, but be kind and respectful, then I can't see an issue.
Take care xx
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (3 May 2018):
 It's not wrong in the sense that it's immoral. There are people who can do that and good for them. I've never been dating just for the sake of it because I am not outgoing, I am allergic to alcohol, and the dates always turned into relationships. If you say you are a sap I take that to mean you like warmth and romance. To just hang out then come home to forget the other person can seem too trivial, and wasted effort. Being a sap is not a bad thing. For me, to do serial dating or circular dating means that I have to be closed off emotionally and my attention has to be scattered for different people. Which I am not able to do. I like being tuned in to people. If people pick up that energy and like it, they want to see me again very soon. If they don't, there would be no connection and there's no reason to meet again.
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