A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:When I was in my early 20s and mid 20s, I was a heavy drinker. I would not considered myself an alcoholic but I was a drunk. After a really bad experience about six years ago (I was lucky I did not die from alcohol poisoning), I decided that I needed to change my life. I decided to quit going to bars. I decided that I needed to drink in moderation and if I couldn't, I should stop drinking. Five years later, I only drink about three beers a month and I only drink at home. I am much happier. The problem is my friend is getting married and he has a bachelor party plan this month. I am nervous about going to the bachelor party since I never want to get drunk again. Would it be okay if I talked to my friend about this issue or would that be bad manners?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2018): Congratulations! You've got a lot of life ahead of you; and with new findings about the long-term effects of alcohol, I commend you on your wisdom.
Don't forget that you're a friend. Your buddy cares about you. He wouldn't take offense in your taking precautions; nor have any problem with your reform regarding your personal-consumption of alcohol. You saw ahead of time what could have resulted in alcoholism and/or you could have died!
Yes, do tell him ahead of time. Explain it as you did for us, and he will understand. If you were a reformed and rehabilitated-alcoholic; would he expect you to drink yourself into a relapse? I'm pretty sure he wouldn't. He'd probably keep an eye on you.
Bring your own non-alcoholic beer, and drink it like some friends that I know have done. You'll enjoy the taste of beer, without the effects; and the beer bottle in your hand doesn't draw any questions from the more frat-boy-minded individuals at the party; who would try to shame you with peer-pressure. I hope you've got balls of steel; and can take their teasing and adolescent bullshit, it comes with the territory.
Bachelor-parties are designed to lose your mind; but somebody has to be designated-driver, and some have wives or girlfriends to go home to! So I hope your feelings about the recreational-use of drugs is equally as wise! That's sometimes more of the theme and party-favor at the party than the use of alcohol!
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (7 May 2018):
 That's great! It's never bad manners to avoid getting drunk - it's quite the opposite.
It's a great idea to tell him you don't drink any more. Either say you'll be the designated driver or claim medication, as previously suggested. Do keep a close eye on your drinks, though, as parties are known for getting out of hand and tricking people.
Do NOT allow any peer pressure to convince you to give in. The choice is yours, so it's important to stick to your own boundaries.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (7 May 2018):
 Well done, you! Very impressed.
I think YouWish's idea of volunteering to be a designated driver is a very good one, assuming this is possible. You need to make sure EVERYONE in the party knows that you are driving as you will know yourself that every party has at least one idiot who thinks it would be funny to spike a non-drinker's drink. If it isn't possible for you to be the driver, be very careful with your drinks and, if something doesn't taste/feel right, leave it.
Regarding telling the future groom, in your shoes I would mention it "in passing" when you accept the invitation. If you think it is going to cause any pressure to be put on you to "stop being a party pooper", you could always tell a little white lie and say you are on medication which means you are not allowed to drink. Nobody can argue with that.
Have a fabulous party.
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A
male
reader, TylerSage +, writes (7 May 2018):
 Do you means bad manners to tell him? Or bad manners to not attend? Think of it as a test to discover how far you've come as a person. You're bound to be around alcohol and people who drink at some time or another. Why not suggest that you chaperone the drunkards for the night or be the designated driver. Put yourself in a sink or swim situation which forces you to be responsible while there. Plus when you see everyone starting to get loopy and clumsy, hitting over things and collapsing to the floor, you probably be more turned off by it.Remember you've been there, you done it all, you've seen it all and you know the negative effect it can have on you. The friends who may be getting drunk at the party probably don't have a drinking problem so besides the hang over they have the next day they're fine and back to normal. You on the other hand will drop back into a very deep and dark hole.You are entirely up to you. If you find yourself in a moment of weakness, leave the room, take a walk, change your thoughts, or drink some juice. You can make a choice to either drink or not to drink.If you let yourself go you can blame nothing and no one but yourself.All the best.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (7 May 2018):
 I add my congratulations and well-wishes too on your change of life!
You won't be a drag if you don't drink! Let him know beforehand that you've given up alcohol, and stick to non-alcoholic beverages. They make virgin cocktails, or you can stick to soda or water! And trust YOURSELF! Sounds like you had a traumatic experience that totally changed your mindset and made you a lot more responsible!
Also, you could volunteer to be a designated driver for your intoxicated friends (and the groom, if he needs you!). They'd be happy to save money on a cab or Uber, and you'd be totally saved from any peer pressure, and you'd have a really good reason to refuse temptation, plus you'd have other people actually PROTECTING your sobriety because they need a ride home!
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (7 May 2018):
 Well done! You've made an excellent choice to live a better and healthier life. My thoughts are that you should let your friend know how you are living your life now, and how happy you are for him. Be honest with him in regards to the bachelor party. If he says that he and the others will feel, let's say awkward, with you not drinking, I would advise to give the party a miss and say you'll wait for the wedding to celebrate his marriage. I don't think it would be bad manners at all. If you find this would be too uncomfortable a conversation, could you attend the party and manage to make one beer last for the duration? One night and one party are not worth letting yourself down after turning your life around in such a profound way. And, if the groom is a true friend, he will most definitely appreciate this.
Take care xx
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (7 May 2018):
 Tell him.
And stick to non alcoholic drinks that night. Don't let anyone push you to drink alcohol. Be firm and simply stick to the no, alcohol for me.
You CAN do it.
Been in the same position as you (though I wasn't a drunk per say but I had blackout from drinking and quit alcohol all together. I the last 25 years I may have had 5 drinks altogether and I'm fine with that).
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