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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Girlfreind masterbates even with regular sex. help
Q. i am a 18yr old guy. i have been having regular sex with my girlfreind for 6months. but the sex is not great most of the time due to her being a vergin and hurting really easily(i assume). she has not had an orgasm from me in general (including ...
A. 21 October 2010: My friend, I don't think anybody here took offence for your words, I am sure we all basically just wanted to recommend you not to let your personal hang ups interfere with
your couple's harmony. Apparently, all is well that ends well- and , as... (read in full...)
Do women like to catch a glimpse of a man's penis or balls?
Q. Do women like it when men wear shortish kind of shorts and maybe you catch a glimpse of what he is packing here or there (san undies, of course). I love it when I happen to catch a glimpse up a woman's skirt, or into her shorts, or down her top to ...
A. 21 October 2010: I am already turned off by a crime against style like "shortish" shorts- imagine by the unrequested exhibition of their content. Totally crass.
... (read in full...)
Girlfreind masterbates even with regular sex. help
Q. i am a 18yr old guy. i have been having regular sex with my girlfreind for 6months. but the sex is not great most of the time due to her being a vergin and hurting really easily(i assume). she has not had an orgasm from me in general (including ...
A. 20 October 2010: They alway say you can't change other people, only change yourself...
Because you feel like crap after masturbating- then SHE too should feel like crap when she does ? All people should feel like crap ?...
I know I know, this is something you feel... (read in full...)
Its been 2 weeks with no contact from him should I just move on?
Q. so i was seeing this very nice guy since march of this year. it started out good. we would call eachother every day.i tried not to see him every day for the first couple of weeks. he seemed ery interested in me so i went with it. i didnt sleep with ...
A. 20 October 2010: If there's something I learned from experience, it's : always mind about what happens- not about the whys and hows it happened.
I used to date ( alas,for a long time ! ) a real Houdini,an artist of vanishing acts. He was also very smooth and very... (read in full...)
Fiance's bad money habits wreaking havoc on our relationship
Q. I love my fiance very much. He is sweet, funny, understanding, and beyond in love with me. Unfortunately he is horrible with money. We have lived together for over a year and he has maybe contributed a grand total of $2,000 to all bills and ...
A. 20 October 2010: Uh-oh. What what what... you are saving up from your own hard earned money , to put together a capital you'd give him to invest ? To a guy that so far has shown to be totally irresponsible with money, can't even keep track of where his cah goes ... (read in full...)
Girlfreind masterbates even with regular sex. help
Q. i am a 18yr old guy. i have been having regular sex with my girlfreind for 6months. but the sex is not great most of the time due to her being a vergin and hurting really easily(i assume). she has not had an orgasm from me in general (including ...
A. 20 October 2010: Excuse me but...am I wrong in assuming that at 18 YOU masturbate pretty regularly, gf or no gf ? No, right ? ( something like 97 percent of males masturbate ).
Do you feel like you are cheating on her and you are doing something terrible ?...... (read in full...)
What makes a girl 'girlfriend material'?
Q. Have you ever noticed how "girlfriends" tend to be pretty average looking? I mean, think of your guy friends' girlfriends, the ones they've been with for 3-6 years... they're usually not drop dead gorgeous... Meanwhile, a lot of beautiful women, ...
A. 20 October 2010: Girlfriends tend to be average looking...and their boyfriends too! I mean, how many drop-dead gorgeous people ( men AND women ) do you see around in real life ?... I think it maybe true though that exceptionally good looking girls get less dates ... (read in full...)
It bothers me that my boyfriend is taking drugs
Q. Dear Cupid, I have been going out with my boyfriend for a while, he's English and I'm Asian. Most of the time I try not to let cultural differences become our relationship problems. However, there's one thing that bugs me quite a lot: the fact th...
A. 19 October 2010: Heck NO ! It is NOT normal.
Do you really ,really believe that all English people drop acid every time they go to a party ??? English people may be eccentric, but.. they are not that eccentric.
Btw, your boyfriend must be really reckless, correct ... (read in full...)
Does there always have to be an attraction between 2 people for them to have sex?
Q. When two people have sex, there must be some sort of attraction for them both to do it. Yes you can have one nite stands but something must get you both attracted to each othe even if it is only that? ...
A. 19 October 2010: Unluckily,not really. Some people may be attracted to the sensation they get from sex, without being attracted to the person who provides that sensation.
If you mean that someone who wants you for a one night stand has to find you not totally repu... (read in full...)
Broke up with my fiance, he said he's call me, but he hasn't
Q. dear agony aunts and uncles its been 5 hours and i just ended things with my fiancé of 1 yr and 3 months whose in the army . He was caught off guard when i told him and told me that we would talk about this later he said he'd call me . and to be ...
A. 19 October 2010: You just dumped the guy then you are counting hours waiting for him to call you back ? Why ?
If you had really meant to call it quits for serious,.... you should feel relieved that he's out of your life and he's not pestering you for a second chan... (read in full...)
I want to find an older woman who doesn't think I'm too young to have sex with her!
Q. I wish I could find an older woman who doesn't say I am too young to have sex with her. I am 21 by the way. I have been attracted to older woman. We go out on dates and do fun things. When the sex thing comes up they always say I am too young to ...
A. 19 October 2010: I disagree with Ven about the "innocent and insecure " part. Many 21 y.o. nowadays are slick young devils that could pull your socks off without taking your shoes off first.
I think the problem is :
- either they are looking for a relation... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants me to give my cats away!
Q. My boyfriend who wants to marry me, wants me to give away my 2 cats whom i love so much because the cat hair disgust him alot. He loves to spend the night with me, but isnt comfortable because of all the cat hair. Should I give them away? PS he laid ...
A. 19 October 2010: It's not fair for him asking you to get rid of an important object of affection because he does not like it. What if you don't like his best friend ?, would he get rid of him to please you ?
So, unlessy he is severely allergic to cat hair... (read in full...)
Why would she text me asking to be friends after she broke up with her boyfriend?
Q. Ok so my ex just dumped her boyfriend. She txts me two days later. I have not spoken to her in 4 or 5 months. Her txts says, " Are we ever going to be friends again?" Whats this all about guys? Does she still have a thing for me cause why the he...
A. 19 October 2010: Yes,the timing is a bit suspect. Maybe she just feels lonely... or maybe she is looking for a rebound guy.... (read in full...)
Why would he ignore me, then act interested, then ignore me again?
Q. I talked with the guy I still like (he used to be interested in me also). We went to homecoming together and it all felt like it was going somewhere. Then tonight, I IMed him and we talked a bit cause he was doing HW. He then told me he had to focus ...
A. 19 October 2010: If at times he completely ignores you he can't be that interested ,can he ?
A genuine interest is consistent.... (read in full...)
Is Lovemaking Needed for a Relationship to Survive?
Q. Is it necessary for a couple to be physically intimate for the relationship to survive?...
A. 18 October 2010: Absolutely !
Other people will tell you no, it's not necessary because after all after a while attraction dies down and passion turns into something more companionable etc. etc.
Could be. I say that in this case though- it's a friendsh... (read in full...)
Is he hiding from himself or his past?
Q. What kind of man changes his telephone number and his identity weekly/fortnightly,his he hiding from his true self or his past i can help wandering why he behaves in this way i find it bizzare behaviour pretending to be someone else when your over ...
A. 18 October 2010: AuntyEm, you are too nice :). The first thing I would be thinking is he is hiding from the police.... (read in full...)
I am so angry he cheated on somebody with me!
Q. So i invited this guy from my college round for a party, by the end of the night it was just me and him, we spoke for ages and felt closer to him, which later led on to the most amazing sex i've ever had. a couple of nights after i went to talk to ...
A. 18 October 2010: In only partial disagreement with "confusoholic " .
that you are angry, I understand it. In fact, you are nice to be only angry, if it were me I'd probably be out-of-my-mind furios.
As for "having the right " to be angry....I don't know .
It's ... (read in full...)
Should a man talk to his mom about his relationships?
Q. if a man and his mother are close what should a man not talk about to his mother about his relationship with a woman? ...
A. 18 October 2010: Sexual details. Mom really does not need or want to know :).
And of course, anything your partner has expressely asked you not to tell around.... (read in full...)
Do I really love her or I just sympathize her? I feel happy with her, she loves me very much, but I don't want a kid now.
Q. Long read, please be patient, thank you! I am 28 years old and as of now I have a total of 4 relationships in my life, none of which except for the currently on-going one lasted more than a year. The current one I am dating I met through intern...
A. 18 October 2010: No no no ! Stand your ground . Stop using the "pull out method " which is not even a method but a recipe for disaster. You are not ready to be a father, -and a reluctant , conned-into-paternity father, is very likely to make a lousy father ... (read in full...)
Doubts about God and his laws regarding my relationships with partners
Q. Hi guys, I need some relationship advise concerned with Christianity. I am a protestant Christian, but i'm having trouble getting a relationship with god. Sometimes i'm afraid that he's not real and i am wasting my time and the whole bible thin...
A. 18 October 2010: As a person who left Christianity to convert to another religion, I feel weird in ( sort of ) defending mainstream Christian churches. Bear with me and I'll try to explain what I mean :
- rules and regulations inside the Church were made by men,... (read in full...)
Boyfriend says he loves me, yet is putting out personal ads on craiglist
Q. I have been going out with my bf now for 1yr and a half. We moved to a different state together and are living together.He "says" he loves me and am the only one for him and he wanted to get married and have kids. Then i found out a couple months ...
A. 18 October 2010: If he is putting ads on Craigslist , he does not love you in the way you want to be loved : exclusively.
He loves you ,in a selfish way- he loves knowing that you are at his disposal, faithful and in love with him. He loves being loved by you.... (read in full...)
Having sex with him, but what if he's not the one?
Q. My boyfriend loves me a lot, we have been dating 3 months. He wants to have sex. Despite everything i'm still not ready to have sex with him. I don't know what the problem is. My question is what if I have sex with him and he's not the one?...
A. 17 October 2010: The problem is not that you may find out he is not the one- not very often it happens that your first lover is also the last one.
The problem is that you are not ready for sex. If he loves you he should not pressure you.
3 months is not a long t... (read in full...)
My wife is in ER and I can't get back to her!
Q. My wife is in the ER as I write this. I am thousands of miles away on business. She is 8 months pregnant and has been complaining of pain in between her shoulder blades, more to the right side. It has radiated to the front of her chest. Right below ...
A. 17 October 2010: Pain in the epigastric area, sharp rise in blood pressure and high levels of proteins in the urines are also symptomps of pre-eclampsia ( a condition which shows up in late pregnancy ). Is there an obstetric ward in this hospital ?, they will be ... (read in full...)
I am a bit jittery about being intimate!
Q. Hi Aunts, This might be a long one -here's some b/ground info - I've been going out with my boyfriend for just about a year now. A while ago I had an incident where some guy basically felt me up while i was asleep - it kind of left me a bit jitt...
A. 17 October 2010: I'd check with a doctor anyway. Falling asleep SO easily is not very usual- it sounds more like you are passing out. And at your age it's not normal feeling always tired ,even if you work very hard.
That used to happen to my sister then they foun... (read in full...)
Would him showing his friends naked pics of me be a deal breaker?
Q. I just found out my boyfriend of 2yrs showed a bunch of his friends and co-workers pictures of my breasts that he and I took during our first year of dating. I don't know at what point he showed these pictures--possibly during a big fight...or ...
A. 17 October 2010: A total deal breaker that shows an utter lack of respects. That's what guys do ??? I wonder which kind of guys your bf is associating with....... (read in full...)
He said I was "not the one" and then had sex with me anyway
Q. My boyfriend and i broke up . we had a nice dinner and he said i was not the "one" however he kept saying he loves me and wants to be my friend. when we left the restaurant we ended up having sex in the parking lot. he still kept saying how ...
A. 17 October 2010: It means he wants to be your friend...with benefits.
He thinks you are not good enough to be "the one " but good enough for casual sex.... (read in full...)
He wants meaningless sex with other women but to keep our relationship
Q. My boyfriend wants to have sex with other women. we have been together over 2 years, and i know he loves me. We have a great relationship. We are both open and honest and loving towards each other. Yet he honestly spoke with me about how he wants ...
A. 16 October 2010: You are honest and open and loving to each other.
So, if he brings up the subject again , tell him honestly ,openly and lovingly to f..k off.
... (read in full...)
My kids are Jekyll and Hyde
Q. Hi there, I just really want to know how other parents cope with teens. My two are 16 and 13 and they can be utterly horrendous at times which we have put down to hormones and try to deal with it the best we can. My husband and I seem to spend th...
A. 16 October 2010: Thank to you, AuntieSnap, for being such a good sport. I am wary of criticizing people in their role of parents, because I know the parent's instinctive - and probably only sensible - reaction to any comment is " Then YOU come here and deal with ... (read in full...)
I worry my girl might be sexually frustrated
Q. hey. i cant get the thought out of my head that my girlfriend is sexually frustrated. i ask her all the time and assure her that it is better for her to tell me and to not worry about my feelings but she says everythings fine. how can you tell if ...
A. 16 October 2010: How did this thought get into your head ? I mean, you just did not wake up one morning and said " My gf is sexually frustrated ".
There must have been some signal that you have read , or more probably misread.
Was it something she said, or her b... (read in full...)
Update to my previous "non reciprocated crush" question
Q. I wrote this post a couple of weeks ago: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/to-me-it-seems-i-am-being-selfish.html I was glad to take CindyCare's advice, until my friend emailed me two days ago with a bizarre one sentence email about watching a ...
A. 16 October 2010: I stand by my advice and I agree with OhGetReal : it's a bait.
I don't know why she sent it. Maybe she really has a personality disorder, maybe it's an ego thing ( she likes to know she is being missed ). Maybe it was a rainy day and she was ... (read in full...)
My kids are Jekyll and Hyde
Q. Hi there, I just really want to know how other parents cope with teens. My two are 16 and 13 and they can be utterly horrendous at times which we have put down to hormones and try to deal with it the best we can. My husband and I seem to spend th...
A. 16 October 2010: Necessary disclaimer : I don't like when people comments about my parenting skills, I tend to take every suggestion as a personal criticism. If you are like me,-please do not take offence. I know that being a mother of teenagers is a very ... (read in full...)
I say g/f is hot, friends think she's not
Q. I love my Girlfriend but my friends say she's ugly. I think she's hot. How do I get my "friends" to stop?...
A. 16 October 2010: Change friends. Why do they keep butting into your business, and saying mean things if they know it bothers you ?... (read in full...)
He has to get married soon but I'm not sure that I want to!
Q. Hi , I met a guy after i went through divorce and was very alone and insecure(2 year back). He had been in similar condition too. i feel in love with him. My conditions improved with time. He proposed me for marriage but since he proposed i am fe...
A. 16 October 2010: No,don't get married. Unluckily so many marriages end in divorce even when people are totally convinced about getting married- imagine when they aren't.
Also, too bad that he and his family need that he gets married shortly- but you can't marr... (read in full...)
Do I stink or does my colleague have a problem with me?
Q. I'm a female 25 years old. I'm a travel agent by proffession..went to school then college for two years and got a travel n tourism diploma. That was just for background info. I have a problem at work.. i'm the only black consultant in the company of ...
A. 15 October 2010: I really know very little about your country so I have no idea how likely it is that what you are going trough is an instance of racial mobbing in the workplace.
I can tell you though that alitosis ( bad breath ) may have other causes beside poor... (read in full...)
Is he trying to leave me or does he just need space?
Q. I've been with my partner for 6 years, we are in a Long distance realtionship, and have had every plan to be together in marriage and move.My bf is having a hard time in life right now and dealing with his moms ovarian cancer in which she only has a ...
A. 15 October 2010: Maybe he does not know it himself yet, and he is going by trial and error.
Personally I am skeptical about the utility of breaks.
Can he really sort his life out in two months ? What is it gonna change within two months, is he gonna be able to... (read in full...)
Should I dump the girl I love to go for a hotter girl?
Q. Hi I am currently in a relationship with someone I love. My friends say she is gross and ugly. A "hotter" girl likes me but I don't like her. Should I dump my current gf and go for the other one?...
A. 15 October 2010: Perhaps you should dump your friends instead. If they are so rude and insensitive to call your gf "gross and ugly " in your face, they must be rather horrible people.... (read in full...)
If a man misses his family and wants to come home, why would he stay with his affair partner?
Q. If a man misses his family and wants to come home, why would he stay with his affair partner? He doesn't get along with her, she's mean to his kids and he misses his family? Whats stopping him?...
A. 15 October 2010: Nothing is stopping him.
When people don't do what they say they want to do- generally the only reason is because they don't REALLY want to do it.... (read in full...)
I'm not ready to have sex with him, but I'm afraid he'll break up with me if I don't!
Q. well i'm 15 and my boyfriend wants to have sex his 16 and i kinda want to wait a year or two i love him alot and i dont want him to brake up with me if i tell him no. how do i tell him i want to wait without him braking up with me?...
A. 15 October 2010: Just tell him. If he does leave you over that, what better proof that he does not care enough about you and that he only wants to use you.... (read in full...)
Do I tell my in-laws their daughter cheated on me?
Q. I found out my wife been cheating on me. Do I tell her father and mother? ...
A. 15 October 2010: Why ? She is not under age I guess. You can decide if forgiving her or leaving her, but anyway it's between you and her.... (read in full...)
I punched my boyfriend in the face!
Q. Help! I have been dating my boyfriend for 5 months. We are deeply in love but have a few minor setbacks. Our relationship for the most part is amazing. I have been really grouchy lately and I have also been sick and have a rash all over my body. I ...
A. 15 October 2010: I only partially agree with Cgrlygo.
I agree that your bf sounds very self-centered and uncaring, how can he just assume that when you ended up at the ER you were faking or it was not a big deal, for all he knew it could have been something leth... (read in full...)
Is my ex thinking of getting back with me later on...maybe?
Q. my bf broke up with me about 1 1/2 months ago, we talked here and there since then because I had hard time letting go. Few days ago we talked again, his phone kept dying and he was acting kind of unusual because he was trying hard to call me back a ...
A. 14 October 2010: Yes, you are at the first stage of loss : denial.
I know of preciously few hard- assed guys who'd just "walk away coldly ". For some reason, most men are wimps when they break up- either they put on a total vanishing act and let you figure out ... (read in full...)
Do I break up with him until he sorts out their living arrangement or should I stand by him as he's going through a tough time?
Q. My boyfriend has 2 young (2yrs old) twins with his ex gf. She still lives in his house, in a separate bedroom ofcourse, because she cant afford to live on her own and was unemployed for a while and he supported her in regards to buying her a car, ...
A. 14 October 2010: If he can afford to get her her own place - why doesn't he just do that ?... (read in full...)
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