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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Are we really working toward more in this relationship?
Q. I need your opinions on this please... I am in my mid 50's and have been dating a man who is also in his mid 50's. We met online about 4 months ago, he lives very close by, and we have been seeing one another occasionally ever since we met (it star...
A. 19 November 2010: He has told you, in a nice and caring way, that he feels pressured and he is not ready to take your relationship to the next level , as you want and as you may have sent him "signals " about.
It is probably true that he feels overwhelmed by h... (read in full...)
Are we really working toward more in this relationship?
Q. I need your opinions on this please... I am in my mid 50's and have been dating a man who is also in his mid 50's. We met online about 4 months ago, he lives very close by, and we have been seeing one another occasionally ever since we met (it star...
A. 11 November 2010: Glad to hear that - everything seems to be on track. Yes, 4 months is too early to attempt "predictions ". You'll have to just relax, let him pursue you , enjoy his courtship and see where it goes ( for a few months more , I'd say- not years, ... (read in full...)
I love her and I'm ready for sex. Should I go ahead with it?
Q. Ok....Heres the situation me and this girl are deeply in love. We are not 18 we are both within a year of each other age wise. This past weekend we where close to having intercourse when I stopped us. The only reason I stopped us is I didn't want ...
A. 11 November 2010: "I can care less what the law says " - I suppose this is one of the values you would be teaching to your child ?...... (read in full...)
Are we really working toward more in this relationship?
Q. I need your opinions on this please... I am in my mid 50's and have been dating a man who is also in his mid 50's. We met online about 4 months ago, he lives very close by, and we have been seeing one another occasionally ever since we met (it star...
A. 10 November 2010: No no, I did not say there is any harm in calling, - you are friends and one phone call is neither stalking nor a breech of etiquette.
And, men are notoriously remiss in reciprocating communications in a timely fashion, so often women pick up the ... (read in full...)
Are we really working toward more in this relationship?
Q. I need your opinions on this please... I am in my mid 50's and have been dating a man who is also in his mid 50's. We met online about 4 months ago, he lives very close by, and we have been seeing one another occasionally ever since we met (it star...
A. 9 November 2010: Peraps I wouldn't do it. Not because there would be anything wrong. Like you said, you are friends, you have been hanging out for months,- it 's no big deal if you call him.
But , if you keep being proactive and initiating contact, you will not ... (read in full...)
I really don't want to hurt this man but I don't think I can be with him my whole life
Q. I am so conflicted right now. Sorry if this gets long - I am 27 in a relationship with someone who is 48. We met because we have a mutual sexual fetish that while completely normal and not one of those weird ones, is a little uncommon. I h...
A. 9 November 2010: OP, I know this is probably a dumb question, but... why do you necessarily have to choose between two bad matches ? Doctor's order ?
Your current BF sounds terribly wrong for you under many aspects. The old friend is a devoted Mormon and you a st... (read in full...)
How can someone you thought loved you hurt you so bad?
Q. Well I will do my best to make this short and to the point but if I ramble on to much feel free to stop reading ..lol..but anywho I was with this guy for 2 years and I thought I met the "love of my life" I made this guy my everything. I did ...
A. 9 November 2010: The key word here is "thought ". You THOUGHT he loved you so much.Very often we think what we want to think, and we see what we want to see, in spite of any evidence to the contrary.
Here we have a selfish guy that does not find anything wron... (read in full...)
I just don't know what to do or how to feel............
Q. I will attempt to make this as short as possible, but I'd really appreciate advice on this.. I will go into detail so those who do reply can have a better grasp on the situation and the people involved. I apologise in advance in regards to the ...
A. 9 November 2010: I don't think she wants to fix all the many issues weighing down your relationship in just a couple of weeks.
She is just inching her way out of the relationship.
She realizes things are not working out between you- and, wisely, wonders if they ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to just be friends after a FWB relationship?
Q. Do you think it is possible for a guy to be capable of being just friends with a girl he's known for more than a year when all they do when they hang out is have sex, kind of like a friends with benefits? Wouldn't it be hard for the guy to be ju...
A. 9 November 2010: I think he would end it . Because that's the way it usually goes. They call it Friends with Benefits- but it's a figure of speech- generally the benefits parts is much more prominent that the friends one.
If a guy has been hanging out with a girl... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend controlling or am I disrespectful?
Q. Our conversations usually go something like this. Him: Why are you wearing that? Me: I think it looks nice. Don't you? Him: Yeah, I'm sure there's going to be lots of other guys who think it looks nice too. Me: Maybe.? Him: Not maybe, def...
A. 9 November 2010: Yes,he sounds controlling. And insecure. A self confident guy would probably be pleased about the admiring stares you are getting because he knows that,at the end of the night, you are going home with him while all the other guys can only watch ... (read in full...)
Should I stay with my new boyfriend or go back to my ex?
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years a few months ago. He's a great person, a great boyfriend, very loving, kind, and fun. However, our sex life was so bad i stopped wanting to have any kind of sex with him. i started to have a physical reaction ...
A. 9 November 2010: I don't think you should go back to your ex. Sure , it is a pity that it did not work out, if he is such a great guy. But, let's face it, sexual compatibily and mutual desire ARE very important in a couple. Especially if you think of a future ... (read in full...)
Is it true it takes three months for a guy to lose interest in someone?
Q. Just a curious question but how long does a guy usually give up on a girl? Like after they have been seeing each other(not relationship) (just talking or maybe a date). And he thinks the girl is not interested....someone told me three months is ...
A. 9 November 2010: Everybody is different, I don't think there is a rule.
Personally, if I should pursue somebody without getting back any encouragement or sign of interest, I'd get tired sooner than 3 months. But maybe I am not very persistent.
... (read in full...)
If my quiet social life bothers him so much, why does he still want to be friends with me?
Q. I met him on a dating site and dated him for 2 months. The first month things were going really well and we were spending almost too much time together. The second month is when things started to go downhill especially after telling me he wanted to ...
A. 9 November 2010: Ah then it's much clearer why he still wants "to be friends " with you.
Everybody needs a "spare wheel ", a "just in case "- or more than one. In case some night all the 20something caught a bad cold showing their cleavage and can't go club... (read in full...)
I keep having dreams about my ex! Should I talk to him and try to get him back?
Q. I broke up with my ex-boyfriend a couple months ago because my best friend told me he was useing me also another one of my cloesest friends hated him to death and even though she said she didn't wantme to have to choose between my friends and my ...
A. 9 November 2010: Nothing ventured nothing gained..so, if you can muster up the nerve, go talk to him, tell him that you realized you made a huge mistake, and you'd love to have a second chance and this time you would not blow it etc.etc.
This,though,only if you ... (read in full...)
We're good friends, share much in common, and have mind blowing sex, but why not the commitment?
Q. I've in the process of getting a divorce from a toxic marriage the past few months. Back late last summer, I met a guy when I was out with some girlfriends. Though the first night we made out, we quickly just became friends after he learned a little ...
A. 8 November 2010: He is not in love with you,that's all.
He is not using you, he did not lie to you, he's been upfront about having other girls, not wanting anything serious and encouraging you to date other guys.
He is not manipulating you- he just likes things t... (read in full...)
From my end our relationship is perfect, but I am worried he does not think the same!
Q. I was in a bar with my boyfriend last night, and there was a pub quiz happening. I wasn't participating, but I heard one of the questions, which was about golf. I generally know nothing about sports, but for some random reason I knew the answer to ...
A. 8 November 2010: I don't get it- he makes a comment that , even if said jokingly, is surely not flattering and borderline offensive ( implying that in general you are disinformed and clueless )... then YOU are the bully ?
How's that ?... (read in full...)
I love her and I'm ready for sex. Should I go ahead with it?
Q. Ok....Heres the situation me and this girl are deeply in love. We are not 18 we are both within a year of each other age wise. This past weekend we where close to having intercourse when I stopped us. The only reason I stopped us is I didn't want ...
A. 8 November 2010: You think you are ready for sex, but the law disagrees. You don't want us to tell you you are too young for sex...but that's exactly what the law says : you are under age.
And "you wouldn't leave her side if she had a child ". Oh really. And how ... (read in full...)
I need to take the best decision for my baby.
Q. My boyfriend has stuggled with addiction for 16 years. Drug, alcohol and porn. We have know eacjh other for 15 years. We got together 2 years ago after reconnecting....he and i were so excited to be together...and everyday we worked as a team to ...
A. 8 November 2010: I cringe everytime I read or hear the words " child " and "drugs " in the same sentence.
I know many people disagree with me but no, I don't think a drug addict can be a good dad. Regardless of the love he might feel for your child, he cannot be a... (read in full...)
Do you think we should have sex?
Q. First, please don't answer "Save yourself for marriage," because that's clearly not going to happen in our modern day and age. Secondly, please don't tell me that I'm an idiot who is going to get pregnant. Now. My boyfriend and I hav...
A. 8 November 2010: No you should not.
Because it's against the law, at your age. Funny how people tends to disregard that. Girls who would not dream of driving without a licence, or using drugs, because it's illegal- think nothing of having illegal underage sex.... (read in full...)
Are we really working toward more in this relationship?
Q. I need your opinions on this please... I am in my mid 50's and have been dating a man who is also in his mid 50's. We met online about 4 months ago, he lives very close by, and we have been seeing one another occasionally ever since we met (it star...
A. 8 November 2010: In partial agreement with the other respondent, I too think that 4 months is still early to predict where things are headed . You are basically still getting to know each other and it takes time to build a solid relationship. So, be patient and see ... (read in full...)
Dreams of me and my boyfriend breaking up again and for good
Q. I been with my boyfriend for six months, we broked up twice but that because we were in a bad situations, and now we are doing good, i love him and he loves me, but for sometime i been having dream that i'm gonna loose him again, one dream i had he ...
A. 8 November 2010: There is nothing to be afraid. You just feel anxious about being able to keep your relationship, and the anxiety you keep under control during the day, simply comes out unchecked when your conscious mind is not fully operative.
It means you FEAR... (read in full...)
My FWB slept with my friend, how should I handle this?
Q. So I'm writing about a fwb relationship that I need advice on what to do with. there's this girl I have been talking to for a few months. I liked her strongly at first and couldn't get my mind off her. She expressed interest for me as well, but gave ...
A. 8 November 2010: The problem with rules is that to work they have to be made very clear ,and agreed upon, at the very beginning of the agreement ,not halfway through it.
Your two rules - no straying when we go out together, no sex with mutual friends - sound very... (read in full...)
We are getting married in 20 days but he still has not contacted me! What could be the reason for this?
Q. hello friends, i got engaged to a guy who is completely selected by my parents. Our enagegement is over before 20 days, But till now there is no interest shown bu that guy toward me. We are getting married after 20days. Daily i will be witing f...
A. 8 November 2010: I guess this is one of the risks of an arranged marriage.
This guy has been selected by your parents ( in agreement with HIS parents, I imagine ).
While you seem to be Ok with this arrangement, maybe he is simply going along with it without ... (read in full...)
Ex and I split up 3 years ago but we still have sex every week even though he's with someone else
Q. My ex and I have been spilt for 3 years +...he has a new gf that they have a child together ....they do not get along that well at all but he won't leave her because of the child, or some other reason. we sleep together every week and the sex is ...
A. 8 November 2010: The female anon rises interesting,intelligent points.
I guess it all boils down to our definition of what is "love ".
To me love- not infatuation , or desire for personal gratification at all costs,- is part and parcel with responsi... (read in full...)
Visiting my holiday romance but he wants to stay in the city, will he pay for this? How do I bring this up with him?
Q. I had a whirlwind holiday romance. He said he was going to come to England to visit me as soon as he could get time off. Since then he has kept in regular contact with me and things have been great with all signs that he is really into me. He had ...
A. 8 November 2010: I am a woman, but Italian , so perhaps I qualify for giving my opinion
Italian guys would normally pay in such a situation. Without batting a lid.Unless he is very young or very broke, but this is not the case.
But,in fear you have chanced ... (read in full...)
I know this girl is using me, yet she makes me look like the bad guy!
Q. Alright so I was in what you might call a reationship. I dont considering partly through it I figured out she didn't like me. I started dating her while on vacation in south Florida. We talked and found out she wanted to move up to NC about 4 hours ...
A. 8 November 2010: I am inclined to agree with the previous poster. I understand you may feel used and ill - treated, but ,it boils down to :you offered things, and she accepted. From her point of view, there were, or ther should not have been, strings attached. One ... (read in full...)
I am 15, want to be with 24 year old online guy and feel depressed!
Q. I am 15 yrs old. i am in love with a guy he is 24 we met online...i hate my life no one loves me i don't have any friends i am always depressed my parents hate each other my dad is having affair...i can't talk about my problems with my mom bcoz she ...
A. 8 November 2010: No. He is not in a relationship with you. No normal 24 y.o. guy wants to be in a relationship with a 15 y.o. kid. If he has no scruples- like your friend- he wants to have some fun and take advantage of her "blind trust " and inexperience. You are ... (read in full...)
My husband can't get over HIS affair.
Q. My husband had an affair 2 years ago, and we worked through issues, the affair ended and life went on. 3 weeks ago we celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary with a vow renewal ceremony, and I noticed after that he started acting very depresse...
A. 7 November 2010: Ok, call me a b..ch if you want, but frankly I don't believe to delayed guilt trips. I don't believe that the guilt for an old fling is so overwhelming and that he feels so impure and unworthy ( when you have already forgiven him ) that he needs ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend likes to abuse me and then says "Grow up and take it like a man"
Q. my gf says she likes to put me through pain and likes to give me hard times. my gf likes to punch me hard aswell as nipple twist and pinching. she also likes to strike at my emotions and i'm a very sensitive and she knows it but all she tells me to ...
A. 7 November 2010: I don't know if it's normal, but surely it is very rude and annoying, can't you just tell her you don't like it and she has to cut it out with these stupid games ?... (read in full...)
My wife thinks I won't protect her and her child
Q. Myself and wife and her 13 year old daughter from a previous marriage were watching a high school football game last night sounds good right? Well my step daughter who was getting bored with the game and wanted to walk around so my wife said ok to ...
A. 7 November 2010: I am sorry I have to disagree with C. Grant because I always find myself concurring with what he says, but not this time.
Etiquette and gracious behaviour are a two way street, and tolerance must be mutual. There is no law that says that when... (read in full...)
I'm a tomboy but realized how much appearance can influence someone's impression of you!
Q. Hey guys, first of all I would like to thank each and everyone of you in advance for your help. Second, I apologize for my grammar as english is not my native language. Well, here it goes. I've always been the "tomboy" I wouldn't take it to the extr...
A. 7 November 2010: It's true that inner beauty is more important that the outer shell, but it's also true that there is no law against being beautiful inside AND outside. What's wrong with being the best you can be ? Same as you express the potential of your brain by ... (read in full...)
My 10 year old doesn't want to meet her long lost father!
Q. I had my daughter when I was 15 years old. I'm now 25 and she is a beautiful ten year old who is now in the sixth grade (she skipped a grade because she's a smart cookie!). Her father, unfortunately, decided not to be part of her life (or mine, f...
A. 7 November 2010: Don't force her. "Father " is just an empty word if it's not backed up by the actions which make a father : caring. Loving. Providing. Protecting. Being present.
In lack of that , the father is just really a sperm donor and I can understand why ... (read in full...)
I'm smoking and having to hide it from my boyfriend!
Q. okkk.... so. me and my guy are close, very close.. we have been dating for 2 years now and everything is perfect! He doesn't smoke though. i can never get him to smoke and every time i mention it he gets mad.. he thinks its totally greasy and i have ...
A. 7 November 2010: Why can't we judge pot smokers ? Since when approval for use of drugs has become mandatory mandatory ???
Correct me if I am wrong, but as far as I know in your country both sale and possession are against the law, and I don't think Dear Cupi... (read in full...)
Should I stay with my muslim boyfriend?
Q. I've been dating this muslim boy for almost a year now, and everything's going amazingly. I'm not one to say I've fallen in love with just anybody, I take that very seriously, so I wouldn't necessarily say that I'm madly in love, but I definitely ...
A. 7 November 2010: Sorry, I meant : Muslim women CAN only marry Muslim men... (read in full...)
Should I stay with my muslim boyfriend?
Q. I've been dating this muslim boy for almost a year now, and everything's going amazingly. I'm not one to say I've fallen in love with just anybody, I take that very seriously, so I wouldn't necessarily say that I'm madly in love, but I definitely ...
A. 7 November 2010: A Muslim man can marry a Christian woman , according to his religion ( while , interestingly enough, Muslim women cannot only marry Muslim men ).
The problem would not be the technicalities of formalizing your union, therefore. The problems may ... (read in full...)
2 years never use condom, could I make a girl pregnant?
Q. Im having almost daily sex for around 2 years already and i never used condoms,but i never get any trouble because i hav never let the sperms go inside(except of few days after her period). is there any possibility if i make her pregnant even widout ...
A. 7 November 2010: Of course you can. The pull-out method has a failure rate of 30 percent !
You have sort of being playing contraceptive Russian Roulette. You have been lucky.
So far.... (read in full...)
If my quiet social life bothers him so much, why does he still want to be friends with me?
Q. I met him on a dating site and dated him for 2 months. The first month things were going really well and we were spending almost too much time together. The second month is when things started to go downhill especially after telling me he wanted to ...
A. 7 November 2010: I have better questions for you :
- you and this guy are not compatible, don't have much in common and don't have the same idea of fun- why are YOU still keeping him around ? What's the purpose ?
- what do you care if a perfect stranger criticiz... (read in full...)
I want to hurt women the way my ex hurt me!
Q. I'm not proud of what I'm about to say because I know it is wrong and can never be justified so that's why I'm wanting your reinforcemt.I was played like a fiddle by my girlfriend and when all my strings popped she tossed me in the ally with the ...
A. 7 November 2010: If the pressure of your pent up anger and humiliation is so strong , I think you should see a counselor who will heelp you cope with these feelings.
Your revenge is difficult to realize in practice, it assumes you' d be able to make a lot of wome... (read in full...)
Should my Brother-in-law have helped me dress?
Q. I am 24, and my sister's husband took me to a hospital for a minor procedure that involved anesthesia. When I was done, he came in to see me. The nurse came in and said I could go, but needed to get dressed. She assumed he was my husband, and ...
A. 6 November 2010: Why didn't you just ring for the nurse and explained her this gentleman is not family and can't help me , ? she would have sent you the first available female member of the staff .
... (read in full...)
I've been seeing a married man for 7 years
Q. Hi All I am confussed about this married guy i have been seeing for 7yrs. no i shoudn't be doing this sort of thing yes i do know it's wrong but you can't help you fall in love with either. I donot expect this man to leave his wife there is no...
A. 6 November 2010: You are kidding yourself, and he is selfish.
He might have some love for you but surely a lot less than what he has for his wife, his routine and his convenience.... (read in full...)
Money shouldn't be an issue when it comes to love right?
Q. Omgosh I'm so stressed.. I've been talking to this guy for about a month now and everything is going pretty good! I met him through my best friend's husband... Well unfortunately he lives about 1700 miles away :-( well he bought me a plane ticket to ...
A. 6 November 2010: I agree with the previous poster. You should ,in fact, worry about your finances and paying your debts off , rather than about having fun during your holiday. Like, taking an extra job for the holidays, - or cutting your current expens, rather ... (read in full...)
But I love him ...
Q. Today is a month for me and my boyfriend, we have had our ups and downs, we had broke up and gotten back together and ever since then things have not been the same he doesn't call me as much or say sweet things I'm not on his top on myspace he has ...
A. 6 November 2010: In one month you two have been able to have ups and downs , and break it off already ?...
It started on the wrong foot, it's never gonna work. Ex gf,or no ex gf. ... (read in full...)
How can my friend talk to her boyfriend about this?
Q. So my friend asked me to ask you all for advice. Her boyfriend and her have been dating for 8 months. She feels recently that he isn't as into the relationship then he used to be. She has tried talking to him about it but he says "I don't want to...
A. 6 November 2010: Most people, wisely, won't leave their old job or give notice until they have firmly secured a new one.
This guy is sort of doing the same, I think he is casting his nets around,- or at least he wants to get back a lot of space and some priv... (read in full...)
Dad thinks he's a lackluster boyfriend because he dosen't put me on a pedestal. Is he?
Q. Hello all. I've been with my guy almost 2 years, and things have been pretty smooth. No arguments, though some disagreements. He's my 1st guy, I'm his 4th girl. "Jack" is a nice guy to everyone he meets. Guys or girls, he would give them the sh...
A. 6 November 2010: I think your dad is right and I don't even think he wants
you to be put on a pedestal and showered daily with flowers gifts and compliments,just treated like Jack's significant other and not just one of Jack's good friend with whom ,btw,he also... (read in full...)
She told me she cant date me because she has a boyfriend but I just cant give up on her!
Q. there is a girl i like and i want to date her for a relationship and she keep telling me she has a boyfriend and i can't let her go pls i need ur help...
A. 5 November 2010: They say , you can't go to Heaven in spite of Saint Peter.
You insisted, she kept saying she has a boyfriend.
Let it be. In case she gets annoyed and she tells her boyfriend and this boyfriend turns out to be big, jealous and bad tempered... (read in full...)
I am 15, want to be with 24 year old online guy and feel depressed!
Q. I am 15 yrs old. i am in love with a guy he is 24 we met online...i hate my life no one loves me i don't have any friends i am always depressed my parents hate each other my dad is having affair...i can't talk about my problems with my mom bcoz she ...
A. 22 October 2010: No. And you know that.
Not only because he's too old for you. Not only because you know too little about him and don't know if he just wants to take advantage to you. But because he is making fun of you : Who is so busy that cannot make 1 phon... (read in full...)
I am 15, want to be with 24 year old online guy and feel depressed!
Q. I am 15 yrs old. i am in love with a guy he is 24 we met online...i hate my life no one loves me i don't have any friends i am always depressed my parents hate each other my dad is having affair...i can't talk about my problems with my mom bcoz she ...
A. 21 October 2010: You say you are scared to trust ,but then you trust an unknown 24 y.o. , that is willing to have phone sex with a 15 y.o. kid ! I'd say instead , that you give your trust way too easily,-for all you know he could have a wife and children in ... (read in full...)
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