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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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I am 15, want to be with 24 year old online guy and feel depressed!
Q. I am 15 yrs old. i am in love with a guy he is 24 we met online...i hate my life no one loves me i don't have any friends i am always depressed my parents hate each other my dad is having affair...i can't talk about my problems with my mom bcoz she ...
A. 8 November 2010: No. He is not in a relationship with you. No normal 24 y.o. guy wants to be in a relationship with a 15 y.o. kid. If he has no scruples- like your friend- he wants to have some fun and take advantage of her "blind trust " and inexperience. You are ... (read in full...)
I asked him to be my boyfriend, but no affirmative answer. Should I just smile and wait?
Q. I met this guy online. He contacted me last November and I have seen him 5 times since then. He makes me laugh, we have very complementary personalities, and he inspires me to be a better and stronger person. Sex with him was the best I ever had ...
A. 3 November 2010: A guy who reached mid 40s without ever been married is probably happy about his single status and not very keen on changing it.
Least of all for a woman he met 5 times in a year.... (read in full...)
Scared about getting married....
Q. I am 24yrs old and getting married in a few months. I love my fiance but i maybe having second thoughts about this wedding. I am so confused, i dont know if i want to get married?! I love going out and partying and i love the attention i get ...
A. 31 October 2010: You are not ready to get married.
There is nothing wrong per se with partying and loving male attention, but they sure aren't the first priority or interest of a married woman.
It's not that when you get married you force yourself to give up ... (read in full...)
Do you ever get over someone you've been with for years?
Q. So my question is about love. After you have been with someone for a long time (years) and things don't work out between you two and you both move on what can you do to get yourself to stop loving, thinking about, and caring for the person that you ...
A. 31 October 2010: You will get over those feelings, even if right now it sounds unbelievable to you. Life goes on, people change, feelings change, persons and things get out of your life, new persons and new things come into your life.
You say " a long time " but ... (read in full...)
Is cheating/open relationship ok in this case?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for just over a year and up until recently things have been amazing. We're both in college and he's under a certain amount of pressure to be single, but he's always been more mature than them and has coped fine. ...
A. 31 October 2010: No you did not !
If nothing else, because you agreed to something that in fact makes you cry.Don't ever say yes when you mean no- EVER.
But all in all the whole scenario is ridicolous - he wants to cheat ( He does not exclude hooking up ) and he... (read in full...)
Do all women scream at their husband when they are in labor?
Q. I need some good advice from the women out there who are mothers. My wife and I are pregnant. In all the movies you see, when the woman is in labor she is yelling at the father, scratching him, telling him it's all his fault, etc, etc. I am just...
A. 30 October 2010: No,that's just movies.
In real life, women in labour need their BREATH and ENERGY and are not likely to waste either by ranting against their husbands.
Of course, it IS a physically very painful experience, so it can happen that the woman fe... (read in full...)
I am now in my 20s, and I still get petrified at the thought of getting pregnant...!
Q. I have a question about sex, I am now in my 20s, and I still get petrified at the thought of getting pregnant and i know how my body works and i keep track of my cycle and all, but recently me and my bf of 2 years had sex without a condom for the ...
A. 30 October 2010: I know this is a dumb question, but ...if you are so petrified at the thought of getting pregnant , why would you have sex without condoms and , I guess from your post , without being on the pill ?
Ok, you got caught in the moment, it only happ... (read in full...)
I am in love with a guy that has been giving me mixed signals.
Q. okay. I am in love with a guy that has been giving me mixed signals. Last week, my friend texted him and he ended up asking for my number. My friend told me and then he texted me. We just had a friendly conversation. Then the next day, there was a ...
A. 30 October 2010: So....nothing.
I say it often here on Dear Cupid but one more time can't hurt : mixed signals= no signals.
When the signals are mixed, the signaler is lukewarm, undecided, or simply killing time ( and wasting your time ).
If a person is really in... (read in full...)
My breasts are really hurting!
Q. dear cupid my boobs have been killing me for a good while now and im really worried incase there is something wrong with them ive asked my friends does this happen to any of them and they said no so im kinda scared. . . i dont no what to do in...
A. 30 October 2010: Well,like Chigirl says, when things grow , they hurt , so probably that's all what 's happening.
See your doctor anyway, though.
I used to have the same problem and my breasts would hurt real bad, not just a mild discomfort, particul... (read in full...)
My friends always say the teacher is staring at me
Q. hey :) I know I have asked this before, but I got no help :( thank you to the people who did comment though, I just need more help please I don't know what to do im really sorry its so long, but please I need your advice .... I'm a littl...
A. 30 October 2010: OP, I could say much more about this matter, and you'd like it even less than what I said already. No need to fuel sterile polemics and your juvenile narcissism, - let's just stick to the facts.
You have repeatedly posted about your problem.... (read in full...)
I asked him to be my boyfriend, but no affirmative answer. Should I just smile and wait?
Q. I met this guy online. He contacted me last November and I have seen him 5 times since then. He makes me laugh, we have very complementary personalities, and he inspires me to be a better and stronger person. Sex with him was the best I ever had ...
A. 29 October 2010: You have seen him 5 times in a year, how busy and how independent people can be ???
The reason why he did not say "yes " is because he did not want to say yes . He likes the situation as it is now. Low maintenance. Very fluid. Fun and care... (read in full...)
My friends always say the teacher is staring at me
Q. hey :) I know I have asked this before, but I got no help :( thank you to the people who did comment though, I just need more help please I don't know what to do im really sorry its so long, but please I need your advice .... I'm a littl...
A. 29 October 2010: You are sooo right,Eyeswideopen.
This teacher's behaviour might ,or might not, be totally inappropriate,- the point though is that , even if it is totally inappropriate, the poster really digs it. That's why she won't do anything about it. She won'... (read in full...)
Airports new "feel you up" measure is crossing the lines!
Q. ok. who was watching cnn this morning? airports are bringing in some new security measures and its getting personal. i watched (on cnn) an employee run her hand between and right under a female passengers breasts. they touch your butt and quickly ...
A. 29 October 2010: No, they take it very seriously in Europe too. I have been frisked very thouroughly in Zurich and Frankfurt airports. Both times the search was performed by a female security officer. I can't remember well now, but I don't think it was a ... (read in full...)
Mom asked if she made me "vocal"? What does this mean?
Q. I tried asking this question before but i guess i needed more info. I was in a drive thru with my mom and i was yelling through the window that the resturant across the street was faster.lol. I loudly said the our nieghbor needed to quit putting ...
A. 29 October 2010: She is wondering how come you came out so obnoxious : bad genes, or bad examples.
Poor mom. I really do not envy her. Now you think that yelling is cute. Eventually you'll change your mind when you'll see how people shun you and dislike you beca... (read in full...)
How can you tell if someone is trying to manipulate you?
Q. How can you tell if a guy is trying to manipulate you? I ask because i feel like a guy "friend" who is already taken is trying to manipulate me to get what he wants. E.g trying to make me feel guilty, over complimenting me etc... How c...
A. 29 October 2010: He does not seem to grasp the fact that he is being unfair... I think in fact that he grasps it perfectly !|, just he does not care and it's very naive of you expecting he should.
His problem is not how to promote fairness and loyalty in our ... (read in full...)
Should I keep it as a pipe dream, or should I ask her out?
Q. At the gas station. She is so beautiful and seems so otherworldly and cool. I'm a 27 yr old geeky, balding, shy guy. How do I go about this? Is it wrong to ask her out? She doesn't do much small talk. I imagine she probably gets other gu...
A. 29 October 2010: Oh for Pete's sake- are you really 27 ? just go talk to her . Ask her out.
It's not against the law !
what 's the worst thing that can happen ?
That she says no :so ? It won't be the end of your life, and at least you'll have tried :
In ... (read in full...)
Why do I have to beg for sex?
Q. I have been married for almost 7 years.. my husband and I have been together for 9 years. We have never had a strong sexual chemistry- at least not as far as I am concerned. I thought early in our relationship that we had what was important- alot ...
A. 29 October 2010: Well, sadly enough it was to be expected in a sense... 9 years is a long time and the hottest physical passion fades a bit in time, imagine if the chemistry was not there to begin with.
Yet I think that your husband may be seriously ,gen... (read in full...)
Should I let it go, even though I need closure?
Q. when i was on a school trip i completely and utterly fell for a boy. Halfway through the week we got together and we moved fast (boys and girls weren't allowed in the same room for a reason - we didn't have sx but a few more days and we would have ...
A. 29 October 2010: What more closure do you want ?
Ok the guy has not been a perfect gentleman, he should have told you in your face " I am dumping you because of this and that " and he did not. But, since, like you said, after coming back from the trip your rela... (read in full...)
I've made a list of questions I'd like to ask him! But should I ask?
Q. I made a short little list of things that i want to ask this guy that ive been sorta going out with for maybe almost a month now but we only meet on weekends because he is busy (home improvement) which im first hand witness of by the way. it started ...
A. 29 October 2010: No please don't ask anything.
I must say that from a simple "whatever " you seem to be getting out quite a lot of mileage, but - hey, dreaming romance is not against the law.
Also being needy and insecure is not against the law... b... (read in full...)
How can I overcome my trust issues?
Q. i've had trust issues for a very long time, from a very young age i can remember being reluctant to trust anyone i didn't know very well. when i was 10 my father left but continued to visit me, then after he got a new house i visited him for the ...
A. 29 October 2010: Find a self help group for people with similar issues. Most SHGs are facilitated by a counselor or therapist ;
SHGs are often free or available for a nominal fee, and anyway less expensive than traditional one on one therapy .
Check your loc... (read in full...)
Why won't he perform oral on me?
Q. My boyfriend simply won't go down on me. We have been sexually active for over 3 months and I've received it maybe 6 times. I give him head all the time, hoping to get some in return, but he claims he just has to be in the mood for it. I can't stand ...
A. 29 October 2010: Don't insist and don't take it personally, I bet it has got nothing to do with your being clean enough ( which you are anyway ).
Everybody is different, some men simply do not enjoy that much this kind of sexual act, it does not provide them with... (read in full...)
Why do men think of women as slaves?
Q. why do men think of women as slaves?...
A. 29 October 2010: Do they ?....Where do you live ?
For some reason I think you are just talking about interpersonal relationships. Not about social plagues like
human trafficking, or child prostitutes.
If it is so, then you are just generalizing what happens... (read in full...)
My hair stylist hurt my feelings. Should I go back to her?
Q. i'm quite upset. i went to the hairdressers today, and i didnt like some comments that my hairdresser made. she said my colour had faded( i had my hair dyed blonde, but the person who dyed it didnt put much blonde in ) and i didnt even think it ...
A. 29 October 2010: If you are basically satisfied with her work, I think you should keep going to the same hair stylist. She may have said something that you did not like, but ,as long as she was neither rude nor arrogant, - try to keep your cool and not feel what ... (read in full...)
Biggest age gap you've ever seen?!
Q. Hi, ok. are u sitting down people? I seriously need a word of advice..i've fallen in love. madly, deeply inlove. And this man is in love with me, but we have to keep our relationship secret because we are afraid of what people might think. We ...
A. 29 October 2010: The guy is 67, and he is exactly on the very same level (emotional,intellectual,experiential,financial....)with a 20 y.o.girl ....
And...is that supposed to be a good thing ???
Why ? It sounds pretty pathetic...... (read in full...)
A question about manners!
Q. Its not a love question, but about manners. i went out with my friend yesterday, and later her coworker joined us with 2 friends, all guys. They were approximately our age, early, mid forties. We were introduced, exchanged 'nice to meet you'fras...
A. 22 October 2010: True , what you said does not happen in Italy - no man here would just happily stuff his face in front of you without offering you at the very least to share his food , and the behaviour you have described would rise eyebrows even in a dock ... (read in full...)
I am 15, want to be with 24 year old online guy and feel depressed!
Q. I am 15 yrs old. i am in love with a guy he is 24 we met online...i hate my life no one loves me i don't have any friends i am always depressed my parents hate each other my dad is having affair...i can't talk about my problems with my mom bcoz she ...
A. 22 October 2010: No. And you know that.
Not only because he's too old for you. Not only because you know too little about him and don't know if he just wants to take advantage to you. But because he is making fun of you : Who is so busy that cannot make 1 phon... (read in full...)
If he misses me why can't he just say he's sorry?
Q. Please bare with me, and please help! When I was 14 I met this boy online. He was the same age as me we had the same interests and generally got on very well. We spoke online nearly everyday, as well as texting each other and phoning each oth...
A. 22 October 2010: Why do you feel he acted like a jerk ?
You told him you did not want an LDR and he was free to do what he wanted. He got a girlfriend , and he couldn't /wouldn't keep up a close friendship with another girl ( you ) because this is what very norm... (read in full...)
Why do women want to stay friends with their ex?
Q. This one is for the females. Please enlighten me or tell me if this is true. What is with the obsession in remaining friends with the ex boyfriends? Do all women do this? For those that say yes, why?! I have never remained "friends" with a...
A. 22 October 2010: I am a woman ,but what you are talking about always baffles me too. I never did that,- if it was a bad break up for obvious reasons, and if it was a "good " break up- you still need to keep your distance for some time to safely put the ... (read in full...)
Sweden verses UK
Q. My boyfriend is Swedish and I'm English. He thinks England is backward and old. He liked some parts of it but generally I got the feeling that he was disappointed. It annoys me because he keeps yapping on and on about Sweden and how amazing e...
A. 22 October 2010: Maybe he is not actually putting down your country- it would surprise me, because - wide generalization of course - Swedish people neither are prone to bragging nor are fiercely patriotic- moreover, they are "politically correct " . He is just ... (read in full...)
Difficult situation with someone 4 years younger than me...
Q. Right well here is the story i need help on and i hope pepole can help me: There me who is 16 and this boy which is 12 so 4 years younger than me. we met and the second day we went out because we really really like each other and i didnt feel rig...
A. 22 October 2010: The only thing you can do is leaving him alone.
I don't care how old he looks or acts, he is still only 12 , he is a CHILD.
Do you want to be a child molester ?... (read in full...)
Do you have any insights or thoughts on how to improve my life?
Q. How I feel: Honestly its no one fault, its just mine, people tell me what I should do rather when I should be telling myself what I should be doing. I sometimes even go as far as not thinking the situation through, or even go as far as over thin...
A. 22 October 2010: Chin up, my friend- you are not alone in feeling this way . It's pretty universal, in fact a famous romantic poet, Ugo Foscolo, wrote this in the early 19th century :
"non son chi fui : peri' di noi gran parte :
questa che avanza e' sol languore... (read in full...)
Should I get pregnant knowing my fiance doesn't want another child?
Q. My fiance and I have 3 boys (5,2,1 week), i just gave birth to a baby on 10/14. I desperately want to try for a girl and he doesn't want anymore children. 2 are his and 1 is from a previous relationship. He now wants to use condoms and get me on ...
A. 22 October 2010: Those poor 3 boys. They will be so happy growing up to feel like they are second best and not-what-they-really-should-have-been.
Because they WILL feel it if you don't stop right now with this nonsnense.... (read in full...)
My wife doesn't want sex and says I can have one night stands
Q. My wife is 51 and I am 48. She says that she no longer feels like sex with any man, although she will reluctantly have sex with me to keep me happy. She has orgasms about half the times we have sex, but says twice a week is too much and that I ...
A. 21 October 2010: Hold your horses, anonymous reader. I did not authomatically sided by the female of the couple, because I don't even see this as a feminist issue. Only as a practical problem that needs a solution.
The wife is not in the mood for sex, the husb... (read in full...)
My wife doesn't want sex and says I can have one night stands
Q. My wife is 51 and I am 48. She says that she no longer feels like sex with any man, although she will reluctantly have sex with me to keep me happy. She has orgasms about half the times we have sex, but says twice a week is too much and that I ...
A. 21 October 2010: Your wife could be off sex because of hormonal changes, or depression, or just plain and simple boredom...
But, you are not helping her that much to get her groove back.
When you say : ok, no sex, at least satisfy me with your hands, you are ... (read in full...)
He deletes my comments on FB and likes and unlikes as well
Q. So my ex, (I'll call him Jay) I had an instant connection with him the moment I met him, but our relationship was short lived. He broke up with me because I was "distracting him from his baseball career." (he was a baseball star in his league) Later ...
A. 21 October 2010: I think you responded yourself :
he can't stay sober more than a couple of days.
That explains a lot of things.... (read in full...)
I am 15, want to be with 24 year old online guy and feel depressed!
Q. I am 15 yrs old. i am in love with a guy he is 24 we met online...i hate my life no one loves me i don't have any friends i am always depressed my parents hate each other my dad is having affair...i can't talk about my problems with my mom bcoz she ...
A. 21 October 2010: You say you are scared to trust ,but then you trust an unknown 24 y.o. , that is willing to have phone sex with a 15 y.o. kid ! I'd say instead , that you give your trust way too easily,-for all you know he could have a wife and children in ... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend like his ex's butt better?
Q. Ok i am totally aware as to how ridiculous this is but omg help!! So im in a long distance relationship, been with him now for 2 years (both our longest relationships so far)and we see each other not often but atleast take 3 holidays per yea...
A. 21 October 2010: Your boyfriend is naif because he did not get this is a version of mirror mirror on the wall who's the fairest of them all , and the only correct answer would have been : Yours my queen. Your ass is the best of them all.
But ,other than his naiv... (read in full...)
Since we had sex I have heard nothing from him!
Q. I'm a 20 year old with little dating experience and very very confused! Please help! I met a seemingly great guy, Steve, online. We messaged for five months and eventually met offline. I felt we had a really strong connection and would get along ...
A. 21 October 2010: Early to say, but I am afraid you could be one more casualty of on line dating.
I am sure he did have fun and enjoyed it all ( some things are difficult to pretend ) - but that does not mean that he wants to have a relationship with you, or ... (read in full...)
Girlfreind masterbates even with regular sex. help
Q. i am a 18yr old guy. i have been having regular sex with my girlfreind for 6months. but the sex is not great most of the time due to her being a vergin and hurting really easily(i assume). she has not had an orgasm from me in general (including ...
A. 21 October 2010: My friend, I don't think anybody here took offence for your words, I am sure we all basically just wanted to recommend you not to let your personal hang ups interfere with
your couple's harmony. Apparently, all is well that ends well- and , as... (read in full...)
I need advice, I want to have a baby, I am 14, please help??
Q. hey im 14 and i really want a baby i have wanted one sence i was 11 and i dont know what to do my family and friends say i am a natual when it comes to looking after children and careing for them i really don tknow what to do please help x...
A. 21 October 2010: To the anonymous reader who says : here we have NHS, taxes pay for healthcare. True, but this is exactly just one more reason why she should not have a baby at age 14 .
Tax money belongs to the community, inside which there are - or there shou... (read in full...)
Torn between my ex and his friend, who should I choose?
Q. Ok, i dont really know how to start this off so im just gonna jump in. me and my boyfriend have been going out for amost a year now. and in that year hes been to jail 10 times. I love him to death. but now he just got out the other day and ...
A. 21 October 2010: Uhm, what about changing your circle of friends ?- I guarantee you that there are plenty of cool , sexy guys out there, who neither have an arm -long criminal record nor associate with ex-cons.... (read in full...)
Weight advice needed!!!
Q. I have been on a very low cal diet (450-700 cals) for the past 2 months, I have no idea how much weight I have lost, my scales have been broken. I now have a pair of scales :) I weigh 115lbs at 5'6.5" and I am 22 years old. Basically, I need to lose ...
A. 21 October 2010: When people becomes looking sick it's generally because they have started BEING sick.
I can't believe you are damaging your body , compromising your health and flirting with eating disorder disarter , for an amateur movie! Perhaps if it were for ... (read in full...)
Do women like to catch a glimpse of a man's penis or balls?
Q. Do women like it when men wear shortish kind of shorts and maybe you catch a glimpse of what he is packing here or there (san undies, of course). I love it when I happen to catch a glimpse up a woman's skirt, or into her shorts, or down her top to ...
A. 21 October 2010: I am already turned off by a crime against style like "shortish" shorts- imagine by the unrequested exhibition of their content. Totally crass.
... (read in full...)
Girlfreind masterbates even with regular sex. help
Q. i am a 18yr old guy. i have been having regular sex with my girlfreind for 6months. but the sex is not great most of the time due to her being a vergin and hurting really easily(i assume). she has not had an orgasm from me in general (including ...
A. 20 October 2010: They alway say you can't change other people, only change yourself...
Because you feel like crap after masturbating- then SHE too should feel like crap when she does ? All people should feel like crap ?...
I know I know, this is something you feel... (read in full...)
Girlfreind masterbates even with regular sex. help
Q. i am a 18yr old guy. i have been having regular sex with my girlfreind for 6months. but the sex is not great most of the time due to her being a vergin and hurting really easily(i assume). she has not had an orgasm from me in general (including ...
A. 20 October 2010: Excuse me but...am I wrong in assuming that at 18 YOU masturbate pretty regularly, gf or no gf ? No, right ? ( something like 97 percent of males masturbate ).
Do you feel like you are cheating on her and you are doing something terrible ?...... (read in full...)
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