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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Is a bit of nervousness in a guy unattractive to girls?
Q. Is a bit of nervousness in a guy unattractive to girls (better make that women)? If a guy is a bit nervous when he's talking, isn't it like you can just verbally run over him? Isn't the inability to stay solid/unbeaten kind of the definition o...
A. 12 September 2010: Not at all. As long as it is just a bit.... (read in full...)
How much does appearance matter to men?
Q. How much does appearance matter to men? For example, I don't put in any effort into my appearance except that my clothes are clean (I usually wear t-shirts and jeans). My boyfriend says that the clothing I wear either makes me look really youn...
A. 11 September 2010: I agree with everything Dear Jilly wrote- and I 'd like you to apologize for having caused me mental and physical pain :)
Your post was like a stab to every fibre of my Italian,fashion-oriented being.
A pretty, young, fresh female that only wea... (read in full...)
My boyfriend hits me every time we argue
Q. Hi. So iv been with my boyfriend for 5 years this year and during the 2nd year we was together he started hitting me everytime we argued. The thing is...He said i go on and on and thats what makes him hit me. And he carried on until i cry or u...
A. 11 September 2010: Please honey ,listen to Q and Vintage and get out of there - now.
Once you have removed yourself from the situation, if you want you can post here , or send a PM to the Aunts, and we can talk about the hows and whys and if this mess can be fixe... (read in full...)
Left and right sides of brain do not agree!
Q. I am so confused. my left side of the brain is telling me he just used me for sex. He would never take agirl like me seriously, he would never like somebody like me, he is so much better than me, he can have anyone he wants, why would he choose ...
A. 11 September 2010: You sound like a girl who's capable of sense of humour and self- irony : use it.
Stop "emoting " and keep it real.
Did he use you ?.... Not the way I see it.
That was sex between consenting adults. No promises, no love vows exchanged, n... (read in full...)
Is he a FWB or a boyfriend?
Q. my friend doesn't know if shes boyfriend and girlfriend with this guy shes been having sex with. she likes him alot. but every time she wants to see him, he says yes we will meet up but then when she calls him he would tell her hes busy or not...
A. 11 September 2010: Neither. She is,quite obviously, only a booty call.
You may show her our opinions, but I don't think it will help.
Some times people need to actually bang their heads a few times against a brick wall, before believing that banging your head aga... (read in full...)
I feel too old to be uprooting my life!
Q. Hi, Thanks for reading this, hope you can help. Basically mine is two parts but related. The first is the fact that I am moving 260 miles away TODAY! and feeling awful/scared about it, I am 30 years old and live in a big city and I LOVE MY LIFE h...
A. 11 September 2010: I think you are exagerating.
I can relate to you,though; not too long ago, after living for many years amidst the hustle and bustle of Manhattan, where you can get-buy-find absolutely anything at any time, day or night, I found myself back in Ital... (read in full...)
I'm too shy to ask anyone out!
Q. I need serious help! I am so shy that I never ask any one out. I've never been in a relationship and I want to start now. How do I do it?...
A. 11 September 2010: You know, after a few months on Dear Cupid, I have seen many questions like yours, and I can't help being puzzled.
I grew up when the word "feminism " still had some meaning, and I am all for women making choices and taking charge of their life and ... (read in full...)
Drunken girlfriend kissed another guy for 20 minutes blaming it on the alcohol
Q. My gf Drunk alcohol with boy on the beach. and allowed a boy to put his hands on her breast and other parts. And she kissed that boy for more than 20 minutes on his lips, It hurt me a lot, but she said she dont know what happened to her bcoz he ...
A. 11 September 2010: Uhm.... I admit that I may have personal hang ups about drinking , because in the time and place I was raised, it was not socially acceptable to get drunk to the point you don't know what you are doing. ( More for a woman, but also for a man ).
S... (read in full...)
It's over! He told me to stop calling him
Q. its been a month in in a half and my x wont talk to me at all he says he got a girlfrenid but i still love him and i dont wont nobody but him but he told me to stop calling his phone its over what can i do....
A. 11 September 2010: Stop calling ! If you keep harassing him, not only you won't get him back, but you'll look like a stalker.
Repeat 100 times "Who does not want me does not deserve me ", then wear something nice and go out to have fun with your friends.... (read in full...)
How can I live and make decisions based on a present situation and forget about what happened in the past?
Q. Hey there, I like this guy, I had written in asking about him not too long ago to this site. The problem is that we're friends and I have fallen for friends in the past and I haven't had too much luck with the friends first thing. (Don'...
A. 11 September 2010: Hey,like johnnyrockets says, these things happen.It can happen with friends, and with people you don't know. You may meet someone through a dating site, or at a Starbucks, or at a club etc.etc., , go out with him on a date, have the feeling that ... (read in full...)
What do I say to him after that kiss???
Q. So this past weekend I went to a party, got a little bit too tipsy and kissed a guy i was dancing with. The party was at a frat house at my college. Now all his frat buddies and teammates know who I am. I walked into the cafeteria yesterday and they ...
A. 10 September 2010: No big deal... a kiss is just a kiss ....
" Bocca baciata non perde ventura
anzi rinnova come fa la luna "
( Mouth, for kisses, was never the worse;
like as the moon reneweth her course )
G.Boccaccio, "The Decameron " ... (read in full...)
If this were your partner's past, would you be as upset as I am?
Q. I met my girlfriend on a popular on-line dating website. Her story was this - she had been doing on-line dating for 5 years, but had never been out on more than 2 dates with anyone she met on the internet. She is a divorced mother of one child, and ...
A. 10 September 2010: So,basically,you are saying that one should totally abstain from sex unless it's in the context of a loving, serious relationship.
It's a respectable point of view. I just hope that so far you have applied to yourself the same rigorous stan... (read in full...)
Should I give it all up to be with her?
Q. Simply put, I starting chatting in a forum about a topic unrelated to dating, we talked, there was attraction, 7 months after chatting everyday i fly over there and spent 2.5 weeks with her, everything was magic. Its crunch time now and I have t...
A. 10 September 2010: "She does not care about money as long has she has you "
Easy for her to say. If things between you guys should not work out and you should break up ( as it is far from impossible, considering you don' t really know each other that well and you ... (read in full...)
How do women deal with former lovers who were better?
Q. How hard, or dissapointing is it for you women to go from a guy who is very well hung and mind blowing in bed to a guy who is just average in both the size and skill departments. Let's say that the well hung guy was great in bed, and you were only ...
A. 10 September 2010: I had to smile reading your post : you can SO guess it's written by a man ,even without looking :)
What's so "great in bed " and so " sexually raw " about a well hung jerk that ( yawn ) can't make you orgasm and doesn't ever tend to your need... (read in full...)
If this were your partner's past, would you be as upset as I am?
Q. I met my girlfriend on a popular on-line dating website. Her story was this - she had been doing on-line dating for 5 years, but had never been out on more than 2 dates with anyone she met on the internet. She is a divorced mother of one child, and ...
A. 10 September 2010: I don't quite get it.
Are you saying that , if in the last 5 years, she had had 10 ( six months each ) "normal " dating relationship, you would be less upset ?
You are upset she had two casual relationships, based on sex only. Maybe that's all s... (read in full...)
Should I keep it going because I love him so much and am afraid to be without him?
Q. our relationship has lasted almost two months... in the beggining he was so great i thought i could find nothing better then this and this was all i ever dreamed of in a guy but then exactly after a month hit we started arguing over the silliest...
A. 10 September 2010: When I read posts like yours ( they are frequent ) I always feel both a wave of tenderness and a surge of irritation.
Tenderness because one can really feel in your words all the pain
and the confusion and the raw vulnerability- my,being... (read in full...)
The question has been bugging me
Q. Ok, we all know that when you have a F*** Buddy it's just about sex, there isn't much of a friendship there or whatever. So, my ex fbuddy still contacts me because he was adament he wanted to stay friends (he now has a girlfriend), to be honest i ...
A. 10 September 2010: Of course his talk of friendship is a way to keep you on the backburner- what else could it be ?
Think about it - was he deeply interested in your conversation , or opinions, or feelings when you were F-buddies ? Did you spend a lot of time toge... (read in full...)
Should I walk away or just step back and wait for a bit?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for the past 3 months. We're both in our late twenties, he was very into me initially and then we agreed to be exclusive to each other after we started becoming intimate. We've had a lot of problems as I had caught him ...
A. 10 September 2010: Walk away. This started on the wrong foot. Just 3 months,
you should still be all starry-eyed about each other- and instead ,as you say, you already had problems and caught him twice sending sexual messages to other women.
Besides, you are not ... (read in full...)
My current boyfriend would be the wiser choice but I am being pulled at by my ex
Q. I've been with a guy for just over three months now, after having a messy breakup with an ex who I was with for seven months, and only ended the beginning of this year. I thought i had moved on and that i could be happy with my new bf but now my ex ...
A. 10 September 2010: Why do you think so " either or "? You talk as if, at 16, your choices are limited to these two guys, none of which is really an optimal choice for you, and as if you could never meet anyone better than these two.
The current boyfriend need... (read in full...)
Doesn't get things done on time, what should I do.
Q. What does it mean when a man says i am tired of you trying to dictate when I need to do something??? He is the worst procrastinator. I have sat back and tried to let him handle our family business. But he will lie about doing it and it never get...
A. 10 September 2010: I am not sure ,because I don't know how bad the situation is ... but it just may mean that your husband is more laid back, "go with the flow " than you are.
Some people need a lot of order and structure around them to feel good, some don'... (read in full...)
I want to go to university in Paris! How do I tell my parents?
Q. I'm a junior in high school and I found this really really good college in Paris, it's pretty much perfect for me. The problem is I don't know how to tell my parents, because I would be really far away from them (I live in the US) and the cost would ...
A. 10 September 2010: Is it the Paris branch of an American college ?
Or is it a French college ?
Because if it is French, the degree you get at the end of your studies would not be authomatically recognized in USA
( with few exceptions ). Your title would not ha... (read in full...)
Can a man love 2 women at the same time?
Q. can a man fall in love with two women,cause there is a man who says that he's got two girlfriends,he love's them both,but he says he feels like he is in heaven when he is around the new girl.is it possible 2 love two women?...
A. 10 September 2010: No. If he says he loves 2 women, he's basically just in love with himrself. When you love somebody, you understand that you may have to give up the gratification of personal selfish impulses and wishes , for the harmony and balance of your ... (read in full...)
If she marries me her parents will never see her again
Q. Hi, I am a working professional from India.And currently living out of India for work purposes. My financial status is not so great but I do well to take care of a family.Recently, I met a gal and I have been facing a real common issue , but its ...
A. 9 September 2010: Remind them that castes have been abolished in India since 1950 ! and that by perpetuating caste discrimination they are going against the law and against the very spirit of Indian constitution.
Yeah , I know.That won't help- your in laws... (read in full...)
Which gender of a baby will generally prefer boy or girl??
Q. Hi I would like to ask you people that which gender of a baby you generally prefer either a boy baby or girl baby. Because my wife is a pregnant and she wants a boy baby. For me anyone is fine. I am worried that she may upset if we get a girl ba...
A. 9 September 2010: The moment your wife takes her newborn in her arms she won't care at all about genders and won't even remember her preference.
I wanted a baby girl, for stupid reasons . If you have a girl, you can dress her in pink, and braid her hair, and get ... (read in full...)
Daughter's breakup is effecting the entire family
Q. Please help my 16 year old daughter has just split up from her boyfriend. It was a serious relationship very quickly they were together 7 months she is devestated it is effecting the entire family what can i do?...
A. 9 September 2010: Maybe because we just had a thread on DC about mothers meaning well but ending up blundering- I'd suggest a very hard thing , that comes very innatural to any mother who sees her girl suffering : step back. Let her deal how she can and wants with ... (read in full...)
Spent a wonderful day with my BF, got emotional, missing him when I got home and parents have completely misunderstood!
Q. Hey everyone; I had a quick question for you all and I'm hoping you can help me and reassure me. This weekend was a blast. On Saturday I got to spend time with my boyfriend at nighttime. Being that it is Labor Day our family decided to go to the ...
A. 9 September 2010: Of course,OP. Your desire for establishing your independence and starting your own life is natural,healthy and positive, and hopefully it will come true pretty soon. Until then, though, try to cut your parents some slack. Chances are that , when ... (read in full...)
don't want to leave him but hes got too much baggage... all we do is fight...HELP!?
Q. MOD NOTE: OP's own title. I've been with my current boyfriend for 4 years on and off and we live together now, but all we do is fight. we fight about everything from his drug dealing drinking having people over all the time and messing up the hous...
A. 9 September 2010: You may not risk being kidnapped but you risk to pass some very unpleasant moments at your local police station.
"All he deals is pot "...
Correct me if I am wrong, but as far as I know trafficking of marijuana , or possession of marijuan... (read in full...)
Going to meet my half-siblings, My mom is a bit mean.
Q. So I just got into contact with my two younger half-siblings. I've never had any contact with them and didn't even know they existed till a few years ago. These are my dad's kids (I don't have contact with my dad) We are planning to meet. Both our ...
A. 9 September 2010: It's understandable that your mother is upset and does not handle this situation that well.
In a perfect world, since you sound happy and excited to reconnect with your half siblings, she would just be as happy and excited as you are. But the worl... (read in full...)
Boyfriend broke up with me to go to college and cut off communication! What should I do?
Q. me and my boyfriend have been dateing for over 15 months. i love him more the anything in the would, he is my best friend. he tols me that i am the only girl for him and all that stuff. and ive never felt this way about anyone before. but recently ...
A. 9 September 2010: When your bf left, he told you that he did not want a gf while he was in college, and he broke up with you. He has been brutally honest-this is surely painful for you but at least he has not kept you hanging or strung you along.
I think that for ... (read in full...)
Do most booty calls turn into relationships? Or not?
Q. do most booty calls turn into relationships?...
A. 9 September 2010: I still have to see ONE case of something started as a booty call and turned into a committed relationship.
Some booty call arrangements may drag on and on for years...but that's still not the same as a regular relationship.... (read in full...)
Religious Parents
Q. A little background before I ask my question - I grew up in a strict and controlling environment with very traditional and religious parents. I still live with them and I have to abide by their rules (i.e. – not going outside freely like most people ...
A. 9 September 2010: I can see how your home life is really stressful for you and these recurring commmunication breakdowns afftect you negatively. Unluckily, if right now you are not able to support yourself financially, all you can do is study hard to complete your ... (read in full...)
In-lust, in-like, in-love?? You tell me!
Q. I'm not sure what to make of my feelings. Am i just in-lust, in-like, or in-love? what does it all mean? There is this guy that for the past 4 months or so we've hung out on and off, with a group and alone. It started off really slow, then event...
A. 8 September 2010: What you should do is cutting any contact with him- no texts, no phone calls, no sex - and move on.
What you told us shows clearly that he really is a douchebag,as your friends call him. And a rude jerk that you should avoid like the plague.
And ... (read in full...)
Spent a wonderful day with my BF, got emotional, missing him when I got home and parents have completely misunderstood!
Q. Hey everyone; I had a quick question for you all and I'm hoping you can help me and reassure me. This weekend was a blast. On Saturday I got to spend time with my boyfriend at nighttime. Being that it is Labor Day our family decided to go to the ...
A. 8 September 2010: Generational gap. Chigirl reasons as a daughter and I reason as a mother ,so please let me stubbornly insist on my version : your mom is just worried- she is afraid that you may somehow get hurt in this relationship, and she shows it in her ... (read in full...)
Is he playing or using both woman?
Q. Here's the deal, you're a woman that has been involved with a man for an extended period of time(more than 3 yrs) and you find out that while he has been sleeping with you he has hidden the fact he has a live in GF. Would you say that this man is...
A. 8 September 2010: Shoot first,ask questions later.... (read in full...)
If you saw a 46 year old man and a 17 year old girl holding hands or kissing in public how would you react??
Q. My first love is 46, we've been seeing each other for a year now and we're both complete opposites but get on so well. We've cried together laughed together and he waited 4 months before we had sex. If you didn't know anything about the people...
A. 8 September 2010: Because a woman his age would be much more discriminating and challenging, and much less gullible and easy to impress than a teenager.
If you, 46 y.o. man, want to charm a grown up woman, have got to work much harder- with the young ones you'... (read in full...)
I'm just wondering if teenage relationships can last forever
Q. Im 16 and my boyfriend is 19 and we have been in a realtionship for 3 years now and he is my first boyfriend. Im just wondering if teenage relationships can last forever? Ive heard that with young relationships they dont always last because one may ...
A. 8 September 2010: They can last, but very seldom.
Two of my ex classmates got together when they were 15 and now, a few centuries :) later, they are still happily married.
Statistically speaking, the chances are not very high. Which of course does not mean tha... (read in full...)
My two-timing boyfriend likes her body but comes back for my stability!
Q. My bf and I have been dating for about 7 months now. We broke up once few months back when he said that he wasn't attracted to me physically anymore. He went on to date this girl for 2 weeks, obviously she does have a great body. After this, he came ...
A. 8 September 2010: You sound a nice, giving person and you do not realize that your boyfrend, being more the taker " type", will procrastinate forever and will keep his feet in two shoes until you let him.
Why should he choose, if he is not forced to do it. Righ... (read in full...)
I'm 43, she's 18 & pregnant and I didn't know she wanted more than sex. I don't want this!
Q. im 43 and slept with an 18 year old and now shes pregnant but thats not the only problem she said that she fort we was going out when we slept together i knew she gets very close to people too fast but i didnt realise she wanted more than sex i fort ...
A. 8 September 2010: At 43, you decide to have sex with an 18 y.o. girl with special needs, without bothering to check if she's on the same page with you about the nature of your relationship, and without using protection.
She may be too young, and perhaps inad... (read in full...)
Is he thinking of impregnating me?
Q. My boyfriend confuses me again and again...I am 20 and he is 36. We've been dating more than half a year. When it comes to sex, we use the pull-out method. From the first, he stated that he wanted no kids. I shrugged it off since I'm young and ...
A. 8 September 2010: And what do YOU think ? What do YOU want ?
Do you want to be impregnated, or not ?
If you don't, go on the pill immediately, because the pull out method is just an accidental pregnancy waiting to happen.
... (read in full...)
Has my boyfriend lost interest in me? could there be someone else?
Q. I'm confused. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. Lately, he's been somewhat.. eh, I want to say aggressive. To the extent where it's starting to annoy, worry, and hurt me. What I mean by aggressive is that he used to be soft, and ...
A. 8 September 2010: Yes, there could be someone else. Not my theory ; I just pass it to you same as I have just read it.
A sudden, out of character aggressivity or irritability is one of the signs of actual cheating , or intention to cheat. Because they feel guil... (read in full...)
How can I break up with my muslim boyfriend ?
Q. How can i break up with my muslim boyfriend ? so, i have finally decided to end things and forever with him. the only problem is that my parents don't know about the 7 months relationship and if they knew they won't forgive me. so i'm afraid tha...
A. 8 September 2010: No,it's not such a good story. He might decide to come in person to talk to your parents,to show them he is a good guy and he is serious about you !
I think honesty is the best policy, why don't you just break up with him and take the resp... (read in full...)
Spent a wonderful day with my BF, got emotional, missing him when I got home and parents have completely misunderstood!
Q. Hey everyone; I had a quick question for you all and I'm hoping you can help me and reassure me. This weekend was a blast. On Saturday I got to spend time with my boyfriend at nighttime. Being that it is Labor Day our family decided to go to the ...
A. 7 September 2010: Your mom is just concerned . I think she understands and remembers how young love is, but obviously she does not want to see it go from love to obsession or emotional dependence. She does not want you to suffer - particularly because ( pardon me ... (read in full...)
If you saw a 46 year old man and a 17 year old girl holding hands or kissing in public how would you react??
Q. My first love is 46, we've been seeing each other for a year now and we're both complete opposites but get on so well. We've cried together laughed together and he waited 4 months before we had sex. If you didn't know anything about the people...
A. 4 September 2010: Yes,personally I don't think it can work. Ever?...
Well, never say never,..but the odds are massively against you.
As for "socially retarded ", I am not sure to understand what exactly you mean by that.
But, now that you make me think of it,... (read in full...)
If you saw a 46 year old man and a 17 year old girl holding hands or kissing in public how would you react??
Q. My first love is 46, we've been seeing each other for a year now and we're both complete opposites but get on so well. We've cried together laughed together and he waited 4 months before we had sex. If you didn't know anything about the people...
A. 4 September 2010: I'd be sad. I'd think : what a waste. Here it is a young pretty girl of 17 ,who could kiss all the hot handsome charming young boys she wants... and instead she chooses to share her kisses with some flabby 46 y.o. male with tufts of grey hair in his ... (read in full...)
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