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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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She told me she cant date me because she has a boyfriend but I just cant give up on her!
Q. there is a girl i like and i want to date her for a relationship and she keep telling me she has a boyfriend and i can't let her go pls i need ur help...
A. 5 November 2010: They say , you can't go to Heaven in spite of Saint Peter.
You insisted, she kept saying she has a boyfriend.
Let it be. In case she gets annoyed and she tells her boyfriend and this boyfriend turns out to be big, jealous and bad tempered... (read in full...)
I'm in love with both of them, why cant we just have a 3-way relationship!
Q. I am new to this site so please don't laugh at what I am about to say. Almost 8yrs ago I met and got involved with a woman who is 10yrs older than me. Everything was going well until like the fool I am I cheated on her with a woman 8yrs older than ...
A. 5 November 2010: You can't ! Not only because you can't turn them into bisexuals- but because if they both dumped you over this, it was very clearly because neither one wanted to share you !
If now that they started contacted you again, as first thing you brin... (read in full...)
He already has a girlfriend - what is your opinion of me if I stay in this relationship?
Q. He says I'm all these great things, but I feel like I'm not good enough. Its definitely not a self esteem issue, its because he has a girlfriend, but he's having his cake and eating it too. And I'm allowing it. I think I've fallen in love with thi...
A. 5 November 2010: My opinion of you is irrelevant, what counts is YOUR opinion of yourself .
How do you feel about yourself being in this situation ?
Do you feel ashamed, do you feel diminished in your own eyes ? Do you feel you let yourself down because you know... (read in full...)
I judge my friend and her lack of morals. Does that make me a jerk?
Q. I know a girl who I became friends with. She works as a model and is staying here on a visa. I am in graphics and I made her a Web site for free as a favor. In the course of this Web site, I found out she has a past--and a present, too. Ab...
A. 5 November 2010: I don't think the real problem is assessing if a woman with a tumultuos past and a shady present is capable of true feelings of devotion and affection. Just look around and you will see the answer is yes. Prostitutes are like anybody ... (read in full...)
I hate my brother. Hes disgusting, arrogant and stupid.
Q. I hate my brother (16). Hes disgusting, arrogant and stupid. He curses at our sister (4) and calls her a bastard and he hits her all the time, makes her cry, calls her ugly, stupid and everything. He thinks hes gonna be a rapper. Hes a damn bully. ...
A. 5 November 2010: Don't sit back and watch.
Your brother is regularly abusing and hitting a 4 year old child, even if she weren't her sister you can't just sit there and sigh " oh that's so mean ". What is going on is unaccettable, harmful and potentially very dang... (read in full...)
Why is he doing this to me? He told me he'd never cheat on her
Q. I'm pretty confused and fed up right now. I liked this guy for quite a while, we've even slept together in the past but that turned out to be a complete disaster as, yes you guessed it, he didn't want the same thing i did. So, i stopped sleeping ...
A. 5 November 2010: Why ?
Because very often what people say and what they actually do is very different !
People do lie, some times. Particularly in view of getting something out of the person they lie to.
If you have reached your age without ever meeting anyb... (read in full...)
I think her behavior was very disrespectful and self-centered
Q. Yesterday, I got home from work and drove to go eat dinner with her. During the dinner, she said she had cravings for ice cream afterward. I told her we can go to our usual place and get some. We walked to the car after finishing dinner, and she ...
A. 5 November 2010: Yes yes of course, she acted childish and bratty and all what the other Aunts said.
Yet, I have a sneaky suspicion... Is this the first time you don't hear things that she says ?...
Some men are incapable of multitasking so whenever they thi... (read in full...)
What should I do now? I'm reluctant to text or call again and I really am not into mind games....
Q. I met this guy on a night out last Saturday, my friends informed me that he kept 'checking me out' i'd just arrived at the pub as he had with his friends. He then came upto me knelt down besides me in front of my friends and told me that he liked ...
A. 4 November 2010: Busy until Xmas ?... Too busy for sending you a line of text ? ... Who is this guy, Barack Obama ? Only a really big shot could be SO busy.
I think he was interested in closing the deal, so to speak, right away ; since that could not be acco... (read in full...)
Before we even started, he was finished!
Q. Well a couple of days ago it was my boyfriend and i first time that we had sex. We had been wanting to do it before but we didnt have a chance to. So everytime we made out i would turn him on. And when we finally had the place to have time together ...
A. 4 November 2010: Was it his absolute first time too ?
Pretty normal .
Even if he was his first time with YOU,- still pretty normal.
Emotions, nervousness, the novelty, play this kind of trick.
Of course, unluckily there are guys who always ejaculate too so... (read in full...)
My therapist says that my boyfriend should marry me...
Q. I started seeing a therapist a few weeks ago for weekly sessions because I'm working on my confidence level that's been down because of unemployment. Told the therapist that things are going well, besides the financial side, which is taking it's ...
A. 4 November 2010: I am surprised that your therapist gave you such an advice, it sounds unprofessional. Therapists are not supposed to tell you : do this do that, get married or dump your boyfriend etc, just to give you the psychological tools which enable you ... (read in full...)
Online guy won't talk to me when he's at home. Why is that?
Q. I met this guy through a dating site and we have been chatting online for about 3 months now. We chat almost everyday. He always leaves me offline messages like, 'Hi, beautiful. How's ur day? I miss u.' We see each other on cam often. He says he ...
A. 4 November 2010: Simple, he is bullshitting you. He is living with someone who would not approve his conversations with you, and for some reason I don't think she is a smothering mom or a clingy roommate...
Otherwise there is no other reason why he could not EVER... (read in full...)
My BF wants space even though we are already in long distance relationship
Q. Hello there!!i need an advice regarding this problem of mine....You see i'm already 30 years old, just now i experienced my first boyfriend.Through online networking sites.We been communicating through phones, emails and been chatting for almost ...
A. 4 November 2010: I know that you need your long distance bf as a sort of security blanket to comfort you of what is not working in your life, but ultimately this so called relationship will contribute to worsen your situation ,if you are not able to let go.
L... (read in full...)
Which family should I work for as an Au Pair?
Q. I need help. I have been offered some Au Pair jobs, but i'm not sure which family to work for...I'll tell you about the ones i have heard back from. Some of the families haven't wrote back with all the details yet... One of the families is Ameri...
A. 4 November 2010: The trial is a good idea to "break ice ", of course you can explain them right away that you can't afford to fly back and forth from Spain twice, and I am sure they will be available to work out something, at least meet you half way financially. ... (read in full...)
Why do women sometimes not answer when you call or text them?
Q. Alright, this is beginning to annoy me. Alright, so I'm a good looking dude, funny, and I can sing really well too. I get girls phone numbers and then when you call them they don't answer? What is up with that? Why give someone your number then not ...
A. 3 November 2010: I stick to my theory :)
You are not the only one who uses the " just a new friend " approach. But it does not make a big difference, in fact it may even be worse, more embarassing. How do you tell a guy, and one who approaches you nicely and ... (read in full...)
For the girls: Would you dump your boyfriend if you found out he was a 25 year old virgin?
Q. This question mainly applies to women but I was wondering if you would dump your boyfriend if he told you one day that he was a virgin and that he was over the age of 25 (I'm 23 but considering the worst case scenario for me). I could have lost it ...
A. 3 November 2010: I DID meet a 23 y.o. virgin and, rather than dumping him, I married him. Unluckily I can't say there has been a " happily ever after ", but that had absolutely nothing to do whatsoever with his initial lack of experience.... (read in full...)
Which family should I work for as an Au Pair?
Q. I need help. I have been offered some Au Pair jobs, but i'm not sure which family to work for...I'll tell you about the ones i have heard back from. Some of the families haven't wrote back with all the details yet... One of the families is Ameri...
A. 3 November 2010: OP, I understand what you mean, but take my advice : thread carefully. I'll tell you a secret : basically, all mothers think their kids are always right, whether they show it or not.
I have always been rather stern with my son, yet I know I woul... (read in full...)
Controlling parents refuse to let me move out?!
Q. I'm 21 and have been living at home this whole time. I've wanted to move out before, but never had the means or options to do so. I had gotten a bit desperate to move out because my parents are too controlling and they act like children sometimes. ...
A. 3 November 2010: At 21, you do not need your parent's permission or approval to move out. You only need a place to live in, and the money to support yourself. Apparently you've got both- case closed.
They'll yell and scream- ONCE. As soon as you've closed the ... (read in full...)
Which family should I work for as an Au Pair?
Q. I need help. I have been offered some Au Pair jobs, but i'm not sure which family to work for...I'll tell you about the ones i have heard back from. Some of the families haven't wrote back with all the details yet... One of the families is Ameri...
A. 3 November 2010: Personally I root for the Spaniards.
In general - in general, I repeat !- Spanish people are laid back , easy going, corteous and not terribly obsessed with punctuality and rules. Plus, it's only one girl.
While the other family has thre... (read in full...)
Why do women sometimes not answer when you call or text them?
Q. Alright, this is beginning to annoy me. Alright, so I'm a good looking dude, funny, and I can sing really well too. I get girls phone numbers and then when you call them they don't answer? What is up with that? Why give someone your number then not ...
A. 3 November 2010: All what the other posters say can bue true, anyway there is also a simpler reason .
Girls give out their phone nos. also when they are not even remotely interested.
They should not. But they do.
Why ? Well, easy to figure out . Guy : "Give me y... (read in full...)
For the Men: Would you, in time, ever leave your partner for the other woman?
Q. A question for all the men out there. If a man in a relationship (no married/no children) likes/loves another woman but tells her, after the first kiss, about his relationship and that he 'cannot leave her' (meaning, the official partner), is there ...
A. 3 November 2010: I am not a man but I have read the stats.
12 percent.
Apparently only 12 percent of men who have an affair end up with actually leaving their wife to be with their mistress.... (read in full...)
He told me part of him wants to be with me, but the other part wants to give the mother of his child another chance!
Q. my boyfriend txt me and letting me know that part of him wants to be with me, and part of him feels like he needs to give his daughter's mom a chance together, and yet his saying he just letting me know and he doesnt know what his going to do yet ...
A. 3 November 2010: Let him go. It sounds to me as if he is diplomatically preparing to you the fact that he is going to actually give another chance to his ex. But even if he were genuinely confused and uncertain right now- well, can you settle for half a man ? ... (read in full...)
I asked him to be my boyfriend, but no affirmative answer. Should I just smile and wait?
Q. I met this guy online. He contacted me last November and I have seen him 5 times since then. He makes me laugh, we have very complementary personalities, and he inspires me to be a better and stronger person. Sex with him was the best I ever had ...
A. 3 November 2010: A guy who reached mid 40s without ever been married is probably happy about his single status and not very keen on changing it.
Least of all for a woman he met 5 times in a year.... (read in full...)
Why does it seem like he doesn't know how lucky he is to have me?
Q. I've been in a relationship for a year and 4 months now. I love him, he loves me. We tell each other this regularly and do little things to show we care (he folds my laundry, I cook him breakfast, etc.) But honestly, I feel like I do those th...
A. 3 November 2010: You are in love with the wrong guy.
You said it yourself : if you should take yourself out of the picture, he would be sad ,but would not try to stop you. He'd say : Ah that's life..next.
I take that, instead, if he should try to take himself ... (read in full...)
I've been waiting for him for 5 years but found out he had remarried while I was waiting!
Q. I have been dating this man for a total of 5 yrs, I met him while he was in the process of divorcing and we have been together ever since. This june I called his cell phone and a woman answered and I asked for him and she told me he was sleeping and ...
A. 3 November 2010: Well, it's sort of a superfluous question, isn't it ?...
You met him while he is divorcing from a first wife, he gets divorced... and proceeds to marry a second wife behind your back,- and you wonder if he is playing games ?...
Suppose he really d... (read in full...)
How can I feel confident when guys clearly want something I'm not?
Q. I find it very hard to feel confident in myself. I can't help but notice that most guys my age (and even older, who you'd think would be more mature) think that plastic, fake looking women are "perfect". I see it countless times on Facebook, blogs, ...
A. 3 November 2010: OP, you should really try expanding your horizons, physically and mentally. You really have a "fish bowl " vision of life- anything going on within 5 yards from your nose, then it must be Universal Law.
It ain't so.
You hang out with a bunch of... (read in full...)
Did I do the right thing?
Q. I guess i'm just looking for a bit of reasurance that i've done the right thing. Long story short: one of my guy friends has a girlfriend but we ended up sleeping together a while back. I wish it hadn't happened but it did. He continued to fli...
A. 2 November 2010: Guilty ? Why are you feeling guilty ?
You are not obliged to share your body with a guy if you are not comfortable doing it. It's not like you signed a contract to have sex with this guy. The moment you don't feel right doing it, it's over- no o... (read in full...)
Tall and short women hate short guys equally
Q. Why do taller women have so much hate for the shorter guys who approach them only to complain themselves about being single and the lack of quality available men? Is it so wrong for a short guy to be attracted to a woman more than a couple of...
A. 2 November 2010: Let's face it, women DO prefer tall guys, and for a man being short is a social disadvantage. Not that he can't eventually find a fantastic gf, they usually do, tastes are different and everybody sooner or later meet their match- it's just that ... (read in full...)
How do you know what to choose...love of your life or great career opportunity?
Q. How do you know when to choose a great career opportunity over the love of your life, or choose your love over the career opportunity?...
A. 2 November 2010: If you gotta ask, then the person is not the love of your life. I mean, if you can contemplate the possibility of willingly give up your love without being forced to that by circumstances beyond your control,..then that person represents an ... (read in full...)
How should I go about resisting my new step sister?
Q. How should I go about resisting my new step sister? My dad recently remarried and he and his new younger wife are building a new home, so they are staying in my guesthouse for privacy, but I've let my new 19 yr old step sister stay in the main...
A. 2 November 2010: What do you mean , I don't know if I can control it ?
What do you mean, before I make a mistake ?
Do you feel you could physically attack her ? Rape her ? What ??
What do you do when you are on the beach, surrounded by attractive scant... (read in full...)
His reasons for wanting just FWB don't really make sense
Q. I like this guy, i have liked him since the day we met. He says he likes me so much he doesnt know what to do, then one night he asked me if i would rather date him or be friends with benifits. My heart sank, i said i wanted to date him rather then ...
A. 2 November 2010: Of course you are wasting your time !
He is always doing something on weekends, but that did not prevent him from dating before. So , it's not he does not want to date, he does not want to date you.
Plus, what is he doing on weekends that cannot a... (read in full...)
I felt used! Did I do the right thing in breaking off contact?
Q. This week I told a female friend (I am male) I thought we should stop talking for at least a while. Now I feel a deep hollowness as well as guilt for breaking off contact with someone who has relied upon me. Let me give you a little backstory, and ...
A. 1 November 2010: Ok, let's clarify a bit some European social codes that may have left you baffled. The girl is clearly a user and a moocher as I will explain later, but, of course she would expect you'd pay dinner and movies for her. In most of Europe, and in ... (read in full...)
Delayed ejaculation or not?
Q. I ve been with my current bf for almost year and a half.i m 19 and he s 24.Its a long distance relationship,and we see each other every week or two.He is the first guy i ve slept with,so i dont have lots of experience with this but 4 almost a year ...
A. 1 November 2010: If you have read about delayed ejaculation, you must have also read that one of the most frequent cause is simply... masturbating too often :). It creates a mild desensitivization because obviously the firm grip of your own hand is different from ... (read in full...)
Do women view penis size as a sign of worthiness?
Q. A real quick question - Men are very sensitive about penis size, women not too bothered about it, which seems to suggest its a man made issue and often when you read answers about does size matter women will answer size doesn't matter - its how you ...
A. 1 November 2010: Thoughts ?
no disrespect meant, Op, I swear, but my first thought is that you are a bit stressed out and you need to take a nice vacation or take up a new hobby and stop thinking about your penis. All this penis self evalution is ok in teen... (read in full...)
Why does he keep hurting my feelings if he says he loves me?
Q. If he says he loves me so much ,why does he constantly hurt my feelings?He is very well aware of it and not making any progress.He is so loving and caring with everybody else but me,now that is a whole other story .He is very jealous and can't stand ...
A. 1 November 2010: Off the top of my hat I am tempted to say : because he does not love you. When people say one thing then do the opposite, always believe the action, not the words. Talk is cheap ! Actions require effort, and when people does not want to do the ... (read in full...)
What kind of gift do you get for the man who has everything?
Q. Hey everyone! I know this is very early but I'm eager to get my best friend a present as soon as possible-but he seems to have everything already! He's got nice clothes, colognes, guitars, books by the thousands on his Kindle, and movies and ...
A. 1 November 2010: You can never go wrong with a classy scent , I suggest Bulgari or Prada. For something less mainstream, Lancome, Hermes and Armani have perfumes in numbered,limited editions, only available in their Paris and Milan boutiques, but you can order ... (read in full...)
My parents cant stand my boyfriend and they have forbidden me from seeing him ever again. What should I do?
Q. So I'm 16 and I'm in love. Yeah yeah, I know it's corny, and I'm sure you've seen hundreds of questions before from lovestruck teenagers, but this is for real. I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months now and it's been amazing. I love him with ...
A. 1 November 2010: I respectfully disagree with Flynn24- this is the 21st century , yet the Op is still a minor under her parents' custody and most of all still living under their roof and letting them pay for her food ,bills,clothing and education ( at least I ... (read in full...)
He said I look like a school teacher... A good or bad thing?
Q. What does it mean when a guy said:'You look like u are a school teacher"? Does it mean he means that i look boring or not very exciting?...
A. 1 November 2010: Adding the smirk and the derogatory tone, probably it was not a compliment, I guess he found you a bit too prim and proper, or not flashy enough, for his tastes. The hairstyle you describe sounds absolutely lovely to me, but says more " good ... (read in full...)
What is a good height for men?
Q. What is a good height for a man?, I'm 5 10 or 5 11, and i'm 25 years old.. i have always wanted to be tall. Sometimes i ask my self whether im tall or short. i never seem to get the right answer.. my dad is well over 6 feet and my brother is 6 or ...
A. 31 October 2010: No. At least, not where you live. The average height in your country is something like 5' 9 1/2" , so you are just slightly above average.
But, does it really matter to be called tall... ?
... (read in full...)
My husband is living with his mistress but says he loves me
Q. Hi. My husband has moved out and in with his mistress. He met her on facebook and had an online relationship with her for several months before meeting in person. I found out shortly after, but he did not end the affair and now lives with her, has ...
A. 31 October 2010: File for divorce anyway.
I bet all you want that right now he is telling his mistress the only reason why they can't be married is because YOU are being unreasonable and clingy and refuse to give him a divorce and give him back his free... (read in full...)
Does he think our relationship won't work?
Q. my boyfriend doesn't call me at all even if i ask him and i am afraid that he doesn't want to get close to me because he doesn't think it will work or does he want it to work IDK i really want to be with him ...
A. 31 October 2010: Sad but true : when people do not call, it's not because they make complicated reasonings about the future of their couple- it's simply because they don't bother. And they don't bother because they don't care enough. If they do care, contact ... (read in full...)
Scared about getting married....
Q. I am 24yrs old and getting married in a few months. I love my fiance but i maybe having second thoughts about this wedding. I am so confused, i dont know if i want to get married?! I love going out and partying and i love the attention i get ...
A. 31 October 2010: You are not ready to get married.
There is nothing wrong per se with partying and loving male attention, but they sure aren't the first priority or interest of a married woman.
It's not that when you get married you force yourself to give up ... (read in full...)
I asked him to be my boyfriend, but no affirmative answer. Should I just smile and wait?
Q. I met this guy online. He contacted me last November and I have seen him 5 times since then. He makes me laugh, we have very complementary personalities, and he inspires me to be a better and stronger person. Sex with him was the best I ever had ...
A. 29 October 2010: You have seen him 5 times in a year, how busy and how independent people can be ???
The reason why he did not say "yes " is because he did not want to say yes . He likes the situation as it is now. Low maintenance. Very fluid. Fun and care... (read in full...)
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