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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Are we really working toward more in this relationship?
Q. I need your opinions on this please... I am in my mid 50's and have been dating a man who is also in his mid 50's. We met online about 4 months ago, he lives very close by, and we have been seeing one another occasionally ever since we met (it star...
A. 19 November 2010: He has told you, in a nice and caring way, that he feels pressured and he is not ready to take your relationship to the next level , as you want and as you may have sent him "signals " about.
It is probably true that he feels overwhelmed by h... (read in full...)
I agreed to an abortion but now I'm second guessing it!
Q. I'm 9 weeks pregnant with my 3 child which was unplanned. My partner who I've been with for 16 years wants me to terminate the pregnancy, I said I would, but am now not sure if I can go through with it. What should I do? ...
A. 14 November 2010: OP,thanks to you for updating us. I am very glad to hear how it went and not because I am particularly pro-life, I am just particularly pro-doing-what-you-feel-best-for-yourself.
I am sure your husband will get used pretty soon to the idea of a new ... (read in full...)
Got quotes?
Q. got good quotes ? any kind . love , life , dark , light . you name it . I need some good ones for my class . lol . help me out . post one or more(: thanks ....
A. 13 November 2010: "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds " - R.W.Emerson
"He who has a why to live can bear almost any how " - Friedrich Nietzsche... (read in full...)
Misunderstood his email, now he's mad.
Q. I have been seeing a guy for a couple of months - really like him but he is playing it really cool. So i am playing it cool too. All was fine, then today he sent the following email "my phone just went blank c**t switch it on" I took the c word...
A. 13 November 2010: Hey,maybe I have a suspicious mind, but I think he is being a smartass.
How can that be a typo ?... The other symbol on the asterisk key is a "p".
"a" and "n" are in a totally different area of the keyboard and even the worst typist in the worl... (read in full...)
It went from dating to FWBs!
Q. Ok so this guy I was dating broke up with me a couple weeks ago. I was crushed because I did like him although I never thought of him as a marriage material. Our personalities were clashing and I think he just got fed up, which is why he chose to ...
A. 13 November 2010: Never .
At least if either one still has feelings .
You think that you'd be content with just the feeling kissing touching part because it's better than nothing, but it's not. Pretty soon you'd be tormented by jealousy , anger ,resentment and loss... (read in full...)
Did I read him right?
Q. Hi i met a guy 3 yrs ago and we did date for a few weeks,but never slept togeather.we did have a fall out when i got drunk one night,but then got to being friends again.Its allways been friends.BUT ive wanted to form a relationship with him..BUT ...
A. 13 November 2010: You guys are so nice that you would gladly cheat on the people you don't want to hurt..
Apparently you don't have a problem with hurting them, you just have a problem with them knowing that they have been hurt.
I think you already know that th... (read in full...)
He wants to wait, but now I want it!
Q. I am an 18yr old virgin gal and my bf 21 not a virgin. So my bf and i have been dating for 2 years and we never had sex but attemptd but i ws 2 scared... He then decided we wait 4 marriage but now i want 2 do it badly. What should i do? Please help! ...
A. 13 November 2010: Just tell him that you changed your mind and now you feel ready. I don't think he will put up too much resistence...... (read in full...)
5 o'clock shadow!
Q. Why do I shave everyday, when I was a teenager I could shave and hair wouldn't grow back till 3 days later but now I shave everyday, it seems like every mid-day, hair starts growing back in?...
A. 13 November 2010: Every adult male needs to shave everyday.
Even a blond,less visible regrowth, still gives you a messy, unkempt air.
Just make it part of your daily routine.
... (read in full...)
I think he's trying to keep me in his back pocket.
Q. I hate being in the state of limbo with someone you really like! I've never been in a relationship before and the guy I guess I'm dating has only been in one relationship. So together we have little to no experience with relationships. We both ...
A. 13 November 2010: I think the best idea is always deciding what YOU want, not tryng to guess what are other people's plan about you .
If it is a few months you have been dating, and you know and like him enough that you want to be his girlfriend, tell him. Tell... (read in full...)
Aren't I supposed to feel something?
Q. So this is a strange question I know, but about a month ago I lost my virginity (we used protection, no worries) and it didn't hurt at all. Whenever I hear stories I always hear about it hurting the first time. And I know sometimes it doesn't hurt ...
A. 13 November 2010: There is nothing wrong.
Some women are born without an hymen. Or, more probably, you might have broken it practicing sports or playing when you were younger and did not notice.
The only wrong thing is that you are having sex and are not supposed... (read in full...)
Should I pay my mom back?
Q. Hey. I need some advice. Ok. So I get food stamps 200 to help out. I'm 19 and @ the time I was job less. So before I got my food stamps my mom was payin my phone bill ( 98.00 ) and she told me to sign up for food stamps, so she can save som...
A. 12 November 2010: She does not buy you shoes and clothes and stuff- and why should she, since you are 19 and working. You contribute toward food, but I suppose you are living under her roof without paying rent, right ?
Anyway, that's not the point , basically thes... (read in full...)
I told my best friend what her husband had said, and now her husband and my boyfriend have turned against me!
Q. Drama! Drama! Drama! My boyfriend, my best friend and her husband and i aré really cool.. We text or call each other all the time.. Well my boyfriend and her husband were friends before they met us and she and i were friends before we met them... ...
A. 12 November 2010: Of course it was wrong ! Maybe it was not a secret in the sense that the husband did not make you swear you'd never tell his wife- probably he just did not think you were gonna have such a brilliant idea. But even if it was not a formal secret, it ... (read in full...)
She walked out on me and we had only been engaged for 2 days! Will she contact me?
Q. my partner walked out on me two weeks ago, we were only engaged for two days..... will she contact me or do i move on?...
A. 12 November 2010: Too little information to attempt a response, could you elaborate ? For instance, WHY did your partner walk out ? .... ... (read in full...)
Girl I like says she thinks even 6" is too small, now I feel insecure!
Q. You've probably heard this a trillion times but I just can't get over it for some reason. I've gone through this phase of insecurity before. I had been consoled by a friend and I thought I was feeling confident and over it, but after hearing so...
A. 12 November 2010: My first sugggestions perhaps would be to expand your circle of friends from girls who love to talk about "big hot penises " to girls who love to talk about big hot...
I don't know - literary masterpieces ? Economy topics ? Travels ?
Not that bra... (read in full...)
Was he just handing me a line of bull?
Q. So I signed up for online dating and a very hot man contacted me. He was very complimentary to me and a we texted and talked on the phone alot. After about 2 weeks we met at a sports bar for a ver nice 1st date. Later that night he asked me out for ...
A. 12 November 2010: No don't wait.
After a lot of trial and error, I have learned not to let into my life people who cancels last minute. The only acceptable reasons for doing that could be a sudden death in the family, a ferocious bout of food poisoning, or an alie... (read in full...)
Why are his parents being so extreme?
Q. I have a problem that is becoming too much for me to handle. I'm dating a boy a year and couple months younger than me, i'm 17 and he's 16. We've been together for almost a year now. I'm from a foreign country although have been in my current ...
A. 12 November 2010: From what you say about your family rules that won't even allow you to date, I assume that that night your boyfriend was visiting you secretly , behind your parents' back. And that you are carrying on your relationship through constant ... (read in full...)
Should I pay my mom back?
Q. Hey. I need some advice. Ok. So I get food stamps 200 to help out. I'm 19 and @ the time I was job less. So before I got my food stamps my mom was payin my phone bill ( 98.00 ) and she told me to sign up for food stamps, so she can save som...
A. 12 November 2010: I don't think you have much choice. If I get it right, your mom has clearly expressed the intention of lending you ( not just giving you ) these 50 dollars, the condition to get them is precisely that you give them back. If you accept the 50 then ... (read in full...)
What is the deal with my ex? Why does he keep tossing me around like this?
Q. I had my first boyfriend this summer. We were together for two months and then he dumped me. A lot of people say it isn't such a big deal or what not, but I still had all these feelings for him. It took me a long time to get over him. And it seemed ...
A. 12 November 2010: He does not "care". It's an ego thing. He likes to know that you are at his disposal , at least emotionally if not also physically. Some people keep ALL their exes around as a "just in case ".
If you really want to move on, and not just keep pick... (read in full...)
Can't take being her friend anymore.
Q. Maybe this has been asked for but I did not find it here. My dilemma is somewhat simple, but is heart-rending to me. I have a friend who is a girl. We have been friends for about a year. Sometimes she has called me her best friend. I have devel...
A. 11 November 2010: Sure that she can call you her best friend and not be interested romantically, why not ??
Friendship and romance are very different.
Friendship is a psychological and intellectual connection ( shared interests, compatible personalities, similar ... (read in full...)
Are we really working toward more in this relationship?
Q. I need your opinions on this please... I am in my mid 50's and have been dating a man who is also in his mid 50's. We met online about 4 months ago, he lives very close by, and we have been seeing one another occasionally ever since we met (it star...
A. 11 November 2010: Glad to hear that - everything seems to be on track. Yes, 4 months is too early to attempt "predictions ". You'll have to just relax, let him pursue you , enjoy his courtship and see where it goes ( for a few months more , I'd say- not years, ... (read in full...)
I don't know if I'm being petty.
Q. So I got my eyes tested today -turns out I need glasses. I'd asked my boyfriend whether he might come with me to pick some, as I wanted someone to bounce different ideas off - I've never had glasses before and picking them seems daunting...
A. 11 November 2010: Yes, it's a bit petty.
Plus , your logic is faulty : it's true that you make an effort to go see him , but is an effort that benefits YOU as much as him. Don't you love going spending time with your bf ?
While I am sure he does not get any kick... (read in full...)
Internet Dating: We know it's rubbish, so why do we do it?
Q. So, they are both at it again. Who's at it? My two best female mates and they are doing what they both said they would NEVER do. They are both internet dating...again. Why? I sobbed, looking up at the ceiling in hope of some divine guidance ...
A. 11 November 2010: Great article,OP. Absolutely brilliant,comgratulations.
I am a reformed, repented Internet dater and now I am a bit like one of those ex smokers who become very sanguine about passive smoke and get upset at the first hint of a cigarette being ligh... (read in full...)
Help! Obsessed ex-boyfriend is making me feel very guilt!! What can I do?
Q. I'm in desperate need of advice. I've broken up with my boyfriend of four years. He was 5 years my senior. When we began our relationship I was 16 and he was 21. Both very young. In many ways we were on the same level mentally. I honestly couldn't ...
A. 11 November 2010: Nobody can MAKE us feel something if we do not allow them. We are responsible not only for our actions, but also for our feelings and thoughts.
There is no direct cause-effect relationship about your behaviour and his mood, or viceversa.
Anot... (read in full...)
I decided to go all the way with him when my parents told me we're moving across country!
Q. Hi I'm 14 now and I'm not sure what to do. My boyfriend and met in December and started having a "thing" by February, in April we started dating. At first we decided on no oral sex or actual sex because he's almost 2 years older than me and is'nt a ...
A. 11 November 2010: Yes, you should have waited but it's late to worry about it now.
Try to move on , don't set yourself up for disappointment, don't have too many expectations you can make it work. LDRs are always very difficult to handle and at your age much more... (read in full...)
I agreed to an abortion but now I'm second guessing it!
Q. I'm 9 weeks pregnant with my 3 child which was unplanned. My partner who I've been with for 16 years wants me to terminate the pregnancy, I said I would, but am now not sure if I can go through with it. What should I do? ...
A. 11 November 2010: @Odds : I understand your reasoning and I cannot say it's not logic, yet I can't agree,
As adults ,we know that all our actions have consequences and we take responsibility for our actions.
The male partner, I guess, knew that no protecti... (read in full...)
He leaves after we just had sex!
Q. right i am seeing a man nearly 9 weeks and i am very confusing about him . we had great sex but all he text me about sex and on sites . he never takes me out to make them know i am his girlfriend at all . i only see him oone or 2 times a week at ...
A. 11 November 2010: It sounds like all he wants is a physical relationship, if you want more he is not the right guy for you.... (read in full...)
My teenage daughter wanted permission to marry her boyfriend!
Q. Hello everyone. This question is really me just wondering what you would do in my situation: Yesterday, my 16 (almost 17) year old little girl and her boyfriend came to me and asked me to give her permission to marry him. I was baffled by it, a...
A. 11 November 2010: I'd would not think about it for a second and it would be a resounding "NO". Marriage is for adults. I think that even 18 is too young to get married ,but of corse I could not prevent a legally adult woman from doing what she wants.
You did righ... (read in full...)
I love her and I'm ready for sex. Should I go ahead with it?
Q. Ok....Heres the situation me and this girl are deeply in love. We are not 18 we are both within a year of each other age wise. This past weekend we where close to having intercourse when I stopped us. The only reason I stopped us is I didn't want ...
A. 11 November 2010: "I can care less what the law says " - I suppose this is one of the values you would be teaching to your child ?...... (read in full...)
Holidays bring the family together, right?
Q. Well.... I hope that this mess is communicated clearly enough..... In the past four years, I've lost a Brother to cancer and my Dad to multiple strokes. I've also gotten a hip replacement, bought and sold three homes and moved countries once; an...
A. 10 November 2010: Brilliant as usual,Tisha-1, congratulations.
My suggestion is just a pale corollary to yours but I thought I'd throw in my two cents.
Become Miss Passive Aggressive. Play dumb.
" Oww... too bad, it would be sooo nice having you here on your way ... (read in full...)
She humiliated me!
Q. I lost my virginity to a girl I really liked the other week but then I found out she only slept with me on a bet. I'm 18 and have never been that good with girls. There was this one girl at my college who I really liked but never had the guts to ...
A. 10 November 2010: This girl sounds like she is mentally deranged. Ignore her, move on, pretend the whole episode never happened and if you ever happen to think about this girl, think about her with compassion. Yes, compassion. Think how messed up she must be, and ... (read in full...)
Am I shallow for my worries due to his hair colour?
Q. i have a problem, a man reaaly likes me and would do anything for me but because he is ginger im scared what people will say! what do i do?...
A. 10 November 2010: What are you talking about ? Red hair absolutely rock ! Regardless of that, if you are worried about such a meaningless detail like his hair colour, I'd say you don't really like this guy so don't waste his time.... (read in full...)
How can I make my move when she could be gone the next day?
Q. First off, sorry I'm long winded again. From an earlier question, this is the same girl I have known, and has saved my life, yet is so "swamped" and puts her work first before anything. If you wish to look through my first question I ever ...
A. 10 November 2010: Sorry ,OP, I am with Aunt Honesty.
Even a very busy person will MAKE time to see someone she is interested in. The person may will have to blow you off once or twice or maybe three times, but at the third time she would be afraid of sending the ... (read in full...)
Why does this 40 year old man want my virginity?
Q. I've been speaking with a 40 year old man for about 4 months on the internet. Don't tell me about the fact that I'm 18 and he could be my dad. I am aware of that. That's not the advice I'm seeking. Or tell me that he's going through a midlife crisis ...
A. 10 November 2010: His turn on is PRECISELY by your inexperience.
Some guys like to play Pigmalion and shape you sexually according to their wants and needs.
Particularly those who are lousy in bed and don't know how to satisfy a woman.... (read in full...)
Why are younger women attracted to older men?
Q. I am posting this to ask for opinions more so than answers. It is my hope that the opinions expressed by people in reply to this can help me to answer my question - myself. What I would like to get your opinions on is this Why do you think tha...
A. 10 November 2010: First of all, your generalization is too wide. Not all young girls are attracted to sensibly older men, in fact they are a minority. Many girls prefer mates around their age ,many have no specific age preferences , and many more would actually be ... (read in full...)
Even though he has never given me a reason not to, I am finding it really hard to trust him!
Q. I have been with this guy for two years now and idk if i can trust him or not...hes never given me a reason not to trust him but yet i always wonder about it! we "broke up" a year ago but we are still "together" but without a title! i used to trust ...
A. 10 November 2010: What you write is a bit confusing to me. If you broke up a year ago, and now you are together again but without a title, - I guess this means that you are not in a committed relationship anymore, or that you are dating casually, albeit often, or ... (read in full...)
Will swallowing sperm help me to conceive?
Q. Is it true if a girl swallows sperm can it help her conceive? I was told it helps you get pregnant. Now don't think I'm asking will it get me pregnant I'm asking will it help?...
A. 10 November 2010: Not at all. That's complete nonsense.... (read in full...)
Are we really working toward more in this relationship?
Q. I need your opinions on this please... I am in my mid 50's and have been dating a man who is also in his mid 50's. We met online about 4 months ago, he lives very close by, and we have been seeing one another occasionally ever since we met (it star...
A. 10 November 2010: No no, I did not say there is any harm in calling, - you are friends and one phone call is neither stalking nor a breech of etiquette.
And, men are notoriously remiss in reciprocating communications in a timely fashion, so often women pick up the ... (read in full...)
Wanted: New breasts!
Q. I have ugly breasts. They're small for my body (I have huge hips) and they have big areolas. I also don't like their shape much, it's a very common shape but it's not round and nice. If they were rounder and had small areolas I wouldn't mind the ...
A. 10 November 2010: Get breast implants if you wish, why not. Many women do.
But I am afraid it won't help you at all and you'll have thrown your money away. You exude such a self-devaluation, such a self -loathe I am tempted to say, that I doubt one surgical proc... (read in full...)
Feeling rubbish in my early stages of pregnancy! What can I do?
Q. I need advice. Ok, I am only in early pregnancy (7 weeks) but I feel crappy EVERYDAY! I've been exercising and taking my prenatal vitamins and everything but I just feel awful! I have been trying not to complain to much to my fiance, I know he ...
A. 9 November 2010: Oh poor darling. Hang in there- the first 3 months can be really bad but in general ,from 13 weeks on, it will go much better ( for some complicated hormonal and biochemical reasons that your ob/gyn can explain you ).
Btw , my ob/gyn told me that... (read in full...)
Is it a real possibility that someone has set up a fake facebook account under my name and is messaging my ex? I'm sure there must be a reason why she hasn't called!
Q. hello all my LDR ex gf broke up with me a year ago. i havent heard a squeak from her since then and wish to get closure at least once in life. i am getting crazy thoughts regarding why havent she contacted as we were so close once upon a time.i k...
A. 9 November 2010: I think it's all your imagination, it's far from impossible that there is another person with your same name with a Facebook profile.
Your ex broke up with you, so why do you assume she would contact you. Some people keep in touch with their exes... (read in full...)
Is it normal to hurt after he went down on me?
Q. Last night my Fiance went down on me.. It felt Good but he didnt do it long enough.. i think he sucked my clit a little too hard because it was a little sore afterwards for awhile, my Q is 'is that Normal that my Clit Hurt after he is finished going ...
A. 9 November 2010: No, sorry, I have to be stubborn, and insist : it's not normal, and if that happens it means that the guy has been too rough , too clumsy or too careless for what he is supposed to do.
That's a very sensitive area rich with thousands of nerve endi... (read in full...)
Is it normal to hurt after he went down on me?
Q. Last night my Fiance went down on me.. It felt Good but he didnt do it long enough.. i think he sucked my clit a little too hard because it was a little sore afterwards for awhile, my Q is 'is that Normal that my Clit Hurt after he is finished going ...
A. 9 November 2010: He is doing it wrong. Very wrong.... (read in full...)
Are we really working toward more in this relationship?
Q. I need your opinions on this please... I am in my mid 50's and have been dating a man who is also in his mid 50's. We met online about 4 months ago, he lives very close by, and we have been seeing one another occasionally ever since we met (it star...
A. 9 November 2010: Peraps I wouldn't do it. Not because there would be anything wrong. Like you said, you are friends, you have been hanging out for months,- it 's no big deal if you call him.
But , if you keep being proactive and initiating contact, you will not ... (read in full...)
I love her and I'm ready for sex. Should I go ahead with it?
Q. Ok....Heres the situation me and this girl are deeply in love. We are not 18 we are both within a year of each other age wise. This past weekend we where close to having intercourse when I stopped us. The only reason I stopped us is I didn't want ...
A. 8 November 2010: You think you are ready for sex, but the law disagrees. You don't want us to tell you you are too young for sex...but that's exactly what the law says : you are under age.
And "you wouldn't leave her side if she had a child ". Oh really. And how ... (read in full...)
Are we really working toward more in this relationship?
Q. I need your opinions on this please... I am in my mid 50's and have been dating a man who is also in his mid 50's. We met online about 4 months ago, he lives very close by, and we have been seeing one another occasionally ever since we met (it star...
A. 8 November 2010: In partial agreement with the other respondent, I too think that 4 months is still early to predict where things are headed . You are basically still getting to know each other and it takes time to build a solid relationship. So, be patient and see ... (read in full...)
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