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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Does he need a good bye letter?
Q. I thought I met the love of my life when I went on vacation in the summer of 08. I was going through so much at the time and I took a trip to clear my head, and there he was, the same person I loved as a little girl growing up. We spoke for hours, ...
A. 3 October 2010: çMoonknight : and what if he reads the letter,..and he turns up at her door anyway ?
Of course, if she feel that writing him a letter will bring her closure and peace of mind, - why not.
But personally I feel that the very act of leaving ... (read in full...)
FWB moved on to a relationship, but came back and cheated with me
Q. Ok, i'm going to try and make this as short as posible. A had a FWB/buddy, this ended and he now is with somebody. This is the bad part, we had sex a couple on months ago, so basicaly he cheated. Since then i've tried distancing myself from him, he ...
A. 2 October 2010: What do you mean " he stood you up " ?
You told him you are not going to have sex with him until he is with the other girl. So now he knows he can't get sex from you therefore he has lost any interest in you. Pretty normal.Hardly surprising.
Oh I ... (read in full...)
To me it seems I am being selfish
Q. There was someone in my life who I am better off moving on from, but I cannot seem to get her out of my head. Additionally, I feel like cutting off contact with her may have hurt her because she has self-proclaimed abandonment issues. I was obs...
A. 2 October 2010: It's very nice of you having this kind of scruples, but I think we can assume it's not necessary. She is probably not hurt, or coping well with the disappointment.
You drifted away... and she left you drift away without putting up any resi... (read in full...)
I don't want to be a virgin at thirty!
Q. I am a 26 year old female...I am pretty, friendly, have lots of guy friends....and most people don't believe me when I say that I am still a virgin. I mainly fear because I am overweight that no guy will be attracted to me. I used to be thin and fit ...
A. 2 October 2010: My guesses are :
when your body changed ,you got self conscious and now you "carry" it not with pride and pleasure but as if it were a rather embarassing Halloween costume . ( I hear ya, - I've been there too and it sucks also because nobody real... (read in full...)
I am bored with my boyfriend and he is embaressing as well
Q. I'm starting to have second opinions on my relationship...I've had a boyfriend for 2 months. Two days after we met we went on our first date and have been together since then, but I honestly don't know that much about him. On the bright side he's ...
A. 2 October 2010: Why should you keep what you have ? ( which does not sound like much anyway ). Just to give the poor guy time to get attached so that he can be more hurt when you get
totally fed up ?
If the spark is gone after only 2 months this relation... (read in full...)
He wont introduce me to his family or friends because I am black
Q. Dunno what to do.Been with a guy 8 months and it feels like he loves me and I think I love him but some things freak me out. Like I think hes ashamed of me cause I'm younger and I'm black. He doesn't mind taking me out but he lives with his family ...
A. 2 October 2010: He won't invite you in because you are black ???
I am speechless.
Honey ,you got yourself a bad one. Never mind the "he loves me- he loves me not ".
The real problem ,here, is that he is stoooopid and ignorant. I'm sure you can do much better.... (read in full...)
Why would a man stay with his girlfriend when he wants to come home to his family?
Q. What are some of the reasons a man would stay with his girlfriend he left his family for when all other signs point to him wanting to come back home? He knows hes welcome to anytime. I just really want some perspective on how a man might be feeling ...
A. 2 October 2010: "Showing signs of wanting something " is actually very far from "doing" that something. When people really want to do something, they do it, no matter what, and there's not stopping them.
If he does not come back, it's because , all in all, he does... (read in full...)
Does he need a good bye letter?
Q. I thought I met the love of my life when I went on vacation in the summer of 08. I was going through so much at the time and I took a trip to clear my head, and there he was, the same person I loved as a little girl growing up. We spoke for hours, ...
A. 1 October 2010: Your post made me cringe . He hit you when you were pregnant !!! ( the first time ). Then, he hit you again, and again, and again ( beside all the rest )- and now you want to leave him a nice letter explaining all the hows and the ways. Oh Gosh.
S... (read in full...)
Do you always have a thing for the guy that took your virginity?
Q. Wanted to ask a question toward the women, because i think it happens to them more than guys. Do you always have a thing for the guy that took your virginity?...
A. 1 October 2010: Not at all.Luckily my tastes in reference to men have changed and evolved in time ! ... (read in full...)
Am I the only afraid of living in an apartment building?
Q. Hi everybody I know this might be a bit of an unusual question but am I the only one or is there anybody else who is afraid of living in an appartment building? Up until now I've always lived in houses and I'm about to move into a building wi...
A. 1 October 2010: Ah.I wasn't too off the mark,then.
It seems to me that your fear of living in an apartment is just the translation on a physical, tangible plane of some more hidden,less tangible fear.
Maybe it's about control- if you don't have total control ... (read in full...)
I'm messing around with a 29 year old and he doesn't know that I"m only 17
Q. basically a few months back i met this guy we kissed, then after i found out he was 29 years old and i was only 16 years old. i stopped texting him because i knew it was wrong. but now.... I need your help again!! I was out downtown with ...
A. 1 October 2010: So,the point of your post would be...?
We say dating this guy it's a bad idea, you say no, I'm sure it's a good idea.
We say he is gonna use you for sex, you say ,oh I don't mind, I am happy being used for sex .
( This is rich ,btw : you don't ... (read in full...)
MY LDR met her new guy while she was still with me
Q. Me ex girlfriend and I have recently broken up we were in a LDR and I was happy throughout that whole time. However one day she decided to end things and about 2 weeks later I found out that she started to date this guy only a few days after she had ...
A. 1 October 2010: I am afraid not. Sure, it's a very romantic gesture and she may be flattered, but what's the point of stroking her ego.
She broke up with you and took up with another guy few days after leaving you. Plus, she had met the new guy while she was stil... (read in full...)
Confusing on again, off again relationship, any ideas where his head is??
Q. Hello. I've found myself in a muddle with a guy and would like some advice. I've known him for eight months, and in that time I've seen him on and off for three times, each time ending with a fight because he 'wasn't sure what he wanted'. We ...
A. 1 October 2010: Never met anybody who ever got the upgrade from her FWB condition. If you want more than FWB status, - all the wining and dining will be just a waste of time.... (read in full...)
Known him for a long time, like him a lot, should I ask him out??
Q. i have known this guy for a while now and i have anways loved him sooooooooooo much..but he seems to avoid me sorta..we talk somtimes but not alot...he is usally a jerk to people but not to me...should i take my chance and ask him out?...
A. 1 October 2010: In my opinion ,no.
Not that I think that girls should never ask a guy out and always wait for them to make the first move.
But if he never gave you even the faintest sign he might be interested , and is, in fact, actively avoiding you,... ... (read in full...)
Is she just keeping me around because I help with her child so much?
Q. I had been dating someone for about 6 months, she had a 2 year old from a previous relationship. things were going great then out of the blue she decided that she was feeling too much pressure being in this serious of a relationship. A few weeks ...
A. 1 October 2010: I don't know if she only keeps you for your help with her child, but as for you waiting around until she is good and ready, that's exactly what she wants.
She does not want to feel any pressure... and how come she does not feel pressured when she ... (read in full...)
He wants his ex-wife back, but wants to have sex with me?
Q. This is a really weird question but please help me. I have been chatting with a 40 year old guy on the internet for about a year. I am 18. We started talking about all kinds of things when we first met, but now it's pretty much about sex. I'm not ...
A. 1 October 2010: You are not stupid, yet you are very naive if you have not figured out that sex and love do not necessarily coincide for a lot of people (mostly men, but not only ).
He is in love with his ex-wife ( whom he can't have ) and he wants to have... (read in full...)
I told him I love him, but he's making plans he won't commit to, with me.
Q. I'm 19 years old and gay. A little over a year ago I fell in love with one of my best friends. I told him how I felt about him in November and I know he avoided me for a long time. Whenever I would ask if we could get together he would tell me that ...
A. 30 September 2010: It does not matter if you are not chasing him "in that way "- whatever your intentions may be, he just does not want to be pressured.Clearly this friendship means more to you than to him, and I think that if he has shown in so many ways his ... (read in full...)
Sometimes he seems to be into me and then other times, he ignores me!
Q. Hey, so there is this guy that I met and we go to school together. I am not sure if hes into me, because I introduced him to my friends and he sometimes hangs out with us at lunch, but he doesn't flirt at all with me, but he has complimented me many ...
A. 30 September 2010: Ok, then show him some interest,give him a bit of encouragement ( hey , I said "some"- don't go and start drooling all over him, lol ) and see what happens. If he likes you, I am sure he 'll overcome shyness. ... (read in full...)
Am I the only afraid of living in an apartment building?
Q. Hi everybody I know this might be a bit of an unusual question but am I the only one or is there anybody else who is afraid of living in an appartment building? Up until now I've always lived in houses and I'm about to move into a building wi...
A. 30 September 2010: Yours is an interesting question , even if I am surely not qualified to answer you, since I have lived all my life ( except 4 years when I was in California ) in apartment buildings . One was 32 floors, with 8 or 10 apartments each floor, so I ... (read in full...)
Too much talk of sex ruining relationship
Q. NOTE: Self Titled by asker. I'm in a relationship for about a year with an amazing girl that I have so much in common with. We are beginning to make wedding plans, but I don't feel totally ready for a few reasons. First, I am still getting ...
A. 30 September 2010: She wants to fuck during the ceremony ??:) I am sure your wedding is gonna be a truly memorable event for anybody who is attending :)
If her constant sexual banter is a turn off for you ,you need to tell her clearly. Of course, things can be told... (read in full...)
Do I vanish or tell him how I feel?
Q. Hi....I liked this guy G for a while. We dated unofficially....then he hurt me a lot and I ignored him....I still like him a lot. I just found out he has an official relationship.... Should I just "vanish" and do what I do to supress my feelings...
A. 30 September 2010: What can I say... it sounds you have already made up your mind, and you just wanted someone to tell you : Yesss !Go for it!
I am afraid that it won't be me. I think that after guy A that hurt you, and guy G that hurt you too,...it would be time... (read in full...)
I told him I love him, but he's making plans he won't commit to, with me.
Q. I'm 19 years old and gay. A little over a year ago I fell in love with one of my best friends. I told him how I felt about him in November and I know he avoided me for a long time. Whenever I would ask if we could get together he would tell me that ...
A. 30 September 2010: He IS avoiding you . Blatantly. He does not want to get mean or confrontational so he hopes that if he gives you no attention eventually you'll get tired and stop chasing after him.
I understand your discomfort since I share with you a strong disl... (read in full...)
What would you do if someone you met for the first time smells funny?
Q. Lets just say you are going to meet someone for the first time (woman/man) and as soon as she/he gets in the car she/he smells like onions better yet bummy.what would be your first reaction? And how would you approach her/him? Lol :)...
A. 30 September 2010: I would not approach him at all. Major deal breaker. Nobody is so exceptional to be worthy going through olfactive torture for him /her. ... (read in full...)
I want out, I don't love my husband
Q. I've been married for 2 years and I got to the point where I don't know if i love my husband anymore...we were a couple for 2 years before we got married, long distance relationship, since then we've had lots of problems. He's jelous, immature, he's ...
A. 30 September 2010: This is an easy one for me to answer : just sign those divorce papers and leave. No ifs and buts.
"He's hit me more than a couple of times " - that is to me ( and to evey woman in her right mind, I hope ) the ultimate ,final deal breaker. That... (read in full...)
In love with a visitor from the past
Q. There is this girl who used to be the girl friend of my younger brother's buddy some 5yrs ago. They breakup back then and she suddenly left town. We've chatted a couple times on the internet throughout this period albeit casually. She came to town ...
A. 30 September 2010: I don't see anything wrong in falling in love with this girl. She is the ex of an aquaintance of yours, not of your brother.
As for not being able to tell her your feelings... what's the rush. It's early. No need for a full blown declaration of l... (read in full...)
Do I vanish or tell him how I feel?
Q. Hi....I liked this guy G for a while. We dated unofficially....then he hurt me a lot and I ignored him....I still like him a lot. I just found out he has an official relationship.... Should I just "vanish" and do what I do to supress my feelings...
A. 30 September 2010: If he likes you so much, why has he not left his gf to be with you ?...
But,forget the gf. Think about the rest : you dated "unofficially ". Why unofficially ? Then he hurt and ignored you, and he is with someone else now.
Suppose you could sn... (read in full...)
I don't want my sister inlaw and brother in my life anymore!
Q. 2 months ago my 9 year old nephew was bugging me to come down my home so i just said yes without figuring out my bills Iwas supposed to pick him up 2 weeks later but never did do to my mortgage being due .My sisterr in law had a fit and hasnt spoke ...
A. 30 September 2010: You had two weeks time to pick up the phone and say : I am so sorry, I just realized that right now it's not a good moment for a visit, unluckily we'll have to reschedule .Instead, you just did not show up. This was rude and inconsiderate, the kid ... (read in full...)
Do I vanish or tell him how I feel?
Q. Hi....I liked this guy G for a while. We dated unofficially....then he hurt me a lot and I ignored him....I still like him a lot. I just found out he has an official relationship.... Should I just "vanish" and do what I do to supress my feelings...
A. 30 September 2010: He is in a relationship ( on top of having hurt and ignored you in the past ).
What would you accomplish by telling him that you still like him ?.. What would you get ?...His simpathy ?...Improbable. The "best" it could come out - maybe he woul... (read in full...)
Sometimes he seems to be into me and then other times, he ignores me!
Q. Hey, so there is this guy that I met and we go to school together. I am not sure if hes into me, because I introduced him to my friends and he sometimes hangs out with us at lunch, but he doesn't flirt at all with me, but he has complimented me many ...
A. 30 September 2010: Sorry,I think he is simply not that interested. He does not flirt, he ignores you, to have to grill him to get a couple of words out of him.... it does not sound too promising to me because, like I always say, mixed signals are no signals. Mixed ... (read in full...)
Am I getting played by my ex?
Q. For the past couple of weeks, my ex-boyfriend and I have been acting like we did when we were dating and have expressed our feelings towards each other with flirting and suggestions, etc. However, the few times that we have tried hanging out, ...
A. 30 September 2010: If he keeps cancelling, he could be playing you. At the very least, it means that hanging out with you is a very low priority for him, otherwise he would really try his best to make time for you ,particularly after having cancelled the first time. ... (read in full...)
How do Indians in US do arranged marriage?
Q. How do Desis/Indians marry in arranged manner in US (or elsewhere) when the boy and girl, both are working in different states? This gets complicated when both want to continue their careers and given the tough economic conditions these days, its ...
A. 25 September 2010: I am not Indian, in fact I don't even know what a Desi his, and a couple of Indian friends I had just fell in love and married whom they wanted just like anybody else, but just let me throw a wild guess :
I bet that 95 percent of the times is t... (read in full...)
I don't want an abortion but my boyfriend does
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 2 years, we moved in together on our 1 year anniversary and our relationship is great! He is 27 and he has 3 kids and I am 21 and I have 1 child that is 3, I've recently found out that I am pregnant ...
A. 25 September 2010: Your body, your choice . Don't let your boyfriend ( or anybody else ) pressure you into doing something that you feel could destroy you. If he cares about you, he will come to respect your choice - if he does not, and threatens to leave you, then ... (read in full...)
Do guys pay attention to how fat or skinny we are when we have sex with them?
Q. Hello! All my life (or at least a majority of it) I've been self-conscious about my body because I have a lot of body hair, small breasts, and have a little pudge (not fat but just a little belly). Well up until just recently, I've thought of how ...
A. 25 September 2010: Honey,it's all in your mind, believe me. If he wants to make love with you,it's because he already finds you sexually attractive- and btw attraction is not only about what you see, maybe he is turned on by the sound of your voice, or the way you ... (read in full...)
Am I the only one who hates the smell and taste or sperm?
Q. This may be strange or maybe this is common...You tell me. I can not stand the smell or taste of sperm! I freely give my husband (of 25 yrs) BJ when he wants, let him cum on my chest and he has even rubbed it on my face BUT it makes me gag! ...
A. 24 September 2010: Brilliant, Miamine !- you know I had never heard, or thought ,of what you suggest ? You should trademark it:)
Anyway, in ref. to this swallowing issue - everybody is fully entitled to have their own dislikes and hang ups, but- come on ,guys. You ... (read in full...)
Why does he explain to me about guys and talk about other girls?
Q. I have a male friend that everyone teases me about..they call him my "boyfriend"...we talk everyday for hrs. at a time..usually,and see him about 3 times a week at least. we have been intimate before but not all the time,we usually just hang out. ...
A. 24 September 2010: Because he sees you as a buddy,not a romantic interests. In his view, you two have a good camaraderie, which allows for updating each other about what goes on in your love lifes. You mention that occasionally you are intimate, so I guess you think ... (read in full...)
I'm 15, I lost a child and I'm still craving one!
Q. I'm 15 years old and I'm craving a child. I know many other people have asked about this but I feel my situation is somewhat different and would like specific advice please. 11 months ago today I had a miscarrige; I was almost 4 months pregnant...
A. 24 September 2010: Good- then we have found the perfect solution. You can join some South American tribe along the Amazonas, I have heard they give birth at 12 there.
As for being self righteous.... please let me draw your attention over a little detail.
Do yo... (read in full...)
Are older men better lovers?
Q. Is it true that older men make better lovers, due to experience?...
A. 24 September 2010: I don't think so.
Not necessarily an older man is more experienced than a young one. A monogamous 50 y.o. man who is widowed or divorced after 25 years of marriage will have less experience of a 20something kid who is out and about having fun ... (read in full...)
I'm starting to resent my mum......
Q. I am starting to resent my mom. I am in my mid twenties and still live at home in my tiny room. I just feel suffocated at times and i know she loves me and wants me to be happy but sometimes i think she must want me to be alone and just live in that ...
A. 24 September 2010: You move out ! You take a second job, or give up the gym or the beauty salon or whatnot- whatever you can save money on, it being nice yet not necessary for your survival ,- and go share an apartment with somebody around your age.
And you stop... (read in full...)
Will he ever make this official?
Q. Okay so I'm 18 and I met this 38 year old at my cousin's job. Age in relationships never bothers me to begin with and after we hung out for the first time I already started to see that I liked him. We've been "together" for about a month and a half. ...
A. 24 September 2010: I am not sure I understand what you mean. You have been together for 1 and a half month, but he has not asked out yet ?...how does this work ? Are you just platonic friends for now ? Or FWB ?
Anyway, whatever the situation is, I think he may be h... (read in full...)
Why does he say he loves me but is willing to drop me like I'm nothing?
Q. I love him but he hurts me, Every day. What should I do? He hurts me mentally,physically,emotional. He says he loves me, but he is willing to choose the someone else who is just a "friend" over us. He is so willing to drop me like nothing. Why? ...
A. 24 September 2010: Because saying love words is easy and takes no effort,- and keeps you quiet and off his back at least for a while - while showing love through actions is much more demanding in terms of time , effort and some times personal sacrifice.
If he is w... (read in full...)
Am I being over sensitive and paranoid?
Q. Hi, i moved from England to Australia a year ago to live with my partner, who is english, but has worked here for several years and is already established. I gave up a good job, apartment and an independant life to start a new life here. i can hear...
A. 24 September 2010: Yes, I think you are overthinking this.
Maybe your boyfriend is just a very private person who likes to keep home and work separated. Maybe he just did not think you would enjoy meeting his workmates.Maybe at his workplace the bosses frown upon... (read in full...)
Do emotionally unavailable men... aware they have this problem?
Q. Do emotionally unavailable men, guys who are scared to committing in exclusive relationships, the type that always like to keep their options open.. do they know they have this problem in themselves? They know how to woo a girl, and treat them n...
A. 24 September 2010: I agree with Strontiumdog.
I just want to add that emotionally unavailable and not willing to commit are not necessarily the same thing.
One can be able to feel,show and share emotions- and not wanting to commit for life right now. Or not wanting ... (read in full...)
I'm 15, I lost a child and I'm still craving one!
Q. I'm 15 years old and I'm craving a child. I know many other people have asked about this but I feel my situation is somewhat different and would like specific advice please. 11 months ago today I had a miscarrige; I was almost 4 months pregnant...
A. 23 September 2010: May I ask something :
you crave a baby - and who would be going to make your craving financially possible ?
Are you self -sufficient economically ? Do you have a job, a good,steady job ? does your bf have one ?
Or do you plan to just fob the... (read in full...)
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![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png){kind=small}
