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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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I'm 15, I lost a child and I'm still craving one!
Q. I'm 15 years old and I'm craving a child. I know many other people have asked about this but I feel my situation is somewhat different and would like specific advice please. 11 months ago today I had a miscarrige; I was almost 4 months pregnant...
A. 24 September 2010: Good- then we have found the perfect solution. You can join some South American tribe along the Amazonas, I have heard they give birth at 12 there.
As for being self righteous.... please let me draw your attention over a little detail.
Do yo... (read in full...)
Do emotionally unavailable men... aware they have this problem?
Q. Do emotionally unavailable men, guys who are scared to committing in exclusive relationships, the type that always like to keep their options open.. do they know they have this problem in themselves? They know how to woo a girl, and treat them n...
A. 24 September 2010: I agree with Strontiumdog.
I just want to add that emotionally unavailable and not willing to commit are not necessarily the same thing.
One can be able to feel,show and share emotions- and not wanting to commit for life right now. Or not wanting ... (read in full...)
Isn't that what college is for? To experiment and have fun?
Q. I'm 19 and this is my second year in college but my first year AWAY at school. I'm really starting to enjoy it, but I'm kind of worried of how I'm putting myself out there. I've been here for about 5 weeks now and have had sex with two guys already. ...
A. 24 September 2010: "Memories to remember ": what, a collection of random cocks ? Nice memories.... (read in full...)
His conversation really hurt me! should I tell him?
Q. This conversation put tears in my eyes but I said nothing, I just sucked it up. Now I think that as conversation was on IM so maybe I misunderstood and I had no reason to be upset. Hi I would need some honest opinions about this conversation...
A. 23 September 2010: I honestly think it was a misunderstanding. It sounds like a compliment to me !
Ok, "f...ked up personality " is not a compliment,but the emoticon shows he means it in a joking ,non -aggressive way. And "complex,interesting and problematic "- well... (read in full...)
Should he not relieve himself in front of me even though I didn't mind?
Q. hi i know this question isn't as serious as some on here but i just wanted to know peoples advice . ive been with my boyfriend for four months and our sex life is good and getting better we both work shifts so we had to be up early today at 4am i ...
A. 23 September 2010: Not mad- but a little perplexed maybe .
What Chigirl says makes perfect sense, and yet....yet I can't picture myself ever wanting my partner reaching such a level of intimacy. Comfortable yes- too comfortable, no.
Why ? Because it's two very dif... (read in full...)
I'm 15, I lost a child and I'm still craving one!
Q. I'm 15 years old and I'm craving a child. I know many other people have asked about this but I feel my situation is somewhat different and would like specific advice please. 11 months ago today I had a miscarrige; I was almost 4 months pregnant...
A. 23 September 2010: May I ask something :
you crave a baby - and who would be going to make your craving financially possible ?
Are you self -sufficient economically ? Do you have a job, a good,steady job ? does your bf have one ?
Or do you plan to just fob the... (read in full...)
Do guys like calm girls or hyper girls?
Q. I read somewhere that guys don't like hyper girls, who are always excited all the time. Like they think that the girl is trying to get attention and its lame that they are so excited about little things. It has been researched that most guys don't ...
A. 23 September 2010: What are we talking about exactly here ?
Do you use " hyper " for spunky,bubbly,extrovert, vivacious , and such ? Then , be yourself.
Or do you mean "hyper" as in loud,all over the place, a bad case of verbal dhyarrea, antsy,-c... (read in full...)
I don't feel bad for cheating on my boyfriend...
Q. I cheated on my boyfried of 4 years. I am 22 years old and I never thought that I would do such a thing. My boyfriend is an extremely nice person. He has incredible values and he appreciates me very much. Now this is my dillema, I cheated on him 2 ...
A. 23 September 2010: Have some mercy on your boyfriend : leave him and spare him a lifetime of being cuckholded. Because that would be his destiny with you. You cheated on him when he was still turning you on- imagine now that he does not anymore !... (read in full...)
Why have I not heard from him? does he just not like me as much?
Q. Hey. I like this guy and we've sort of had a bit of something "going on." I normally hear from him every day. Just one question.. I went away on holiday recently and every single day, he'd text me asking how I was and just to generally have a chat. ...
A. 23 September 2010: A bit of both. Being in vacation he will surely be much busier than usual, but if he really had you in his mind he would find the few secs for a text. Let's say that he likes you but you are not his top priority.... (read in full...)
My ex, who says he wants to get dating other girls out of his system, wants to date girl number two. What do I do?
Q. So 3 months ago I caught my (ex)-boyfriend of 2 years (we started dating when he was 18, now he's 20 and I am 4 years older than him and 24) flirting with another girl (let's call her Girl #1--she happens to be your atypical "hot girl"). After a ...
A. 23 September 2010: You need to stop mothering him . You are only 4 years older than him,but you have already initiated a kind of mother/son dynamic where you are basically dealing with a spoiled brat and thinking that if you give in to some of his tantrums now, ... (read in full...)
Is it all women, or just my wife that have boring sexual fantasies?
Q. So, my wife really gets off on hearing about my sexual fantasies. She often asks me to tell her, " what were you thinking about last time you masturbated.". Then I will tell her, WHATEVER it was, be it having sex with our next door neighbor, the ...
A. 23 September 2010: The concept of "boring" is very personal and individual.
Personally,I find most of the classic male fantasies- a couple of which you have quoted - so trite that I'd rather watch the paint dry. The secretary... the naughty nurse... the high... (read in full...)
If I stay over with him more often will it eventually lead to sex? He promised we would not have sex until marriage but I'm worried he wont be able to control himself!
Q. I have been staying over at my boyfriend's hostel room like every once a week. And each time he will rub his penis on my vagina although i am still wearing my panties. I would like to stay over with him more often but I am afraid if that continue...
A. 22 September 2010: Torture is maybe a too strong word, because he does not feel physical pain. But of course it must be very very frustrating !... (read in full...)
Troubled relationship and now she won't see you!
Q. You're a 34yr old guy and you've been seeing a soon-to-be 19yr old for 7 months. She's only met three of your friends (who were from out of town and spoke no english) and that was months ago, she understands when you tell them you're her tutor. You ...
A. 22 September 2010: No, how could I ? I'd perhaps guess that she is up to some passive-aggressive kind of game, but I'd still expect she should communicate in an open, honest manner.... (read in full...)
Is it important to find out why they broke up with their ex?
Q. I hate long distance relationships and i promised myself not to have one again.. this one was unexpected and i plan to move hours away to be with her with quitting my job in the process.. We've been talking for a year now and have met a few times....
A. 22 September 2010: I am not sure I understood exactly what you are planning to do..
Don't tell me that you really have in mind to call your gf's ex and ask him : Hey, is it true that you cheated on your ex ( and my current ) gf ?
What if he says "no,in fact she chea... (read in full...)
If I stay over with him more often will it eventually lead to sex? He promised we would not have sex until marriage but I'm worried he wont be able to control himself!
Q. I have been staying over at my boyfriend's hostel room like every once a week. And each time he will rub his penis on my vagina although i am still wearing my panties. I would like to stay over with him more often but I am afraid if that continue...
A. 22 September 2010: I think the real question is, will YOU be able to control yourself.
I hope you don't mean that your boyfriend could go out of control and rape you , right ? Penetrating you without your consent ?...
For intercourse to happen, you need to say yes.... (read in full...)
I don't understand where the relationship is going?
Q. I met this guy about a year ago we hit things off really well he was a bit rude at times to me it was just a casual thing and then i started falling for him so I asked him the question is this going anywhere? he didnt reply could not give me an ...
A. 22 September 2010: He is thinking that with you it works and it is fun UNTIL you come up with expectations, demands or anything "emotional". Then, it gets too much work and it's simpler and easier to move on to the next playmate.... (read in full...)
Why would a man say he likes you as a close friend and then ignore you?
Q. why do men say they really like someone as a close friend and then they ignore you like you were never there?...
A. 21 September 2010: Your question is a bit too vague, it's difficult to answer not knowing in which context the words have been told.
And,of course,not all men act the way you say.
Some men will say " I really like you as a friend " simply meaning that they can... (read in full...)
How can I get my friend to see that she is wasting her time on a horrible guy and he is only going to end up hurting her?
Q. Ok, my best friend has been in love with this guy for 7 years but theyve never had a relationship. This is because he would rather use her for a one night stand than have a relationship with her. She knows this but every time he clicks his fingers ...
A. 21 September 2010: If you want to be a good friend, don't judge her and don't lecture her. She is an adult, and I guess she already knows very well what's going on with Horrible Guy , and where she is heading to. Nevertheless,she has decided to go ahead - respect her ... (read in full...)
Do I have the baby or not?
Q. I am pregnant, of the guy who i have been having sex with, we have only been going out for awhile, bt we rarely used condom, nn he knows, ii didnt use proteccion of any sort. Now the problem is, doo I have the baby or not? Bec the guy who I truly ...
A. 21 September 2010: I,instead, am totally with Dear Jilly. Sadly Gabriela so far has not shown a lot of maturity, common sense and self respect, and does not sound like she would be capable of being responsible for another human being. This hopefully will change in ... (read in full...)
Are women satisfied with average size penis or do they fantasize about bigger penises?
Q. hello everybody, thanks for the time i would spend in order to answer my question :D mu question is mostly for women who are married to men with average penis size, i just wanna know are the women in this situation really satisfied with their hu...
A. 21 September 2010: Average is just fine. Not necessarily bigger is better. In fact, an XXL penis may decrease your enjoyment,not increase it.
... (read in full...)
How do I convince him that he is good enough for me?
Q. ok,well my bf broke up with me, he broke up with me because he didnt wasnt able to call me 3 times and he feels like hes a bad boyfriend and that i deserve someone better,i KNOW he loves me,i know that for sure,but how do i convince him that he is ...
A. 21 September 2010: I hate to rain on your parade, but I feel that taking the "I'm not good enough for you " line literally is rather naive.
It's -just a line- something you say to wrap up things in a nice way . It's one of those things you say to spare people's feel... (read in full...)
I'm attracted to my husband's younger brother and had sex with him. Why is this so wrong?
Q. I'm a married woman in my 20s, I really love my husband. He's in his 20s also. We have a great sex life. Even so, I've been attracted to his younger brother (also in his 20s) since before we got married. Recently, his brother and I got a little ...
A. 21 September 2010: I assume you do NOT think that going to bed with your husband's brother is wrong. Ergo, if it is not wrong, it is right.
If it is so right, then, why didn't you tell your husband and you are doing it behind his back ?
If you feel that you are ... (read in full...)
Frustrated with a world of jerks
Q. why do pretty girls seem to go through more heartbreak. It seems that no one is safe from being used and abused no matter what their appearance. I am not saying that I'm the "Queen of the Universe" but I have always been told I am very attractive. ...
A. 21 September 2010: I don't think it has got much to do with looks. So beauty does not shield you against heartbreak and disappointment,- I don't see why you are surprised, that's surely no headline news.
I found interesting your comment about still being in jerk... (read in full...)
What conversation to have with a guy that is cute but is in a gang??
Q. hello i just met this guys recently at a friends party and he thought i was cute and i thought he was cute as well. so then the week after that it was his birthday so i sent him a message saying happy birthday, i dont know if you remember me but i ...
A. 21 September 2010: So,let's see what you could talk about with a cute gang member.... maybe drive-by shootings ? Drugs sales ? Juvenile detention ?... Honey, there are loads and loads of cute guys out there ,... and you want to impress a gang member ??? Why ??... (read in full...)
I lied about what a looked like and now he is mad! how can I get him back?
Q. Hello everyone one thank you for taking the time to read my question first i want to give you some info...So i met this guy like a week an half ago on the internet an we been talking ever since..We have a lot of chemistry talk every single day for ...
A. 21 September 2010: Don't do anything. You met him through Internet 10 days ago... and he says he loves you and wants to marry you ??? Chances are he is a biggger liar than you- he lies about his feelings and intentions, while you only lied about looks. Either t... (read in full...)
Will I always have to tolerate porn?
Q. I hate porn, will I always have to tolerate it being in a relationship? I mean, I only had one boyfriend, and we had sex, a lot. Of course, it bothered me he looked at other women naked. I didn't look at other men naked, because I knew it made him ...
A. 20 September 2010: You want empathy, but I am afraid that if we give you empathy we are not giving you much help. It's not a matter of blame or "fault " ,who's fault was it,the boy or the girl. I 'd rather forget about fault and use the word "responsibility " ... (read in full...)
I'm sick of my boyfriend!
Q. Iam sick of my boyfriend of 6 years, I DONT LOVE HIM NO MORE. i been with my man for 6 years and first been great, but he made me to give my child up and my home, my car, a year of the relationship he started abuse me, gripping me back the neck and ...
A. 20 September 2010: The best advice you'll get him from yourself when you reread what you wrote "he might put me in hospital next time ".
He might for sure, and you know that.
So what are you waiting for ? The holiday ?... Oh come on. You'll have other chances ... (read in full...)
Was he just looking for a reason to break up with me so he could date this other girl?
Q. I have just come out of an upsetting breakup with someone I was deeply in love with. We broke up over a very silly reason, which I'll get on to in a minute, and yet, though he often told me he loved me, he has a new girlfriend, someone I was ...
A. 20 September 2010: Yep. It sounds like he was already interested into this new girl... and you gave him an excuse to make his
transition to the new girl official.
No,don't hate him.Hate is a total waste of time, it just fills you with powerless rage and eventual... (read in full...)
Am I being rational if I don't want her talking to the guy she cheated on me with?
Q. Dear Cupid, i am currently in a long distance rlationship with this girl that i've know since new year's day, 2010. things started out ok, then really picked up in march, april. we broke up in july, but have been dating again since 3rd septem...
A. 20 September 2010: I understand where you are coming from and I admit that if I were in your place I'd be nervous too, nevertheless, no, you were wrong, for the simple reason you can't ever tell another adult whom they can talk to . You can't control anybody's ... (read in full...)
Kids having sex!
Q. OK lately I see a lot of questions here where children from the age of 14-16,17 years think that they are old enough to have sex. They don't understand anything about it. They think that they are ready. There are even parents who agree with the idea ...
A. 13 September 2010: @Miamine . Yes, the stats include all teens 13 to 19.
I see what you mean, Miamine - but, IMO , it does not make a huge difference.
That something is legal means that it's not a crime. Not that is right, or advisable, or a great idea. If you c... (read in full...)
Childfree dating - what the hell am I supposed to do??
Q. Genuinely trying to find some SENSIBLE advice from people. This does NOT mean I want advice that just backs me up on my point of view! The basic thing is this. I am 36. I don't want children. I never have done, never will. I have a god daugh...
A. 13 September 2010: babylessdating.com is an UK dating site only for people who are infertile or chose to not have children.
I understand your frustration but I guess that you'll have to come to terms that, undeniably, your availability of choises is restricted. As i... (read in full...)
Kids having sex!
Q. OK lately I see a lot of questions here where children from the age of 14-16,17 years think that they are old enough to have sex. They don't understand anything about it. They think that they are ready. There are even parents who agree with the idea ...
A. 13 September 2010: @SweetyPie : shock stories ? Teenage pregnancies are actually quite rare ?
In USA, there are about 750.000 teen pregnancies every year . A good percentage of them ends in abortion, yet 10 percent of all babies are born to teen mothers.
In yo... (read in full...)
Is this some sort of a game to keep me around?
Q. Hello I am in need of some help , because male behavior confuses me. The fellow I had been dating for almost 3 years had broke up , we recently started dating again not a realtionship but going out on dates . When we go out we have a great tim...
A. 13 September 2010: Then it is a bit mysterious :). Let's give him the benefit of the doubt , and say that he thinks about committing to you, he's just not ready to do it yet.
At this point though, rather than tryng to guess what is going on in his mind, I think YOU ... (read in full...)
I wish the perfect man would walk into my life and stay with me!
Q. we have been fighting for the past few days and he dose this thing were he says things will get better and change then two or three weeks later it all gose back to the same old thing not showing interest not doing things i want in a man i really ...
A. 13 September 2010: It is very difficult to give you an advice. You vented your emotions in a very heartfelt , passionate way, but you very little specific details about your situation, and what exactly makes it so unbearable, so anything one says might be off the ... (read in full...)
She says all I think about is sex
Q. On Wednesday, I took my girlfriend to a restaurant with a beach view, the horse races, and a Padres game which all cost $120. Keep in mind that we are both full-time college students and I don't have a job because I write for the school newspaper ...
A. 13 September 2010: Dude,you don't realize it, but you are pressuring her. You pressure her after being romantic, buying her dinner, helping her with stuff and all that, but it's still pressure.
Erotism respects the individual ebbs and flows of desire, - and is ofte... (read in full...)
She tells me that she loves me but sure has a weird way of showing it!
Q. So I been dating my girlfriend for about a year and a half and recently moved down to Las Vegas to start a life. Ever since we have been down here I have seen a 180 out of her. She holds an attitude constantly doesn't want me near her and we've had ...
A. 13 September 2010: She could be depressed. For some people moving and starting a new life is an exciting adventure- for others is just scary, disruptive,disquieting, and leads to maladjustment ( being unable to adjust properly to the enviroment,with resulting ... (read in full...)
Is this some sort of a game to keep me around?
Q. Hello I am in need of some help , because male behavior confuses me. The fellow I had been dating for almost 3 years had broke up , we recently started dating again not a realtionship but going out on dates . When we go out we have a great tim...
A. 13 September 2010: Do these dates involve sex I suppose ?
If yes, then his behaviour it's no so mysterious.
He wants to keep his FWB. Men are lazy- they are creatures of habit.If you should dump him for good, he would have to go through the hassle to secure h... (read in full...)
Question for the guys about middle-aged women
Q. I'm just wondering... With all the young, hot, semi-nude, perfect female bodies constantly paraded on TV, ads, etc.(not even considering porn... let's not go there), can a middle-aged, post menopausal women still look attractive to a middle a...
A. 13 September 2010: Oh sure.
First of all, it's not like any average middle aged man can actually get the eye candy that they feast their eyes on. Men get older too, they get receding hairlines and man boobs and love handles. They need glasses to read their news... (read in full...)
His ex wants him back and he is confused!
Q. I started talking with a guy that I met online in May of this year. Things progressed. We met, were very attracted to one another, but live about an hour away from each other. Things continued to progress. He was very romantic and is a writer. ...
A. 13 September 2010: Move on. Obviously his heart and mind weren't ready for a new relationship ,if an e-mail is all it took to send him back to his ex.
Besides, maybe I am too suspicious, but I would like to remind you that " I am tryng to work things out with my e... (read in full...)
I told myself I would never let a man hit me.
Q. I am a 15 year old girl and my boyfriend (also 15 years old) of 8 months hit me Friday for the very first time. He is bipolar and sometimes his mood swings are off the charts and his thought process is irrational at times. I stayed the night with ...
A. 13 September 2010: He most probably will.
But that's beside the point, the point is that you've got to draw the line at hitting. This is a non-negotiable.
If a guy hits you once - then he is history. Once is enough.
So what if he is sorry. Of course he must be s... (read in full...)
We made love, and then he tells me that he's moving overseas!
Q. I have admired this guy for years and recently we got closer and made love. Now he tells me he is going to live overseas next May, the day after we make love. I would never have made love if I knew this. I don't know how to feel or what to say. I ...
A. 12 September 2010: If in Australia grown up women feel legitimated by what they see and hear around them to believe that once you make love, then it's forever... it must be a wonderful place and I am moving there tomorrow.
Ok, forgive the hint of sarcasm, I don'... (read in full...)
Is a bit of nervousness in a guy unattractive to girls?
Q. Is a bit of nervousness in a guy unattractive to girls (better make that women)? If a guy is a bit nervous when he's talking, isn't it like you can just verbally run over him? Isn't the inability to stay solid/unbeaten kind of the definition o...
A. 12 September 2010: Not at all. As long as it is just a bit.... (read in full...)
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