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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Prom? To go? Or not to go?
Q. Hello everyone I'm just wondering if I should go for prom this year. It's my only prom. As much as I'm excited at the prospect the price is a big turn off. It's 90 bucks. Although it's not as if my family can't afford it I feel that prom shouldn't ...
A. 16 October 2011: If your family can afford it without having do to financial somersaults, do go. 90 bucks is a reasonable fee to pay for a once-in-a-lifetime occasion !... (read in full...)
He says he loves me, does not want to break up, but has no feelings for me, what do I do?/
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for just about eight years now, and until recently have been very happy. After a few months of feeling like he didnt want me around him, I asked if he was mad and had i done anything to upset him. He told me ...
A. 16 October 2011: Wow, guys are getting more and more sophisticated in bullshitting people nowadays. Once it used to be " it's not you, it's me ", it got stale and they are getting more creative.
" He had to shut down his sexual feelings ... " as if sexual feel... (read in full...)
I don't want a baby, but I really want to be pregnant!
Q. Hello! I just wanted to know if anyone has had these feelings before, and why you have them and how you've dealt with them/got rid of them. Recently I have been wanting to get pregnant, but before I go any further I am going to assure you...
A. 15 October 2011: Yes, hopefully it 's not a "real " full blown depression, and your cravings will die down on their own... I guess you just need to shake up things a bit, to make your life more " intense ", if you get what I mean, and I am sure you'll find a way ... (read in full...)
My over-protective judgmental Mother makes it impossible to see my Bf. How do I make her see reason?
Q. My guy and I are in a difficult position. We're not exactly boyfriend and girlfriend but we've been dating for 4 months. I,ve met his family and I want him to meet mine. but because he works so hard and late we barely get to see each other Once a we...
A. 15 October 2011: I am not sure, but I think she may be uncomfortable about the general set up. You are not boyfriend and girlfriend, you are just getting together a couple of times a month... she may feel that he's using you for sex and/ or does not want to be ... (read in full...)
My mother calls him a waste of space. Why can't my parents accept him, despite all the good things?
Q. My parents dislike (and I suspect possibly even hate) my boyfriend. Why? I'm 19, and he's 21, he's got a job in IT / computer maintenance, went to uni and is qualified, doesn't drink (except as a social drinker) and spends most of his time outside...
A. 15 October 2011: Strange. Punctuality is a quality , not a fault, IMO - the same goes for being generous to friends and family ( of course within reasonable, non-compulsive limits ). As for overeating- yeah I hate that too, particularly when accompanied by poor ... (read in full...)
They are 'taken' So Why do people see married men/women in the first place?
Q. Note: if you honestly didn't know he/she was with someone, i undertand completely. I have seen so many questions on here about people being broken hearted about their lovers leaving them and all I can think is, what did you expect? I keep t...
A. 15 October 2011: Fear.
More or less the same why some women go after players or abusers or drug addicts. It should be such a red flag, shouldn't it ?
Deep down they feel they can't get / don't deserve / are not enough for a true healthy committed love, all for ... (read in full...)
Did I over-react? my husband defended his friend. Ignored my feelings. The sexual joke was about me
Q. Tell me if I'm over reacting or if I took this the wrong way. My husband has a male friend who I think has really disrespected me. They were talking online with a bunch of people. My husband's friend said: "We should get you a webcam and have ...
A. 15 October 2011: I don't think you over reacted, in fact maybe you under reacted. But I think that you SHOULD be mad at your husband , not at his friend. His friend is a jerk, but he's single, he has no obligations to you , your husband does. I find , well , ... (read in full...)
Teething problems with domestic bliss? How do we get the Loving Bliss back into our relationship now we have moved in together?
Q. I've just moved in with my boyfriend of many years. We're renting an apartment together. It seems since we've gotten our own place, all our time is taken up with housework! We both work fulltime (and he works TWO jobs, so starts his second one a...
A. 15 October 2011: Hire a cleaning woman.
And before screaming : it's a dangerous extravaganza, we can't afford it !- think. You probably can , with 2 full time salaries ( and a half ) , it's just a matter of reorganizing your financial priorities in view of what... (read in full...)
Emotional affairs...
Q. via text, emails, pictures and dating sites, women, is it really that bad when a man does it? even after a year my ex still goes on about it when i ask her to start again and see how we get on. silly cow isnt interested and just uses these as an ...
A. 15 October 2011: OP, after reading your updates, I 'd like to suggest you to really, honestly re-evaluate all your relationship with Laura, and not to make reconciliation the one and only focus of your future. It may be very well, that , regardless of love and ... (read in full...)
I don't want a baby, but I really want to be pregnant!
Q. Hello! I just wanted to know if anyone has had these feelings before, and why you have them and how you've dealt with them/got rid of them. Recently I have been wanting to get pregnant, but before I go any further I am going to assure you...
A. 15 October 2011: If you find yourself ,for WHATEVER reason, not just somewhat blue or somewhat down, but incurring in severe bouts of depression ( cryng spells, insomnia, loss of appetite etc. for at least 6 weeks ) then sorry, but the only correct way to go ... (read in full...)
Why has he become distant and cold? Is this relationship over?
Q. For the men: Can you please explain to me this male mentality of, if one part of my life sucks, everything sucks? My bf of 7 months all of a sudden started acting very distant and cold when he became incredibly busy at work. One day he'd want me...
A. 14 October 2011: Unluckily I tend to agree with you : if someone is so confused about whether he wants you in your life or not, he can't be that sanguine about having you in his life to begin with.
when all is said and done, and regardless of all movie dram... (read in full...)
I don't want a baby, but I really want to be pregnant!
Q. Hello! I just wanted to know if anyone has had these feelings before, and why you have them and how you've dealt with them/got rid of them. Recently I have been wanting to get pregnant, but before I go any further I am going to assure you...
A. 14 October 2011: Let me assure that " the feeling of being pregnant " , except for a few lucky ones, is nothing blissful or thrilling, in fact it's a series of physical sensations that go from mildly unpleasant to sheer torture- and you only pull through by keeping ... (read in full...)
My ex womanizing b/f keeps contacting me. Should I block his number?
Q. hi, I have this womanizer ex- fling boyfriend contacting me from time to time. he is not inlove with me, but seems to dial my number from time to time pretending to want a relationship with his charismatic ways, and i find him soooo attractive...
A. 14 October 2011: Your ego must be a very low-maintenance , easy going one if it gets so gratified by seeing incoming calls from a womanizer who does not care and is just occasionally and nonchalantly tryng to get lucky !
Just block him, otherwise you'll neve... (read in full...)
Emotional affairs...
Q. via text, emails, pictures and dating sites, women, is it really that bad when a man does it? even after a year my ex still goes on about it when i ask her to start again and see how we get on. silly cow isnt interested and just uses these as an ...
A. 14 October 2011: What do you mean, you did not cheat ?! That's totally debatable. You did betray your promise of exclusivity, and you did engage in activities finalized to sexual gratification ( cybersex and sexting ) with other women than yours- that constitutes ... (read in full...)
Emotional affairs...
Q. via text, emails, pictures and dating sites, women, is it really that bad when a man does it? even after a year my ex still goes on about it when i ask her to start again and see how we get on. silly cow isnt interested and just uses these as an ...
A. 14 October 2011: Ah sure . Since Laura told you that she loved you and would be with you forever,- therefore she should have stayed regardless of anything you do. You cheat on her , you make a fool out of her- hey, she should still with you be ,because she said ... (read in full...)
Are the steroids the reason for him behaving like this?
Q. My boyfriend told me he was taking anabolic steroids after we had dated for about 4 months. Recently, he never talks to me, treats me like crap. Took back all of his promises he kept to me. I am moving 3 hours away in a few days and he used to ...
A. 14 October 2011: I have heard several times that steroids can make people aggressive, moody and angry. BUT I have a theory, unscientific as it is , I have seen it at work many times " Cindy's theory " : ALL chemical substance don't radically change people , they ... (read in full...)
How do I tell him I don't think its a good idea for him and his kids to stay in my flat without offending him?
Q. My boyfriend of 1 year has 2 kids, 9 and 11, who live with their mom and they are going to stay with him for the holiday in December. He’s living with his elderly mother and father for financial reasons – he had to give up his flat because he could ...
A. 14 October 2011: Expect that he WILL be, if not offended, at least piqued, at first. Parents are like that :), they assume that THEIR delightful kids can't ever be a bother or a problem for anybody.Then again, you are right, he should have at least consulted you ... (read in full...)
We both have put on weight and I really don't like my wife's belly fat, should I take the first step in getting fit? Will she follow suit?
Q. Hi guys, i'm here to ask for help about something is bothering me to much. After my 4 years marriage me and my wife got belly fat. We are not fat, lean, but have it. My wife's belly bothers me to much, even if she's too hot and gorgeous. I keep ...
A. 14 October 2011: Sign up for something fun that you can do together. A dance class maybe ?... (read in full...)
I've been too clingy, so was this a good idea?
Q. My boyfriend and I are both 18 however he is still in his last year of school and I stayed in this town because I met him, and we decided we would move away for university together next year. We have a really really good connection and have been ...
A. 14 October 2011: You should have listened to your mom, yes, it wasn't a good idea. Now, don't panic- it was a bad idea not like he'll never want to talk to you again- more like he'll roll his eyes and say : here she goes again. Why ? Because you did it before, ... (read in full...)
Emotional affairs...
Q. via text, emails, pictures and dating sites, women, is it really that bad when a man does it? even after a year my ex still goes on about it when i ask her to start again and see how we get on. silly cow isnt interested and just uses these as an ...
A. 13 October 2011: I obviously cannot know if Laura will take you back ( it does not sound probable but hey you never know ) but I can tell you something that if I were in her shoes would annnoy me no end and would strengthen my resolution to kick you out of my life ... (read in full...)
Is this a normal FWB relationship?
Q. Hi everyone I was just wondering if this is a normal fwb relationship me and this man are having sex and we can't get enough of each other this has been going on since february we have a really good time together get on really well we are plan...
A. 13 October 2011: SOME FWBs are like this and more, and I am surprised when some posters ( like you ? ) are surprised that FWBs have not necessarily to exclude camaraderie, companionship and moments of tenderness. Why should they ? It's normal, after all it's ... (read in full...)
Was I a bad person?
Q. A year ago I worked in a restaurant I absolutely adored. I thought I had some really great friends, especially one girl I got really close to. We were best friends I thought, I even let her stay at my place for a couple weeks when she didst have a ...
A. 13 October 2011: "Water seeks its own level " or something like that. If your ex friends are all so crazy about a cocaine addict out of job thief and liar , well, that says a lot about them, and you should really not regret having lost their friendship, but from ... (read in full...)
Did he ever actually value me or was I a fool?
Q. i worked with a guy for 3 years and thought he viewed me as a good friend-he always referred to me as a sister ! i really cared about him and did all i could to help including saving him from getting sacked, and helped with work and all sorts. then ...
A. 13 October 2011: You have been very bad to YOURSELF . You have let yourself be exploited by someone who, except for a short show of friendliness at the beginning, just to rope you in, has shown himself disrespectful, selfish, insensitive, arrogant, deceptive ... (read in full...)
How many women has he cheated on me with: 2 or 3?
Q. My husband has cheated on me with 2 other women that I found out about about 2 and a half years ago. It's not like I found out about 1 other women, forgave him and he did it again. It is a case of finding out about 2 at the same time. I also ...
A. 13 October 2011: IMO point 3) of your post strongly makes it sound as if he reconnected with cheating partner no. 2, so it's a wild guess ,but I say only 2.
But, yeah, you are right, I don't understand what difference does it make, 2 or 3. I could unde... (read in full...)
I think his wife told him to stay away from me
Q. He and I are both married and were friends. I have a strong suspicion that his wife has told him not to see me anymore and has essentially cut him out of my life. She thinks I am a big threat and does not like the fact that he is attracted to me. I ...
A. 13 October 2011: Well, of course his wife does not like the fact that he is attracted to you- particularly because, as you say, deep down you hoped for more. I guess it wasn't so deep down after all, it was surfacing enough that the wife could notice it and let ... (read in full...)
My new boyfriend doesn't like PDA but I'm the kind of person who loves being hugged!
Q. So i have a new boyfriend. We started dating last week, and theres a little something im curious over. How should i take it that he doesn't like PDA? I told him i understood, that i also didn't like making out n public (school). I talked to him for ...
A. 13 October 2011: Kudoos to your bf for being a reserved type. I live close to a couple of high schools and I am forever eschewing and bumping into teenage couples twisted together in knots like snakes during mating season. Not that it bothers me, but tbh neither ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is not virgin! How do I forgive her?
Q. i have a relation with a girl since march 2011. after 2 months when she come to know that i love her, she told me that she is not virgin. she cried the whole night and told me that she was force by her ex-boyfriend when she was having a severe ...
A. 13 October 2011: There's nothing to forgive.
You say that she was forced to sex while she was sick, so, physically weak, mentally not lucid, and in general not in the right shape to give her informed intentional consent. In other words, basically she has been rape... (read in full...)
B/f wants a foursome--3 guys and me! I kind of want it too!
Q. I've had the biggest crush on this guy for like a year now. He's super adorable. We flirt all the time. He and I have been "talking" for like two months now. I love when people give me attention and he gives me the most. Last month, we were at his ...
A. 13 October 2011: Oh that's why he has been giving you so much attention... I guess it takes quite a bit of attention - giving to bamboozle a girl into performing in a freak show....
No disrespect meant to the adults who like this kind of experiences, as Gabr... (read in full...)
No condom for anal sex? Is it safe?
Q. My boyfriend is my second boyfriend.. I am still virgin... and he is too. At this time, He wish something for his birthday. He wants anal sex :| at first I really do not agree about it but I love him I want to make him happy. I am a little bit ...
A. 12 October 2011: Hold your horses - and change birthday plsns , because this is really a messed up one.
- You are guarding your hymen and virginity- but getting penetrated anally ?? what kind of " virginity " is this, what's its point and intent ? So that, in c... (read in full...)
Does alot of nagging lead to cheating?
Q. Do all guys cheat? Could a lot of nagging lead him cheating? Long dinstance? or what are some things that may lead a boyfriend to cheat?...
A. 12 October 2011: No, and that's the typical excuse of the cheater . I cheated on you because you were nagging too much... because you were too clingy... or too distant... because you overcooked the roast... because because because.
People cheat because they... (read in full...)
Should I get back with my FWB? Even though he may have a girlfriend?
Q. Hey quick question .... I Have a friend with benefit/sex buddy. Were both single, I'm single because I can't find a Guy. Its like the guys That are my type are GONE! I wish I could but I've been single for years. Even tho I'm only 20 lol. I've had...
A. 12 October 2011: Why can't you be sexually happy with a single guy ?
I mean, if it's just for sex, no relationship, no feelings involved, ...it should not be that difficult to hook up with some other guy who is as single and horny as you. So you get your dues... (read in full...)
I'm 14 and planning on getting pregnant. How do I tell my dad?
Q. I'll be honest. I'm 14 and planning on getting pregnant. I've been with my boyfriend (19) for a while. He is going to propose and is okay with me getting pregnant. He wants a child as do I. I understand I am only a child. Yet I'm not. I...
A. 12 October 2011: I do not condone, approve or encourage violence. In general. I'll make one exception right now. I hope you do tell your dad, and I hope he WILL get violent, not with you of course, but with this 19 y.o. ape who's planning to get pregnant a child. ... (read in full...)
My B/f was aroused, but couldn't climax. Could it have been due to stress, or am I just not good enough for him?
Q. Hia Today I found myself in a situation I've never been in before, and I was just wondering if anyone here could advise me on it :) I've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year, and we've been sexually active for a while now. Today when thing...
A. 12 October 2011:
If he's around your age, I doubt it's because of stress.
More probbaly, he just had been smoking too much pot. Or, much much more probably, he had been masturbating a bit too often :). ... (read in full...)
She has my number but hasn't contacted me... Girls, how long before she might contact me?
Q. Im a 20 something guy and want to get female opinions on something. I know usually 'guy gets girl tel number and it goes from there' - but 3 days ago a situation happened - where I helped a girl in a tricky situation, and followed it up by writin d...
A. 12 October 2011: I am curious to know why do you think she COULD call . Meaning, did you get the impression she could be interested ? Or receptive to your interest ?Was she smiling, flirting, making eye contact...?
Oherwise, if you did not get - or at least susp... (read in full...)
How do I make my LDR b/f understand that his actions make me feel like I'm not worth it?
Q. Im in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of three years. As of these last few months we both are very busy. We see eachother about twice a month, skype here and there, and We text maybe at the most for a couple hours a day everyday and ...
A. 12 October 2011: Cheer up . you have his undivided attention for a couple of hours every day and almost all weekends ! , and that's much more than many married or living together can say :).
You have to be honest with yourself, and ask yourself if you really need... (read in full...)
I'm 22 and my girlfriend's 25. Is that a big difference?
Q. Is this weird? My girlfriend is 3 years older than me. I'm 22 and she's 25. Is that a big difference or no? We have a good relationship and all (sex is great :P) but compared to all of my friends in relationships, the guy is older than the girl. ...
A. 12 October 2011: 3 years ;is this all the big difference ? That's nearly irrelevant, you are still in the same range so supposedly you have common interests, common experiences, lots of things to talk about.
I say nearly, because still there could be a problem with... (read in full...)
Why does my friend think its wrong to ask if she's ok?
Q. My best friend is really stressed right now. She is 57 and I am 50. It's her job and all the responsibility. The one thing she enjoyed, was at the end of the day getting an email from me, it would make her laugh and smile. It made her happy. Well ...
A. 12 October 2011: It's a matter of personality, some people appreciates a constant reminder that their friends think and care about them during a difficult time... and some don't,they'd rather be let to their own devices and deal with their issues without the ... (read in full...)
My wife is the breadwinner now and wants me to be a house-husband, should I do it?
Q. Hi I m from Detroit city age 35. I lost my job couple of years back because of the recession ; haven't been able to find another one. However, my wife,33, has a great job with big fat pay package. Surprisingly, she got a promotion during the rece...
A. 11 October 2011: What's there to decide ? You are not working, you are not earning, and, apparently, you are not doing absolutely anything at home = you are not contributing to your family menage = you are mooching off your wife 's hard ( and double , since she ... (read in full...)
How to be in solitude and heal from heartbreak
Q. So I've learned now that I am not worth that much to my husband and in a great deal of pain. I'm very depressed and lonely. I am not ready to leave this relationship at this time. I don't want another man in my life and I don't want to make friends. ...
A. 4 October 2011: If you are depressed , you can't "power through " depression. First, because if you'd have the strength to just " power through " your difficulties, well, then you would not be depressed to begin with, you'd just snap into "powering through " ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend started living with friends/co-workers and it destroyed our relationship
Q. So this is probably something I should have done 3 months ago. It's too late now, but I still wonder if I am truly insane for having the opinion I have about my issue. I am a mid-twenties female and work non-stop (60 hours, 1 part-time job an...
A. 4 October 2011: I can't say I can relate to your frustration.
I think that saving 1200 usd. a year, and being so close to his school are very good reasons for preferring your coworkers's apartment over the other one. Considering that he gets along with his new ... (read in full...)
Any make-up and style tips for me?
Q. I'm a pretty nerdy person. I have never had a boyfriend and I would like to change that. Most guys I like are out going and "crazy" but I'm pretty shy unless around friends. When I'm around my friends, I'm crazy, random, and fun. But with strangers ...
A. 4 October 2011: Now this may be commonplace, may sound a banality, nevertheless... it's true : beauty is an attitude. Feel pretty, think pretty, act pretty and you will LOOK pretty. Yes, but... how do you feel pretty ,if you don't ? Let's skip all the ( important ... (read in full...)
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