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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Any make-up and style tips for me?
Q. I'm a pretty nerdy person. I have never had a boyfriend and I would like to change that. Most guys I like are out going and "crazy" but I'm pretty shy unless around friends. When I'm around my friends, I'm crazy, random, and fun. But with strangers ...
A. 4 October 2011: Now this may be commonplace, may sound a banality, nevertheless... it's true : beauty is an attitude. Feel pretty, think pretty, act pretty and you will LOOK pretty. Yes, but... how do you feel pretty ,if you don't ? Let's skip all the ( important ... (read in full...)
Should I confront my cruel sister for what she has done? She's ruined my education, I miss my husband and she destroyed my passport.
Q. Help help help Please. I got married and was to travel for honeymoon with my husband the next day. as we were to pursue our masters degree in england. On The day, we went to the aiport but We couldnt go. We had to return home because we found out ...
A. 4 October 2011: I think you should. First, you just can't get away with stuff like that, this is not just a prank,this is serious, I don't know about your country but in most countries you could press charges and send her to jail !
Second, sibling rivalry does... (read in full...)
Is my FWB toying with me? Should I wait and see what he does or should I just ignore him and get over it?
Q. I've had a FWBs relationship with a guy for a little over a year now, I've asked for advice on here before but now there is a different problem I seem to cant understand. He has recently become more affectionate with me and openly telling me he wa...
A. 4 October 2011: He is soooo playing you. He throws you a bone and plays the feelings card when he notices you may be slipping away, or rebelling- he does not want to loose his convenient sex provider and "just in case " option, and as soon he has mollified you ... (read in full...)
When married guys flirt are they looking for the "emotional attachment" that I miss too? Or are they just looking for no frills sex?
Q. Does anyone else have a difficult time getting over a crush? I am married with kids and in my late 30's yet still wonder whether my married crush thinks about me etc. My husband is very attractive and athletic - more so than my crush but is some...
A. 4 October 2011: Something in between . I think they look for novelty and excitement, and the narcisistic thrill of being somebody's object of desire , of feeling wanted, lusted over, crushed on, and often they'll go to any length to get themselves this high.
A lo... (read in full...)
Girlfriend uses emotional blackmail and I'm not sure how to deal with it anymore
Q. We’ve been dating for about 15 months. I am 27. My gf is 26. We attended my friends’ wedding. I know both the groom and bride. My gf came along as my guest, but she didn’t know neither of them. The wedding was ending since other guests were ...
A. 4 October 2011: The best action line to use with blackmailers is always... zero tolerance.. Particularly in this case where taking a hard, inflexible stance won't cause any bodily harm to anybody :) .
If already 3 times she took her key back,only to chan... (read in full...)
Gyno thinks the pill is a good idea, but I don't want to tell my mom I'm sexually active
Q. So today i went to the gynecologist and she said that the only thing that would help with the issue i have is birth control. My mom does not know that i am sexually active and isnt sure about the idea... I on the other hand want to go on the pill ...
A. 4 October 2011: I don't see the problem. If you are being prescribed the pill to regularize your irregular ,painful periods, just tell your mom that you are taking the pill to regularize your irregular , painful periods- which happens to be the truth.
N... (read in full...)
What do you do when a man confronts you for "talking" to his girl?
Q. Let's say you meet a girl by herself who's nice and attractive. You approach her and strike up a conversation with her. Everything seems to be moving along fine.... Five minutes later, her boyfriend shows up all annoyed and angry, says something l...
A. 3 October 2011: I agree with serenity80, and I am amazed you say this type of stuff is common in NYC, that's not my experience at all. Granted, my favourite watering holes were in the UES or in the Village,lol, so a pretty tame scene. But I had friends, ... (read in full...)
Is my B/f telling me the truth when he says he calls his ex "darling" more out of habit that feelings for her?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for a year now. He was previously married for 20 years and has 2 children from this relationship. We were invited to his daughter's birthday party which I was ok (within reason)to go to. I knew when I got together with ...
A. 3 October 2011: I think he's telling you the truth. Words don't mean anything out of a context. and the context is, he' s with you now and he loves YOU.
Then again, ALL habits can be changed ( said by an ex chain smoker ). And this is really a silly habit, I can ... (read in full...)
Do girls like sweetheart guys?
Q. Do girls like sweetheart guys? I'm still single and I feel like I can't harm anyone, I would drive my girlfriend home from school or work etc. I would pay for meals, when shes cold I would warm her with a nice hug and might even offer her my jacket. ...
A. 3 October 2011: There's a fine line between being nice and trying to hard.
People senses when you are nice AND self confident, you do nice things because you feel like doing them, and because that's the way you are. They also sense when you do nice things beca... (read in full...)
How do I deal with feeling so Betrayed? My husband told family intimate details of our sex life.
Q. My husband recently told my family that I let him try anal sex. This was really rude, disrespectful, and certainly uncalled for on my part. I am really upset that he felt it was 'ok' to share this private and personal information with my family of a...
A. 3 October 2011: Did this come out all of a sudden, out of the clear blue sky ? For some reason, I have a hard time believing it. I mean, this is not normal, there must have been previous instances of "socially awkard or socially inappropriate " behaviour ( just ... (read in full...)
Am I being used for money, sex, and transportation or am I seriously being paranoid and over-reactive?
Q. So my boyfriend and I have been together for almost five months. At first everything was great he announced us being together on Facebook and all that. But one day he suddenly set his status to single. I didn't make a big deal out of it because I ...
A. 3 October 2011: Well, he has to sing for his supper, doesn't he ?
I mean, would you still give him money, food, drives, attention and sex on demand, if he were openly neglecting you for weeks at a time ? Instead, a few texts here and there, and he kills two ... (read in full...)
We've Been Together For Two Years, Now He Suddenly Won't Take My Calls
Q. I really need help,I have no idea what to do. I have been with this man for 2 years..we met online. We spoke every day on the phone, sometimes two or three times a day.Unfortunately, neither of us has had the means to travel, but we've been okay ...
A. 2 October 2011: Oh so he also has his family screening your calls now ?.. Then he is avoiding you big time, he really pulled a total Houdini. Sorry to hear that, I realize that this may feel like a stab in your back , and you are in shock. Unluckily I think the ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend told me I need to be more independent.
Q. me and my bf were talking about how wish i can be away form my parents,i had had enough with them he told me that i should make more friends because it's kinda weird if i'm with him most of time... my instinct felt weird when he said this so i a...
A. 2 October 2011: ... maybe that's precisely why you are not independent enough: all your boyfriends made sure you'd spend all your free time with them, rather than encouraging and helping you to be your own person that can have a life also beside the ... (read in full...)
I was sick, b/f assumed we broke up and now he's glad!
Q. Hi I was sick for the past 1 week, so i couldnt pick up my bf's call and didnt inform him also. Before that we had a fight since he insulted me in front of his friends. Yesterday i got well and returned his call (he called me thrice in this...
A. 2 October 2011: How came ?- how sick you were ? Were you in ICU, in a coma ? ... I mean, were you really so sick that you could not have possibly sent him a text or a short e-mail saying " Very sick, talk to you ASAP " ? Could you not have told your mom/ friend / ... (read in full...)
She saved herself for marriage, but we went too far! She's been crying for days!
Q. I was an arse. I've been with this woman for a year and she has been saving herself for marriage. Last week, she asked me to let her experience only a bit of myself and I impulsively took her. She hasn't stopped crying for days. She says she lov...
A. 2 October 2011: I don't get the whole scenario... the hymen is situated at the entrance of the vaginal opening, it has a passage in it for menstrual blood which will possibly let a finger or a tampon slip through, but certainly not an erected penis, did not ... (read in full...)
Do men really want the same things as women?
Q. Do men really want the same as women? Like settling down have a family, kids etc! I just want that but finding it hard to find! Men I meet just seem to use you take advantage tell u that u are the best thing to happen to them, but they dont want the ...
A. 2 October 2011: I think they do, but with the right woman at the right time.
I know mine is a wide generalization , and it may sound like an anti-feminist one, - I admit it's just a vague impression I have. It seems to me that a man wants to marry prec... (read in full...)
Is it my fault that my cousin's heart is broken?
Q. Dear Cupid, Please, help me! My cousin, 'Carrie' ,and her ex, 'Jake', started dating because I told Carrie that I thought Jake liked her -- which was true. I did think he liked her, but Jake didn't like Carrie -- he liked me! Yes they...
A. 2 October 2011: Read "Emma " by Jane Austen, it's exactly the same story set two centuries ago !
Which means : 1) match making is rarely a good idea, too many things may go wrong.
2) hey these things happen, it's not the end of the world.
Your intentions w... (read in full...)
Am I being used for money, sex, and transportation or am I seriously being paranoid and over-reactive?
Q. So my boyfriend and I have been together for almost five months. At first everything was great he announced us being together on Facebook and all that. But one day he suddenly set his status to single. I didn't make a big deal out of it because I ...
A. 2 October 2011: Something in between. I.e., no I don't think he hates your guts and finds you totally unattractive , and he's just with you for the financial perks- he must like you- a bit. But he's obviously combing the net fishing for something better, or ... (read in full...)
We've Been Together For Two Years, Now He Suddenly Won't Take My Calls
Q. I really need help,I have no idea what to do. I have been with this man for 2 years..we met online. We spoke every day on the phone, sometimes two or three times a day.Unfortunately, neither of us has had the means to travel, but we've been okay ...
A. 2 October 2011: Uhm. You spoke to his mom so at least you know he is not in hospistal, in jail or otherwise incapacitated to contact you. I guess some posters would , as him mom did, come up with the " cave man " theory - that some time when there are many things ... (read in full...)
What does his imitation of her mean?
Q. My ex boyfriend, for whom I clearly still has feelings for, keeps imitating, liking the same things.......etc as this girl he went out with a few years ago but who is now married. If she likes x band, he likes that band too, if she watches this TV ...
A. 2 October 2011: Some people can carry a torch for their past lovers for a long long time, but probably, more simply, your ex and his ex did actually have a lot of common tastes and interests and that's what attracted him to her in the first place and made him miss ... (read in full...)
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
Q. Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
A. 1 October 2011: I think I get what you mean, SVF.
A guy who flirts only to hook up, i.e. to get something out of the exchange, is not a Natural Flirt, he's a player and a manipulator. A natural flirt smiles at, jokes with , and compliments everybody- incl... (read in full...)
Should I go with my ex or hers?
Q. I have the ultimate dilemma! Lately, for some reason I've been getting out of the ordinary male attention. Firstly it started with my ex, we went on a date recently, as bad as it was we agreed to see each other again. Which may or may not be a ...
A. 1 October 2011: Well, they say that exes are exes for a reason, but if the reason was actually ONLY the distance, I 'd say you have a chance to make it work with your ex. And if you want to make it really work this time around, .. you should not be playing ... (read in full...)
Why does my ex get to be happy and in a relationship while I am still alone?
Q. I broke up with my ex just over a year ago now, we were together for 5 years before that and I miss him all the time. He had an emotional affair and wanted 'a break', which made me question everything after 5 years of being together, so I told him ...
A. 1 October 2011: First, you don't know if he is happy. Your ex seems the kind of guy who tends to get stuck into situations and has trouble letting go- think about your break, it was not so clean and final, there's been a long preparation phase, and several ... (read in full...)
Sometimes I feel its wrong for loving this man!
Q. I've had relationship after relationship and most of them were at least 19 years older or so... i've also been with some my age. I currently am 20 and my intimate other is 28 years older. I know the whole being depeived of a father figure is the ...
A. 30 September 2011: It's not " wrong " but it may be too problematic to last. It may feel great in the here and now, but , what about later ... Do you want to have a future with this man ? Do you want to get married, have children- does he ? He'll be retired and ... (read in full...)
If men want their women to look like porn stars, why don't us women care that our men don't look like porn stars??
Q. I'm 25, and I'm here to discuss pornography and men. Some but not all men complain their women don't look like porn stars/models etc. but how come women don't do the opposite and ask for 6-packs/chiselled bodies / big penises etc? Or if they do,...
A. 30 September 2011: Some times I get the feeling I don't live not only in the same continent as some posters ( well, that's true, I don't ) but in the same age, society and planet.
I don't know ONE man who'd be caught dead with a pornstar looking gf. I don't know... (read in full...)
I don't really want any contact with her, but I feel I should wish her a happy birthday
Q. In a nut shell my ex's birthday is coming up and part of me wants to wish her a happy birthday and the other half doesn't because I don't want any contact with her, but im not a horrible person and I don't want to feel like a bitch because I didnt ...
A. 30 September 2011: Yes, leave it. If you give her an opening to contact you back, all the effort you've done so far for moving on will be pointless. Anyway- she is an EX. Ergo, not part of your life anymore, not a friend a coworker an acquaintance etc. Just an ex. ... (read in full...)
Could I really just be a late bloomer?
Q. Okay, I'm honestly starting to believe I'm a late bloomer. Both my dad and my brother are both hairy guys. I'm 19 and my navel hair is just starting to kick in. Everybody keeps saying, "Oh some guys don't grow hair on their bodies." Bullshit, Both ...
A. 30 September 2011: And..are you complaining ?!
My son, poor kid, would pay good money to swap places with you, because he is very hairy and he has to spend a lot of time shaving and trimming to be presentable.
What's so great about being hairy anyway ? You can be a... (read in full...)
I don't love him. Should I leave?
Q. You shouldn't leave the one you love for the one you like. but what if i don't LOVE him? Overtime my feelings towards my boyfriend of 5 months have changed. I never really found him physically attractive, and now since we are back at school, i don...
A. 30 September 2011: That's why staying friends with an ex never works.
Friendship implies a balance and reciprocity of mutual feelings and interest.
But, you treat him as a friend,- or,maybe, more as a sounding board or a shoulder to cry on etc., and he does not... (read in full...)
Am I just over analyzing things and should I keep on, or is this one a lost cause already?
Q. Hey Guys, So I'm back again with a new question... Okay, so I knew of a girl beforehand never spoken to her before though and after a night out, she sent me a friend request on fbook, so I accepted as I think she's a good looking girl and wo...
A. 29 September 2011: Hey - the Aunts said two more shots , now don't make it " few more " - don't cheat,lol... (read in full...)
Am I just over analyzing things and should I keep on, or is this one a lost cause already?
Q. Hey Guys, So I'm back again with a new question... Okay, so I knew of a girl beforehand never spoken to her before though and after a night out, she sent me a friend request on fbook, so I accepted as I think she's a good looking girl and wo...
A. 29 September 2011: I am less optimistic than the other ladies, insofar I would not say it's a lost cause, but surely you are more enthusiastic about this perspective date than she is. It sounds like for her is sort of if it happens it happens, but she is not ... (read in full...)
Will more women be interested if I lose some weight?
Q. I am a guy who was always on the smaller, scrawnier side. I could eat Ding Dongs and drink soda all day and I weighed 165 at 5'10" at age 17. Long story short, I am now 6 feet tall and 210. I think an ideal weight for me is about 190. I th...
A. 29 September 2011: Well,tbh, 210 for 6' is A LOT, unless you are a professional wrestler , according to most weight charts ( BMI, Boca, Lorenz, etc. ) at your age and height you should not be more than 175. 180 being generous.
I think women won't give you the same... (read in full...)
Is there any way I can get him to see me for me? How can I make him want me?
Q. ivee met this guy a few years ago..he caught my eye the moment i saw him..but back then i was young and went for what i wanted,he stuck around which i was because i guess he liked me,one weekend we both ended up at the same club next thing led to ...
A. 29 September 2011: Of course he sounds sincere and convincing when he talks to you- what kind of a player would he be if he wasn't good at playing people and tell them what they want to hear ?:)
Now, I can't read minds, particularly from a distance,so I have no i... (read in full...)
I've been waiting for 2 and a half years for my boyfriend to talk to me! Is he worth it?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been going out for 5 years and a month. (Since I was 12, and now I'm 17.) After 2 and a half years together, he moved across the US from me. Before he left, everything in our relationship was GREAT! He was the perfect ...
A. 29 September 2011: If you haven't talked in 2 and a half years, .. he is not your boyfriend. The relationship is only in your mind.
This makes no sense to me, how do you figure out you are still together ? Obviously he CAN talk to other people ( your mutual frie... (read in full...)
Could he have been lying when he said he sees me as just a friend?
Q. I had been harboring a crush on a guy in my college for the past one and a half year. I'd always catch him staring at me (he never looks away and confidently stares back into my eyes) with a piercing, intense stare (not in a lecherous way), he'd ...
A. 29 September 2011: You asked for male opinioions and I am a woman, but I guess for the moment I will do.
It's impossible to read minds and to be certain about somebody's motivations, so the best we can do is looking at the person s ACTIONS , which will mirror real... (read in full...)
G/f says she cant have sex due to "girl issues", but she's not on her period. What else could it be?
Q. My girlfreind says she cant have sex due to girl issues.But shes not on her period.What else could it be?...
A. 29 September 2011: It could be a yeast infection . Nothing dramatic, it goes away in few days. ... (read in full...)
I used her laptop to watch porn, and now she's mad at me. I don't understand the fuss!
Q. Hey there, I got in somewhat of a shocking fight today with my girlfriend, let me explain. First of all she found out that Ive watched porn on her laptop in her house when she was in class. That day I woke up and she was already at class, I ...
A. 29 September 2011: My thought is that if you want to wind down and watch porn- you need to do it with your own PC in your own apartment. It's your private thing, don't involve other people and their belongings ,it's incredibly rude.... (read in full...)
My ex is confusing me.Is he doing it on purpose?
Q. hai everyone.Am in a confusing situation.My ex boyfriend and i were together for 11 months,we broke up 4 months ago.We are at the same university.i broke up with him after i found out that he cheated on me when we closed school.The girl he cheated ...
A. 29 September 2011: He can say all he wants, but what he DOES is dating the girl next door and contacting the foreign girl. If he were serious about wanting you back, he'd make sure to be free and available , if nothing else, to show you that he means business.
P... (read in full...)
Ladies, which do you prefer - the cook or the dancer?
Q. Just out of curiosity to all the women out there, which do you prefer - a man who knows his way around the kitchen or a man who knows his way around the dance floor? And why? (I'm just taking a poll of sorts after an interesting discussion among...
A. 28 September 2011: The dancer. Men who dance well have a good sense of rythm , have a sensuous streak, are comfortable with their body = they are good in bed. ... (read in full...)
Is it a good idea to get pregnant, aged 16?
Q. im 16 and me and my boyfriend have been dating for 2 months we've been sexually active for 2 months straight and well he has told me he wants to have a baby. i dont really want to have a baby right now because im going through some legal problems ...
A. 28 September 2011: Horrible idea. Close to insane.
Illegal too- you are under age of consent , and he's not. Probably your parents would not press charges if he gets you pregnant , but, frankly , if it were me, I would. .
" He has a job " - in which world do you l... (read in full...)
Everybody loves my husband except me!
Q. Hi Cupids. My husband of 16 years is perfect by everybody else's standards. He is well liked by my family and friends, a good husband, a good father and best friend. I know that logically he is a good choice for me. He has stood by me during goo...
A. 28 September 2011: You don't like to work without a net, do you ? Apparently, you WOULD break your husband's heart and leave him for the other guy, IF the other guy would leave his marriage for you first, which he is not doing ( and probably never going to do in ... (read in full...)
Should I create a bedroom for my 24 year old daughter or keep the study for myself in apartment?
Q. This might seem like a slightly odd question relating to family and home. My daughter is now 24 and has moved far away from home for 5 years now to be at Uni. She is very happy where she is living and it looks like she will stay there maybe for ...
A. 28 September 2011: Do get the study for yourself, yours it's a nice intention, but after all it's not the furniture that makes a HOME, she can feel welcomed and at home even if you have her sleep on the couch, and she can feel just only a guest in a newly redone ... (read in full...)
I don't love him. Should I leave?
Q. You shouldn't leave the one you love for the one you like. but what if i don't LOVE him? Overtime my feelings towards my boyfriend of 5 months have changed. I never really found him physically attractive, and now since we are back at school, i don...
A. 19 August 2011: He'll get over it. He would have cried even more if he should have found out you are ashamed to be seen with him. ... (read in full...)
I don't love him. Should I leave?
Q. You shouldn't leave the one you love for the one you like. but what if i don't LOVE him? Overtime my feelings towards my boyfriend of 5 months have changed. I never really found him physically attractive, and now since we are back at school, i don...
A. 17 August 2011: Of course . Why are you wasting this poor guy's time ? You already misled him telling him you loved him when you did not even know if it was true, now it's only fair you let him free to find someone who is better matched to him. I don't see the ... (read in full...)
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