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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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I need help preparing a marriage proposal
Q. Ok I always help folks here now I need YOUR help... My boyfriend and I are a very non-traditional couple. He is 13 years younger than I am (he's 38 and I'm 51) We were Long Distance We started out as NSA/FWB (I was in an open marriag...
A. 4 February 2012: @SVF and Chigirl- girls thanks. Reading your words was nice and heartwarming - and I need warmth since Italy is currenty under a 3 feet snow cover - and relative icy weather to put Canada to shame. Like many Aunts, I suspect, I too am ... (read in full...)
I need help preparing a marriage proposal
Q. Ok I always help folks here now I need YOUR help... My boyfriend and I are a very non-traditional couple. He is 13 years younger than I am (he's 38 and I'm 51) We were Long Distance We started out as NSA/FWB (I was in an open marriag...
A. 26 January 2012: Well, I guess that bliss can come in so many different shapes for each of us... so... MAZAL TOV !... (read in full...)
I need help preparing a marriage proposal
Q. Ok I always help folks here now I need YOUR help... My boyfriend and I are a very non-traditional couple. He is 13 years younger than I am (he's 38 and I'm 51) We were Long Distance We started out as NSA/FWB (I was in an open marriag...
A. 26 January 2012: A scarf. Not a misshapen, granny -like one. A cool, expensive one, - silk or cachemire. It does not matter if he never wears scarves or he hates them- the idea is that you dab it ( in fact, drench it, lol ) with your perfume and he can bring it ... (read in full...)
Are we dating? I don't know!
Q. I'm a sophomore in highschool. I currently have an unspoken thing with a senior. We are mutual friends of my neighbor's. Matt (neighbor) kind of prompted us. It was so obvious I liked Sid. I didn't know if he liked me or not. He dropped hints, but ...
A. 16 November 2011: I have to disagree with your sister. It's dangerous and leads to disappointment living " in your mind ". Don't assume you are dating,"just in your mind "- au contraire, stay with what it is : assume you are NOT dating and you won't be unless he ... (read in full...)
Am I asking too much for handmade birthday cards from my grandsons?
Q. I have two sons, 32 and 30 years old and I have two grandchildren, one is 4 and other is 1 year old. It was my birthday today 11/11/11. Earlier this week I asked my sons to make, with my grandchildren, a birthday card for me with the date 11/11/11 ...
A. 12 November 2011: No you weren't asking for too much, and yet... I can put myself in your sons's shoes.
Maybe you don't quite remember how full and hectic the days of a working parent are. There aren't factually many hours to spend with your kids after work and ... (read in full...)
It started as a rebound. Then we broke up. Now we are trying again.Can this relationshionship survive?
Q. What are the chances a relationship will endure if a couple break up because of character differences and unacceptable behavior (alcholism, etc.) but, get back together because one or the other is lonely? Is it possible in the long run, if the...
A. 12 November 2011: I agree, chances are that , if nothing has changed in the meantime and the issues have not been solved , or at least tackled head on and worked on, they'd resurface and generate friction and separation again.
Alcoholism, for instance. Well, I don'... (read in full...)
Date night plans may not work with football! Advice please!
Q. Hi, I have been seeing this man who is roughly the same age as me (two years difference in age - he is 25, I'm 23) for a couple months now, after speaking to him for a month via emails and texts. He is due to come back from a weeks' holiday a...
A. 11 November 2011: Maybe it's late for answering and by now you'll already have got the update, anyway that's what I think :
chill. You must be a very anxious type. So far he has acted unreaproachably at times so let's not start suspecting evil plots or amne... (read in full...)
She is the whole package but her hobby is really freaking me out!!!
Q. I have been in a relationship for the last two years with a girl who’s the complete package but for the last two months a strange hobby of hers is creating some doubts and fears in my mind. She’s been keenly watching serial killer movies and tv ...
A. 11 November 2011: I think you may be over reacting . I'd be concerned that she got addicted to watching so much TV and can't find anything better to do with her free time, but I don't think it is worse than watching reality shows or soap operas.
You may obje... (read in full...)
I hate my girlfriend's new haircut
Q. My girlfriend got a new hairdo the other week and I hate it, but I don't have the guts to tell her. When she said she was going for a haircut I thought she meant just a light trim like she always had but little did I know she would be coming home ...
A. 11 November 2011: You don't feel like having sex with her because she got a bob cut ?...
You've got to hope she is not as particular about hair as you are.
Otherwise , as soon as ( how alas it happens so very often in men, even starting from an early age ), y... (read in full...)
How can I forget these images of my girlfriend with her ex's?
Q. I want to know how can I take my mind off things from my girlfriend. She had sex with t different guys before she met me and several times with them but now I'm with her and since she told me I really got mad. It gave me the bad picture of thinking ...
A. 11 November 2011: Says who ? You.
You are entitled to your opinions of course but please do not assume that you are speaking on behalf of the whole male universe and don't project your personal quirks and insecurities on a majority of people who does not drea... (read in full...)
He said I "owe" him sex!!! Should I feel bad?
Q. On another note, I broke up with my ex-boyfriend last week after him controlling me for over 2 years. A week before I had began getting closer to my guy friend but I hadn't noticed it 'till I broke up with my boyfriend. It's been a week since my ...
A. 11 November 2011: You have nothing to feel bad about , and you don't owe him anything. This is so evident and his reasoning so ridicolous, that it sounds like deep down you WANT to let him convince you . Otherwise you'd have already cut any contact with him. ... (read in full...)
Are we dating? I don't know!
Q. I'm a sophomore in highschool. I currently have an unspoken thing with a senior. We are mutual friends of my neighbor's. Matt (neighbor) kind of prompted us. It was so obvious I liked Sid. I didn't know if he liked me or not. He dropped hints, but ...
A. 10 November 2011: I understand not wanting to advertise your relationship on billboards and being reserved ( not secretive ) about your romances.
The problem here is not that maybe he prefers not to tell your friends if you are dating, the problem is that is n... (read in full...)
Would women 35-45 be interested in me?
Q. I am 28 right now. Since teenage , I have been really attracted to 34-45 age group girls. I find them extremely hot, polite and mature. I am dying to have girlfriend and wife being coming form this age group. I always compliment them ...
A. 10 November 2011: Some do and many more now than 10 or 15 years ago. Older woman/ younger man is becoming more and more common and socially acceptable.
What would make many older women hesitant is that the interest of younger men is often exclusively of a sexu... (read in full...)
They tolerate each other. And I should be able to choose between the two. But who can I choose and live with my decision?
Q. Dear Cupid, I was in a relationship off and on for years with my ex. we could not seem to communicate effectively and I fell out of love with him long before I asked him to leave. only due to conveniences I lived with him. He kept a job and prov...
A. 10 November 2011: Then I guess Mr. Stability wins hands down. I can't really say I blame you, "two hearts and a hut " does not work for everybody and the older you get the less it works. Not that all women need to be spoiled and pampered, many can do without, but I ... (read in full...)
What to do about cheating husband who is into porn?
Q. Hi to all of you.i have been with my husband for almost 4 years.we are married for almost 3 years.he was married b4.he has a child with women.the reason he is not with her anymore is that he cheated on her. My problem is that he has cheated on me an...
A. 10 November 2011: I am afraid you should just call it quits. Porn is the lesser of your issues here, the problem is that this seems really to be a case of " once a cheater always a cheater ". He cheated on his ex wife and then he cheated on you. And not once, but ... (read in full...)
Missing my Ex. Is feeling Mutual?
Q. I miss my ex so much, though, I feel he doesn't of me. We have been separated for three years(haven't seen each other since) and only spoken on blue moons(very rarely). He has mentioned to me that he has a lot of pictures of me and that he thinks of ...
A. 10 November 2011: May I be blunt too ?
No he does not miss you THAT much. If he did ,he would not have put himself into another relationship, he would have tried to get you back, and he would not say now he wants to be SINGLE again, the key word here being " sing... (read in full...)
I can't tel my boyfriend about my emotional problems
Q. I feel like I can't tell my boyfriend about any of my emotional problems because I don't want to worry him or because I know he won't be able to help but I feel like I have no one to talk to anymore. When I tell him I feel down or depressed he just ...
A. 10 November 2011: You know , your bf is probably using by sheer chance... the right approach.
If you are actually, clinically depressed, you need professional help. Simply unloading on sympathetic ears may give you momentary relief but won't help in the long run.... (read in full...)
My wife shared a hotel room with a male colleague!
Q. Is it ever OK for a married woman to spend the night in a hotel room with another man? My wife has been working at this new job for 2 years. The company scheduled an out of town trip for seminars which will help her get a promotion that s...
A. 10 November 2011: No offense, but your wife seems to have had a sudden attack of " I-cant-find-my-way-out-of-a-paper-bag"itis.
She found her room 's door locked and... Why didn't she knock ? Why did not she CALL the colleague on her mobile and/ or the room... (read in full...)
I need help preparing a marriage proposal
Q. Ok I always help folks here now I need YOUR help... My boyfriend and I are a very non-traditional couple. He is 13 years younger than I am (he's 38 and I'm 51) We were Long Distance We started out as NSA/FWB (I was in an open marriag...
A. 9 November 2011: Ooohh...you should not have said that, Chigirl :).
Now, you are not gonna get that lovely hot pink ceramic heart -shaped toilet-paper holder which I was keeping as YOUR wedding gift.... (read in full...)
I need help preparing a marriage proposal
Q. Ok I always help folks here now I need YOUR help... My boyfriend and I are a very non-traditional couple. He is 13 years younger than I am (he's 38 and I'm 51) We were Long Distance We started out as NSA/FWB (I was in an open marriag...
A. 9 November 2011: Prepare him a special dinner with all his favourite foods ( or order them from the reastaurant if you are a bad cook!:)- and at the end serve him for dessert a cake with " Will you marry me " written in frosting.... (read in full...)
Curious about oral sex or just being silly
Q. This is probably a silly question. Well I am a girl and openly bisexual but not sexually active and my friend is bi-curious or whatever and lately she keeps bringing up sex with me. Talking about how she wants me to perform oral on her and ...
A. 9 November 2011: She is probably egging you on because she is curious and wants to try, but does not want to be the one to come out and say it. So she plays it safe and hopes you take the hint, and the the initiative .
If it creeps you out or makes you unco... (read in full...)
Should I try to work out something to be where this girl said she'll be or just bide my time?
Q. I met a girl at a party the other week and we've been speaking for some time now. I asked her out for a drink to which she responded "yeah, sure if you go to mahiki next week you'll see me there". I'm unsure what to do, should I attempt to fix ...
A. 9 November 2011: Well, since you are going to mahiki anyway, you can try- nothing ventured, nothing gained.
But, let me tell you, it does not sound too promising, her sounds the typical polite, diplomatic brush off. She must have got what you meant - that you want... (read in full...)
What can I say to this 20 year old guy who is interested in me? I'm hesitant.
Q. I know this guy, he's 20 and am 31 i was just wondering why is he interested in me, when he can have anyone he wants? I am worried about the age difference when keep asking me out. i say sorry I'm too old for you and he says I'm not old. What d...
A. 9 November 2011: The real question is what do YOU want from him, not viceversa. What he wants it's a super easy guess :).
Most 20 something are very interested in 30something and more. There's a massive Mrs. Robinson's trend out there. Blame it on Demi Moore and ... (read in full...)
They tolerate each other. And I should be able to choose between the two. But who can I choose and live with my decision?
Q. Dear Cupid, I was in a relationship off and on for years with my ex. we could not seem to communicate effectively and I fell out of love with him long before I asked him to leave. only due to conveniences I lived with him. He kept a job and prov...
A. 9 November 2011: This may be a dumb question but why at your age can't you support yourself . Don't you have a job, or could not you get one ? Can't you live on your own , or share with roommmates until your pianist straightens himself out financially ?
I mean... (read in full...)
She spent the whole time dancing without me. Am I right to be annoyed?
Q. My girlfriend and I both came from relationships where we both were unfaithful. Understanding this we have trust issues. I make every effort to be mindful and respectful of her feelings to insure she is comfortable with my actions. Recently we went ...
A. 8 November 2011: You went out to a club with a dance floor, -and she danced. What was she supposed to do, to swim ?
Next time you go out, reach her on the dance floor,- or go to the movies.... (read in full...)
I need help preparing a marriage proposal
Q. Ok I always help folks here now I need YOUR help... My boyfriend and I are a very non-traditional couple. He is 13 years younger than I am (he's 38 and I'm 51) We were Long Distance We started out as NSA/FWB (I was in an open marriag...
A. 8 November 2011: I've got a suggestion, - it IS sappy, OK, I know, but once you are going to do this, hey , might as well to be hung for a sheep as for a lamb.
Can you wait until Xmas ? No wait, I think you are Jewish, do I remember correctly ? That's cool... (read in full...)
She says she cant live with me but cant live without me! What can I do to get rid of my wife's inconsistent behaviour?
Q. I am married for the last 20 months . I am 28 whereas my wife is 27. 20 months back, I met her in a stadium while watching football match and I lost my heart to her within no time. In the stadium, offered her 600000 Euros to marry me as I was ...
A. 8 November 2011: 600000 Euros? Oh get real. If you had 600000 Euros to spend just like that, you would not be at the stadium watching a football match, you'd be playing polo or golf in some exclusive Club. Or maybe you'd be at the stadium, in the VIP ... (read in full...)
She says she cant live with me but cant live without me! What can I do to get rid of my wife's inconsistent behaviour?
Q. I am married for the last 20 months . I am 28 whereas my wife is 27. 20 months back, I met her in a stadium while watching football match and I lost my heart to her within no time. In the stadium, offered her 600000 Euros to marry me as I was ...
A. 8 November 2011: 600000 Euros? Oh get real. If you had 600000 Euros to spend just like that, you would not be at the stadium watching a football match, you'd be playing polo or golf in some exclusive Club. Or maybe you'd be at the stadium, in the VIP ... (read in full...)
How can I improve my self esteem?
Q. I have very low self esteem now. I've never had much self esteem anyway, but now that I'm newly single, it's plunging down to a whole new level! I feel ugly, especially. I can't help comparing myself to other women, even to my own friends, and ...
A. 8 November 2011: Ok, I surrender, I throw my arms up. Since I have been on Dear Cupid I have always been interested in the self esteem issues posted here, and have always tried to give them well thought, well researched answers , precisely because it's a problem ... (read in full...)
Parents seem to favour younger brother and his stepchild over me
Q. Dear cupid there is something that's been bothering me for the last couple of weeks . some days i feel like i'm ridiculous for even thinking about it . other times i feel like i'm right. yet the more i ponder about it i go back and forth in between ...
A. 8 November 2011: I think you are feeling vulnerable and a bit overreactive in general because of your hormonal turmoil, and because of the already existing sibling rivalry with your brother . You already think that your parents favour him, so you choose to see ... (read in full...)
Does anyone else ever wish they were a young child again?
Q. Anyone ever wish they could go back to being a young child?.i often wish that .do i need counselling or would you say its normal to think like that ?...
A. 8 November 2011: I have heard people with your same wish, as for me, heck no. Never. What's so great in being a child anyway ? You may be free from responsibilities, but you are also totally powerless. You get ordered around , other people choses what you are ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend didn't talk to me at his birthday-party! Did I overreact?
Q. It was my boyfriend's birthday and he invited a lot of friends to his house. The problem is he stopped to chat with everyone but me and that got me really upset. He often looked at me to see if I was doing ok, but I kinda missed him and started ...
A. 7 November 2011: I think you over reacted ( sorry Chigirl, can't be with you on this one ).
I think he did exactly what he was supposed to do, i.e. being a gracious host. The party was for his birthday and at his place, right ?, so he was the host. The host... (read in full...)
My mom doesn't like my boyfriend and I need her support!
Q. I love my boyfriend so much. We have been together for almost 2 years now. He has an adorable character which my father likes. My father says he is a man that girls needs. He is mature, kind-hearted, low profile, and behave good to everyone. He ...
A. 7 November 2011: I think your " you are right " is only for Sageoldguy, because I see it differently : to me , if the guy wants to turn a pianist into a baker is far from ideal.
Anyway , a good rule of thumb in any situation is always : do only what YOU want... (read in full...)
Can you fall in love with someone you've never met before?
Q. So some of you may know me, I've posted a few questions about my relationship with my bf of 5 years. Well he is no longer my bf. We broke up about 3 weeks ago. It is kind of an awkward situation though because we still live together. This is because ...
A. 7 November 2011: No, it's not real. You are in love not with this person , whom you don't even know, but with your idea about this person and with how he makes you feel about yourself : wanted, sought after, listened to.
It could be all different in real life, word... (read in full...)
Are we dating? I don't know!
Q. I'm a sophomore in highschool. I currently have an unspoken thing with a senior. We are mutual friends of my neighbor's. Matt (neighbor) kind of prompted us. It was so obvious I liked Sid. I didn't know if he liked me or not. He dropped hints, but ...
A. 7 November 2011: Maybe mine is a gloomy view of life,:) but I think it's wiser to assume that " I don't know " is a polite :No.
Why ? Because if you really want to do or have something, you do know it and it's definitely a yes, in fact a YESSSS!
Maybe he like... (read in full...)
I'm feeling used up and am thinking would I feel more used up if I went over to see him.
Q. Dear Readers, I am wondering whether my disappointment and hurt is warranted in a siutation that has just occurred. I have been in contact with a guy over the Internet for the last 3 years. I was particularly vulnerable when I first started talking ...
A. 7 November 2011: I remember you posted other times about this same guy and situation , about you going to visit him on your own dime and he being reluctant to accomodate you etc.etec, and everybody, but everybody, told you: hey what are you doing, are you nuts ? ... (read in full...)
Advice on being friends again? I don't want to lose him completely.
Q. My ex and I were only friends for about a month before we started dating. He was afraid of us dating initially because he really liked us as friends. All of his guy friends are assholes and I was the only one with a "soul" so he said. We really ...
A. 7 November 2011: No darling, that's not the spirit. That's the spirit of wishful thinking, you'll get stuck for ages this way.
He stopped altogether seeing you when he decided to stop sex.Does not this suggest you anything ?
He called you his best friend..... (read in full...)
Ex says I should have sex with him because I owe him my virginity since he waited for me
Q. Me and my now ex-boyfriend just broke up because of me not being in love with him anymore. Although we're broken up, he's telling me to have sex with him so we can both loose our virginities and then he'll move on. He says if we do have sex, he'll ...
A. 7 November 2011: ... Are you sure that you really need help with that , because this is really a no-brainer.
Tell him heck no . You don't owe anything to anybody, in sexual matters. You did not "make " him wait- he CHOSE to wait, and if his choices did not give... (read in full...)
Boyfriend won't hire me to work with him and I feel sick about it!
Q. My boyfriend has his own business and I hate my job. He also wants to travel a few months of the year so I am trying to find something flexible that will allow for this to happen. Lately i have been helping him with research for his business...
A. 7 November 2011: I think he told you the truth , righ or wrong that he may be, he thinks you are not suited to this particular kind of job.
He did not reject you as a person. He does not think you are dumb or worthless ( if he did, I doubt he'd be with you ). He j... (read in full...)
Give it another chance? or is he using me? do you guys think he lied to me when he said he didn't meet anyone?
Q. Dear friends... i need some advice. I broke up with my bf 5 months ago and It's been really hard. I know our relationship wasn't working and that we tried so many times to be ok, but we argued a lot! i never stopped missing him, though... ...
A. 7 November 2011: I think your ex's parliance needs a bit of translation :
" I did not meet anybody else in the last 5 months " = I tried , but I could not get any new chicks.
" I want to take it slow " = I'll keep you hanging there while I look around a bit more... (read in full...)
My mom doesn't like my boyfriend and I need her support!
Q. I love my boyfriend so much. We have been together for almost 2 years now. He has an adorable character which my father likes. My father says he is a man that girls needs. He is mature, kind-hearted, low profile, and behave good to everyone. He ...
A. 7 November 2011: Wait a minute, tell it like it is . Or at least, like you told it yesterday when you posted about the same issue. Your mom apparently does not have so much a problem with your bf's personality as with his job, he is a baker right ?. Nothing wrong ... (read in full...)
FWB: do any of you think that we will ever be together properly? Or am I wasting my time?
Q. Hi everyone this is my situation I have been in a fwb sort of situation for about 8 months now. Naturally I want more than this. So to find out how he really felt about me I made him jealous he came around one morning and I told him I had a date comi...
A. 6 November 2011: Then just tell him " Great, I'll see you on January 1st 2012 for our first real date ".
IMO, if he gets you mean it seriously , and he won't be getting any free passes in the meantime, you'll never see neither hide nor hair of him agai... (read in full...)
FWB: do any of you think that we will ever be together properly? Or am I wasting my time?
Q. Hi everyone this is my situation I have been in a fwb sort of situation for about 8 months now. Naturally I want more than this. So to find out how he really felt about me I made him jealous he came around one morning and I told him I had a date comi...
A. 6 November 2011: Then just tell him " Great, I'll see you on January 1st 2012 for our first real date ".
IMO, if he gets you mean it seriously , and he won't be getting any free passes in the meantime, you'll never see neither hide nor hair of him agai... (read in full...)
Wife's sexual past is tormenting me
Q. I was a virgin when I met my wife. More than that, I didn't even have another serious girlfriend before then. Meanwhile, she had a bit of an adventurous past. At the time we first dated I didn't really care. However, once we fell in love it reall...
A. 6 November 2011: Please do go ahead, leave your wife , and by all means go be a monk. At least once you are locked up in your monastery they'll keep an eye on you and you'll be out of harm's way- other people's harm.
The fact that you tracked down your wife's exes... (read in full...)
I'm in USA and he's in Australia. Should I try to bring this LDR relationship back?
Q. Broke up with my LDR boyfriend of 1.5 years a couple months ago. Still love him, but he's being distant. Should I try to bring the relationship back? I was in a LDR for a year and a half and we broke up 2 months ago. I live in the US and he live...
A. 6 November 2011: Can you make it an IRL relationship within a reasonable time frame ? Can you implement changes within , say , one year ? Like, you moving out there or he coming to live in USA ? No ? Then, don't bother. You would just have more of the same, and ... (read in full...)
FWB: do any of you think that we will ever be together properly? Or am I wasting my time?
Q. Hi everyone this is my situation I have been in a fwb sort of situation for about 8 months now. Naturally I want more than this. So to find out how he really felt about me I made him jealous he came around one morning and I told him I had a date comi...
A. 6 November 2011: You are wasting your time. It's normal for him to be territorial and want to secure for himself your convenient availability; if you date a new guy and get into a relationship with him, your current FWB loses his comfy sex buddy and has to get a ... (read in full...)
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