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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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FWB: do any of you think that we will ever be together properly? Or am I wasting my time?
Q. Hi everyone this is my situation I have been in a fwb sort of situation for about 8 months now. Naturally I want more than this. So to find out how he really felt about me I made him jealous he came around one morning and I told him I had a date comi...
A. 6 November 2011: Then just tell him " Great, I'll see you on January 1st 2012 for our first real date ".
IMO, if he gets you mean it seriously , and he won't be getting any free passes in the meantime, you'll never see neither hide nor hair of him agai... (read in full...)
FWB: do any of you think that we will ever be together properly? Or am I wasting my time?
Q. Hi everyone this is my situation I have been in a fwb sort of situation for about 8 months now. Naturally I want more than this. So to find out how he really felt about me I made him jealous he came around one morning and I told him I had a date comi...
A. 6 November 2011: Then just tell him " Great, I'll see you on January 1st 2012 for our first real date ".
IMO, if he gets you mean it seriously , and he won't be getting any free passes in the meantime, you'll never see neither hide nor hair of him agai... (read in full...)
I'm in USA and he's in Australia. Should I try to bring this LDR relationship back?
Q. Broke up with my LDR boyfriend of 1.5 years a couple months ago. Still love him, but he's being distant. Should I try to bring the relationship back? I was in a LDR for a year and a half and we broke up 2 months ago. I live in the US and he live...
A. 6 November 2011: Can you make it an IRL relationship within a reasonable time frame ? Can you implement changes within , say , one year ? Like, you moving out there or he coming to live in USA ? No ? Then, don't bother. You would just have more of the same, and ... (read in full...)
FWB: do any of you think that we will ever be together properly? Or am I wasting my time?
Q. Hi everyone this is my situation I have been in a fwb sort of situation for about 8 months now. Naturally I want more than this. So to find out how he really felt about me I made him jealous he came around one morning and I told him I had a date comi...
A. 6 November 2011: You are wasting your time. It's normal for him to be territorial and want to secure for himself your convenient availability; if you date a new guy and get into a relationship with him, your current FWB loses his comfy sex buddy and has to get a ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend could be jealous of my creative mind
Q. I am in a relationship with this girl for the last 5 years . We graduated from the same university but she was one year junior to me. She is pretty and loving girl . She is from middle class and I am from extremely rich family. She has a good job ...
A. 6 November 2011: I think maybe you are insecure and you are the first to doubt about your brilliance and talent, because it's such a big deal for you to have it praised.
Real talent, real genius.... does not give a damn. If you KNOW you are exceptional, you just... (read in full...)
What does he really think and want and why with me?
Q. So there's this guy, we'll call him D, he always flirts with everyone but he is always doin' sexual stuff to me in class, such as stuff like grabbin' my butt, pokin' me in my boob, runnin' his finger up across my butt, or vibrating it, all in a ...
A. 6 November 2011: Because he's a hormonal teenager that has not been brought up properly and taught to respect women and keep jokes within the limits of good taste and acceptable social boundaries. He finds you sexually attractive and he shows it in this uncouth ... (read in full...)
I love him, but parents think he's not compatible for me, can't support my future...
Q. Okay, I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and we are so in love with each other. I know how he loves me so much and trying to make me happy as he could. He is a mature minded man although we are in same age. He is patience and low profile...
A. 6 November 2011: Weell, your mother is right in the sense that you marry a man but not his job. Why do you feel you must help him run the bakery ? Does he demand / expect it ?... Then it's not right. You don't have to kill calves if you marry a butcher,or to go to ... (read in full...)
Does stress make it worse? And is it normal and reversible for a young man of 20-23 to be less interested in sex?
Q. This question goes out to the mainly the MALES out there but women who are experienced with this matter are also welcome!! please let me know..does a LOT of stress at work...working day and night ,too many responsibilities,worries,etc make a man less...
A. 5 November 2011: Oh yes. There even is a proverb in my area, which says " The penis does not want worries ". Short and unsophisticated, but it means that constant problems and worries affect both sex drive and performance. As for the age, well, at 20-23 it is un... (read in full...)
I wonder if family stress should be blamed for the loss of my cat to kidney disease? Or are there other factors that cause kidney failure ?
Q. Hi Readers, I lost my Cornish Rex Male cat in April of this year. He was like a friend to me and I am still very distressed about it despite having counselling and being on anti depressants. If there are any other cat lovers out there I was just w...
A. 5 November 2011: Kidney failure is VERY common in all cats, both chronic in older cats and acute in younger ones. Cat food industries has even developed special dry food to prevent kidney failure and if it is bullshit or not, I have noidea, anyway my point is : ... (read in full...)
Why does he need to be so ANGRY at me/? I just wish he would go slow and gentle
Q. Hello there I've been dating my boyfriend for 6 years (A VERY on and off relationship mainly him breaking up with me every year for a month or couple of weeks). We have a good relationship other than the sex thing which we haven't done yet. We done...
A. 5 November 2011: If you were afraid of sex in general , then therapy would be a helpful option. But I think you are only hesitant to have sex with this guy, and with reason. I think you simply have this subconscious little voice inside that says : red flag red... (read in full...)
Laundry drama. Is she being ungrateful, or am I messing up by doing an incomplete job?
Q. Since we have been living together (2 months) I have been the one doing the laundry. I have been the one primarily doing the laundry because I am much tidier than her and I generally don't like to go more than one and a half weeks without washing. ...
A. 5 November 2011: Well, while generally I belong to the school of " if you take on yourself to do a job , then you have to do it well , otherwise might as well not doing it at all "( my husband ruined hundred of bucks of my expensive lingerie doing laundry... and ... (read in full...)
Facebooks destroyed my life........found that he's not over his ex!
Q. I hate facebook. it has literally just destroyed me. I was talking to my bf online, when in the message window it said I could look at some of his old statuses. Me being me (rather nosey) decided to have a look. And there in front of me were loads ...
A. 5 November 2011: I am afraid I am going to sound heartless , yet... why are you shocked, where does the shock comes from.
It would have been reasonable being shocked if he had acted as if he is crazily ,passionately in love with you and then you find out it's... (read in full...)
Is it okay to set a mood for my first time?
Q. I'm planning to lose my virginity to my boyfriend in the not-too-distant future, but while I'm excited about the prospect I know I'm going to be pretty nervous too! I'd like to create an atmosphere in the bedroom (nothing too extravagent - maybe ...
A. 4 November 2011: ??? Never, ever anywhere outside of Dear Cupid I hear virginity and premarital sex brought up as an issue and a value in real life. Never. And if you think that I live in Italy !...
Guarding your virginity till the wedding night it's sort of mand... (read in full...)
My lazy, manipulative in-laws are living off my wife and I find this hard to deal with. Am I being heartless? Or am I justified in taking a tough stance?
Q. My questions are based on how to handle supporting my wife's family financially. To give you some background, my wife and I are are married for over two and a half years now. Her family consists of her mother and sister. She lost her father t...
A. 4 November 2011: You are not heartless. Maybe it's life itself which is heartless, but, it is what it is. You stated a factual, undeniable truth : if you have kids, you won't be able to afford supporting your in-laws. So what are you supposed to do, giving up ... (read in full...)
Am I wasting my time thinking this man might want a relationship?
Q. I got to know a man who worked in the same place as me but different departments 13yrs ago. He began to start to talk to me a lot and I saw him when out at the pub with my friends and he was with his friends but he used to flirt a lot with me and ...
A. 4 November 2011: No. And the sooner you snap out from this delusional thinking , the better. Or do you want to waste other 13 years on a pipe dream ?
13 years , and what you want never happened, does not this suggest you anything ? There's a point at which pati... (read in full...)
Does this dream represent nostalgia for my childhood?
Q. I had a dream that's too bizarre to discuss with anyone I know, and I hope that someone in this audience could interpret. I hate to think of what the dream implies, but I think that the true meaning of the dream is deeper than the obvious impl...
A. 4 November 2011: The meaning of dogs in dreams is often related to your body and sexual instincts ( the " animal " part of yourself ). As well as to the necessity of protecting your wellbeing and your territory.
So it could mean that , while you want men to " pe... (read in full...)
I want HIM to say that we're together, what do you think?
Q. Hi, =) well, I have started at a new college, and I've been there for a good month or so I think (I'm a girl by the way). I had not too recently broken up with a guy..VERY badly I must say, probably the most horrific 'romantic' experience of my life ...
A. 4 November 2011: Ok, mine is probably a dumb question, but...are you sure you two are together ? If I got it right , you have not even kissed yet, and he has never asked you out on a date , or spoke about getting together.
Yes, it sounds like you are probably head... (read in full...)
We were "together," while he had a gf, then he split, what was the story?
Q. It had taken me a long time to get over a guy that I fell hard for. We had great chemistry but never wanted to make me his girlfriend. He's 34 and has joint custody of his son with an ex. I am just thirty, independent, hard working carreer woman. I ...
A. 4 November 2011: Because you resumed contact , and that makes him think that you are interested and that if he gives you enough rope, you'll end up hanging yourself, i.e. let him get into your pants and act as a convenient bit on the side, or plan B.... (read in full...)
After everything why is he ignoring me now?
Q. I was messing around with a guy for about 11 months. He was actually my friend before it began. At the beginning he was sweet, complimented me and all that, but at the same time he was messing around with other girls. I wasn't tripping because he ...
A. 4 November 2011: You are confused because you want to be confused. What is there to be confused about ? This guy told you clearly, he wants to play by his rules, which are he gets to mess around with multiple partners but his partners have to be exclusive. If you ... (read in full...)
Men are selfish!
Q. Ok, the title says it all and I am sick to death, borderline disgusted by the selfish nature of men. Let's not deny it. It is 100% true. I have no problem attracting men. But here's the thing, The second an attractive woman ignores the man who is c...
A. 3 November 2011: Tbh, I think that any woman who " from day one " is willing to make compromises for another's benefit richly deserves to be taken for a ride, because she forgot to take proper care of herself and to put herself at the core of her life.
Comp... (read in full...)
I feel so awkward with my boyfriends family! Help!
Q. so my boyfriend is korean and speaks english as his first language. i don't understand or speak korean at all and when im at his home i feel excluded sometimes because his dad for only speaks korean and nothing else. his mum does speak english an...
A. 3 November 2011: But if his dad only speaks Korean and the rest of the family would only speak English out of respect for you, then the dad would be cut off from the conversation in his own house , and that would not be very respectful either , would it ?
P... (read in full...)
Are high cheekbones attractive?
Q. Are high cheek bones on a woman attractive? Or not attractive? I've just noticed how high my cheekbones actually are! My grandma said all women in our family have high cheekbones i just never noticed... They arent like that noticable im not skinny ...
A. 3 November 2011: Eventually it always comes down to personal tastes , but, yes, in general high cheekbones are considered an attractive feature. If you notice, many models on fashion magazines have high cheekbones , and the whole point of using brush is too make ... (read in full...)
How do I get my husband to allow me to see my friends?
Q. I'm coming to you all to see if I can get a few opinions on my marriage. Recently I have come to notice a few things happening. I had asked if I could go and see my friend that is about an hour drive from where I am. He said no, that it wasn't ...
A. 3 November 2011: What, you have a fractured neck and spine injury ( read : he beat the shit out of you ) and you are still there worrying about visiting friends with his permission... ?!
Who cares if you were drunk, or if you started first by scratching him !,, ... (read in full...)
Do I get a boob job and give up sensitivity?
Q. I can't decide whether or not to have a boob job! I have really small boobs and so does everyone else in my family and there's no hope of them growing anymore (I'm a 32A/AA). For ages now I've been thinking about getting a boob job but I still don't ...
A. 2 November 2011: Wow, OP, so you can orgasm in 5 minutes and multiple times just by touching your breasts ? But that's like having a magic wand ! It's like having a super power ! If I were like you, I'd never ever risk losing it.
You will have orgasms AND a part... (read in full...)
Is she too close to her brother?
Q. Is this strange or am I just being too sensitive? My wife and her brother are a little too close in my opinion. He is always touching her, putting his hands on her, they watch tv with their arms around each other, they used to share an apartment and ...
A. 2 November 2011: You are a 51 to 59 female with a 22 y.o. wife ? Very unusual. Is it a same sex marriage ? Are you actually married, or are you just in a relationship ?
...Or are you trolling and sharing with us your incest fantasies ?... (read in full...)
Am I a girlfriend of a FWB?
Q. Hi everyone here's my problem I met a man at the beginning of the year I like him a lot we started having sex and I found myself getting strong feelings for him but he stopped bothering with me for weeks and weeks so I thought he wasn't interested ...
A. 2 November 2011: He says he wants to be with you properly and he may be perfectly sincere. But, a bit of prudence does not hurt.
I am not a big fan of " I am going to do X and Y... ", I like much better " I AM doing X and Y ". Also because people are always fast... (read in full...)
What do I take my father in law's comments to mean?
Q. I recently told my father-in-law (in a state of despair and hurt and expecting some empathy) about his son's (my husband) cheating on me with different women. Father-in-law's response was that I was not the only woman to have been hurt. Does his ...
A. 2 November 2011: I think he was minimining , in general. Like " Hey no big deal, these things happen ". Either he belongs to the old school of thought that cheating is bad only if done by women, but " all men cheat " - or he was tryng to be nice in his clumsy ... (read in full...)
Why are smaller nipples more attractive? And when I get mine reduced, will the scars be a turnoff?
Q. I have always wondered this. After hearing many pepperoni nipples and bologna nipple jokes and comments, it's easy to figure out that men are not fond of large areolae. Why is it exactly? Is it because smaller ones are more sensitive? Becau...
A. 2 November 2011: OP, yes, a man who really loves you would love you with scars too. But obviously if he really loves you he also would love you just as you are now, with your real areolas !
What kind of reasoning is yours, OP ? A man that really loves you woul... (read in full...)
Why does he want to have a baby with me and not get married?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating seriously for nearly a year, and living together for over 6 months. He's in his early 40's and I'm in my early 30's. We both have been divorced. He recently expressed that he wants to have a baby, and we agreed ...
A. 1 November 2011: Maybe I am sounding polemic , but what you did sounds to me more talking about weddings , than discussing YOUR wedding. There is a slight but meaningful difference between " IF I ever should get remarried I'd have a small wedding " and " WHEN ... (read in full...)
Any advice on how to get a boyfriend? Any beauty tips?
Q. I'm 18 years old and have never had a boyfriend or a first kiss. I'm interested in beginning to date or finding a boyfriend. I'm beginning college next summer and am hoping for a fresh start. I need beauty advice in particular since I am lacki...
A. 1 November 2011: Honey, you don't need to go around talking bad around yourself because if you feel you are 100% lacking in the looks department- it SHOWS, trust me, it seeps through everything, the way you walk, talk, smile, react to jokes/critiques/compliments, ... (read in full...)
He thinks I am playing games. Is it wrong for me to withhold sex from the guy I'm currently seeing?
Q. is it wrong for me to withhold sex from the guy i'm currently seeing? i just don't feel like i know him well enough yet to sleep with him, but in his mind i think he's getting frustrated because he thinks i'm just using it as an excuse and that im a...
A. 1 November 2011: I don't like the use of "witholding sex " in this context because it implies that you'd be really playing games and playing hard to get or something, while it's not what you are doing.
You just want to be intimate with a man when you'll know him ... (read in full...)
Why does he want to have a baby with me and not get married?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating seriously for nearly a year, and living together for over 6 months. He's in his early 40's and I'm in my early 30's. We both have been divorced. He recently expressed that he wants to have a baby, and we agreed ...
A. 1 November 2011: He told you why. Because he does not believe in the institution of marriage , ( maybe after his failed marriage ? Scalded cat is afraid of cold water ) , and because he does not see marriage as the ultimate committment to you. i.e. in his eyes it's ... (read in full...)
Will our child miss out on so much because he will grow up without extended family? Since we don't have one
Q. Today my family had a halloween party. I was having fun until i started to notice that my cousins and their kids got along so well. I started to feel jealous of how they all were talking and hanging out and their i was just sitting down. I tried ta...
A. 1 November 2011: No worries. My son is the only child of an only child ( his father ) , not only , he grew up in USA while our small family ( 3 grandparents and 1 aunt,my sister ) lived in Europe. He had a happy, fun childhood, filled with people and ... (read in full...)
Technically speaking was it not cheating? since we had had a break up. Am I right in my assumption?
Q. My girlfriend dumped me and after three months she came back . We were together for 2 years before I picked up fight with her over small issue which resulted in a being dumped in the last week of July this year. During those three months, I was ...
A. 1 November 2011: Technically speaking you have not been cheating and you could do all you wanted since you were broken up.
I think what your gf has a problem with is, that supposedly since July you were tryng your heart out to make her come back , you supp... (read in full...)
Is it worth the time to occasionally masturbate?
Q. Is it worth the time to occasionally masturbate? In sex ed, I did hear about it, but I'm not quite sure on how enjoyable it could be. I mean, is it worth the effort? I haven't been able to ask any other people about it, so I'm pretty stumped on ...
A. 1 November 2011: It's not that it takes a lot of time.... if we have to judge by the quantity of time / level of enjoyment ratio, I would say surely yes. I mean, people spend hours and hours on Facebook, or watching sitcoms, to get probably less enjoyment .
B... (read in full...)
My man will cheat on me tomorrow...What should I do?
Q. My boyfriend is going to cheat on me tomorrow. What do i do? We are in a LDR. He came to see me last week. We went to a party together but sat apart because there were limited seats. I noticed a girl flirting with him but did not say anything ...
A. 1 November 2011: I am sure your bf is a big bonus to your national tourism industry. One, either male or female , just has to show up at a party and say " I have always wanted to go to Disneyworld !" - or NY, or Paris..- and there's your BF : Hey, don't worry, here ... (read in full...)
Why are smaller nipples more attractive? And when I get mine reduced, will the scars be a turnoff?
Q. I have always wondered this. After hearing many pepperoni nipples and bologna nipple jokes and comments, it's easy to figure out that men are not fond of large areolae. Why is it exactly? Is it because smaller ones are more sensitive? Becau...
A. 31 October 2011: IF you can convince the surgeon, remember, OP, IF.
The average diameter of a female areola is around 3.5 cm, but it can go up to 10 cm and it's still considered absolutely normal. Yours are 2 inches = 5 cm, so...
Anyway, suit yourself, the mone... (read in full...)
How can I let my best friend go just because he doesn't love me as a girlfriend?
Q. I feel so frustrated I just need to rant. I have known a guy for five years and we have always been friends. We get on really well and stay in weekly (sometimes daily) contact. We socialise every few weeks because we live some distance apart a...
A. 31 October 2011: I agree with the anonymous reader. You need to be watchful, not paranoid, but prudent :). Let his actions talk, not his words, see if he keeps up with the contact and with seeing you regularly without the intimacy yet ( that he says he's ... (read in full...)
After everything why is he ignoring me now?
Q. I was messing around with a guy for about 11 months. He was actually my friend before it began. At the beginning he was sweet, complimented me and all that, but at the same time he was messing around with other girls. I wasn't tripping because he ...
A. 31 October 2011: What's up is that he's done using you, after which he won't bother being friendly with you, since you do not mean anything to him except as a convenient messing- around partner. The moment you can't handle his ways and ask for more respect and ... (read in full...)
My bf is convinced I'm in love with my friend (which I'm not!) and now he wants to speak to my friend's pregnant and emotional wife to see how she feels about our friendship!!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend (I will name "Ned") for about 17 years. "Ned" broke up with me about two and a half years ago saying I wasn't "the one" and he wanted to find her and didn't want to waste more time with me. I had wanted to get ...
A. 31 October 2011: I think that you are a very patient person, but that patience is a virtue only if it does not exceeds certain limits. SEVENTEEN years that you've wanted to marry him, and it never happened...? Time to throw the towel, Obviously he's finding excuses ... (read in full...)
I'm a picky eater! Should I see a doctor about this
Q. this isnt a relationship question but i would appriciate any advice you can provide me with i am a very picky eater i dont eat a lot of variety and rarely try new foods. I also eat quite little for a number of reseons; i have a busy schedule wi...
A. 30 October 2011: Well, if you are healthy and have a normal level of energy, the quantity of food you consume is probably exactly right for you , the body has its own wisdom and knows what it needs.
Slightly more problematic is your restricted choice of foods, beca... (read in full...)
Is there a support group for my problem?
Q. I've recently read a post on your site about experiencing bad luck every time a person masturbates. I have also experienced the same problem and would like to know if there is a support group. I am not angry or anything I am just searching for ...
A. 30 October 2011: Bad luck when you masturbate ?! That's just superstition. It's ridicoulous . Millions of people masturbates occasionally, and a good percentage masturbate daily !, are they all unlucky, ridden with illnesses and misfortunes ? ...Do you think that ... (read in full...)
Why are smaller nipples more attractive? And when I get mine reduced, will the scars be a turnoff?
Q. I have always wondered this. After hearing many pepperoni nipples and bologna nipple jokes and comments, it's easy to figure out that men are not fond of large areolae. Why is it exactly? Is it because smaller ones are more sensitive? Becau...
A. 30 October 2011: I just thought something and I feel shortchanged. I protest formally.
If men, according to you, comment disparagingly about large areolae, or " pancake nipples "... this must also mean they comment favourably about small areolae ,right ?
W... (read in full...)
Why are smaller nipples more attractive? And when I get mine reduced, will the scars be a turnoff?
Q. I have always wondered this. After hearing many pepperoni nipples and bologna nipple jokes and comments, it's easy to figure out that men are not fond of large areolae. Why is it exactly? Is it because smaller ones are more sensitive? Becau...
A. 30 October 2011: You are asking yourself the wrong question " why should I live with areolas that makes me feel so insecure ". The real question is " why should I feel so issecure about some detail as minor as my areolas , and all on the base of some random comment ... (read in full...)
Why are smaller nipples more attractive? And when I get mine reduced, will the scars be a turnoff?
Q. I have always wondered this. After hearing many pepperoni nipples and bologna nipple jokes and comments, it's easy to figure out that men are not fond of large areolae. Why is it exactly? Is it because smaller ones are more sensitive? Becau...
A. 29 October 2011: Personally I have never heard these kind of jokes about nipples, and I've lived so far with impression that men just like nipples, all kind of nipples,large and small.
It MIGHT be that there is a perception of small areolas being more attr... (read in full...)
How can I let my best friend go just because he doesn't love me as a girlfriend?
Q. I feel so frustrated I just need to rant. I have known a guy for five years and we have always been friends. We get on really well and stay in weekly (sometimes daily) contact. We socialise every few weeks because we live some distance apart a...
A. 17 October 2011: I think you already suspect that the only sensible ,helpful solution in your predicament would be total no contact. Maybe not forever, but surely for a good while until your feelings have time to be redirected to another object of love and / or ... (read in full...)
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