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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Car or bed?
Q. My boyfriend and I are planning to have sex for the first time this weekend. We have two options, either in the back seat of my car or in my room while my sister is home. Which do you think would be a little better?...
A. 23 September 2011: Oh I don't believe in virginity till marriage either.
But I do believe in making love somewhere safe and private , without risking of being caught by a patrolling policeman or having to flaunt my sexuality under a family member's nose.
As... (read in full...)
Should I move on? am I being played? He's re-opened his dating profile. What could possibly be going on in his head?
Q. Dear Cupid, I am so upset and confused. I really appreciate any and all advice that you guys offer me. This might be a bit long, but I will really appreciate it if you stick in there and help me out. Thanks ahead of time. I've been dating my b...
A. 23 September 2011: He IS a cheater. Disloyalty and deceptiveness are in the intentions, going behind your back to the dating site while you two were still together IS a betrayal. If you sign up on a bridge site you want to play cards, and if you sign up on a ... (read in full...)
My mother can't afford the wedding, my b/f's family can but won't help!
Q. Me and my fiance are planning our wedding. I've always wanted to get married in a cathedral, and have a ball-gown style dress, and of course marry the man of my dreams. Unfortunately...my mom who would be fronting the bill, can't afford how much the ...
A. 22 September 2011: OP, I understand how having childhood dreams thwarted is painful , and anybody is entitled to a good rant, but ... now you are throwing tantrums.
Just because you " believe " that a wedding's costs should be split 50/50 between the fami... (read in full...)
Car or bed?
Q. My boyfriend and I are planning to have sex for the first time this weekend. We have two options, either in the back seat of my car or in my room while my sister is home. Which do you think would be a little better?...
A. 22 September 2011: Well if sis is there precisely with the function of watching over you and your bf, probably she is supposed to make sure that what you want to do is not going to happen.
How are you going to get her off your back ? Are you sure she would not ... (read in full...)
Why do good people always get hurt in relationships?
Q. So why is it that good people always get hurt in relationships? Why is it that when you really are good, caring, honest, and above all loyal to another person you always get screwed over in the end? I have (and not to brag but) been told before by ...
A. 22 September 2011: Five stars to sugar sugar. Look inside not outside. When you point a finger to accuse soembody, one finger points at him/her ,but the other four point at you.
If you find yourself constantly lied to and manipulated and the same scenario keeps alwa... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is pregnant and our families are mad at us!
Q. I have been dating my gf for almost a yr now. She is 17 and I am 18. a few months ago we found out she was pregnant. Since we told our parents its been hell. Her parents were upset, her dad natural blamed me. Its been almost 2 months since we told ...
A. 22 September 2011: OP, whatever you study , don't study Law, you'd make a bad lawyer, you offer as defence evidence which is a weapon for the prosecution :) " I was drunk " ( WHY ? You should not have been !) " I did not think " (.. but you were supposed to ! )" ... (read in full...)
Help me to figure him out
Q. I know women are supposed to be the confusing ones, the ones that dont know what they want, and are hard to read. But this man, i just cant figure out. what exactly does he want from me? ok lets call him Chuck* I started talking to chuck, ab...
A. 21 September 2011: There's nothing cryptic, I'd say he's crystal clear. He enjoys the times you spend together, and he likes the sex, but he does not want to be your boyfriend. He's telling you " please don't get any ideas, we are just having fun and killing time ... (read in full...)
Should I move on? am I being played? He's re-opened his dating profile. What could possibly be going on in his head?
Q. Dear Cupid, I am so upset and confused. I really appreciate any and all advice that you guys offer me. This might be a bit long, but I will really appreciate it if you stick in there and help me out. Thanks ahead of time. I've been dating my b...
A. 21 September 2011: I disagree with Landomando not because what he says it's not a possibility- even if I strongly doubt it- but because , if it were so, you need him out of your life. He is not a kid and he is not YOUR kid. It's not your interest or responsibility ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend proposed...but went looking for a second-hand ring!
Q. So my boyfriend proposed to me the other day. All was going well until he started searching for an engagement ring. We were talking on the phone and he said "Here's one I think you'll like" and sent me a picture of the ugliest ring I'd ever seen. ...
A. 21 September 2011: Today I am in my devil's advocate mood....
I think , at least I hope, that the OP is not mad because she could not put her little greedy materialistic paws over a big pricy flashy jewel- and I think - I hope- she does not measure love by the ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is pregnant and our families are mad at us!
Q. I have been dating my gf for almost a yr now. She is 17 and I am 18. a few months ago we found out she was pregnant. Since we told our parents its been hell. Her parents were upset, her dad natural blamed me. Its been almost 2 months since we told ...
A. 21 September 2011: OP by now on one hand I start feeling heavy handed and a bit of a bully like your dad...on the other hand, allow me, I must say, you sound rather clueless even for 18.
- your dad should never be offered the position of Secretary of United Nati... (read in full...)
My mother can't afford the wedding, my b/f's family can but won't help!
Q. Me and my fiance are planning our wedding. I've always wanted to get married in a cathedral, and have a ball-gown style dress, and of course marry the man of my dreams. Unfortunately...my mom who would be fronting the bill, can't afford how much the ...
A. 21 September 2011: While I personally cringe at the idea of spending 30000 USD for ,basically, throwing a party- I see that the OP is rather taking a beating and , in spirit of fairness, I want to try and play devil's advocate.
First, if one wants to go trad... (read in full...)
Car or bed?
Q. My boyfriend and I are planning to have sex for the first time this weekend. We have two options, either in the back seat of my car or in my room while my sister is home. Which do you think would be a little better?...
A. 21 September 2011: Neither. The car is good as a default option, but not for your first time that possibly should be comfortable, memorable and romantic.
At your place with your sister in...I don't know you, but I would have been super tense. Little sisters have... (read in full...)
I've started developing feelings for my FWB but I'm worried that it isn't mutual..
Q. i've been in a friends with benefits relationship with this guy i've know for almost 6 months and im just really confused if he may be developing feelings for me or if im a complete fool and he is using me. we text alot and i go over at least th...
A. 21 September 2011: While it's nice that your FWB treats you as a human being and not only as a convenient receptacle for his sperm, how unluckily so often it's the case.... you still have to keep it real, it does not mean much. After all, that would be exactly the ... (read in full...)
Can this LD relationship work?
Q. I have fallen for a girl in another city, about 100 miles away, we both drive so I guess its not to much of a issue, the real issues are I work 60 hours a week, she has a ex bf who is always in the picture, she has a 2 yr old. she is 4 years ...
A. 21 September 2011: 100 miles is not such a great distance, and all the rest you mention... it's just how life it is for a lot of people. Kids to take care of, overtime to make ends meet, social and family obligations...pretty normal. This will work if you both put in ... (read in full...)
I can't figure him out. Is he a real GIGOLO as he says, what's up with him?
Q. I have a male friend with whom first were co-workers now just friends. I was his confidant when his Girlfriend dumped him 6 months ago, so I know he's still very hurt. He's been a BIG flirt with the ladies so he's always telling me he's having some ...
A. 21 September 2011: This may sound cruel, but... I think you have even less chances than the other girls, if any. Because at least, with them, when he has time, he bothers to show up in person, I.e., get dressed, walk to the door, get into his car, etc.etc. With you, ... (read in full...)
He says he doesn't want to ruin the friendship but then why are we fooling around sometimes?
Q. Im going to try to keep this brief but I have been friends with this guy for nearly 3 years and he has become my best guy friend. Over the last few months things have been moving to a more serious level and things have moved passed friendship. We ...
A. 21 September 2011: If you keep fooling around all the time, you are not "friends"- you are Friends With Benefits.
"I don't want to ruin our friendship" then simply means- you are good enough for FWB, but you are no girlfriend material. ... (read in full...)
I'm 24 and he's 20...can this work?
Q. I recently met a guy at the bar that I started dating. The thing is he's 20 and I'm 24... He says it doesn't bother him at all, is this normal? We get along great but it makes me wonder what his motives are... Any insight from you guys out there? ...
A. 20 September 2011: Why should it bother him ?? These days many guy in their 20s would not be bothered even if you were double his age. He probably thinks you are cooler, sexier , more sophisticated ,and more together than girls his age or younger.
What are YOUR moti... (read in full...)
Is there anything I should be concerned about when a guy is as straight forward as him?
Q. Im 18, hes 23. Ive known him for about 9 months now, he was interested in me from the beginning but to be really honest, I wasn't too bothered with taking it further with him but over these 9 months i've gotten to know what he's like and we met ...
A. 20 September 2011: I am not quite sure what exactly you are asking.. there would not seem to be any problem. The guy is 23 and you are 19, not a humongous age difference, and at all of 23 he seems all grown up and mature to you... but, really, he 's not,believe me ... (read in full...)
I love this baby but can't have it! B/f and I both in college and not working!
Q. Hi... I'm in a big trouble. My bf is 4 years older than me. We've been together for 4 years. Now he is doing his post graduate and he moved to a nother city.He is my whole world and i love him so much. He is also same because of that In every ...
A. 20 September 2011: It's just the reality of circumstances that's forcing you to have an abortion , not your/his parents.
You don't work, he does not work, you both want to continue your studies. Your parents can't/ won't take financial responsibility to raise your... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is pregnant and our families are mad at us!
Q. I have been dating my gf for almost a yr now. She is 17 and I am 18. a few months ago we found out she was pregnant. Since we told our parents its been hell. Her parents were upset, her dad natural blamed me. Its been almost 2 months since we told ...
A. 20 September 2011: OP, not to twist the knife in the wound, but I am afraid you are missing the point , which is : it's not all about you or your hurt feelings .
"We both knew ....that we wanted to raise the baby ". Yeah, but that's not what's going to happen. Your... (read in full...)
It seems like everything died because we had sex!
Q. i hit one wrong button and deleted everything I wrote so here is a reduced version. I was talking to a guy for two months via text and hung out a few times. He works at the same place I do but don't see him hardly at all so I wasn't worried about ...
A. 20 September 2011: I agree with Chigirl to some extent, in the sense that if this thing is bothering you and consuming your thoughts, better pick up that phone and getting clarity. It's always better knowing clearly what's the situation, even an unpleasant one, that ... (read in full...)
Am I cheater? Is this really that bad? I need help
Q. I was in a relationship with the girl of my dreams! She was seriously the most amazing person on this planet and we had so much fun together. I Miss her so much. I would kill for her and die for her in a second. She means the world to me. I wanted ...
A. 20 September 2011: What do you want us to say ? You DID cheat !
Do you want us to say she will forgive you ? We don't know. May she will, maybe she will not.
Why can not she see it like an accident ? because it was not one. An accident is when you are unaw... (read in full...)
He says he's only staying until their child goes off to university
Q. The man I love has married his cousin. He says he is only staying with her until their child leaves home for university. Once she has left home he says we can then start to make plans for our future and tell our respective partners, with the ...
A. 20 September 2011: That's the oldest fib ever ! That's probably what Noah said to his mistress: " just let me get my kids out of the Ark, and off to college, then you and I will be together... "... (read in full...)
I love him, but it's getting complicated...
Q. Hey everyone, I am in a big dilema and need your help guys. I am in a relationship with a guy from last 3 years. Things were fine until his family came into the picture. I have been introduced to his family and at first, they liked me. Now things ...
A. 20 September 2011: You know what you should do .You should move on. This is not going to happen. Belonging to a different religion may complicate things everywhere, but in your country it's not just about praying different Gods, it's about different - and clashing- ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is pregnant and our families are mad at us!
Q. I have been dating my gf for almost a yr now. She is 17 and I am 18. a few months ago we found out she was pregnant. Since we told our parents its been hell. Her parents were upset, her dad natural blamed me. Its been almost 2 months since we told ...
A. 19 September 2011: See what I mean , my young friend ? the very first sentences of your update are the just the kind of thing that could push the buttons of the calmest parent .
" it's not like we can go back in time ..." subtext " shut up already , I have... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is pregnant and our families are mad at us!
Q. I have been dating my gf for almost a yr now. She is 17 and I am 18. a few months ago we found out she was pregnant. Since we told our parents its been hell. Her parents were upset, her dad natural blamed me. Its been almost 2 months since we told ...
A. 19 September 2011: Both sets of parents freaked out and you find it weird, just wait 17 years and see how you like it if your daughter or son does the same. Maybe you'll freak out too.
I am not saying they are handling it well, in fact particularly your fath... (read in full...)
If your love letter goes unanswered?
Q. I've been dating a gentleman for about four months. In the beginning I never doubted if he was interested or not. After all he was the one taking all of the initiative(once he got over his nerves). He's a shy type, from what I've seen. He would ...
A. 19 September 2011: Yes it must be frustrating, but try not to be bitter about it.
Apparently, you fell in love, he did not. It happens. I don't think he went around 3 months thinking " Ok, now I am going to pursue this girl , just so that I can make her fall in love... (read in full...)
Can you think the world of someone and not want to be with them ?
Q. If a guy says he thinks the world of you,what does it mean ?.i'm confused as this guy i was seeing said that even after we stopped seeing each other.one of his friends told me that he said that to him after we broke up and another of his friends ...
A. 19 September 2011: Sure, why not ?
When you think the world of someone it means you have a very good opinion and high consideration for them- not that you are in love with them and/or can't live without them.
Plus, you may think the world of somebody but still no... (read in full...)
I just want to find somebody who likes me for who I am, can I have some advice?
Q. I want sex! im 18 i have never done anything with a boy, im quite a curvey size 16, the problem is when im in clubs i have no confidence to go talk to guys, i feel like if they do come talk to me or want to dance they are making fun of me. Its very ...
A. 19 September 2011: It's normal wanting to be loved and appreciated for whom you are - but I think it is also normal wanting to be the best you can possibly be from any point of view, including looks. Not for beeing looked at ,but for yourself.
Think of yourself as a... (read in full...)
Has my sister caused me to hate women? I have discovered why I'm terrified of rejection
Q. I'm 20 years old and its all because of my sister. She always rebukes and verbally abuses me. I've had enough and i disowned her a few days ago and im no longer talking to her. Whenever i go to talk to her she is always in a bad mood and answers ...
A. 19 September 2011: I don't know why you "hate " women but I am pretty sure your sister has got nothing to do with it. Your sister is the razionalization, the cover up you need to not take responsibility for your problems and not tryng to overcome them. If you can ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has lost all interest in having sex with me and this makes me feel incredibly insecure..
Q. Hey guys! Wondering if you could help me out... I'm 17 and I've been with my lovely boyfriend for 8 months now. For the first 5-6 months our relationship was great, we'd do everything together. However, Since around July my boyfriend has tot...
A. 19 September 2011: No, you are not getting upset for no reason, every abrupt , unexplainable change means something, not necessarily something bad, but something.
What makes it curious is your bf's age range. Sure it's normal for sex to slow down after the hot, inte... (read in full...)
Shall I initiate another 'where is this going conversation' and if he is not budging then accept that the relationship has no future and split with him or do I wait until he brings it up?
Q. Hi everyone, I'm 28 and in an intercultural, inter-racial relationship with my boyfriend of 2.5 years. He is Egyptian muslim (33 years old) and I am white British liberal muslim. We're both doctors. I've not met his siblings (2 sisters) except ...
A. 19 September 2011: Sorry, I hadn't noticed you are Muslim too. A "liberal " Muslim .Probably it's the "liberal" ( read : Westernized ) part his family has a problem with. ... (read in full...)
Shall I initiate another 'where is this going conversation' and if he is not budging then accept that the relationship has no future and split with him or do I wait until he brings it up?
Q. Hi everyone, I'm 28 and in an intercultural, inter-racial relationship with my boyfriend of 2.5 years. He is Egyptian muslim (33 years old) and I am white British liberal muslim. We're both doctors. I've not met his siblings (2 sisters) except ...
A. 19 September 2011: I think he is stringing you along. He is Muslim, you are not. This is not an obstacle in itself, I've got Christian friends both in USA and in Italy who married Muslims- but the guys were not the type of person, and did not come from the kind of ... (read in full...)
I'm going to visit friends in the town where I went to university, but I'm worried about running in to my ex. What should I do?
Q. I'm going to visit friends back in the town where I went to university, but I'm worried about running in to my ex. Mine and my ex's relationship was short term, but we got on incredibly well with each other and formed a strong, loving relations...
A. 19 September 2011: Don't tell her . If she gets angery, so what ? It may be for your own good. It may prompt her to stop contacting you and leaving you alone , which is precisely what you need to finally get over her. This " let's stay friends " thing rarely has any ... (read in full...)
How do I advise my sensitive friend who is rushing into another relationship using a new puppy as the justification?
Q. my dear friend has been on the lookout for a girlfriend since his wife was caught cheating on him 3 years ago. he has had countless failed relationships since and always talks about his ex to me and even saw a therapist recently who told him that ...
A. 18 September 2011: The truth : that normally people don't just jump into a cohabitation with a perfect stranger after only having known for 2 months, they prefer to wait until the relationship is secure and committed and they are in it for the long haul. Often ... (read in full...)
It seems like everything died because we had sex!
Q. i hit one wrong button and deleted everything I wrote so here is a reduced version. I was talking to a guy for two months via text and hung out a few times. He works at the same place I do but don't see him hardly at all so I wasn't worried about ...
A. 18 September 2011: It sounds there was a disparity in expectations- you thought you were headed something, so having sex would have been a starting point toward more,- and he saw it ( maybe ) as the bus terminal.
Well... I know that hindsight is 20/20,so it's easy... (read in full...)
Everyone around me is either getting engaged or married but I feel like I'm going to be single forever..
Q. I feel like I'm going to be single forever. I just turned 25 and I feel so alone. Everyone around me is either getting engaged or married. It's lonely when my friends are talking about wedding dresses and center pieces and I have no one. I find ...
A. 17 September 2011: My encouragement is this :
Here in Europe in general, and particularly in Italy, a girl getting married at 25 is a species in extinction. The average female age for marriage here is 30.6. Consider this average it's lowered quite a bit by tonn... (read in full...)
The girl that I like doesn't seem to like me back..
Q. Ok,so I am a 14 year old boy ... and last year, I met this girl, who I find very, very attractive, a year ago, and i like her very very much ... So i am friend with her best friend and she tells me many things, and this girl who I like doesn't want ...
A. 17 September 2011: I think it's worth a try . Better trusting your gut feelings than a hearsay from someone who could be misinformed or jealous.
Go say " hi". Go say " wow, cool shoes " or hairdo or what not- and take it from there.
Of course, there is always a... (read in full...)
Broken heart, now I'm thinking of joining the military
Q. I am currently enrolled in college. I really dislike school. I cant pay attention in class. I just broke up with the girl of my dreams and I am really sad. The whole reason why I decided to go to college was to be closer to her. Now that its over I ...
A. 17 September 2011: Ultimately it's your life you have to live, not your parents', so you have the responsibility to build your future and career , even in face of possible opposition.
I think though that eventually your parents would respect your decision. Beca... (read in full...)
A girl told me a rumour about my boyfriend and now I'm lost, hurt and confused, can someone please help me out?
Q. A girl told me he told her he liked her two days into our relationship. I got super angry at him and accused him of cheating even though he kept denying it repeating "I have NO idea what you'e talking about!!" But she's a bit of a gossip so I don't ...
A. 17 September 2011: Uh how much drama. On both sides.
If you went psycho on him just for a rumor, and after all of two days of dating, ... of course he got scared , who wouldn't be. He must have thought you 'd be the kind of girl who'd put him on trial for a snee... (read in full...)
Hubby having/had an affair???
Q. Had or having an affair? hes 31 but 2 months ago he trashed his 24 year old friend by revealing her sexual antics on radio,the number of men she slept with and who's she sleeping with while hes talking and 3 weeks ago he said hes a fan of the same...
A. 17 September 2011: Well, did you ask him ? Why don't you ?..
While I agree with CG that this is not enough evidence per se to say he's been cheating, I find rather weird ( and, sorry, rather horrific too! ) that a man would turn against a good friend to the poin... (read in full...)
How should I respond when a guy I'm dating says, "I love you"?
Q. what should I respond when a guy I am dating said "I love you" what should I say if a guy I am dating said "I love you"? if I want to find out his "I love you" is not just for a casual relationship but for a committed (to Marriage, I mean) relation...
A. 17 September 2011: Let's start from question number two which is the most important.
Watch what he does not what he says. Talk is cheap, and, particularly in your country, " I love you "s are a dime a dozen, lots of people say these words easily and casually.
Wh... (read in full...)
Am I wasting my time? Is he out of my league?
Q. I've had this thing for this guy for a little less than a year. We hooked up in January (not all the way, however) and I left for college. We continued talking but I didnt fully believe he could like me (he was 2 years above me in high school and ...
A. 17 September 2011: Why would he ask that ... shooting the breeze, probably. Or, subtly keeping you in the " just in case " category.
This guy's interest is apprently rather lukewarm, but not totally absent. He probably thinks you'll do fine... in lack of bett... (read in full...)
My gay best friend wants me to be his pretend girlfriend so that his parents don't get to know about his sexual orientation
Q. Hi, I'm a 15 year old girl. One of my best friends is gay, and he asked me to be his pretend girlfriend so his parents don't get suspicious. They don't know he's gay and are very strict in their religion, which is anti-gay. My friend has a plan. ...
A. 17 September 2011: No, don't do it. It's always bad to get entangled in lies and deception, but, at least you were doing it for yourself, I could understand- but for another person ?.. Don't build up a habit , and a reputation, for insincerity and manipulation.
H... (read in full...)
If your love letter goes unanswered?
Q. I've been dating a gentleman for about four months. In the beginning I never doubted if he was interested or not. After all he was the one taking all of the initiative(once he got over his nerves). He's a shy type, from what I've seen. He would ...
A. 17 September 2011: It did not need to be a poem, or something smarmy. Just something, that for that stage or kind of relationship, felt premature/inappropriate. That may have made him want to pull the brakes on closeness a bit.
You assume that his only possible reac... (read in full...)
If your love letter goes unanswered?
Q. I've been dating a gentleman for about four months. In the beginning I never doubted if he was interested or not. After all he was the one taking all of the initiative(once he got over his nerves). He's a shy type, from what I've seen. He would ...
A. 15 September 2011: Since all you've known him is 4 months , I guess that " in the beginning " means the first 2 or 3 months. A short time for many people to become really attached, hanging out and cuddling means "like" , not necessarily " love ". He may have assumed ... (read in full...)
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