A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im a 20 something guy and want to get female opinions on something. I know usually 'guy gets girl tel number and it goes from there' - but 3 days ago a situation happened - where I helped a girl in a tricky situation, and followed it up by writin down my tel number and popped it in her door. So she has my number but I dont have hers. Note was just 'if u want to stay in touch / text me etc.'. How long before she might reply/text me back? I know it would look bad if she did straight away. But are we talking days ?? a week or even 2? Even if she has a bloke, whats the chances she'd get in touch as a mate etc ?
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2011): ...OP, looks like you have your answer; next time be more direct. A lot of people here are asking you why you think she would call you in the first place. Did you flirt with her? Did she flirt with you? Or was there just sexual tension? I'm not sure if any of these scenarios describes your situation, but sometimes women flirt with strangers or even give them the eye without any intention of making something of it...especially when they are in a relationship. The paradoxical thing about being in a good relationship is that sometimes it gives you the confidence to flirt and entertain thoughts of other people...even though you can't really act on these thoughts.@ Odds:Again it seems I've found myself outside of bounds in interpreting male behavior. I'm really looking forward to the day you publish a "Manual for Men" ...Somedays, I think it would make my life lot easier :)I could be wrong...and there's no real way to know unless I call all the numbers and business cards that I haven't kept over the years and ask each guy whether or not they consider themselves players or just shy and awkward. I might be over-relying on my intuition, but I have always felt a randomness behind number dropping...at best it made the guy seem cowardly and at worst it just seems a little sleazy. I would also say that 100% of the men who asked me directly for my number (and who I gave it to) turned out to be half way decent...some had their quirks, but they were not players at all. So who knows?I think what you said in your first point about chicks rarely making the effort probably captures the heart of the OP's issue. The OP is hoping that women will act outside of their prescribed gender role and take initiative to pursue the man. Some women do. As a woman, I've always felt I run the risk of coming across as too forward. Maybe you can clue us in to how guys respond to this?I've initiated conversation with men I've men I've been interested in, but I've never asked for their number because it seems to be against the prescribed rules and I'm worried they'll think I'm easy or a slut. Come to think of it, I'm not sure how that would play out in real life. Insights?
A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (12 October 2011):
 What was this tricky situation? And what indicated that she was into you? Just curious.
To be honest, if I opened up my door and found a guy's number lying on the floor, I'd probably toss it in the trash. Unless of course, I found him interesting and wanted to get to know him, then I'd text him.
Some girls like to be chased..meaning you ask for their number, you pursue them. More or less you're doing all the legwork, but that gives the girl assurance you're into her. Girls are often afraid to take lead and chase after a guy in the fear of rejection. We take rejection to the heart, then come all the insecurities.
3 days with no contact, then I'd say she's not interested, has a boyfriend, or never got the note.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 October 2011):
 I am curious to know why do you think she COULD call . Meaning, did you get the impression she could be interested ? Or receptive to your interest ?Was she smiling, flirting, making eye contact...?
Oherwise, if you did not get - or at least suspect- a " green light ", why should she call, just because you are a nice guy who gave her some help ? For that, hopefully !, she will have said "thanks" and that would be it.
...............................
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (12 October 2011):
 @ mishmash
I understand your logic, but it's not how guys work. Players don't hand out business cards, shy guys do. Players (and decent men with their acts together) always, always get the girls number, because men like that understand that it's the only reliable way to get in touch. A guy giving you his number without taking yours is a very good sign that he's shy and a bit inexperienced.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2011): If she's in a relationship she's happy with, she won't bother.And even if she isn't in a relationship, I doubt she'll call.A tip in the future for you:Don't give women your number or your business card and ask them to call you if they feel like it. I understand it's a lot easier because it puts the impetus on them rather than on you (and given the moment you were in, I think it's understandable why you did it).But I think most women the identify this as the trademark of players. The strategy being that men hand out business cards or their numbers liberally and hope to get lucky. When a man hands me a card or his number and asks me to call him, I ask myself, "Why didn't he just ask me out?" or "He did that so casually...I wonder how many of these he gives out in a week?"If you run across a woman and you're interested in meeting her later on, be direct about it. Are you seeing anyone? Would you like a drink sometime? Say that at the very least before giving your number.Number dropping sometimes gives the woman the sense that the man is randomly canvasing for women and that they are chosen indiscriminately. For all the talk of manliness, I think sometimes showing a little anxiety lets a woman know that you're genuine and carries some weight. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Kirstyteenauntireland +, writes (12 October 2011):
 I think you should let her go hun :/ Plenty more fish in the sea. If you see her again just smile and say hello :)I agree with Red Athena next time ask a girl upfront for her number :)
...............................
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (12 October 2011):
 I suggest let this one go.Next time you see a girl you fancy-ask her up front "I would like to get to know you better? Any chance I can have your number to ask you out?"Girls/Women like men who take the lead right from the start!Good Luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (12 October 2011):
 Sorry I don't think you'll hear from her. If she has a boyfriend, the odds go down from there.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (12 October 2011):
 I think you would have heard from her by now. Sorry.If she has a boyfriend, the chances get atomically tiny. Like infinitesimal. She would have to explain you, and whatever the sticky situation was to him and that would be too much for most girls.There's a chance her dog ate it or the roommate pitched it or no-one saw the note and it has been swept up and binned. I guess my advice is not to put too much hope into this.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2011): I probably would take some time, wondering why you'd given me your number and so on. But it kinda depends on the kind of girl you're talking about. If she's more to the shy type, it's less likely she'll get the gut to call you. Maybe a text? That's what I'd do. On the other hand, if it's a confident girl we're talking about, there are more chances she'll make the call.Anyway, if you helped her, I think she'd use the call/text o thank you and the thing starts from there.Personally? I would take some days if I wanted something more. As for simply friendly contact, it would be sooner, like the next day or two.
...............................
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (12 October 2011):
I doubt she will. Chicks rarely make that effort, especially if you don't give them your number face to face. Best bet is just to go find another girl and write this one off.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2011): If she hasn't called/texted after a week, there is a slim chance that she will get in contact with you or at least that's my opinion.
...............................
|
