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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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If your love letter goes unanswered?
Q. I've been dating a gentleman for about four months. In the beginning I never doubted if he was interested or not. After all he was the one taking all of the initiative(once he got over his nerves). He's a shy type, from what I've seen. He would ...
A. 19 September 2011: Yes it must be frustrating, but try not to be bitter about it.
Apparently, you fell in love, he did not. It happens. I don't think he went around 3 months thinking " Ok, now I am going to pursue this girl , just so that I can make her fall in love... (read in full...)
If your love letter goes unanswered?
Q. I've been dating a gentleman for about four months. In the beginning I never doubted if he was interested or not. After all he was the one taking all of the initiative(once he got over his nerves). He's a shy type, from what I've seen. He would ...
A. 17 September 2011: It did not need to be a poem, or something smarmy. Just something, that for that stage or kind of relationship, felt premature/inappropriate. That may have made him want to pull the brakes on closeness a bit.
You assume that his only possible reac... (read in full...)
It upsets me that my BF doesn't stick to the plans we make
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 19 months now. Im really happy when I'm with him, but he tends to sometimes break plans we make and I get upset. I don't know whether I should be upset or if I should just accept that he can't make it, ...
A. 16 September 2011: I would be upset. Sticking to plans previously made with your partner ( or with anybody else, as for that ) is a matter of common courtesy and respect, and cancelling or rescheduling frequently is just another way to say " Your time and ... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend's brother hates me. And I don't know why.
Q. I know this is long...but here it goes: While my boyfriend and I were in college together, we lived with his brother (we all went to the same university, paid rent together, etc) and things seemed to be going fine, we all got along great. But...
A. 16 September 2011: We don't know, but he does. Ask him.
" I have notice that you are sort of off with me, and that you treat me differently from before,is there anything we need to talk about ? Any possible misunderstanding we could clear up ? "...... (read in full...)
I am obsessed with my wife's sexual past. What can I do to help myself?
Q. I want to preface this post by saying that I have read a lot of the retroactive jealousy threads both here and on other sites. I realize this is mostly my problem, not my wife's. I don't absolve her completely, because I think a smart, respecta...
A. 16 September 2011: You sound quite articulate in defining and presenting your problem, and your thoughts/feelings about it, and you have researched about RJ. So I suspect you already know what you'd be supposed to do.
Seek professional help.
See a cognitiv... (read in full...)
I'm so confused! This unplanned pregnancy could cost me my job and I don't know how my children would react to this!
Q. I don't even know where to ask this question. It is such a dilemma and heart wrenching. About 18months ago I had the worst thing happen in my life. My husband suicided and and left me with two sons 8 and 10 at the time. I have been strong and have ...
A. 16 September 2011: Reading your post my face fell : would they really fire you for being pregnant ? In USA ? In 2011 ?... Amazing. Maybe you could talk to the school principal, maybe they'd make an exception for you, even if there 's a morality clause I guess the ... (read in full...)
Does anyone actually know what confidence is?
Q. Can someone please tell me what confidence is? Girls always say confidence is sexy, but there's a problem with that. I am extremely confident at everything I do. Any new endeavor, sport, test, competition, etc. that I take part in, I have a str...
A. 16 September 2011: OP, it's not either/or, black OR white.
Generally speaking there's a continuum, inward confidence sort of exudes, and translates through body posture, verbal patterns and other " props " into OUTWARD confidence that people ( not just young girl... (read in full...)
Whenever we hug boyfriend gets hard!
Q. Ok, so here's the deal. When me and my boyfriend hug, he gets a boner. I find it hilarious, but I never acknowledge it properly. More often than not, I'll just rest my hip against it and move slightly. Just wondering if there's anything els...
A. 16 September 2011: Hilarious,why ? I'd say it's totally normal - particularly if he's your age !
I'll leave more explicit , technical suggestions to younger Aunts, I just would like to remind you leaving the official " aknowledgements " for when you are in priv... (read in full...)
How can I tell my straight friend that I love him?
Q. Why is it hard to tell that person you love him? I'm a gay and he is straight! And of now he never answers my txtmsgs or my chat msgs. But I never tried to tell him that I care for him, because I don't want to risk our friendship and a...
A. 16 September 2011: Why do you have to tell him ? He's straight !, what do you expect, that he'd change his sexual orientation just to make you happy ?
Did he ever lead you to believe he might be bi or bi-curious ? Did he ever say or hint that he might feel anyt... (read in full...)
Virginity, sex and relationships
Q. Good evening, I have thought of something that rather disturbs me and has for quite sometime. I'm currently 22 years old and I'm a virgin. I know I shouldn't feel embarrassed by it, but it seems that virginity is lost in highschool to th...
A. 16 September 2011: Constantly wonder if your partner will cheat on you, DUE to her vast sexual history ?...
There's no cause-effect direct link.
If it's being cheated that you worry about, alas, it's not your partner's virginity or scant experience which will pro... (read in full...)
Why is he asking to see me? And agreeing to meet up with me if he's not going to come?
Q. Its quite a long post but I'm so close to giving up so I'd like some advice before I do. I'm 18 and he's 20, we've met up a few times, I met him during the summer but things progressed with us in mid-august, he was very straight forward, he kiss...
A. 16 September 2011: Old trick.You are the back up plain, a.k.a. the option.
He is not super interested , as you suspect yourself, but not so uninterested that you don't make an excellent " just in case ".
So, let's say that Tuesday sounds pretty free, no... (read in full...)
Why he can't leave me alone like he said if he doesn't care or doesn't love me?
Q. My exboyfriend and I have been seperated for almost four months and we were together for almost four years. the first time he wanted to end the relationship was september 2010 and after two months he came back says he missed me. we were ok at that ...
A. 15 September 2011: Tbh , it sounds as if he CAN leave you alone very well. 3 months are 90 days, over 2000 hours, and the fact that in 2000 hours he once found a couple of secs to send you an emoticon does not show that he can't cope without you. He may have had ... (read in full...)
Can I fall in love at 15?
Q. I've never had this feeling before. This feeling I've been having, is so great, but yet, so strange. I met this guy about a week ago. We started talking and we really hit it off. He asked me to our high school dance. So we've been texting non stop...
A. 15 September 2011: Sure you can fall in love at 15, in fact it's sort of mandatory, if I'd ever meet a girl your age who is not in love, probably I 'd worry and alert her school psychologist :)
If " falling in love " is the very same as actually loving someone, and ... (read in full...)
Attracted to damaged/broken girls
Q. Ok, at 20 I know i'm young for this whole sort of thing. But i realise i seem to either attract or am automatically attracted to somewhat broken or troubled girls. At first glance. You would not be able to tell (heck, my brain can't tell, if it ...
A. 15 September 2011: What do you do ? A sharp U turn , don't worry about the skid marks.
Do you HAVE to pick up the pieces and fix broken girls ? No, not until they pay you for that in your professional capacity as a psychologist or social worker.
Now, you seem to ... (read in full...)
He promised we'd get married by the end of the year, but won't set a date
Q. Six months ago my partner of 2.5 years promised we would get married by end of year.I had never been comfortable living together but somehow it just happened as after a ended 30 year marriage I fancied myself madly in love and was love starved. My ...
A. 15 September 2011: Sorry if it sounds cynical, but why do you want to marry him at all, in the present conditions ?
You have the strong doubt he is around not because of you but because of your money and the comfy carefree lifestyle you make possible for him. Basi... (read in full...)
If your love letter goes unanswered?
Q. I've been dating a gentleman for about four months. In the beginning I never doubted if he was interested or not. After all he was the one taking all of the initiative(once he got over his nerves). He's a shy type, from what I've seen. He would ...
A. 15 September 2011: Since all you've known him is 4 months , I guess that " in the beginning " means the first 2 or 3 months. A short time for many people to become really attached, hanging out and cuddling means "like" , not necessarily " love ". He may have assumed ... (read in full...)
Everything's great except ...
Q. Hello all. My boyfriend and I have a great sex life, it's exciting and always fun. The only "problem" is that he can't cum through me giving him a blowjob. I've had him close several times, but it's like he can't let go enough to actually cum. It...
A. 15 September 2011: I don't have a direct personal experience of this problem, but I think it's a problem...only if you decide to see it as one. Everybody is different, everbody reacts strongly to certain stimulations and feebly or not at all to other ones.... why ... (read in full...)
How to keep a cheating husband interested
Q. hello and im so happy to meet you my name is blondie im 48 years old im a mother and a grandmother i have 11 grand children now iv been in my marrige now for ten years but from the word get go i've always known there was something very wrong bu...
A. 15 September 2011: I don't know, Blondie.. I am glad that you have found a way of handling the problem that works for your couple, but surely it would not work for many people.
First, it's untrue that "all men cheat ", I may concede that probably all men are temp... (read in full...)
He did something he made promise I wouldn't do (after I did it), should I be upset?, and, little things should bother me?
Q. Hi!! I need advice, as always. Yesterday my boyfriend and I had a fight, we usually text or mail each other very early every day, yesterday I had some things to do and couldn't answer any of his mails until afternoon, he hates this and has tol...
A. 15 September 2011: No. You both sound pretty neurotic to me and if you don't learn to chill and be laid back, and most of all to be a little less needy and dependant upon each other, this relationship risks to implode in a not so far future.
... (read in full...)
Can eating tofu and nuts lead to gout?
Q. Is it TRUE that eating tofu and peanuts(sorts of nuts)can lead to Gout in long term? Recently an elderly warns me about it. It scares me I eat tofu, tempeh daily with brown rice(vegetarian).i don't really like mock meats and prefer all kinds of...
A. 15 September 2011: It's the opposite, gout is caused by over production or underelimination of uric acid , and food rich in purines are helpful in eliminating uric acid ,therefore fighting the joint inflamation of gout. Tofu and nuts are high in purine content.... (read in full...)
How can I make everyone happy this christmas, and still spend it with my boyfriend?
Q. I know xmas is a few months away but its already causing me stress! I met my boyfriend at uni on the first day, two years ago and we've lived together since. A few weeks into our relationship i met his parents who live in the London area and ...
A. 14 September 2011: Solution 2 sounds good. Not perfect maybe, but... come on, you don't want to go there because the house is too Victorian ?? Flimsy excuse ! not everything can be exactly as you want it when you are looking for a compromise, and this is the ... (read in full...)
My abusive ex-girlfriend has came back in my life, how should I treat her now?
Q. I had abusive girlfriend for 16 months before I ran away from her apartment in June this year. She was 2 years younger than me. Outside, I don’t think there could have been beautiful girl I have to see to date on this on earth like her, inside s...
A. 14 September 2011: Echoeing the sentiment of Eyeswideopen, I'll quote a crude but fitting proverb of my country which says :
" One hair of c..t pulls stronger than a pair of oxen ".
She must be really hot to make you want to risk your life !
What if she goes psy... (read in full...)
What is with this guy?
Q. so, i have this relationship i haven't been able to get over yet for whatever reason, maybe because i haven't been able to make sense of it. maybe i'm not sure if i did the right thing. i have been so messed up by it, and i guess from my other ...
A. 14 September 2011: Look, I read carefully the whole post, and by the end I felt sort of seasick, my head was spininning- and I am one who likes long, complex life stories !
So, let's try and simplify, and to simplify, let's start from the bottom.
" I wasted 4 years ... (read in full...)
He left money for me on the bedside table and left without saying goodbye
Q. Hi I met a guy at a festival and we had really good sex so we arranged to meet up again back home. We live different sides of the country so we met in the middle and got a hotel for the night. I was aware that this was just sex however what hap...
A. 14 September 2011: Yes, maybe random hook ups are not your style, you've got to become much more thick-skinned than you are for them.
We could debate for hours whether the guy was right or wrong, he had the " right " to act this way or not, he was more of a je... (read in full...)
I am fed up with this guy!
Q. I had a bit of a fling type, a while ago and ended up liking him (which was stupid). That ended and he got a girlfriend but told me he wanted to stay "friends". I agreed even though I hated it. I didn't talk to him as much because it was too hard. A ...
A. 14 September 2011: What are you precisely fed up with, with him hitting on you,.. or with him being standoffish after you don't put out?
Are you fed up with him tryng too hard.. or not tryng hard enough ?
If it's the first, there's an easy solution. Ignore him, don... (read in full...)
Boyfriend resents my choice of college. What do I do?
Q. I'm a sophomore at one of the best liberal arts colleges in the US. I'm here for a major that's not so widely offered (and that's getting slashed increasingly often in budget cuts at other schools) and our open curriculum. The general atmosphere ...
A. 14 September 2011: I am afraid not- you offered already several reasonable ,workable compromises and he won't budge; he is the selfish one. I guess his plan is to work you on the sides by stonewalling and guilt - tripping you until you cave to pressure.
Please don'... (read in full...)
Is a relationship worth the risk of being cheated on?
Q. I have always had a fear of relationships but what really scares me is if I ever fell in "Love" that I would be cheated on. Ive heard and read stories of people that are in happy relationships and then one day they wake up and realize their partner ...
A. 13 September 2011: Yeah, but most people do not worry 24/7 about their partner cheating on them, unless they are extremely neurotic or insecure.
Ever heard about something called trust ?
Trust can be betrayed , yes.
And the company you work for can go bankr... (read in full...)
My husband is very particular about how he likes oral, is this normal?
Q. Hello, I have written in before and gotten excellent advice. My last posting was about a week ago about my mom objecting to the way my husband and I treat each other. We have three kids (biological), 8, 5, and 2, and have the adoption of an 1...
A. 13 September 2011: Isn't this the man who loves you with the passion of a whole army ?
It's a very disciplined army. ... (read in full...)
Wife got drunk and molested in her sleep at a party. How to put back together the pieces?
Q. I trust my wife, and I truly believe her when she told me it was a mistake. My wife went to a party and drank. She felt too drunk to drive and didn't want to wake me and our child up to come get her. She texted me that she was staying the nigh...
A. 13 September 2011: This is a bunch of baloney, but in the sense that the OP is sharing with us one of his erotic fantasies.
At woman, on waking up and finding some guy she barely knows in her bed, performing oral sex on her, without even a " do you mind ", woul... (read in full...)
The Juliet-syndrome
Q. The thing about Romeo and Juliet is that I've have always been bothered about: Juliet doesn't love Romeo despair of his name. She loves him because of it. It's the classic Juliet-syndrome (if you haven't figured it already, I have cleaverly n...
A. 13 September 2011: I don't know about movies, but at theatre school I have been taught that there's no theatre without conflict. Not just tragedies and dramas- comedies too. In theatre everything is about a conflict, someone who wants something but can't have it, ... (read in full...)
Torn between old and new love
Q. My husband wants me back but I have a new boyfriend, my husband was perfect, wirlwind romance, great career, funny, never argued, handsome, took my daughter on like his own then one day I discovered he has been on internet dating sites my world ...
A. 13 September 2011: If your husband had never cheated he would have been perfect, and if my grandma had wheels , she'd be a wheelbarrow.
Your husband HAS cheated, and lied .
What a strange coincidence, also. Every time he knows you are moving on and dating someone ... (read in full...)
Morality Issue? To tell my partner, or not, that I received an unwanted, and rejected, advance on line?
Q. Here's a question for everyone, just curious: Let's say you get a personal message from an online community member (like you're on a forum with hobbies you enjoy, or whatever, not Facebook.) This message is from a person of the opposite sex and...
A. 13 September 2011: I agree with Honeypie, I'd be very annoyed, but not with the girls ,with my husband. I'd expect my husband had the decency to NOT be " friends" with women who send him unrequested sexual advances, ( if they do... they want sex, not friendship ... (read in full...)
From start to finish in 4.5 months?
Q. I'll keep this short as possible. If a couple met and dated 4 1/2 months (long distance) then got married and had a kid within a year...what are the chances it wt wil. Work? Please help...thanks...
A. 13 September 2011: Based on your follow up, pretty slim chances, because they began the relationship having issues that won't go away simply for having tied the knot.
Contrariously to many other posters, though, I think that with a coutship phase of only 4.5 ... (read in full...)
Job search etiquette -- did I screw up?
Q. I have been stressing out over a job i really want and didn't hear back from. Turns out they want me to come in for a second interview. I didn't have the best of luck today though..i have some vmails saved due to personal reasons and business..i ...
A. 13 September 2011: Relax ; how are you going to give an excellent performance in some important job if you get all tied in knots so easily ?:)
Nothing wrong happened. They called you, you called back ASAP , properly and correctly.
To tell you the truth, calling ... (read in full...)
I'm so afraid that I'm not going to be able to have a baby!
Q. Hi all. Im having some issues. Im really scared of my womb or my ovaries being damaged or getting cysts or cancer. All i want in life is to become a mother and have a happy family with my boyfriend. But im so scared that im not going to be able to ...
A. 13 September 2011: I'd start worrying about first things first :
if you get cysts so often, you should see a dermatologist, it may be absolutely nothing, or it may be something, ... but how would you know if you don't ask a doctor ?
Same, and more, goes for any ... (read in full...)
So frustrated! 37 years old and Single. Please Help!
Q. Dear Cupid, I have a dilemma. I am a 37 year old female who has had relationship problems all my life so far. I have no clue as to what I am doing wrong. My personality is what I thought was my strong point, and I think I am fairly physicall...
A. 12 September 2011: I don't know you in person , nor the guys you dated, so I'll have to go by just guesses ,none of which perhaps applies to you. I'll try anyway to throw around a few ideas .
- Maybe you are TOO nice ? Why are you understanding if a guy canc... (read in full...)
How do you really feel about skinny jeans?
Q. I know this isn't a deep question, but how do you all feel about skinny jeans/tight pants on women? For most of my life I've worn pants that fit or were a little loose. They aren't falling off my butt or anything and I go and do visit tailors ...
A. 12 September 2011: I guess it all depends what you wear them with.
Skinny jeans with cropped top and 5' inches platform shoes- better not.
Skinny jeans with Converse or flats ( ballerinas ) , white shirt and "Chanel" type jacket- or black,masculine cut jacket- ... (read in full...)
Is my jealously out of place?
Q. So I've been hanging with this guy for about a month now, we text everyday - I don't have to initiate every contact, he will randomly text me. A few weeks ago we talked about how neither of us were looking for a relationship quite yet, but we didn't ...
A. 12 September 2011: Uhm... I think he meant " We kind have an agreement, we are ongoing sex buddies but no committment and no exclusivity,so we can do all we want with other people ".
If this is so, I am afraid technically he's right. I agree with you that flir... (read in full...)
I told my friend's g/f that he was hitting on me and now he won't speak to me
Q. Alright so around 2 months or so back me and my best guy friend were feeling each other up and it almost lead to sex but I stopped it. But there has been previous occasions where he's tried to force me to have sex with him and I've said no several ...
A. 12 September 2011: Excuse me but.... what did you expect, that he'd THANK you ? That he'd give you a medal ? Of course he's mad. You interfered in his relationship, his gf must have been giving him hell,... he can't be grateful to you for that.
It would have been... (read in full...)
I worry the age difference might be too much.
Q. So a couple months ago I met this guy at the gym and we see eachother there a lot and just say hi and eventually he added me on facebook. About 3 weeks ago, we had a conversation and exchanged numbers. Since then we've talked almost everynight on ...
A. 12 September 2011: I'm of two minds here. On one hand, you are - nearly - legally adult. And a 7 years age difference is not that big at all .
On the other hand, it's not that big if you were 30 and he 37, but now, it's huge. It's like two different words, and if I... (read in full...)
Boyfriend promised tattoo so I'd forgive him for cheating then went back on his word
Q. 2 weeks ago I split up with my boyfriend of 4 years for cheating. He begged foregivness for days none stop, txting, calling, emailing, stopping by the house, said he'd do anything and eventually came up with the idea of getting a tattoo of my name ...
A. 12 September 2011: People can lie and promise anything to get what they want. As for keeping their promise after they got it... it does not always happen.
Where do you go from here ?
Your separate way.... (read in full...)
Would u have sex with someone if they promised a job?
Q. would u have sex with someone if they promised you a job or if theyd support you but you were a virgin...
A. 12 September 2011: No.Never.
If nothing else, for the very factual reason that you can't trust them. People who want sex from you may promise you anything,- as for keeping their promise once they've got what they want,...that's another story.... (read in full...)
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