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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Would u have sex with someone if they promised a job?
Q. would u have sex with someone if they promised you a job or if theyd support you but you were a virgin...
A. 12 September 2011: No.Never.
If nothing else, for the very factual reason that you can't trust them. People who want sex from you may promise you anything,- as for keeping their promise once they've got what they want,...that's another story.... (read in full...)
Has anyone worried about having an unattractive child?
Q. so this isnt a bf/gf type question but i do need a bit of advice. Has anyone ever been worried about having an unattractive child? It may seem selfish....but i cant believe im the only one who has ever worried. Help please?...
A. 12 September 2011: It may cross your mind before you have your child. After , any objectivity flies out of the window. Those who have a ugly baby think it's cute, and those who have a cute baby think it's unbelievably beautiful. No exceptions to this upgrade ... (read in full...)
Why does my partner keep toying with my feelings? Why can't he just let me go?
Q. My partner and I have been together 2 years we have a one year old daughter (he told me he could not have children) things have not been right for a long time and I don't know what I have done wrong, he tells me I need to change, criticises the way ...
A. 12 September 2011: Why do you even ask yourself this question. Why don't YOU just leave him and move on with your life, whether he likes it or not. Do you enjoy having your feelings toyed with ?... (read in full...)
How do I settle this overwhelming desire to be pregnant?
Q. I'm 22 and my best friend is having a baby in a few days, we've been closer than sisters since we were 14 and I was there with her when she found out she was pregnant. I even bought the pregnancy test for her lol! But coming closer to her due date, ...
A. 11 September 2011: You deal with it the same way you do any time you have an impulse that 's not that smart. When you are tempted to exceed the speed limits, to get drunk, to eat a whole cake by yourself, to buy something you can't afford, to slap hard your bf who's ... (read in full...)
Is he stringing me along?
Q. ok so i met this guy online in the beginning of the year he lives ina complete different state i started dating somebody else but as time went on i realized the more me and this lnog distance guy talked the more i liked him and developed feelings i ...
A. 11 September 2011: OP, slow down just a sec- why are you getting upset ?? Of course I don't know you ( or any other poster ) , and of course I can only go by assumptions, but they are REASONABLE assumptions, based on experience, plain common sense and the info ... (read in full...)
Am I obsessed about her and controlling?
Q. Hello DearCupid members, Some things to know: * I am a 16 year old male that is madly in love with this really beautiful (well, I think so anyway) woman who is the same age as me. * We have known each other for three years. And I have l...
A. 11 September 2011: Funny. If it was your mom acting so overprotective toward you, you'd be on DC bitching about how horribly unreasonable and controlling and neurotic she is.
" Bye mom, I am going out with my friends "
" Ok. Be back by 10, 10.30 at most ,though ... (read in full...)
Attempts at online dating are hurting my self-esteem. Advice, please.
Q. I am newly single after a long-term relationship (19 years) ended and now back in the dating game. I have never been the most sought after guy at the party, but I've attracted attention of women in my time. I don't have classic good looks, but ...
A. 11 September 2011: A gentlemanly millionaire who looks like Jude Law ?....well, if you don't have any luck on dating sites, then call me at three-four-eight-....LOL.
Seriously : relax. It's just Internet. It's not you, it's the medium. Online dating is not to be take... (read in full...)
He gets out of jail soon. Should I leave my abusive boyfriend now or stay and try again with him?
Q. Hi I'm new here and this is my first time using a site like this. I just hope to get the best out of it. Anyways, so, I have a boyfriend who's incarcerated at the present moment and he's very verbally, mentally, and emotionally abusive. I'm in love...
A. 11 September 2011: Second "you've got to be joking " of the day .
Being in a shelter is bad, but being with a violent psychopath is much worse.
Just in case, go to the police and report that he's been repeatedly threatening to kill you. I don't know the law in y... (read in full...)
Should I disgrace myself by asking her out or should I do the pragmatic thing and refrain from doing so?
Q. I'm about to pose this question which will probably leave most of your readers disgusted and repulsed but I need to share my sorrows with sympathetic listeners so I'll simply go ahead and do it anyway. I've recently developed a crush on this re...
A. 11 September 2011: I guess it all depends from your personality and how well ( or badly ) you cope with rejection.
Instinctively, I would tell you : try . Why ? Because if you try you have ,say, a 10% or 20% percent chance of success ( random number, of cour... (read in full...)
How can I convince my Boyfriend to help me get pregnant even though he does not need to help me bring the baby up?
Q. i need help... hi i am asking your help to convinceing my bf to get me pregnant but its not working. he does not want to have children or get marryed but i would like to some day soon for children and marry later on... he is 27 and i am 19 i k...
A. 11 September 2011: OP, I have got the feeling you haven't even read the posts or you haven't taken in anything of what you have been told.
The bad joke on him would be PRECISELY the fact that you would NOT be leaving him, after tricking him into getting you preg... (read in full...)
Why is it so easy for me to forget all the horrible things he did to me?
Q. i am a 19yo woman that cant stop thinking about her ex.. ok lets start from the beginning.. we met through a friend at a party and suddenly hit it off.. went on a cute date and saw eachother every day until i moved into his mothers place a...
A. 11 September 2011: All I wanted to say, Rescuer said it already, so I'll just limit my comment to stressing this :
what you describe is NOT mild , even by the most anything-goes standards, it's in fact severe- and dangerous. I find very troubling that you may ... (read in full...)
Why can't he be in the same room as me? I don't think he and his new girlfriend will last....
Q. I am 22 and I am in a a stupid situation, I know what I am supposed to do but it I am finding it weird and difficult,me an my ex have been broke up for almost two years an i know that i should not of been holding him back or holding onto him, he ...
A. 11 September 2011: My advice is to stay clear of this smooth talking ex who staved you off for two years resisting all your attempts to get back,- and now that he has a girlfriend all of a sudden he likes you soooo much and feels " love ". Don't go "holding " and ... (read in full...)
Any special tips or advice for pleasuring a man who is circumsized?
Q. I've been seeing a new guy for a few weeks now and got more initimate last night. We didnt sleep together but we did enough for me to realise he was circumcised. Just wondering if anyone had any tips or adivse for pleasauring him, I haven't ...
A. 11 September 2011: They say that circumcised men last longer because since the tip is always exposed it gets sort of desensitized . But I think it's an urban legend, my ( admittedly limited , LOL ) experience does not support that , duration is very individual and ... (read in full...)
I feel I'm being used!
Q. I have been involved with a guy on and off for about 3 years now! I was completely besotted with him and because I loved him I just let him treat me bad - like he only ever used me for money,sex now and then etc etc... Anyway one day last week I ...
A. 11 September 2011: Well, as Tennisstar says, you feel you are being used because you ARE being used. If you give him money he sticks around, if you don't he gets mad and distances himself, and if this is not using people I don't know what else "using" would look ... (read in full...)
Am I too short for him?
Q. Hi, well, I'm 20 and my bf is 28. I'm 5.1 feet and he is 6.1 feet. I wasn't seeing that as a problem until a couple of times at the street some people kinda stare at us. my bf laughed at it but it's really bother me. Do you think I'm too short fo...
A. 10 September 2011: In total dissent with the anon female , I am 5'3, I have always only dated tall guys, and when I went out with my 6'3" ex I never noticed anybody staring, but if I had , I would have assumed that people looked at us beacuse we were so ... (read in full...)
Am I obsessed about her and controlling?
Q. Hello DearCupid members, Some things to know: * I am a 16 year old male that is madly in love with this really beautiful (well, I think so anyway) woman who is the same age as me. * We have known each other for three years. And I have l...
A. 10 September 2011: Yes and yes.
The sleeping thing, then, is downright creepy- it's as if she were at Big Brother's.
You may want start working on all that and tuning it down, in your own best interest.
I think she can still deal with this behaviour because she ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to be in a relationship when I know he's having sex with other women as his job?
Q. My boyfriend and i have been together for 1 year and we love each other. i tried to hook up with him then because friends told me he was trying to get into the porn business so i thought he would be big. he is, trust me. he did not get an offer from ...
A. 10 September 2011: Are you really sure about that ?... The Adult Industry Medical Health Foundation in San Fernando Valley ( where most of these movies are made ) monitored the health of porn workers for about ten years, it came out that porn actors get chlamydia ... (read in full...)
He will not face me. Why can't some men face you when they break up with you?
Q. I need some help. I was dating my BF for 6 months. He just broke up with me via email. Never had one single conversation about anything not working. Tells me I'm wonderful, amazing and he thinks we're just supposed to be friends... but won't talk to ...
A. 10 September 2011: Well, if he knew the silent treatment was going to drive you nuts and he did it anyway, then it sounds he actually did NOT care about your feelings, right ?
Maybe not like : I do not care at all, I don't give a f..k. But like : " I care mode... (read in full...)
Does he sound like someone who could grow up and see me as the girl he could build a life with or should I just forget him altogether?
Q. Met an american man while I was traveling in africa (i am canadian), dated him for 3 months, "just to have fun". I was 27 and a virgin with a couple of serious past boyfriends, he was 23 and a non-virgin with lots of casual making out/fooling around ...
A. 10 September 2011: Please don't clutch at straws. He has amply shown, and said, and proved that you are not on the same page, that he does not want or see you being together in the long run, and that he is not Mr. Right for you, only Mr.Right Now. I don't see what ... (read in full...)
How can I convince my Boyfriend to help me get pregnant even though he does not need to help me bring the baby up?
Q. i need help... hi i am asking your help to convinceing my bf to get me pregnant but its not working. he does not want to have children or get marryed but i would like to some day soon for children and marry later on... he is 27 and i am 19 i k...
A. 10 September 2011: Oh gosh, I would not want to be in your bf's shoes right know, knowing which kind of surprises you 'd have no scruples springing on him. A nice "pill accident " and voila', he's going to have a baby whether he likes it or not. Urgh.
Please don'... (read in full...)
My married lover puts me in awkward situations where I have to meet his wife. Why would he do this?
Q. Hi, I am having an affair with a married man and have been for over 6 yrs, we are both in our late 50's,we both care for each other very much and get on really well and enjoy seeing each other. we can't break it off so please no moral judgments. i...
A. 10 September 2011: Why, indeed ? I am scratching my head , this is so very weird.Bizarre.
Unless it's like the " hidden letter " in Edgar Allan Poe's story. You put in evidence what you are supposed to hide ,it's counterintuitive, so it will go undetected.
Maybe... (read in full...)
Are short men allowed to be good looking or do women find them unattractive because of their height?
Q. I stand 5'4 barefoot, I weigh 180lbs and I still have the washboard abs approaching the 30 plateau. The problem is my face. Friends and strangers alike tell me I'm very handsome. Enough to consider modeling but a huge dose of reality hit me when ...
A. 10 September 2011: Tbh, yes I have got the impression that most women like tall guys better , or at least that below average height is something they can accept, but not actually prefer. So ? what's the problem ? The same happens to overweight, or just plump, w... (read in full...)
Am I being overly sensitive because he didn't say sorry for giving me a really bad cold?
Q. I'm casually seeing this guy...he is seeing a few other women - to make a long story short, my best friend is his sister and they live together. She thought he was coming down with a cold, so when we went out and I got him some cold medicine. He ...
A. 10 September 2011: OP,personally I would not tell you to call your friend and clear it up, - because from what you say both brother and sister sound like quite a couple of d...heads, so if it were me, I'd just ditch both and leave them to a gloomy destiny of ... (read in full...)
How? Is it possible to get my cat back as first priority? And get my ex boyfriend back too?
Q. Here is a brief paragraph of my situation. My ex and I broke up this month after a year relationship. We had a huge fight during a trip right before (this is our first huge fight, we were basically ignoring each other during the trip). When we ...
A. 10 September 2011: About the cat : I think he is surely going to call you, he would not be leaving for 3 weeks leaving to poor cat by itself would he ? Wait a few days and if he has not called e-mail him and arrange cat pick up by e-mail . Send a friend to get your ... (read in full...)
Is he stringing me along?
Q. ok so i met this guy online in the beginning of the year he lives ina complete different state i started dating somebody else but as time went on i realized the more me and this lnog distance guy talked the more i liked him and developed feelings i ...
A. 10 September 2011: Wrong guess - I happen to know quite a bit about LDRs, btw I even know abot long distance marriages! since for the first years of mine we had to live in different places due to work.But regardless of LDR experience, your post says clearly two ... (read in full...)
My ex has forgotten when my birthday is. Do I have a right to be peeved or am I making a big deal of nothing?
Q. My ex and me were together for just under six months. It's been several months now since we broke up. We've tried to be friends since then but it has been difficult for me because she ended it and then got a new boyfriend soon after. Anyway, t...
A. 9 September 2011: Good luck for your Tuesday date ,all the best, but tell me, you say you are sure she'll contact you again, and what are you planning to do in this case ... answer back ? drag this on some more?...
"Swoosh...Swoosh.." - can you hear it ?
That'... (read in full...)
Am I being overly sensitive because he didn't say sorry for giving me a really bad cold?
Q. I'm casually seeing this guy...he is seeing a few other women - to make a long story short, my best friend is his sister and they live together. She thought he was coming down with a cold, so when we went out and I got him some cold medicine. He ...
A. 9 September 2011: There's a fallacy in your reasoning :
you suspect him of having known all along that it was not allergy but a cold, and that he KNEW he could endanger you by making you sick, but he did it anyway because he wanted to get it on. You also know... (read in full...)
Is he stringing me along?
Q. ok so i met this guy online in the beginning of the year he lives ina complete different state i started dating somebody else but as time went on i realized the more me and this lnog distance guy talked the more i liked him and developed feelings i ...
A. 9 September 2011: Oh please. Sorry but I think you need some tough love, so I'll have to say - snap out of it, this is ridiculous. Let all the communications issues and trust issues aside - and there are - and focus on this : there are no actual plans for you to... (read in full...)
We're "Facebook married" but I want him as a legit b/f
Q. So I'm "Facebook married" to my legit crush..one night i was at his house and he proposed to me and gave me a ring and everything..the next day he sent me a facebook marriage request and of course I said yes! we've been really close for over a y...
A. 9 September 2011: ..Aren't you guys a bit old for this kind of stuff ? I got engaged with a ring from a cereal box, but I was in second grade :)
I think he likes you, I don't know but I can't see a guy going along with such a silly, elaborated joke unless he has a so... (read in full...)
His age information isn't matching up with the background check!
Q. I really really need help and advice because I'm so confused at this point. I met a guy online and at the time, his profile said he was 30 and now a year later, he's 31. I believed him. But today I was talking to a friend about stalkerish thing...
A. 9 September 2011: Yes he lied. Intelius just reports what's on official, public records .
What 's so surprising about it ? Most people doctor their profiles on line to make themselves more "marketable". He figured out ( it seems correctly) that 30 was making him ... (read in full...)
My wife thinks I have a small penis!
Q. I have a troubling issue in my marriage. To get right to the point, it has to do with penis size and my wife's perception. I am about 5.75 by 5 around and I always thought fairly average. When my wife and I talk it is clear that she thinks ...
A. 8 September 2011: When it's stats and numbers you don't need to convince anybody, check every existing study about penis sizes,ask any doctor , and they will say that yes, you are average. It's like wanting to convince her that 2 plus 2 makes 4.
If she has been... (read in full...)
I'm not sure how guys see me
Q. I like makeup. I always have my full face done - that's what I like and feel comfortable with, BUT I'm worried that guys may look at me in the wrong way. Inside (personality-wise) I'm a religious, reserved, silly person but I'm afraid my exterior ...
A. 8 September 2011: Promiscuos ?? What's promiscuity got to do with being accurately, appropriately made up ?
Well , if you show up at family Sunday luch with the war paint of a Las Vegas showgirl you may raise a few eyebrows, there's a time and place for ever... (read in full...)
My ex has forgotten when my birthday is. Do I have a right to be peeved or am I making a big deal of nothing?
Q. My ex and me were together for just under six months. It's been several months now since we broke up. We've tried to be friends since then but it has been difficult for me because she ended it and then got a new boyfriend soon after. Anyway, t...
A. 8 September 2011: Oh maybe because you are not flat out telling her she must leave you alone ?...
You promised you'd TRY to stay friends . You tried and it did not work for you, end of the promise.
Either be sincere and tell her that you feel your staying ... (read in full...)
How do I ask fiance's dad and uncle to walk me down the aisle?
Q. Hello all. My fiance and I have been engaged for a few weeks now. I hope for a wedding in a year or so, after we're done with important events / work, etc.. My fiance's not very close with his dad. His father walked out on him, and has only ...
A. 8 September 2011: I think first of all you should run this idea by your fiance' and find out if he likes it,then if he does he'll be the one to ask hid dad and uncle .
( Btw your fiance' must be a really generous man if he's so keen on a guy who walked out on h... (read in full...)
Do ALL men really watch porn??
Q. I guess I should ask this as a curiousity question, aimed at men preferrably. Now, I have been on this site awhile and asked and answered a few questions. What I always hear on the topic of porn- ALL MEN WATCH PORN. Is this true? Now I will say...
A. 8 September 2011: As far as I know, no, it's not a biological imperative, there are quite a few men who are not interested in porn.
My son is one,for instance . He's 21 and when he was in high school he had a big argument with his then best friend because this... (read in full...)
A friend that hugs all the time?
Q. hey aunts! I have a little problem, theres a friend of mine that i like but im not sure if he likes me back so please help!!! So, he loves to hug me and we could hug for hours without saying anything, then, for my birthday, he made me a cake that he ...
A. 8 September 2011: Well, the cake is pretty meaningful- unless he's a pastry chef by trade :).
I can't be 100% sure of course , but I would say that yes, he likes you back.... (read in full...)
She likes, would date me....BUT she still wants to have sex with other people!!!
Q. Ok, this is a WEIRD one. But maybe you guys can help. See, I know this girl who is sort of promiscuous. Yet she's hott. And sweet. And so we been out a bit. Never slept together or anything because believe it or not, I dont think people should do...
A. 8 September 2011: If I were a guy who believes in monogamy and exclusive committment, obviously not . Because I would know that her values are totally conflicting with mines, which is never a good base to build a relationship upon, and because I would be quite sure ... (read in full...)
My Boyfriends Favourite Perfume is his ex's
Q. Hi, I just wanted to run something by you girls and guys, see what you think. When I started going out with my guy we were talking about perfumes and stuff and he said that his favourite perfume was Flowerbomb.(this is a perfume ive always reall...
A. 8 September 2011: Men don't know perfumes ? Are you sure?...All the men I have been with had a favorite woman 's perfume and could name a few others. Then again, I have always liked metrosexuals:)
I'd say you are overthinking this . Yes, perfumes sort of " cut " in... (read in full...)
Women: Is a gentle heart, or rather a fundamental aversion to violence and conflict, just a completely unattractive trait for a man?
Q. I am at heart a very mild person. I do not like conflict. Violence, of any kind, is simply unnatural to me, and goes completely against my nature. I grew up in a suburb where violence was never part of our daily lives. Sure, some kids chose to ...
A. 7 September 2011: I think you and your son are SMART. Sadly it's true,violence is escalating and becoming more and more pervasive even in areas and social settings where it was unheard of just few years ago. And, it does not help to be a bulky aggressive ... (read in full...)
Does his reasoning make sense and am I being really petty?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost five months. Things have been going generally fine, but he appears to have an issue with showing affection and care via text message. When something comes up, or if he has done something during the day, he ...
A. 7 September 2011: Yes , it's a good reason. Another good reason , if you ask me , is that yours is a non issue : " a issue with showing care and affection via text message ". Believe it or not, there are tons of people that do not use text to wax lyrical, but just ... (read in full...)
Is this my fault or is she taking her anger out on me?
Q. i posted on here last week and am looking for some new follow up answers. the girl i've been dating for the past two months had her grandfather get sick and put in the hospital. they were incredibly close, and she immediately shut me out and ...
A. 7 September 2011: Fault is a big word and I would not use it, but I suspect you may be one of those nice guys that in all their well meant niceness are all about " me me me ". A bit like the old joke with the Boy Scout, who helps the old lady cross the street ... (read in full...)
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