Like what
she writes?
... Add *indyCares to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
|
| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
|
Is it normal for someone 50 to ask their parent if its ok to take a bath?
Q. do you think its normal asking your parent that you will take a bath at the age of 50?someoene i know ask this question everytime want to take a bath in the night. i find it so weird? for me its wrong because personal hygiene.. why ask other people. ...
A. 21 November 2011: OP, why this is so strange to you , when you live with somebody else, you don't have the run of the house at your leasure, it's normal.
I often stay at my mother's, and she has two bathrooms - but only one with a bathtub , and it's the one wher... (read in full...)
He's called it quit 4 times! How do I cope with this?
Q. How should I deal with my partner who has called it quits for more than 4 times? How should I interpret the following said by my partner:"There are times when I don't feel like talking to anyone, including you"...
A. 21 November 2011: Like the bullshit that it is.
90% of times this kind of declaration simply means " I don't feel like talking to YOU ". Or else "I AM feeling moody or tense , but you don't count enough for me to make a little effort and act civil / explain you ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for someone 50 to ask their parent if its ok to take a bath?
Q. do you think its normal asking your parent that you will take a bath at the age of 50?someoene i know ask this question everytime want to take a bath in the night. i find it so weird? for me its wrong because personal hygiene.. why ask other people. ...
A. 21 November 2011: Still just normal and polite. She is not asking her parent's permission to WASH herself,- she is making sure that she can occupy a common ,shared space for a certain length of time without inconveniencing the person(s) she lives with. She can't be ... (read in full...)
My husband's mother wants to move in with us and I want a life!
Q. my husbands mothers husband just passed. she is 55 and he was 84, with money. they were married 4 years. so now she wants to move in with us. no one asked me how i felt. i love her with all my heart, but i didnt sign up for this. i know it sounds ...
A. 20 November 2011: Weird. Why a healthy , only 55, and now moneyed too preppy woman, would WANT to move in with her hippy daughter in law and her 3 children ?? Especially after having ( probably ) spent the last 4 years taking care of an old man. Are you sure ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for someone 50 to ask their parent if its ok to take a bath?
Q. do you think its normal asking your parent that you will take a bath at the age of 50?someoene i know ask this question everytime want to take a bath in the night. i find it so weird? for me its wrong because personal hygiene.. why ask other people. ...
A. 20 November 2011: That if they have only one bathroom, it is mandatory.
And if it is night, the sound of water running / splashing may bother people who is resting / sleeping / watching TV..., so asking it's just common courtesy. It has got nothing to do with... (read in full...)
I cant believe he's treating me like this, when HE was in the wrong!!
Q. thought i really knew a guy i worked with. we got on really well and i liked him a lot but ive found out hes basically lied to me for the past 2 years. ive helped him enormously and stopped him getting sacked-helped him with major financial ...
A. 20 November 2011: You were a good friend but he did not need your friendship- he needed someone gullible and manipulable to mooch off . Now that you wised up ( better late than never ) he has no use for you any more, and he is probably moving on to some other ... (read in full...)
I just don't want to be treated differently because of my gender
Q. hey all those who are there... im having a little issue with my partner at the moment... all my life i've been treated differently because i'm female and it really bugs me, i don't understand why all women are put under the same category like...
A. 19 November 2011: I think feminism has got nothing to do with safety and prudence. We may make all the socio/ anthropological debates you want, at the end of the day there are still around many more men attacking a woman alone, for mugging or raping her, than ... (read in full...)
Hurtful comments are starting to hurt me. I don't call it bullying. How do I deal with this meanness at school?
Q. I have a problem with the way I'm treated at school. No I'm not being bullied, but I'm treated many different ways. See I'm a really happy person at school, I laugh and smile at school every single day. Because of this some people call me stup...
A. 19 November 2011: Why don't you stop acting and be yourself for instance. You are not this happy jolly always laughing type that you pretend to be, because you are NOT happy about everything. For instance you are not happy about the comments your schoolmates about ... (read in full...)
Can a guy's car make him more (or less) attractive?
Q. Here’s a bit of a strange question. Does the type of car a guy has make him more attractive or less attractive? Does it have an influence on women? The reason I am asking this question is because of this, I used to have a classic BMW, one with ch...
A. 19 November 2011: Semiotics :) We live in an universe of signs and symbols, and, whether you want it or not, anything you wear, use, own, show and consume sends a message about you. The shoes you wear, the dog you walk, the car you drive... they say something about ... (read in full...)
She said to me during sex "would you just finish" after only 10 minutes! I always thought lasting longer was better....
Q. hi their. I have confidance issues when it comes to how long i last during sex. I always please my partner though oral and hands before sex as she doesnt orgasm through intercourse. Once she had cum we moved on to the sex. I was prolonging cumming ...
A. 19 November 2011: Anon reader, yes, it's difficult to understand if you don't just ASK.
If you want to know what day my birthday is, you have 365 chances to guess it wrong. But if you ask me, I'll be happy to tell you. Simpler than that....... (read in full...)
Astonished that he could have done something so evil
Q. Okay, here's the situation. I met this guy randomly and he asked for my number. I met him after a few days for a first day, and we instantly clicked. I saw him again and again for months and quickly fell in love with him. After the first month I ...
A. 19 November 2011: No no no. Big deal breaker, and major red flag, right off the bat : when he started romancing you THEN ,once you were already hooked, admitted he was married.
He should have treated you as an adult - he should have told you : look, here's the ... (read in full...)
How do husbands/wives of actors/actresses deal with this jealousy?
Q. Help Help Help. I think I might be overreacting, but then sometimes I think I'm not and I should feel jealous. My wife is a pre-school teacher, and an opportunity for a Kindergarten position came up (at more than twice the salary), but my wife and ...
A. 19 November 2011: As an ex actress, I always found curious how actors' partners get so bothered only by love scenes . I mean, if your wife were playing the role of a serial killer, you'd still sleep sound at night, you would not worry about her stabbing in your ... (read in full...)
How do I overcome my boyfriends past behaviour and gain my confidence back, should I stay or go?
Q. Hello everyone, I would really appreciate some advice off both men and women please, I desperatly need help of some sort, as much as possible please. I am a 22 year old woman, my boyfriend is 32, I have been with him near 4 years now. He is my fi...
A. 19 November 2011: I agree to some extent with the other posters, in the sense that there's something wrong in a grown up man ( 28 when you met ) that sees nothing wrong in putting down his partner and making fun of her "imperfection" , real or perceived . I'd give ... (read in full...)
Is she interested? Whenever we are together all she does is talk about other guys!
Q. I have a girlfriend, who I think is totally amazing. She tells me she misses me, that she loves me, and wants to be with me forever. That's all when she texts me, when we're in person, she constantly talks about other men. I don't mean every 6 ...
A. 18 November 2011: I'd say too that this type of crushes is basically innocuous and should not make you feel threatened . But bored, yes. How come : you don't have much time to spend together, and she wastes it talking non stop about Johnny Depp's butt, or ... (read in full...)
Is this normal behaviour?
Q. If a man knows a woman is not attracted to them (as in she has repeated many times that she just does not like him in that way) and when she is drunk, he persists in asking her to sleep with him and argues with her reasons for not wanting to (and ...
A. 18 November 2011: No, of course it's not normal, but why didn't you just turn your back and left him mid -sentence ? Why do you debate for an hour with somebody that bothers you with unwanted sexual offers ??... (read in full...)
My Bf has given me an ultimatum-either I orgasm with him and without my vibrator or he's going to break up with me!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together 2.5 years and I always thought we had a pretty good sex life. We have sex 5-8 times a week usually and feel really comfortable with each other and have great chemistry. It might help to preface this with saying ...
A. 17 November 2011: Sure you can do it. With your hands and probably in other ways too. You are a very normal girl, who happens to prefer vibrators, there's nothing wrong with you. The only thing that's wrong with you... is your boyfriend.
Are you sure you want to t... (read in full...)
What comes first, friends or girlfriend?
Q. I am 19 and my boyfriend the same. This is his first relationship, but not my first. We have been together almost 5 months. I have a problem with him putting his friends before me. I value friendships myself, and think friends are important, and you ...
A. 17 November 2011: OP, if you have to get mad, get mad at the stats, not at Celtic Tiger. I am quoting by memory so maybe I am not terribly accurate, but neither I am too off the mark, add or subtract maybe one year: the current average age of marriages in ... (read in full...)
B/f will not perform oral sex on me but he did for his ex!
Q. My boyfriend of 2 yrs WILL NOT perform oral sex on me. He use to do it to his past girlfriends, especially this one girl who he had been going back and forth with for like 6 years. He even had an old poem on a blog site about how he wished he could...
A. 17 November 2011: I have no idea how black girls smell down there , but I am inclined to think it's just an urban legend- like redheads smell stronger and stuff like that.
More probably, though, you could have an asymptomatic fungal or bacterial infection - no s... (read in full...)
Trust issues with an otherwise perfect boyfriend... help
Q. Ok so i i've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year.. before we started dating i said i didn't want to get into a relationship because i've dated a porn addict in the past and been cheated on several times (not to sound like the victim here! ...
A. 17 November 2011: Before the usual DC porn debate kicks in ( porn is a big deal , no it's not a big deal ) I 'd say that the problem is not porn per se, is that you can't trust him, because, alas, he is not trustworthy. You had stated very well your terms and ... (read in full...)
Would you let your man/ or girl live with their baby mama/ baby daddy?
Q. Okay so me and my boyfriend have been together 2 months, and he cheated on his girlfriend with me and he has a kid with her and another one on the way... then he told her that he did and he didn't see the relationship with them going anywhere. ...
A. 17 November 2011: No it's not your fault... it's his fault... that's my point ... in "decentpeopleworld " you don't just up and dump the mother of your two children just because you have seen a more "pleasing " new item... and anyway you don't cheat. You wait until ... (read in full...)
Self-conscious because he seems to pay attention to the parts of my body that need toning
Q. For men (and women who can relate): When I am intimate with my boyfriend, he tends to grab onto my "cushions" - I'm a bit of a voluptuous girl (130lb, 5'5) and I guess it makes me uncomfortable that he is grabbing onto my thighs or tummy because it ...
A. 17 November 2011: OP, but...when you are intimate, where do you want him to grab ? Your toes? Your ears ? Your ( perhaps pointy ) elbows ? Ouch:)
He does not seem to have any problem with your " cushions ", YOU are. So rather than intervene on him, intervene on your... (read in full...)
Is surgery worth loss of sensitivity?
Q. I'm not talking about implants! I know most men are against implants but are for other surgeries(reductions, lifts, nipple reductions etc) From your point of view, do you think better looking breasts are worth the loss of sensitivity? ...
A. 16 November 2011: Exactly, that's you. I've got the feeling that most women are either less vain or more selfish . Or both.
Sensitivity is for your sensual pleasure and benefits you , good looking breasts are for other people's visual pleasure and benefit them... (read in full...)
Would you let your man/ or girl live with their baby mama/ baby daddy?
Q. Okay so me and my boyfriend have been together 2 months, and he cheated on his girlfriend with me and he has a kid with her and another one on the way... then he told her that he did and he didn't see the relationship with them going anywhere. ...
A. 16 November 2011: Better safe than sorry so, sexually active or not, why don't you suggest that you will only get together again AFTER he has definitely moved his ex out . So you can start with a clean slate , so to speak .
( I'd still be wary of a guy who dump... (read in full...)
I'm confused! He's cancelled 2 dates and now doesn't respond to my texts
Q. Hi everyone sorry if this long I just really need help trying to figure this situation out I met a man 9 month ago I moved into a flat near him in fact 30 seconds away any way he asked me out I said yes he had been single 6 month after splitting up ...
A. 16 November 2011: There is nothing to be confused, if you are confused it's because you want to be, and cling to the hope this could develop into something more than it was.
He told you it was only sex. He cancels dates, he does not texts you back, he fobs you ... (read in full...)
What can I do about these teenaged girls calling me a pedophile?
Q. hi, basicly i got called a peado on the way to work by two school girls about 15 years old cos essentially i looked at them, i got through the cow gate (i go accross a field) i noticed they were waitibng for me to get through so they could pass ...
A. 16 November 2011: They were just being silly immature teenagers, and perhaps, since they are tring so hard to get at you, that may be exactly because they fancy you and you don't pay them any attention.
But, if you live in a small place, this can be bothersome, it c... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is extremely lazy, has no ambitions in life and his personal hygiene is a big issue!
Q. My boyfriend is extremely lazy and has no ambitions in life. He doesn't do his schoolwork, puts everything off till last minute, has no eagerness to do anything. When I come over his house, usually I would want to go somewhere but he will instead ...
A. 16 November 2011: An addict is an addict,whether it be videogames or alcohol or drugs. Addicts do not change just because you ask them, nicely or forcefully. They change if they decide to and if they find the motivation for change.
Your bf does not, because you ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is working over Christmas - again! I'm furious, help please!
Q. Hi guys, please help, i am fuming! My bf does shift work and he has a responsible role. This year will be our first proper Xmas togther. Let me explain...last year he decided to work a night shift on Xmas day. This meant i got to see him for a round ...
A. 16 November 2011: I think your bf is a great guy,with a strong work ethic , a generous heart, and his priority straight.
Xmas after all is not supposed to be about stuffing yourself with food, and getting plastered with drinks- shouldn't it be about exte... (read in full...)
Are we dating? I don't know!
Q. I'm a sophomore in highschool. I currently have an unspoken thing with a senior. We are mutual friends of my neighbor's. Matt (neighbor) kind of prompted us. It was so obvious I liked Sid. I didn't know if he liked me or not. He dropped hints, but ...
A. 16 November 2011: I have to disagree with your sister. It's dangerous and leads to disappointment living " in your mind ". Don't assume you are dating,"just in your mind "- au contraire, stay with what it is : assume you are NOT dating and you won't be unless he ... (read in full...)
Contraception advice, anyone?
Q. So me and my long term boyfriend have been using condoms as our only method of birth control and it's not an ideal situation. He constantly complains about how much less good it feels and frequently gets irritated that I won't go back on the pill or ...
A. 15 November 2011: Oh so this is the no vibrators guy ? The presumed mild Asperger's guy ?
See it this way . You are lucky . You are not throwing away 2.5 years of unfettered bliss with more potentially to come " for a conversation " .You have ONLY wasted so f... (read in full...)
Now that we are official she won't do "special" things to me!
Q. Hi, I've been in a relationship with this woman (on and off) for almost 3 years. At first, the sex was ridiculous (we weren't official at first, just friends with benefits.) But now, since we've officially decided to be in a committed rel...
A. 15 November 2011: I think she was just fidelizing the client. Very common strategy. In fact, it's not even a strategy, I don't mean a strategy as an intentional ruse, it 's more of a defense mechanism. Like, if you want a person to stay around, and your ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend insists on attending a concert while I'm in surgery
Q. This may take me some time to write so here goes. I've just moved in to a house with my bf of two years, we've got a mortgage togther. We started to try for a baby around a year ago and in september I got pregnant with fertility treatment. After ...
A. 15 November 2011: First thing first.
Don't be afraid. It's a D & C in general anesthesia, no you won't be in pain either during or afterwards. You'll feel sleepy, there might be some light cramping right away and in this case they'll give you all the pain... (read in full...)
Is he stringing me along? He's very commitment-phobic and we rarely see each other!
Q. hi I've been seeing my commitment phobic bf for almost 16 months, we get on really well, there's great chemistry and we both feel very comfortable with each other. The problem is that although we're both in our 40's, we rarely get the chance to go...
A. 15 November 2011: Those butterflies could give you a bad indigestion.
I can't think of a reason why the parents of a guy in his 40s should not KNOW ( not guess ) he has a girlfriend and also not know be introduced to that girlfriend in person after 16 monts- so a... (read in full...)
I don't want to lose the trust of my b/f's daughter but I do think she pushes the boundaries!
Q. I'm in a relationship (for 6 years already) and my boyfriend has an 11 year old daughter. I'm very lucky in the sense that she loves me very much. We get along great and I feel she trusts me 100%. I, myself, does not have any kids of my own and ...
A. 15 November 2011: She is 11 and prepuberal, of course she is emotional and at times feels all the world is against her ! And as a daughter of divorced people, she may need more reassurance and cuddly stuff than another kid- even if her prents handled their ... (read in full...)
I don't know how to take care of kids, I don't think they're cute, I don't like them or know what to do with them, and I don't want one, ever.
Q. Today I was talking with my mom, and my sister, who joined in, and they said it was wierd that I have no maternal instinct. Every woman in my family, and even a lot of men LOVE babies and kids, whenever there's a baby around, everyone coos over it, ...
A. 15 November 2011: I'd say at 18 is pretty normal ! Who has time to bother with children, with all the exciting fun promising stuff going on around you at 18 ?...
It never dawned on me until 30 that if I wanted to create my own family ( I did ) I was going to have... (read in full...)
Next month I'm meeting my Boyfriend's family for Christmas. But he'd rather I didn't give them presents. How will it look if I arrive empty handed?
Q. I have a dilemma of etiquette on my hands! Next month, I'll be meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time; his parents, grandmother and three siblings. My boyfriend has a rather acerbic relationship with his siblings - an older brother and ...
A. 14 November 2011: Your boyfriend is a rather cerebral type isn't he ? A bit of an overthinker. I doubt that the family would attach any sinister hidden meaning to your Xmas gifts . And why would you even try to " buy their favour " to begin with ? they are just ... (read in full...)
His ultimatum: Get rid of my online friends and date site profiles,or he is going to leave!
Q. My boyfriend of 6 months has given me an ultimatum. Either I get rid of my on line friends and Date Site profiles,or he is going to leave. I have been on them for 3 years and enjoy it. I feel a bit like he is telling me what to do. Which shall I go ...
A. 14 November 2011: Ultimatums are always wrong but ... why are you still on DATING sites if you are in a relationship ?. Why do you enjoy them, what do you get out of them ?...
Dating sites are ( duh ) for dating, i.e. to get to know people in view of meeting , spen... (read in full...)
Sex while music is playing?
Q. Hello everyone, just after a few personal opinions here! Do you think it's a good idea to have sex for the first time while music's playing in the background or can that be a distraction from (or to) your partner? I'm thinking classical music, ...
A. 14 November 2011: ..Why, do you guys mean is it actually possible to have sex also without music? LOL
Go ahead, music is fine . I normally don't think of classical music as bedroom soundtrack ( except Ravel's "Bolero " maybe ) but that's personal choi... (read in full...)
I am 14 and my boyfriend is 15 and we both REALLY want a baby!
Q. I am 14 and my boyfriend is 15 and we both REALLY want a baby!!! What do we do?!?! We talk about getting married and having kids all the time!! What do I do? P.S. We haven't had sex if that's what you are thinking.....
A. 14 November 2011: What you do is, you wait until you are of legal age to have sex ( now you are underage ), and then you use birth control until you actually CAN take care of a child on your own.
Who would raise your baby if you had it now ?
Do you have a job ?(... (read in full...)
Is being loud a bad thing?
Q. Is there a problem with being too loud during sex? My boyfriend and I don't have sex like we used to because he said I'm too loud and his roomates are home and we all live together. ...
A. 14 November 2011: Yes, if you live with other people it is a problem . Sexuality , and the way you express it, is natural... this does not mean it's public. It's a private thing, you don't want to slap the faces of everybody around you with it, ....and they have ... (read in full...)
My Bf has given me an ultimatum-either I orgasm with him and without my vibrator or he's going to break up with me!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together 2.5 years and I always thought we had a pretty good sex life. We have sex 5-8 times a week usually and feel really comfortable with each other and have great chemistry. It might help to preface this with saying ...
A. 13 November 2011: Just out of curiosity : as he ever been diagnosed by a neurologist had having mild Asperger's ? Or was it a self- diagnosis ? I am asking that because I have noticed that , as by now there's a lot of people that uses to say casually " Oh I just ... (read in full...)
Do move on to a more mature, confident, secure man? Or persevere with my military man?
Q. I am 52 and have been seeing a military man on/off for a year and a half. He chases me, has me then disappears. When we are together the chemistry and connection is wonderful, but I get too close and he says he doesn't want a relation...
A. 12 November 2011: In a way you have been very lucky. He may be insecure and old fashioned about money, but at least he's a decent guy. Go around advertising that you are a rich generous lady seeking a companion for living it up - your treat- and you risk having all ... (read in full...)
Am I asking too much for handmade birthday cards from my grandsons?
Q. I have two sons, 32 and 30 years old and I have two grandchildren, one is 4 and other is 1 year old. It was my birthday today 11/11/11. Earlier this week I asked my sons to make, with my grandchildren, a birthday card for me with the date 11/11/11 ...
A. 12 November 2011: No you weren't asking for too much, and yet... I can put myself in your sons's shoes.
Maybe you don't quite remember how full and hectic the days of a working parent are. There aren't factually many hours to spend with your kids after work and ... (read in full...)
Are we dating? I don't know!
Q. I'm a sophomore in highschool. I currently have an unspoken thing with a senior. We are mutual friends of my neighbor's. Matt (neighbor) kind of prompted us. It was so obvious I liked Sid. I didn't know if he liked me or not. He dropped hints, but ...
A. 10 November 2011: I understand not wanting to advertise your relationship on billboards and being reserved ( not secretive ) about your romances.
The problem here is not that maybe he prefers not to tell your friends if you are dating, the problem is that is n... (read in full...)
Are we dating? I don't know!
Q. I'm a sophomore in highschool. I currently have an unspoken thing with a senior. We are mutual friends of my neighbor's. Matt (neighbor) kind of prompted us. It was so obvious I liked Sid. I didn't know if he liked me or not. He dropped hints, but ...
A. 7 November 2011: Maybe mine is a gloomy view of life,:) but I think it's wiser to assume that " I don't know " is a polite :No.
Why ? Because if you really want to do or have something, you do know it and it's definitely a yes, in fact a YESSSS!
Maybe he like... (read in full...)
| *indyCares's friends
These are mutual friends, so *indyCares has
added them and they have added *indyCares!
|
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png){kind=small}
