Like what
she writes?
... Add *indyCares to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
|
| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
|
How can I let my best friend go just because he doesn't love me as a girlfriend?
Q. I feel so frustrated I just need to rant. I have known a guy for five years and we have always been friends. We get on really well and stay in weekly (sometimes daily) contact. We socialise every few weeks because we live some distance apart a...
A. 31 October 2011: I agree with the anonymous reader. You need to be watchful, not paranoid, but prudent :). Let his actions talk, not his words, see if he keeps up with the contact and with seeing you regularly without the intimacy yet ( that he says he's ... (read in full...)
B/f isn't an Australian citizen, has run out of money, no studies, no job, is addicted to poker...and he wants to marry me!!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months but I've got a few problem... 1.His not an australian citizen. 2.He came here to study and almost finished his diploma until he ran out of money because he spent it on going out everyweekend. 3.no st...
A. 27 October 2011: Glad to hear that, my stomach feels better now :)
And it would feel even better if you'd increase the speed of your packing. Slowly ?... As you wish, but you KNOW the sooner you cut any ties with this loser , the better.
I am toasting... (read in full...)
B/f taking long time to answer texts, photo of girl on his phone, is he cheating?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend 9 months we both still live with our parents (he's 21 I'm 18) I love him and he says he loves me and most of the time I do believe him but recently he has been taking ages to answer texts for example he use to text me ...
A. 23 October 2011: Nice job if you can get it : being paid for texting your girlfriend :)
Maybe he stopped texting you from work because he was caught and his boss told him to keep his nose to the grindstone. And the girl on the phone screen, - I doubt he'd be so d... (read in full...)
Is everyone capable of finding love?
Q. Do you believe anyone and everyone is capable of finding love if they put in effort to do so? Thanks for answering :)...
A. 23 October 2011: Yes and not. I mean, yes , but we would have to define what putting in effort means.
Perhaps putting in effort is not signing up on countless dating sites or making the rounds at countless bars and clubs . In fact, often it feels that the more you ... (read in full...)
Do I have appendicitis?
Q. MOD NOTE: Poster, I am approving this, but PLEASE understand we are NOT doctors on here and NO ONE can make a diagnosis over the internet. You are just going to get general opinions. I think I might have appendicitis but I can't be too sure. On...
A. 22 October 2011: If you had had appendicitis by June 17th, by now it would have probably turned into peritonitis and you would be already dead ( unless somebody would have rushed you to the hospital in time ).
That does not mean that everything is Ok though, if y... (read in full...)
I had a falling out with my friend. Do I wish him a happy birthday?
Q. I've put off asking this for a very long time, wrote it all out and deleted it, as I thought it was stupid to ask. But I cant make a decision. I fell out with my male best friend a couple of months ago. For good reason, and have done my utmost to ...
A. 22 October 2011: I am with Caring Guy.
You say that you have done your best to keep him out of your life, and with good reason. If this is what you have decided to do ( keeping him out of your life ) then be consistent ! Sending a card gives a mixed, dece... (read in full...)
Why? I care so much for others. Yet I am the one being Cyber Bullied. Help me rise above this please?
Q. I finally thought I was okay, and didnt need to rely on strangers over the internet to help me through my life.. Guess I was wrong.. I havent been upset lately but now its all coming back. about a month ago, I went to a party and i regret it, but ...
A. 22 October 2011: Honey, don't worry, you did right. Sometimes you MUST be selfish, in the sense you have to put yourself first, and protect yourself, your life and your feelings . At 1 to 15, you should not even BE at a party where drinking is allowed, you should ... (read in full...)
I'm worried my husband is embarrassed of me!
Q. Okay, what do you think. My husband is pretty popular on social networking. A while back I posted my picture on my social sites that are linked to his (like twitter.) He quickly told me to take down all pictures of me because people would tak...
A. 22 October 2011: Unluckily, it makes a lot of sense.
I remember your previous post about the anal joke incidente. Your husband is the "streamer " right ?, the one who has a following of a few " fans " ?. It seems that his new found popularity- if so we want to c... (read in full...)
I don't want my father at my wedding. But he's said "i had better be invited".
Q. Im gettin married next year and while everything is perfect in the sence that im marrying the love of my life, I hav a huge problem concerning my father. Its a long story so i'll explain best i can my father suffers from a mental illness and also...
A. 22 October 2011: Don't invite him , and don't feel guilty for not inviting him. I don't think this is out of revenge, it's just out of common sense. Your wedding should not be attended to by ANY mentall ill violent alcoholist who could possibly cause a scene any ... (read in full...)
Girls: What did she mean? "We are too close for anything like that to happen."
Q. Hi there, i'd love a lovely lady to please translate this into male speak, "We are too close for anything like that to happen." Was in relation to a date. To me that seems like a perfect reason to try dating but apparently women don't think like...
A. 22 October 2011: It is a perfect reason to date, if there is also mutual chemistry and physical attraction. When there isn't , it's always more sensitive and diplomatic to say " we are too close, we would ruin our friendship " or something like that.... (read in full...)
Why didn't he want to continue?
Q. Please, please, I really need your help. I have so many mixed feelings now that writing this is hard. I had recently gave my bf my v-card. It was unexpected to him because I've planned it all to my self. We've dated for a year and up til now, all ...
A. 20 October 2011: OP,but, there's no pleasing you, uh ? :) He sent you a caring, affectionate message, why does it not sit well with you.
He saw blood, thought he had hurt you bad, and or caused you a lot of pain, and freaked out a little. Knowing inte... (read in full...)
B/f isn't an Australian citizen, has run out of money, no studies, no job, is addicted to poker...and he wants to marry me!!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months but I've got a few problem... 1.His not an australian citizen. 2.He came here to study and almost finished his diploma until he ran out of money because he spent it on going out everyweekend. 3.no st...
A. 20 October 2011: Op, this is a joke right ? A troll post.Please tell me it is.Please ? I am feeling sick to my stomach.
The tone of many of my posts is at times biting and scarcastic, so that may seem to belie my moniker CindyCares. But I DO care , part... (read in full...)
I lied to my friends to get out of going to a Halloween party
Q. My friends wanted me to go with them to this Halloween thing last week, but I'm really squeamish and scared easily so I didn't wanna go. I didn't wanna tell them though, so I lied and said I had something important to do that day. Now I know you...
A. 20 October 2011: Don't lie to protect your ideas and preferences. Ever. If you are the type that can't stand up for herself and yields to peer pressure, obviously you need to change that , but how can you change if you don't practice, if you are never challenged ? ... (read in full...)
Had my first kiss with a guy I like then I find out his ex is having his baby....what should I do?
Q. This guy in my college class has been flirting with me for the past few weeks. He's 26, I'm 20. His flirting hasn't been inappropriate just some "You look beautiful" kind of flirting. Yesterday I decided to go for it and we went to his house to ...
A. 20 October 2011: A sorry frenzy ?... Yeah. Rare chance, very very rare chance.
" I am sorry " in this context means, yes, I am going to be with her - or else , maybe: I am going to use her as an excuse to not have a relationship with you and not commit.
I ge... (read in full...)
My fiance slapped me. Should I dump him?
Q. im engaged and my weve been together for 3 Years. Yesterday we got in a argument and i told him something that pissed him off and he slapped me in the face twice. He has a bad temper but that was overboard.at the moment i told him that i was done ...
A. 20 October 2011: Yes, dump him with no regrets.
By slapping you he crossed the dangerous line of physical abuse and there's no going back.
... (read in full...)
Why didn't he want to continue?
Q. Please, please, I really need your help. I have so many mixed feelings now that writing this is hard. I had recently gave my bf my v-card. It was unexpected to him because I've planned it all to my self. We've dated for a year and up til now, all ...
A. 20 October 2011: You ARE thinking too much. He is young and unexperienced, even much savvier, older men basically don't know much about female anatomy and its "mysterious "workings, they always tend to underestimate or overestimate any physical female thing.
T... (read in full...)
What does this man want from me?
Q. I really need help in this... i have been writing about this problem for several months.. and this is an update on what really happened lately.. I am a dancer, and my dance instructor made many hints that i don't really understand.. he ...
A. 20 October 2011: Oh my oh my, what could this guy possibly want from you...
Mumble mumble mumble ... mysterious... LOL. Not really. Is it not blatantly evident ?? he is hitting on you, he wants to get into your pants. He wants to know that the coast is clear and ... (read in full...)
Will she ever give me what I want? And is what I want right?
Q. I have been dating my girlfriend for 5 months now and our relationship is in a really bad place. i am recently graduated from college and she is in her final year. we met over the summer and fell in love and now that she is back in school two hours ...
A. 20 October 2011: Broke up 3 times in 5 months and you want to make it work for good ? Good luck.
You are just incompatible . I personally am a very moderate drinker and I can't see where's the fun in getting plastered day in and day out , and at 21 too !, but,... (read in full...)
Do you ever get over a first love?
Q. Do women get over their first love that they had sex with for their first time, or even if it wasn't a first love that they had sex with the first time?nEven if it has been several years since it took place? I would like to hear views from the lady...
A. 20 October 2011: So ? Why couldn't it be the same for your wife ? She might have had other men before you... and you may be the first worth remembering. ... (read in full...)
How do I convince her that I'm worth it?
Q. I am currently trying to mend a relationship that ended because she freaks out at any sign of commitment. We still talk everyday and hang out, she said she doesn't want anything but then says she wants to try and that she really likes me. every time ...
A. 19 October 2011: At 16 , you haven't had the time yet to learn that you can't always get what you want :)
And sometimes it's good, what you want is not what you need.
Maybe you think love is all about drama and conflict and climbing mountains and killing ... (read in full...)
Is this a fair arrangement?
Q. Hi, I am a single mom, with one pre-school child. I live with my boyfriend. My question is about expenses. We split the rent 50/50, I buy all the groceries, and he pays all the car expenses(it is his car). He will not share any expenses regardin...
A. 19 October 2011: It's very hard to comment about other people's financial arrangements, money and how to handle it is a very individual issue, influenced by various different factors, values, expectations, circumstances, I don't think there is ever a one size ... (read in full...)
Can too much be a bad thing?
Q. Hello, So I'm over the "is my penis size to small or, how do i know if its the right size" I have a much more inportant matter at hand... So here is the story, I'v been with my new girlfriend for about a year not and we have been having sex(...
A. 19 October 2011: This is a problem with a very simple solution : don't push it all the way in. Control your pelvic thrusts !, btw pushing it all in may be psychologically satisfying ,I guess , but does not serve any practical purpose for the woman, the innerved, ... (read in full...)
Could this just be some twisted way of ending the relationship with me because I was a bad kisser?
Q. I have this guy in a college class of mine and he has been flirting with me a lot. Yesterday I finally told him he should ask me out. We went to his house and watched a movie, ended up kissing and cuddling during the entire film. So he walks me back ...
A. 19 October 2011: I don't think this has got anything with you being a "bad ",-i.e. unexperienced kisser. Kissing is not astrophysics, a few practice sessions and he could have taught you to kiss to perfection, -or you'd have got the hang of it on your own .
I... (read in full...)
Does it mean he cares if he refuses to make her the other woman?
Q. Is this a fair statement? If a married man has a female friend he is attracted to and she is attracted to him, does it mean he cares about her if he refuses to make her the other woman? Any opinions?...
A. 19 October 2011: Perhaps. But maybe it just means he cares about his wife and does not want to cheat on her. ... (read in full...)
Do you ever get over a first love?
Q. Do women get over their first love that they had sex with for their first time, or even if it wasn't a first love that they had sex with the first time?nEven if it has been several years since it took place? I would like to hear views from the lady...
A. 19 October 2011: Of course !
Pining after something that was over years and years ago, and belongs to a different stage of your life, is not " romantic ", is just sick.
Life moves forward, not backward.... (read in full...)
Commitment - Phob - a load of BS??
Q. I have been "seeing" this guy for about six months now. We sleep together regularly...we spend a lot of time together...alone and in groups - we share many mutual friends. We have never labeled what "We are" but we both acknowledge our care for one ...
A. 18 October 2011: Committment phobia is just another more elegant and more socially acceptable way to phrase what is , after all, an undeniable truth: no matter how good you are , any time,any day , around any street corner , there may be someone better than you. ... (read in full...)
Is he loosing interest or just not enough communication?
Q. question: i'm starting 2 feel my boyfriend doesn't care about me well first off we are long distant relationship so i feel we should communicate more to feel closer to each other well he got me mad cause he was lagging it and than when i called ...
A. 18 October 2011: Not enough communication ? What do you want, to sew him to your skirts ?
From what you say, in a week you either met or had longish conversations on the phone every day and when you did not, it was because you had either broken or turned off ... (read in full...)
Is getting him back a realistic aim? My bf went back to his wife, will he ever come back to me?
Q. I am 29, 5 months pregnant. My bf left me after I called him COWARD because he was too afraid to show his face to my parents and stand up for our baby. After a day, his sister told me that he's gone back to his wife. I am in so much pain right no...
A. 18 October 2011: No, unluckily you do not, and did not " know " he loved you , you just thought / hoped /assumed it. There only would have been one way to know it for sure, and that would have been if he had legally terminated his marriage to be with you. If had ... (read in full...)
How to win his heart back
Q. what do you do when he claims he doesn't like you anymore, but deep down you know he does...how do you win his heart back, or atleast get him to admit that he still has feelings for you, i've seen it in movies but movies lie :(...
A. 18 October 2011: Exactly, movies lie.
Be the star of your own movie : MOVE ON. You are only 16, you are so lucky just for that :think : you have in front of you years and years to meet countless other guys , - the possibilities are innumerable,- train your... (read in full...)
Is he just using me? Should I tell him I have feelings for him?
Q. I've recently become intimate with a boy who I've known for about 2 years. We've been out before but that was a year ago and it didn't work out. Now I'm single again after a relationship, he wants to become 'friends with benefits'. This is fine with ...
A. 18 October 2011: Well, yes, it makes sense that he is just using you for sex until he finds someone better- he may have not said it in so many words but it's implied in the arrangement itself.
If he insisted on FWB only, it means he does not see you as gf mate... (read in full...)
How should I go about asking my ex when is he going to start spending night at home again
Q. How should I go about asking my ex when is he going to start spending night at home again: Hello me and my ex are friends be broke up 2 months this Friday well week before last him and his daughter fell out he has been staying with me ever sin...
A. 18 October 2011: Just ask him already ! In fact, don't ask- tell him. tell him until what date you are Ok with the arrangement. " I can put you up till the end of this month, or, the end of next month or, whatever date , after which you need to leave, so if I were ... (read in full...)
How many men think sex isn't good unless a BJ in involved?
Q. How many of men consider that sex is not good without blowjob? Is intercourse alone not enough to satisfy a man? How many women would perform oral sex on a stable partner vs a casual sexual encounter?...
A. 18 October 2011: Of course men like intercourse also without BJs. It's like saying " men can't enjoy a nice dinner if there's no dessert". No,of course they enjoy anyway- just, if you add dessert is more complete and even more enjoyable.
... (read in full...)
How much did you regret not losing your virginity to your husband/wife?
Q. Did you regret not losing your virginity to the person you're married to? How much? I'm torn between waiting until marriage (for religious and mostly nonreligious reasons) and just going for it with whoever I feel like. But I don't want to one day ...
A. 18 October 2011: Then the terms of the question are slightly different and your doubt is not about saving yourself for marriage, it's : will I regret having let my first time happen during a casual,meaningless fling ? or maybe a one night stand ?
Then, well, ..ma... (read in full...)
Christmas stress....
Q. Hello! I'm worrying about Christmas.... I have been with my boyfriend for two years and have spend both Christmases away from each other, so we said last year we would spend xmas together in December 2011. We thought of some ways to be together l...
A. 17 October 2011: I think you already posted about the issue, and I'll stand by my advice: no ultimatums and no tantrums. Xmas is a family day, for renewing and celebrating bonds of closeness with your family members first, .. and all other friends after, if and ... (read in full...)
Can he get addicted to me?
Q. he cares too much for me which is becoming a bit alarming. he travels a lot due to the nature of his work but even if hes back home at 3 at night,he has to make sure i had mmy dinner and that i am healthy. when i had my miscarriage he took off...
A. 17 October 2011: Does he wake you up at 3 AM to know what you had fordinner ? ... No, I definitely would not be happy with that, LOL.
For the rest, he sounds just very ..protective . Nothing wrong with that , in fact it's nice, as long as he does not get REAL... (read in full...)
My mother doesn't think my boyfriend is good enough for me
Q. I'm sorry guys, this will be a long story but I really need your help :( I've been with my bf for almost 2 years. At first our relationship is just soo wonderful. We love each other so much and both of our parents encourage our relation...
A. 17 October 2011: Maybe it won't be that hard a life:) hey , I wish I had a bakery ! It may be hard work, weird hours... but, at least here, they make excellent money !
I get it, though, it's a typical middle class hang up. My mother is scandalized that my cous... (read in full...)
How much did you regret not losing your virginity to your husband/wife?
Q. Did you regret not losing your virginity to the person you're married to? How much? I'm torn between waiting until marriage (for religious and mostly nonreligious reasons) and just going for it with whoever I feel like. But I don't want to one day ...
A. 17 October 2011: I was 25 when I met my husband, and my family was not religious, so no, I never even considered the idea of "saving " myself for a future husband that after all I could meet or not meet, how do you even know when you are 16 or 18 that you are ... (read in full...)
Why am I feeling so broody all the time? Has anyone else been through this?
Q. I'm just wondering why I'm feeling this way and if anyone else has been through this? I'm in my late 20s and have been living with my boyfriend for the past few months. We've been together for six years and have what I believe is a solid relation...
A. 17 October 2011: No, personally I haven't ever felt like you, my not very strong maternal instinct was also supported by my environment, none of my friends had kids before 30 , we were all too busy with other stuff, and I think we spent our twenties more focused on ... (read in full...)
How can I let my best friend go just because he doesn't love me as a girlfriend?
Q. I feel so frustrated I just need to rant. I have known a guy for five years and we have always been friends. We get on really well and stay in weekly (sometimes daily) contact. We socialise every few weeks because we live some distance apart a...
A. 17 October 2011: I think you already suspect that the only sensible ,helpful solution in your predicament would be total no contact. Maybe not forever, but surely for a good while until your feelings have time to be redirected to another object of love and / or ... (read in full...)
I'm desperate for advice about my boyfriend and his priorities!
Q. This is going to be super long, but i really need some advice and i really appreciate any one who takes the time to read this and reply. I've had a boyfriend(C) for about three months now. he's my first serious boyfriend. He's been doing some ...
A. 17 October 2011: Yes andnot.
Meaning, no, of course you have plenty of reasons to be frustrated and to worry about your relationship, I'd say ALL you meantioned is a red flag , except the meeting Mom part ( after only 3 months of dating you'd not have nece... (read in full...)
One week? silence. why hasn't he called me, text me, or asked to hang out again since our make-out session ?
Q. Ok so I went on a group date with another X It started off as just hanging out and catching up but it ended as a date. Anyways.. I thought we hit it off realllly good. He was complimenting me all night, we were talking all night, and he pointed ...
A. 16 October 2011: The steak house theory. I have heard it years ago from a young male friend , I found it rather illuminating.
He said : suppose I go to a steakhouse. I am served a yummy , juicy steak, the service is courteous, the price is affordable. Ever... (read in full...)
Do you think it's normal not to be interested in sex at 16?
Q. My boyfriend and I am having a small conflict right now. Alright firstly I am asian and my boyfriend is American(Half English). We are both sixteen..At first I thought he was really a sweet and pure guy but these days he is acting differen...
A. 16 October 2011: It's normal. In fact, I get the feeling that many young girls are being rushed into sex when they aren't ready yet, just to conform to peer pressure, cultural expectations or .... ..horny boyfriends . At 16 you think about sex, yes, you are ... (read in full...)
Prom? To go? Or not to go?
Q. Hello everyone I'm just wondering if I should go for prom this year. It's my only prom. As much as I'm excited at the prospect the price is a big turn off. It's 90 bucks. Although it's not as if my family can't afford it I feel that prom shouldn't ...
A. 16 October 2011: If your family can afford it without having do to financial somersaults, do go. 90 bucks is a reasonable fee to pay for a once-in-a-lifetime occasion !... (read in full...)
| *indyCares's friends
These are mutual friends, so *indyCares has
added them and they have added *indyCares!
|
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png){kind=small}
