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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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In a FWB relationship should I be angry that he stood me up?
Q. I have been seeing a guy for quite a short time. It started out as a one night stand but we have been seeing each others again after that. It is clear it is nothing else than for sex, which is fine with me since I am recently single and not really ...
A. 31 December 2012: Eh Agneta... you see what happens when you don't listen to the Aunts ,lol .
Not to rub it in your face, but you could totally have seen this coming. Started as an ONS... continued but clearly it's about sex only... he starts being a jerk, and stan... (read in full...)
Why do guys always read into things too much?
Q. I have got some guy friends.I see most of them in a strict platonic way.I'm always friendly to them but NOT flirty.We talk,hang out and laugh together. However,when I start talking to them more often(especially if we're good friends/close fr...
A. 3 October 2012: Insensitive ? No. Maybe just inexperienced, or impulsive.
You did not know -but now you DO know and can act accordingly.
If somebody misinterpreting your attentions is not such a big deal ( it should not be, IMO ) and you can defuse the situatio... (read in full...)
My Boss is a farewell next week. We don't click socially and I am not part of her clique. Should I attend or not?
Q. My boss is leaving for 1 year next week.I dont work with her much but see her at shift change at times. We are similiar in age, but are VERY differerent, shes outgoing AND popular, esp amongst the 20 somethings at work. Im a quieter person, w...
A. 3 October 2012: I would not sweat it that much. This is a social , somewhat formal function, it's not a close buddies thing
where you'd look hypocritical showing up. If the polite thing is to attend and wish her well , then just be your normal polite self... (read in full...)
Why do guys always read into things too much?
Q. I have got some guy friends.I see most of them in a strict platonic way.I'm always friendly to them but NOT flirty.We talk,hang out and laugh together. However,when I start talking to them more often(especially if we're good friends/close fr...
A. 3 October 2012: " A lot of time and attention to your close male friends "...now, if we start a debate about how much is " a lot of attention " and how much is " too much attention ", and where one exactly draws the line at , I guess it would be pretty sterile ... (read in full...)
Interested in a guy in class, but I'm getting mixed signals from him.
Q. Hey everybody. So, I recently had a drunken hookup with a guy I met in one of my classes. Before this thing happened, I could tell by the way we interacted with each other, he was somewhat interested...which probably explains how we ended up...
A. 3 October 2012: Sorry OP, I agree with Sage.
He was " somewhat " interested , meaning that he was interested enough for the drunken hook up, and MAYBE for further drunken hook ups at other parties if nothing better comes up, (which is the reason why he has not ... (read in full...)
How can I get my girlfriend to show anger like a normal person?
Q. My girlfriend never gets mad. She just never gets impatient or annoyed or frazzled or frustrated. It's come to the point when I just want to instigate fights to get a reaction out of her. I push her, and push and push, but she nevers gets angry. W...
A. 3 October 2012: You can't make your gf angry, but, if this may be of any comfort to you, you have made ME angry. Just reading " how can I get her to break " makes my blood boil.
You are psychologically abusing, tormenting in fact, a nice,well mannered, emot... (read in full...)
My younger girlfriend suddenly left me and I cant get over it. What do I do?
Q. She is 27 and I am 44. We met at work and were together 5 years through good and tough times. Just as it seems everything is finally settling down, as we can finally move on together,she dumps me saying its not working, a week before she moves into ...
A. 3 October 2012: Did she ever say WHY she did not want anybody to know about you ?...... (read in full...)
Will I be taken seriously in a business professional environment or in interviews because of my less-than ultra-femme appearance?
Q. okay, this isn't actually a specific relationship question, so much as it's just a general question i really need advice about. it's something that is really stressing me a great deal. i am a 28-year-old college grad with great interpersonal re...
A. 3 October 2012: But I have never seen any woman in a position of authority dressed up ultrafemme / girlie girl! ( Which, then again, is probably a reverse discrimination, because one can be an excellent bank president, college dean, CEO ,etc.. also wearing ... (read in full...)
The school books I need cost more than my allowance
Q. Hey everyone, This is not a relationship question, I just want to know if this is right. Ok my dad passed away like 6 months ago, and I don't have no parents with me, I live with a guardian. I receive social security every month, i get $400 a mon...
A. 2 October 2012: @ anon female reader who is a nurse : please don't get me wrong, I am big on education too. In fact, I think that, after health, getting an education is probably the second most precious thing in life and most helpful and useful- and this ... (read in full...)
The school books I need cost more than my allowance
Q. Hey everyone, This is not a relationship question, I just want to know if this is right. Ok my dad passed away like 6 months ago, and I don't have no parents with me, I live with a guardian. I receive social security every month, i get $400 a mon...
A. 2 October 2012: Aunt Ciar and Aunt SVC, in theory I agree with you ( how one can not agree, the guardian gets money not to go do her nails but to support the minor she's got the custody of, food shelter clothing AND school supplies ).
but, in practice, how does... (read in full...)
What are recommended lubes people have used. And What works best for the painful morning after stomach aches and muscle cramps?
Q. I'm newly wed of 2 months now and so I've been exploring many new things lately as new couples do. I was wondering what the best lube is that feels warm and maybe adds to your sensitivity? One other question... What works best for the painful ...
A. 2 October 2012: Again ? What's with this lube craze on DC ? I wrote yesterday and I 'll repeat it today.Normally, you don't need lube for vaginal penetration. A vagina is self lubricating. If you are properly aroused, and have spent enough time in foreplay, ... (read in full...)
I messaged him on social media. I'm sure it's him, but he has not replied. Why would he ignore me?
Q. I'm just approaching 50,i've just seen a guy i knew over 32 years ago on a well known social networking site,i know its him,from the things he has said in a group on there,he's changed his surname though. I contacted him but he wont acknowle...
A. 2 October 2012: Well, ..why would he REPLY to you . 32 years !? what possibly can you talk about with someone you saw 32 years ago for the last time. Personally, if I have managed to stay 32 years without feeling the need to contact a certain person,... chances ... (read in full...)
Should I break up with b/f who swears he didn't put up a profile on a dating website? I know he did it!
Q. My friend and I were looking at plenty of fish dating site today because we were really bored in work I've never been on there but she said she knew loads of people on there with cringey photos and stuff they'd written about themselves. Well I came ...
A. 2 October 2012: I guess this won't have come all of a sudden out of the blue ,.... I you are always on again off again. When both people are compatible, and happy in their relationship, ..they stay ON.
On/ of " relationships" have no reason to exist, really, it's... (read in full...)
How do I handle this? He only comes around when he wants sex!
Q. I am a heavy set woman that is very attractive and has had no problems finding ppl. But this one guy that I have been with only calls or comes around when he wants sex. How can I know if hes ashamed of me? Ive asked him over and over is he ashamed ...
A. 1 October 2012: It may have nothing to do at all with your weight.
If he only comes around for sex, - then you are just fuck buddies, or FWBs, not dating or in a relationship.
So when people ask him are you together- he may be saying "no" because he does not... (read in full...)
Why is my married ex calling me on the phone?
Q. My ex, who is now married, is flirting with me on the phone. I'm a little baffled because he dumped me after many years of living together and then married very quickly. My question is: is he trying to get me back or does he just realize he's made a ...
A. 1 October 2012: What about maybe he's putting feelers out in case you'd be up for some casual quick NSA fun behind his wife's back ?...
Don't wonder why - curiosity killed the cat.
Don't let him flirt with you, and don't flirt back with him. He is married,... (read in full...)
Do good looking people stay single for longer because people are afraid to approach them?
Q. Is it true that good looking people will stay single for a longer time periods than 'average' looking people, because other people (who are more insecure) won't approach them thinking they won't stand a chance anyway? I read this in an article a ...
A. 1 October 2012: Uhm, no, I can't say I have noticed that. Maybe because, let's face it, physical beauty IS an ace up your sleeve, it gives you the advantage of numbers, of being approached by MORE people: for the one guy who wants to approach a pretty girl ... (read in full...)
A man 40 years younger than me wants to marry me?
Q. I'm a 62 yr old black female who has a 23 year old black military male who wants to get married. I'm very fit and attractive. We are very compatible, get along great. What should I do?...
A. 1 October 2012: As long as I want to believe that age is just a number , reality tends to prove me wrong and , particularly with a FORTY o years , i.e., frankly, humongous age difference , I think that in these cases a little prudence, in fact a little ... (read in full...)
I want to enjoy sex like my B/f does but I can't seem to because it hurts too much
Q. I want I know why sex still hurts for me. My first time with my boyfriend on June 8, it hurt a lot. On June 31st we did it again and it hurt a lot. On September 7th we did it again and it still hurt. Is there something wrong with me? I want to enjoy ...
A. 1 October 2012: " The only kind of foreply etc. etc.I get kind of turned on but not much. If that matters ". Girl, if that matters ?... That's ALL it matters ! If you are not aroused and lubricated enough, of course it's going to hurt . You obviously need to ... (read in full...)
Old fashioned b/f is not attached to his phone and is unreachable a good portion of the time!
Q. Hello, I am in a relationship with a wonderful man and everything is in fact quite great between us. We have good communication and I have no doubt in his love for me. Sometimes, however, he is really unreachable. He is a full-time p...
A. 1 October 2012: I am not quite sure about this, I hope other aunts will be more illuminating...
At first, I was tempted to say hooray for your bf.
I am old enough, alas, to remember when people did not have cell phones or Internet - because they did not exist. B... (read in full...)
I found a lot of disturbing things on his pc and I'm worried about my children
Q. Hello i really need help with this its killing me. Ive just moved my boyfriend in and he bought his pc wellni looked at it and found loads of lolicon on it. It was horrible and my head is so messed up, we have been friend years then i started dating ...
A. 1 October 2012: A pic of a WHAAAT on a man's private parts ?...
Good grief. Totally sickening.
A thought for you to chew on : are you sure , CAN you be sure that your BF has not been dating you, and moving in with you... precisely BECAUSE of your two you... (read in full...)
My professor almost slipped and called me cute?
Q. My professor called me, well almost let it slip out, that he thinks I'm cute? He was saying some positive things about me and the word cute almost slipped out. I have a crush on him but I'd never do anything with him, My mom says our prior behaviors ...
A. 1 October 2012: I think you should stop altogether flirting with your professors, when there are so many other guys that you can flirt with , without making them risk their job and reputation.
And I think that your professor is a fool. Professors are human, and ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend's behaviour normal?
Q. I just wanted opinions to see if my boyfriends behaviour is normal or not. so I left his house around 12 this morning to meet my best girlfriend for a coffee and I told him that i MIGHT go to a shop to look for bridesmaid shoes as my friend a...
A. 30 September 2012: 17 calls in two hours ? No. Definitely not normal.... (read in full...)
Ladies: Do you wear stockings underneath your clothing?
Q. Just a quick question to all those ladies out there. Does anyone actually ever wear stockings underneath their clothes (like on t.v and in movies) or do people just wear leggings? The reason I ask is because if true then... ;-). But anyone I've ever ...
A. 30 September 2012: Do you mean stockings like with a garter belt and all ?....
Naaah. Under trousers or jeans, and maybe with work boots or snow boots on in winter, that would be positively ridiculous.
With skirts, well, I suppose that if one is very fashion ... (read in full...)
If you won money, how much would you give your guardian?
Q. Hey everyone, This is not a relationship question, it's a "what if" question. Ok, let's say you are 17 years old and you've been living with somebody like a guardian since you were 16, you don't have any parents, and you pay the person $300 ever...
A. 30 September 2012: Heck no ! Why should I ? Would he ( or she ) give me half of 35000 if he won the lottery ? I don't think so.
Of course this is a very generic, "what if " question, in practice it would all depend from the type of relationship.
I suppose ... (read in full...)
G/f's ex FWB still contacts her
Q. Me my gf have been going out for more than a year now we are living together. I don't think of my self as being a jealous or a controlling Bf. Her ex fuck buddy would text her every now and then for a chat. I have never like him contacting her b...
A. 30 September 2012: You are not being unreasonable, you are using logic.
If these two used to be fuck buddies and spent their time together in sexual activities, that must have left little space for deep , meaningful exchanges about the meaning of life, or the mast... (read in full...)
Husband didn't introduce me to anyone at a party and I was left feeling very uncomfortable
Q. I feel very sad and disappointed at the moment because my husband and I went to a party where I knew almost anyone and he didn't introduce me to anyone. He says he doesn't like all these mannerly introductions, but I think that's common sense. I...
A. 30 September 2012: No, not everybody would react like you. The circumstances have nothing exceptional. That ìs what parties are about : mingling, schmoozing, socializing, meeting people. Unless it is a very formal occasion, with the mandatory " may I introduce you ... (read in full...)
Why can't I ever get a guy who cares about me?
Q. Ok so here I'm going to give a little back ground before I ask the question hopefully so you all somewhaht get a better idea of what is going on. In July, me and my ex broke up because I found out he was cheating. Well, I gave him another chance a...
A. 30 September 2012: Darling, you are 17, write us back again in 20 years then MAYBE it will be time to get worried and decide you are doing something wrong around men or you lack appeal or your love life has been cursed at birth by a wicked sorceress.
As of now,... (read in full...)
I'm not attracted to my boyfriend's lack of motivation
Q. I just graduated college with my bachelor's degree. I've been dating my boyfriend for 2.5 years. My boyfriend will be done with his bachelor's degree in December. We've had many conversations about the future, from where we wish to live to if we ...
A. 30 September 2012: You are a lucky minority, lots of people at your and your bf's age still have no clue about what they want to do or be in life.
Having a precise early call or vocation is a luck and a privilege, not a given, so I don't think you can blame him ... (read in full...)
In a FWB relationship should I be angry that he stood me up?
Q. I have been seeing a guy for quite a short time. It started out as a one night stand but we have been seeing each others again after that. It is clear it is nothing else than for sex, which is fine with me since I am recently single and not really ...
A. 30 September 2012: I understand what Cerberus says, and I agree that in practice FWB and respect generally do not mix that well, but I still agree instead with Ciar.
That's COMMON courtesy, and by common I mean common, i.e. usual and mandatory, not some spec... (read in full...)
Two online guys which one do I chose?
Q. I'm stuck in the middle of a dilemma. First a quick background thing about me: I have a penchant for getting into online relationships. I always get incredibly into them, but despite my feelings, I've never gotten a visit (more because of my circu...
A. 30 September 2012: Honestly ?...Honestly honestly ?...
I feel that you do not have a penchant for online "relationships ", you have a penchant for online fantasies. You have- most naturally-needs for attention, affection, validation and it's easier to pret... (read in full...)
I have an athletic body, but no boobs. Are my friends right about the comments, I'm now self conscious guys will be put off!!?
Q. I feel really self conscious about my body after the comments from people I live with at uni, now I think they're right that a guy wont like my body or maybe I should get surgery, or gain weight, anything to change myself. I'm not that tall, only ...
A. 29 September 2012: I think your so called friends are just very jealous of you.
That little space between your thighs - go Google the old pics of Sophia Loren when she was young . Or Ursula Andress. They had it too, and I think that nobody in his right mind woul... (read in full...)
Afraid that losing my virginity will hurt ...
Q. Ok so I'm terrified of losing my viginity. I'm in a relationship he's asked me to marry him but i know it won't last anyway i like this guy in school and i think he likes me back and i want to lose it to him. But im terrified of penetration. How bad ...
A. 29 September 2012: Some girls feel a lot of pain, some just a little, and some , nothing at all.
But that's not the point , the point is that if you are terrorized by the idea of penetration and feeling pain, you are SO ,so NOT ready. Once you are physically , emot... (read in full...)
I need a way of telling my boyfriend that I want exclusivity and a serious relationship without him feeling like he has to give up his freedom
Q. I have been seeing this guy for about 5 weeks and one week ago we had a talk about where our relationship was going. He said he "cant commit" until college finishes up in one or so months because everything is so busy etc. and asked me what I would ...
A. 28 September 2012: Ah but he WOULD have to give up his life as he knows it and like it now ( freedom etc. ) .
Until you two are casual, he can meet, court, go out with and eventually shag other girls without doing anything technically improper and without havi... (read in full...)
I'm not the bad one here am I?
Q. Hello, please help me! I'm in a relationship I can't get out of and depressing me so much I don't want this relationship anymore. Ill start from the beginning, me and my bf have been together nearly a year, weve known eachother from being little. He ...
A. 28 September 2012: OP ! You don't know what to do ?... Pardon me, I don't want to be rude , but... are you off your rocker ? Hallucinating on psychedelic drugs ?...
I remember well the whole saga with the barbecue girl and the vacation girl and how nothing is ever... (read in full...)
I cant orgasm from sex!
Q. okay, well i've been having sex for the past one and a half year but ive never had an orgasam from it ? i can make myself get that feeling but noone else can . is it me or is it them ?...
A. 28 September 2012: .. Probably it is you, but not in a negative way , as " it's your fault ". Simply, there are TONS of women who never ever come through penetration only . They only climax through oral or manual stimulation. There's nothing strange and nothing ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's family disapproves of our relationship and is forcing him to marry someone else
Q. This probably an unusual question. I am an English girl living in Spain, For the past 18 months I have been in a relationship with a Hindu man from Delhi. We had planned to marry in November, obviously completely against the wishes of his family. ...
A. 28 September 2012: I think you have been naive . Not that's impossible that there are Indian families so dispotical and overbearing, but , in practice, when there's a will there's a way. If his parents stole his passport, well, I can understand one does not want to ... (read in full...)
Should I feel upset that my penis can't bring my girlfriend to climax?
Q. I am currently in my first real relationship with a beautiful more sexually experienced women. we are in our 20's. I am having troubling thoughts about sex, which are kind of driving me nuts! Having lost my virginity to this girl I was hoping ...
A. 28 September 2012: Not really. Yours is a fallacy in terms of logic.
Assuming it's true that any stranger with hands could do to her with his hands what you do with yours - then also any stranger with a penis could do to her with his penis what you'd do with... (read in full...)
From his message, does it seem like he is interested in me?
Q. I am a bit confused here. First of all pardon me if this is going to be long, but I actually need another mind to think with me and tell me if I'm reading too much into this or not. I am a 33 yo divorced woman with a kid, and I have this male c...
A. 27 September 2012: I think too he likes you . I can't be absolutely sure, of course, but I get the feeling he does and I'll tell you why :
- because he is tryng to set up something that will give him the way to meet you regularly. RevisionS, plural, not an once... (read in full...)
The wedding is planned, I have even ordered my dress but I'm becoming more and more insecure in my relationship because of my boyfriend's actions
Q. Hi everyone, I really need some advice. I am 30 and engaged. We are supposed to be getting married mid next year. My fiancée and I have been together for nine years. However for the past year I have been feeling less and less secure in the relation...
A. 27 September 2012: They say that 3 clues make one evidence,... in this case you'd have ample proof that your fiance' is making a fool of you and probably bellylaughing at your expenses.
Why did he propose ? Are you kidding ? He gets the best of both worlds, the ... (read in full...)
Are looks over rated? Did I throw away a good man because of his looks?
Q. I've never really been in what you would call a proper relationship - i've been on dates but not too much else. I did however have a wonderful bestfriend several years ago, we were more than mere friends (never FWB) but i fought the progression ...
A. 27 September 2012: No, I don't think looks , or at least physical attraction- are overrated. They are overrated when women cling to a total loser , or anyway someone totally wrong for them, JUST because he's got such a pretty face or great body . But otherwise , ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to feel jealous that he flirts with other girls?
Q. I'm now talking to this guy who is a couple months younger than me. We aren't dating but I get really jealous when he flirts with other girls and he says it's just his personality. It really ticks me off knowing that he knows I like him and I get ...
A. 27 September 2012: He likes you, sure- but he likes other girls too. In other words, he likes you, but not enough to choose you as his one and only ( which, then again, at his age is hardly surprisisng ).
If you are jealous you are jealous , you feel what you feel... (read in full...)
I'm confused about our current status
Q. I've known a guy for about two years. He recently got divorced, the marriage was a very hostile and difficult one. He was married for 4 years. We were seeing each other for about 5 months, when he became distance, saying he needs to get his divor...
A. 27 September 2012: I think he is being pretty clear.
He is saying that he understands your frustration and your reactions, and he is not mad at you, or upset.
On the other hand, he does not want a girlfriend now ( or, he does not want you as a girlfrie... (read in full...)
I feel like he ought to have gone more out of his way for me
Q. Hey, I would like others point of view. My boyfriend lives about 90 mikes away and I see him most weekends. The other day I stayed over his and live about a 20 minute drive from his I currently don't have a car. It was really heavily raining an...
A. 27 September 2012: I got a bit confused about the logistics here, does he live 90 miles away from you or 20 minutes drive ? If it is 20 min. by car, how come it is 1.5 hours by train ?...
Never mind. Anyway, I think that yes, he
could have done better ,but you... (read in full...)
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