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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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My fiance said her ex was a better lover.
Q. Hello everyone, sorry for the long post,this is the first time asking a question, although I have been reading many posts here trying to come to terms with something that happened to me recently. I have just recently come back from Europe where I a...
A. 26 December 2012: Op, you are a lucky man .You love , you are loved back, and you have agreed to keep loving each other and living together the rest of your life trying your best to make each other happy. That's awesome and something you should be thankful for.
... (read in full...)
Why did my ex say she missed talking to me?
Q. Hi, everyone. I am baffled as to why an ex of mine has said that she missed talking to me. I honestly have no idea, as all I can say is, when she dumped me, she and I agreed to take quite a bit of time away from each other. We were both ok wit...
A. 16 November 2012: I don't think you should exactly "run ", that would be a rather quaint overreaction.
I think it would be enough if, in case she approaches you, you'd be coldly polite and cut it short. " Hi, good morning to you too- gotta go now ".
Snubbing... (read in full...)
Why did my ex say she missed talking to me?
Q. Hi, everyone. I am baffled as to why an ex of mine has said that she missed talking to me. I honestly have no idea, as all I can say is, when she dumped me, she and I agreed to take quite a bit of time away from each other. We were both ok wit...
A. 10 November 2012: I wouldn't think you have gotten her to any particular breaking point and I think she is and was exactly at the point where she wants to be : with her new bf, and the ex ( you ) available for when she needs a distraction or an ego boost.
If you ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to find others unattractive even if you find only one person attractive?
Q. I asked these kind of questions in many different ways but i could't get satisfying answers so i'm asking in an easier way to understand.believe me or not i only find my husband attractive and beautiful and my husband says he feels the same way. But ...
A. 8 November 2012: I confirm my previous answer:
Yes, I think it is possible that he only sees you as beautiful, and the other women either as normal/regular, or as unattractive.
Beauty, after all ,is in the eyes of the beholder, he is the one who aasigns beauty m... (read in full...)
I was my crush's first kiss but he says he doesn't even fancy me!
Q. First kisses are a big deal for everyone, right? I'm just wondering, my crush kissed me but did not fancy me, and I was his first kiss? Surely you wouldn't just kiss a random person you have no feelings for as your first kiss?...
A. 6 November 2012: Because he felt that it was time for him to have his first kissing experience, and you served him the opportunity on a silver platter, without him having to sweat it and , and romance a girl and do all that pursuing that young , unexperienced ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my wife's 22 year old niece that I want to be with her?
Q. For the past year or so I have dreampt of being with my wifes 22 yr old neice, Her and I spent a weekend together in July and the tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Ironically, I do believe it came from her too as when she was ...
A. 6 November 2012: Yeah I think Eyeswideopen is right.
Not that the Aunts sign any kind of ethical pact or anything before writing on DC; still my guess is that no, most of us will not feel like teaching you how to bone and get pregnnat your 22 y.o. niece behi... (read in full...)
Is all this normal... or am I being irrational?
Q. Dear cupid, my boyfriend and I have been together on and off, for nearly four years now. It has had it's good parts and it's bad parts like any relationship I guess but I feel like I have hit a wall in the relationship now. I am coming here because ...
A. 6 November 2012: Irrational ? If any, you have been irrational spending 4 years of your life with such a self absorbed serial cheater and control freak - that 's what NOT normal. Wanting a relationship based on mutual trust and mutual respect is normal, as it ... (read in full...)
I don't want to cheat on my boyfriend but I'm curious about a female friend
Q. I don’t want to cheat on my boyfriend. I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. But here is the problem: he is bisexual and has had girlfriends before who he has had sex with. I am not sure if I am bisexual but have never slept...
A. 6 November 2012: Your sexual orientation, IMO, does not change the substance of your problem , which is , you are in a committed relationship, but you are tempted to live out your erotic fantasies with other people.
This is really no different, to me, that if y... (read in full...)
Why draw a lady closer while kissing?
Q. why do guys draw ladies closer when kissing? is it to make it more intense....
A. 6 November 2012: I am not sure I understand your question. How can you kiss people ( a real kiss, not a quick peck on the cheek ) if you don't draw them closer ? Normally people won't stand up or sit at "kissing distance ", so you have to eliminate that physical ... (read in full...)
On again and off again relationship and now he says he loves me? What should I do?
Q. When I was 14 I fell in love with this guy. And he fell in love with me. Or so he claimed. We were always together and I felt so happy. But without warning, he just..disappeared. Ignored me, didnt respond to me and acted like he know nothing. But ...
A. 6 November 2012: Let go already ! How many more years you want to waste over somebody who only loves you on and off.. and more off than on ? ...
He "still " loves you ? Why, was he loving you before ? And how did he show his love to you, by showing up once in a... (read in full...)
Why does she always ditch me?
Q. I met this girl during the summer and we dated for a while, never official because she wasn't ready for a relationship. She liked me alot and she always told me, but I wasn't good at showing her how I felt because I was scared of getting hurt again. ...
A. 6 November 2012: No no, my friend. Avoid.
She is just not that into you. She likes to know that you are available, just in case, but that's what you are, a just in case.
" I am not ready for a relationship " is just shorthand for " I am not going to have a r... (read in full...)
My b/f left his wife to be with me, I'm pregnant and worried that he's not in for the long haul!
Q. hey all im just a little worried here. my boyfriend who is 48 and i got together about a year ago. we were working together and i just fell head over heels in love with him i met him in august and we moved in together after his wife threw him out ...
A. 6 November 2012: I am afraid that you can't be sure about that- neither we can. I find significant that he did not leave his wife to be with you, he just got found out and kicked out, so he did not have too much of a choice did he ?
I also find a bit strange what... (read in full...)
Can I ask to spend a day with him WITHOUT his family?
Q. Question about boyfriends family and how to split the time. My boyfriend is in the military, and got a leave to come home this weekend. I had not seen him in 3 months. He arrived Friday evening and left again Sunday evening, so not much time. I...
A. 5 November 2012: I too don't think you have too much leverage , but for a different reason.
.. Did you talk to your bf about this problem, and... what does he say ? does he actually see it as a problem, or does he think it is a problem just because you are maki... (read in full...)
He is a teenage dad, does drugs, repeating 10th grade and I don't get any bad vibes at all!
Q. Hello. I apologize in advance for this post being long. Please just bear with me, I really need some good answers. To start off, let me tell you a bit about myself. I am a fifteen year old girl and am in the tenth grade. In school i'm kind of shy ...
A. 5 November 2012: If you don't get any bad vibes, maybe your radar is temporarily off, or maybe you are way too lenient for your own good.
Apparently the positive about this guy is that he does not make stupid demeaning jokes about people, ok, kudoos to him for ... (read in full...)
Should I fight for our relationship, even though the feeling is gone?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for over 20 months now. We've gone through so much together, we have all these plans for a future together, and since hes my first boyfriend i've never had any experience with other guys. But im now 16 years old and I ...
A. 5 November 2012: I agree with Karlos 5021, maybe you should move on - not necessarily just to jump in another relationship at once..
I don't think you should " fight " for this current relationship, I mean, the way I see it, at 14-16 there is even no need or reas... (read in full...)
Dumped by Self-Conscious Boyfriend
Q. Hello, I was dating a wonderful, respectable man for about a month. I'm 23 and he's 30. We met on a dating site; he made contact first and was very interested in me. We exchanged lengthy messages on the site for a few weeks before meeting. ...
A. 5 November 2012: I would have to second all that Chigirl says , because it makes perfect sense. I would. Only, being the mistrustful b..h I am, I can't help notice he gave one more variation of the old " it's not you, it's me ", so to me what he says implies also ... (read in full...)
Already spent 1000 dollars to help the man I love to come to visit me and now he's asking me to take a big loan for him
Q. Hello to all, When I went to china recently for a training course, I met a guy. I thought that our relationship would be only brief but he told me that he wants me to know that it was not only about getting some fun for him but he has feelings...
A. 5 November 2012: You alreday posted about this on Nov. 2nd, we already told you it is a scam, it spells scam ,it yells scam. Two days later the situations has not changed, and I think in you heart you too already know that is he a scammer, and he'll stay around ... (read in full...)
My mother is destroying my relationship
Q. How do I stop my mother ruining my relationship? I am currently living at home with my mother and my boyfriend. The situation is probably not the best considering both me and my partner are in our early 30's but due to lack of money neither of...
A. 5 November 2012: Also if it was your mother's idea, it does not mean that it was a good idea to begin with.
Living together is difficult, even with the most beloved members of your own family. Add to the mix someone who is comparatively a stranger , and tons... (read in full...)
Puberty blues...
Q. I'm 14 and got my first signs of pubic hair today. I have a few long dark strands of hair (I'm naturally fine blonder hair colour) growing on my 'pubic region'. What I want to know is when will more come? How long must I wait for a growth spurt and ...
A. 5 November 2012: In approx. two years from when the first pubic hair show up you can expect constant and rather rapid development of your sexual organs -so around 16 you'll have a fair idea of what your penis size will be. After which, puberty in males does ... (read in full...)
Out of all my past gf's she's the one who loved me the least yet I find her the hardest to get over.
Q. Has anyone seen that movie '500 days of summer'? Well I think it best sums up my "relationship" with this girl. Its been over a year now since I've known her and I've been pursuing. But after I saw this movie for a 2nd time I just learned a lot. ...
A. 3 November 2012: I think you alreday gave yourself the best possible advice , in your own post : you say that the worst possible combination is that of a hopeless romantic looking for love with someone who just wants to be casual and have fun.
It is.
If yo... (read in full...)
The man I'm dating wants to borrow 20,000.00. How do I tell him no nicely?
Q. Hello, The man with whom I'm in love has been offered a contract worth $ 270 000. He is so thrilled about this new opportunity. However, to be able to execute the contract, he has to show proof that he has $50 000 in his bank account. He only hav...
A. 3 November 2012: That's a scam, and an old one as for that. " Un unknown benefactor has left you 100.000 USD, but to get it, first you have to pay 10.000 in legal fees ". " The government of Bananaland,because of some whacko laws of theirs, is offering productive ... (read in full...)
I broke things off because he is confused about his ex. He still wants to be friends?
Q. I've been dating a guy for a month now, I already knew he had recently broke up, but he assured me he didn't want to get back with her. He introduced me to his friends, took photos off my Facebook showed everyone(he didn't tell me till after) s...
A. 3 November 2012: That it is totally superfluous for you to be friend with him, I bet you've got plenty of friends. You wanted him in his role and quality of exclusive boyfriend, not as " a friend " to begin with. Not that you have to be mean and rude on purpose if ... (read in full...)
What do I do about a B/f who is extremely physically abusive?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend four years now and all we do is fight. He get bad temper and beat me up. We have a child together and hit me in front of her. He has pushed me down the stairs slapped and punched me and kicked me on the side while i am ...
A. 3 November 2012: You need to leave. Like, today, in fact, yesterday. If you care a bit about yourself and most of all about your daughter. You don't mention him hitting the child - YET. But you never know, and , seen the type of guy and his drugs use, better safe ... (read in full...)
Why did my ex say she missed talking to me?
Q. Hi, everyone. I am baffled as to why an ex of mine has said that she missed talking to me. I honestly have no idea, as all I can say is, when she dumped me, she and I agreed to take quite a bit of time away from each other. We were both ok wit...
A. 3 November 2012: People don't stay mad forever...a heated confrontation, in a moment when emotions are out of control, does not mean lifelong hatred....
Anyway, you don't need to have any heated confrontation :) or no confrontation at all , either with her or with... (read in full...)
Can anyone shed any light on the "husband as head of household" concept?
Q. Can anyone give me some perspective on the husband as the "head of the household"? My fiance comes from a religious background and says this is important.I would like to understand what it is goig to mean in terms of how things will be different ...
A. 2 November 2012: Sigh.
Eph. 5.22 " wives submit yourselves unto your husband , as unto the Lord ", Eph. 5.23 " Husband is head of the wife ".
I guess that your bf is from a religion that takes the Bible quite literally. Does he also think that God made women fr... (read in full...)
Is doing this OK? You are upset about something in your relationship, so you do the same thing back to them, to teach them a lesson?
Q. Hello:) Thankyou in advance for any advice! I am just wondering, say you are upset about something in your relationship, is doing the same thing back to them (to teach them a lesson) okay? On one respect I'd say no it's childish, howeve...
A. 2 November 2012: I agree, two wrongs don't make a right , and it could create more distance.
If he is not bothered at all by your revenge, he'll think of you as even sillier. If he is bothered or hurt , his first instinctive reaction will not be to thin... (read in full...)
What can I do to turn things around? My hot taller older cousin gets the girls. I get zilch. I'ts making me jealous of him
Q. I am intensely jealous of my older cousin. He is very tall about 6'2 and is called handsome by so many girls who meet him. He has hooked up with many girls. I am only 5'8 and i am not anything special. We both have steady futures so I cant use that...
A. 2 November 2012: I guess I should give you a nice pep talk about gaining self confidence and cultivating self esteem and beauty is only skeen deep etc.etc, but I'll skip it in favour of a more practical advice .
why do you have to always go around with the hunk... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend is being sarcastic to control me!
Q. My boyfriend is on the whole very loving and caring. He cooks lovely meals, always tells me I'm gorgeous etc etc and says I'm the love of his life BUT...he's sometimes sarcastic and I HATE it. He thinks he's being funny but it always seems like he's ...
A. 2 November 2012: Yes, you don't " speak " sarcasm, so inevitably you see it as something mean, aggressive and disrespectful.
I think that , in fact, often sarcasm is a very good way to keep things light and to express displeasure , surprise or disapproval in a less... (read in full...)
My irresponsible 17 year old sister wants to get pregnant again just because I am! Should I advise her, talk to our family or just let her make her own mistakes?
Q. Two years ago my 15 year old sister became pregnant with her daughter. Things really did not go well at first, she had trouble dealing with a newborn and was reluctant to give up her social life leaving my mother and myself no choise but to step in ...
A. 2 November 2012: I agree with Jonas, unluckily the mistake has alreday been done when you and your mother generously stepped in with the first baby. If you had flatly refused to even change one single diaper or babysit one single night... she might have been ... (read in full...)
Why did my ex say she missed talking to me?
Q. Hi, everyone. I am baffled as to why an ex of mine has said that she missed talking to me. I honestly have no idea, as all I can say is, when she dumped me, she and I agreed to take quite a bit of time away from each other. We were both ok wit...
A. 2 November 2012: Your update introduces another " maybe "- maybe she is a liar, and does not mean what she says. She says it just to look good , because it's the PC thing to say, , or to make herself feel good and get read of any sense of guilt for having treated ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to find others unattractive even if you find only one person attractive?
Q. I asked these kind of questions in many different ways but i could't get satisfying answers so i'm asking in an easier way to understand.believe me or not i only find my husband attractive and beautiful and my husband says he feels the same way. But ...
A. 2 November 2012: I think your husband may mean what I mean, only he says it in different words...
I guess it's like this ....
he can see that lookwise there are above average people, average people and below average people.
You : average or above averag... (read in full...)
Am I being selfish? Three week baby sitting assignment I do not want. Help me rebut their fallacious arguments
Q. I am single and I like babysitting my nephews and nieces from time to time. But now I think my family are asking too much of me. I live alone and I work full time. Just because I am not married and don't have children does not mean I don't want chi...
A. 2 November 2012: Just say no, and waste only the minimal amount of breath in explanations or justifications. Even a professional babysitter is entitled to choose if she wants to accept an assignement ( and I don't know ANY who would accept the huge responsibility of ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my husband's brother that I love him too and about the fantasy of a threesome with him and my husband?
Q. My brother in law has called me and texted me and told me in person he loves me and is attracted to me. I haven't replied to his remarks out of respect to my husband. I just ignored it when he said it. I know he was intoxicated/high so I didn't ...
A. 1 November 2012: Cerberus said it more colourfully, but yes, basically I think the same, you are bringing the concept of brotherly love to a whole new high ( or low ).
I think you should leave this fantasy as a fantasy - I suppose it's not your fault if your fant... (read in full...)
Why did my ex say she missed talking to me?
Q. Hi, everyone. I am baffled as to why an ex of mine has said that she missed talking to me. I honestly have no idea, as all I can say is, when she dumped me, she and I agreed to take quite a bit of time away from each other. We were both ok wit...
A. 1 November 2012: Couldn't she be simply telling the truth...? she missed talking to you- AND she does not want you as a boyfriend .
Why, do you only talk to your SO ?...
Maybe you are a great conversationalist , or you have a great sense of humour, or you a... (read in full...)
Does Amy like me?
Q. i been studying with this girl since september, lets call her amy, we have most classes the same. we talk get along, and spend some breaks together jus chatting. i have become busy and not being able to see her much. i got invited to go out with her ...
A. 1 November 2012: I think she does... but make your move anyway, even if I am wrong, what have you got to lose ? it's not one of those " we met in kindergarten and I am afraid that it may ruin our long friendship" kind of thing , you met her two months ago. And ( ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to find others unattractive even if you find only one person attractive?
Q. I asked these kind of questions in many different ways but i could't get satisfying answers so i'm asking in an easier way to understand.believe me or not i only find my husband attractive and beautiful and my husband says he feels the same way. But ...
A. 1 November 2012: Pardon me, but if there 's something that does not make much sense ,... IMO is what you say,- your husband is the " normal" one.
Ok, suppose whe have a guy who is very much in love with his wife , and thinks she is the most physically attr... (read in full...)
Boyfriend can't last more than a few minutes during sex. Is that normal at his age?
Q. My boyfriend recently told me that when he has sex with me, he's good for a couple minutes but then he has to start thinking about something else otherwise he will cum too soon. He said that it sucks that he can't be in the moment because he has to ...
A. 1 November 2012: Yes,he's fast. Apparently, according, for instance, to a Sexual Wellbeing Global Survey by Durex, the averege time of intercourse - not including foreplay, so strictly penetration only- is around 7 minutes ).
At his age that should not be a big ... (read in full...)
If your 15 year old daughter had a boyfriend, how would you react?
Q. Okay, so i am 15, and i want to tell my mom about my boyfriend. If your daughter came to you and told you this, how would you react? How would you want to be told?...
A. 31 October 2012: Relax. The attention is annoying - then again it was a side effect that both you and many posters had expected - but now do not blow it out of any reasonable proportion. Why is so terrible and torturous ... that your mom takes a deep interest ... (read in full...)
What is your feelings on someone getting drunk and making out with another person?
Q. Hey guys and girls, about three weeks ago I started dating this girl named lets say Cindy. We spent a lot of time together just watching movies, having sex, talking, and really liking each other. Cindy even bought me a Star Wars t-shirt when s...
A. 31 October 2012: I don't buy either that being drunk is a valid esxcuse for cheating. It's not that when people are drunk they change personality, morals,and values- same like when people are drunk they ( generally, at least ! ) don't go around robbing banks or ... (read in full...)
Could my boyfriend be watching porn because he's depressed?
Q. My partner watches porn and says he does it because he feels depressed. So, to the men... Is this just an excuse or could he be telling the truth? Also, how could looking at pictures of naked women help him to feel better without masturbating...
A. 31 October 2012: Of course he is masturbating over porn !, what else would he be watching it for?
Well, as an art lover , I must say that the vision of beautiful imagery CAN have an uplifting, mood enhancing effect. But if that was what he's looking for, he'd... (read in full...)
Boyfriend often visits Facebook of a sexy bikini girl as an entertainment. Is it okay for a serious relationship with me?
Q. Hi everyone. The matter I'm going to talk about is: Faithfulness! (oh yeah old issue) *** Brief of the matter: I've just found out he often visits Facebook page of a sexy party clubbing young girl; and sometimes leaves comments, link of song, fl...
A. 31 October 2012: Ehm, not to be finicky, but, one year since last October , minus 6 months of total no contact, makes only 6 months of "relationship ", doesn't it ?....
And when I say , " you may find he's not whom you think ", I did not mean that he might be a... (read in full...)
Dating for 2.5 years turning into a FWB relationship?
Q. Hi Agony Aunts, I've posted a few questions here as of late (some anonymous), My (now ex) girlfriend broke up with me just under 2 weeks ago saying that we are now on different levels in our lives but that she still loves me - but not sure if she'...
A. 31 October 2012: More red flags than at a Communist party rally on May First.
I think you are being gently taken for a ride. Not maliciously and non hatefully, but still a ride.
She does not want to date you because she does not want to date YOU- not because ... (read in full...)
My fiance said her ex was a better lover.
Q. Hello everyone, sorry for the long post,this is the first time asking a question, although I have been reading many posts here trying to come to terms with something that happened to me recently. I have just recently come back from Europe where I a...
A. 31 October 2012: I'll admit right away that I am one of those women that CAN'T feel your pain and would tell you to " just get over it ". But I'll try to explain why.
It always blows me over the privileged, intense, intimate relationship that men have ... with... (read in full...)
Husband is away. I'm feeling horny. Should I give in and be unfaithful while my husband is away?
Q. Am a girl of 26 married with two kids. My husband traveled out of the country a year and 5 months now I don't know when he will be coming back. The problem is that am feeling lonely and horny, many guys do comes around to have sex with me, wh...
A. 31 October 2012: I don't know where this lady's husband went and to do what, so mine is just a wild guess, but I have an idea about what the situation could be.
We have many immigrants from Ghana here ( and in other European countries too ).
Most of them cam... (read in full...)
Boyfriend often visits Facebook of a sexy bikini girl as an entertainment. Is it okay for a serious relationship with me?
Q. Hi everyone. The matter I'm going to talk about is: Faithfulness! (oh yeah old issue) *** Brief of the matter: I've just found out he often visits Facebook page of a sexy party clubbing young girl; and sometimes leaves comments, link of song, fl...
A. 31 October 2012: Sorry but my reply too can't be very encouraging.
First, you don't have a relationship so far, you have an on line fantasy. You just have been e-mailing each other for 6 months. You haven't met yet, you have no idea if there will be chem... (read in full...)
If your 15 year old daughter had a boyfriend, how would you react?
Q. Okay, so i am 15, and i want to tell my mom about my boyfriend. If your daughter came to you and told you this, how would you react? How would you want to be told?...
A. 30 October 2012: OP, good for you being so crystal- clear about you want to handle your sex life, but a ) how were we supposed to know ? Stay a bit on DC, read a few hundreds of " 16 and pregnant " posts, and see if we are making a big fuss about nothing .
b... (read in full...)
If your 15 year old daughter had a boyfriend, how would you react?
Q. Okay, so i am 15, and i want to tell my mom about my boyfriend. If your daughter came to you and told you this, how would you react? How would you want to be told?...
A. 30 October 2012: I think you are being very hard with your parents :). Parents are just human beings, with their quirks and foibles and sensitivities. You want, probably demand, that they'd be accepting of yours, so why don't you try to put yourself in their shoes ... (read in full...)
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