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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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He broke up with me after 5 years, so now we are roomies.
Q. ** This is a very long, detailed story** Less than a week ago, my boyfriend of 5 years ended our relationship. We had a good relationship and seldom argued. We enjoy most of the same things and overall we get along great. Saturday, we w...
A. 30 June 2012: First of all, yes, you can definitely miss the things you don't want any more. You miss the comfort, the easyness, the habits, the security. You miss knowing you've got someone who's got your back ( even if now you don't want specifically THAT ... (read in full...)
Why do guys get mad when we girls have sex with other men?
Q. why do guys gets upset if we sleep with other men , even though we aren't in dating period. My guy friend get paranoid if by mistake or any chance I sleep with another guy . We both love each other a lot but we have no future together....
A. 30 June 2012: Then, you both know... this is not going to happen and he is right in chosing to only stay friends. The problem is that you are NOT just friends , you have got feelings for each other. You say that you are happy with what you have until he ( or ... (read in full...)
She goes weeks without touching me but promises me we'll have plenty of sex once married
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for a 1.5 years and we are compatible in almost every way. Both of us are in our early 30's. My sex drive is still very high and I always want some no matter how tired or overworked I am. I am agnostic and she...
A. 29 June 2012: She is a very dedicated Christian ?... apparently not as much as you think, if she " touches " you and does " foreplay " , albeit not often. She is not supposed to- she is supposed to save EVERYTHING for after married. Not just her hymen. Now, ... (read in full...)
Why do guys get mad when we girls have sex with other men?
Q. why do guys gets upset if we sleep with other men , even though we aren't in dating period. My guy friend get paranoid if by mistake or any chance I sleep with another guy . We both love each other a lot but we have no future together....
A. 29 June 2012: I think that if you do not to date just because you have no future together ( which , you being from India, I assume it means you are from different religions, or castes, your families won't let you marry and / or will arrange your marriages to ... (read in full...)
I want a boyfriend but don't want to do something drastic!
Q. I am a sixteen year old girl who hasn't really ever had a boyfriend. My mother says I'm too young to be worrying about that, but I do really want a long-term, caring, /attractive/ boyfriend. Probably too much to ask, I'm sure. My main problem is ...
A. 29 June 2012: You don't need to do anything super drastic unless you are morbidly obese rather than just overweight, or totally disfigured by acne rather than having a bit of an issue with it.
And both conditions, you have to tackle them anyway, norm... (read in full...)
What do I do about being stood up by my best friend?
Q. my best friend is a guy and we have been best friends for a year. we are really close but purely platonic. thing is that he's been coming round to mine a fair bit recently to chill out and we have a lot of fun. he was supposed to come round today ...
A. 29 June 2012: I've got the feeling you've posted before quite a bit about this same guy, so , first , of all, do not delude yourself, this is not platonic, at least from your side. you've got a crush, that's why you are so sensitive to what he does and so in ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is too sensitive, and I'm tired of being so cautious around him !
Q. This is a very weird question...and I've been trying to write this properly since ages but I just can't seem to find the right words. So please bear with me! My boyfriend lives abroad and works in shifts. He can only call me when he's on a break,...
A. 29 June 2012: Let me assure you, that I read your question very carefully, and it was not that long anyway :).
Maybe I am generationally biased, I have trouble counting texts, and to some extent e-mails, as intimate, meaningful , satisfying comm... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is too sensitive, and I'm tired of being so cautious around him !
Q. This is a very weird question...and I've been trying to write this properly since ages but I just can't seem to find the right words. So please bear with me! My boyfriend lives abroad and works in shifts. He can only call me when he's on a break,...
A. 28 June 2012: No, you may just not be that suited to each other. Maybe he does not like that casual , "best buddy " vibes that you enjoy. Maybe he's got tons of casual , comfortable best buddies , what he misses is a girlfriend in love that will be eager and ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend treats her grown children with "kid gloves" but stomps all over me!
Q. I have been in a great relationship with a lovely and wonderful woman for 2 years. We love each other very much, have just bought a house together and are engaged and plan to be married next year. Here is our problem. She has three adult ...
A. 28 June 2012: Why are you so in competition with her kids ? It even sounds like some sort of sibling rivalry :) but they are not your siblings, they are her children, and , for you, simply two young men ad a young woman, that you can, and have to, deal with ... (read in full...)
Guilty of leaving my wife and son for my mistress! What should I do?
Q. This is a tough one. I been separated from my wife of 10 years for 9 months now. We have a loving 2 year old boy. The reason for the separation is because I fell in love with my mistress. I been living with her now and we now have a relationship ...
A. 28 June 2012: Uhm.. all this guilt trip.. I don't know if I buy it. I think in part you feel guilty, in part you simply discovered that at the end of the day the grass was not that much greener on the other side of the fence.
I bet that the love or your life... (read in full...)
When love isn't enough.
Q. So here's the thing, I've been dating my boyfriend off and on now for two years. I don't know if it's fate or what but we seem to always find out ways back to each other. However, over the past few months I've been feeling like I'm completely ...
A. 28 June 2012: Oh no, you know exactly what to think, because you are actually thinking it, only you would prefer not to be thinking it :
that he's a liar, a drifter, a manipulator and a moocher who keeps you around because you are so convenient and such... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is below average, so - does size really matter?
Q. Here's the deal. My boyfriend (whom I love very much and plan on spending my life with) is on the small size. And by small size...I mean a good deal below average (both in length and girth). And I realize that this probably shouldn't bother me, but ...
A. 28 June 2012: Size does not matter, or better it only matters if it matters to YOU. If you feel you just can't do without a larger penis to enjoy intercourse,... alas, tastes are tastes.
But, technically speaking, as long as is not a micropenis ( below app... (read in full...)
Is it ok to only want sex?
Q. Is it ok to only want sex? I mean I see that women are often irritated because the new guy they just met only seems to be interested in sex. What's wrong with that? ...
A. 28 June 2012: Supposing that the theory of anon male of June 28th is correct, I don't see what it proves, or disproves.
Probably , just that generally men are willing to go way below their standards for the sake of a "whatever" fuck, as lackluster as it may ... (read in full...)
The way he asked for money made me feel like an outsider, like an cash machine
Q. Hi everyone. I hope you can help me get some perspective. My boyfriend of 2 years asked me to lend him some money,just to get him through the week til payday. I helped him out, and he told me afterwards it was because he had to pay an unexpected ...
A. 28 June 2012: Yes, he could / should have told you. I think he did not tell you on purpose, not to risk being refused. His child 's party, albeit very important for any doting dad, is still a party, something voluptuary , optional, that can be skipped ... (read in full...)
I feel really upset that he keeps demanding things from me that I cannot afford!
Q. Dear all, A few months ago I found out my boyfriend had been naked webcamming for hours with other girls and sending pictures of himself to them. There were also very explicit photos of naked girls on his computer from these conversations in a sec...
A. 28 June 2012: Sorry, I see it slightly differently from the other posters. Yes, your bf is a scumbag, a weasel, and a pig - the punishment for his bad behaviour is DUMPING him, not damaging his personal belongings.
Yes, he probably does not care so much abou... (read in full...)
How do I stop the random arguements?
Q. Hi everyone. Im 17 and seem to run into the same guy at most partys or gatherings i go to. We've never really got on but recently we are really sarcastic towards each other, almost to the point of being rude? I've always said how much i dislike t...
A. 27 June 2012: I think he is slighty flirty - in fact, more than just slightly , but maybe he does not even know.
That's typical romantic comedy material :) The whole I hate you / I love you , I want to strangle you / I want to kiss you dynamics. Too bad that... (read in full...)
Is it ok to only want sex?
Q. Is it ok to only want sex? I mean I see that women are often irritated because the new guy they just met only seems to be interested in sex. What's wrong with that? ...
A. 27 June 2012: Because it basically means that you don't like me , and you are arrogant enough to tell me that in my face AND expect me I'd be ok, or maybe even all excited, about it.
It means that I am decent looking enough for you to be able to have an erec... (read in full...)
Asian men and White women.......
Q. Well as an Asian i have got a very important question to all the white girls and I am pretty sure other Asian men need the answer.So here's my question do white women like Asian men? and if the answer is yes please let me know the things that mak...
A. 26 June 2012: "Asian man " is a really too wide and generic definition. ( Even without considering the individual differences among them. An Asian can have a certain personality, and another , an all different personality ). An Indian is Asian. So is a ... (read in full...)
Still searching for answers....why is my wife like this now we have moved to Australia?
Q. I have never met this kind of person in my life. Neither have any of my friends and family. In China, my wife wasn't as abusive as she has become here. A brief history of me: I left Australia to be with her for two years over there and we wen...
A. 26 June 2012: I remember quite well the reams of questions of the past 2 years, not word ny word, but the gist of it, but I wonder if you really do. She has always been abusive , at least from what you told us. Maybe in China she yelled less ( but it would ... (read in full...)
I want to end this with him walking away calmly
Q. how do i end a relationship with my boyfriend who last time got angry and said im stupid to give him up. he does control me and get jealous and i want out of this relationship without him getting angry or sending angry texts etc. how do i keep him ...
A. 26 June 2012: If he always put you down and he controls you etc.etc., what do you care about how he feels, good or bad ? just care about walking away, and fast.
If though your concern is that if you dump him in person he may make a scene, and become viol... (read in full...)
My mom breastfeeds my brother in public and I hate it!
Q. I hate it when my mom breastfeeds my baby brother in public. What should I do? She has done it several times. Why the hell would she wanna do it in public? She's crazy. It embarrasses the hell out of me. It's also disgusting. Is there a way I ca...
A. 26 June 2012: Funny how everybody loves boobs and everybody loves babies and as soon as you put the first next to the second everybody goes : " Eeew, yuck, gross " :).
Relax, it's not such a big deal.
In my country , breastfeeding in public is less commmon ... (read in full...)
Want to date but want freedom too
Q. I have a question that I feel is slightly odd tbh. I seem to have a bit of a fear of commitment, in the respect that when I'm in a relationship, I obviously won't have the freedom of a single man... It's not like I have a huge amount of fem...
A. 26 June 2012: If you feel this way, you aren't ready to date, or you haven't met yet anybody that you really like.
Dating ( or even marriage ) it's not a prison, you don't really loose any freedom, at least any freedom you'd care keeping. At times you have... (read in full...)
My ex now likes men and it's killing me inside!
Q. I am a woman and I was engaged to another woman for 2 years. She left me about 4 months ago for reasons that she won't even tell me. My best guess is that she had a break down. But she really won't say. We share our dog and trade her every other ...
A. 26 June 2012: Well, would it feel any better if you had to think of her making love to another woman ? I really don't think so, in fact probably you'd take it worse. At least as it is now you can choose to see it as nothing personal against you- maybe she found ... (read in full...)
16 and no girlfriend
Q. I am 16 and still I have never had a girlfriend because I think it`s not love or anything it`s just interest but nowadays i see a lot of boys having a relationship with girls so all these questions just pop up like Dude you're 16 and still you don`t ...
A. 26 June 2012: Are you really from Egypt and are you talking about Egyptian girls ?... In this case I am surprised, I know that customs have changed and are always evolving and getting more and more Westernized,( at least they were until the recent elections, ... (read in full...)
How should I handle my insecure and jealous boyfriend?
Q. Here is a background of me and my boyfriend. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-am-not-a-talker-but-my-ldr.html My boyfriend has a few times said to me that because I am quiet on the phone, he thinks I am distant, and that I must be talking w...
A. 26 June 2012: I agree, such a level of insecurity and mistrust as shown by your bf is immature, unacceptable, suffocating, and.. a bit dumb, too:). What does it mean "you are a home person ", maybe you are , but your child is not ! . You may be a total ... (read in full...)
My Mother seems obsessed about trying to break up my brother's relationship with his Gf. What can I do?
Q. ok my question is in regards to my brother and my mom. My brother A has always been a mamas boy and she has ALWAYS been obsessed with him and in his business. A is the dream kid, has always just let her be her over bearing self and smiled and s...
A. 26 June 2012: I agree with Tisha. You are a caring, affectionate sister but I think that a) you are worryng too much b) there's a fine line between being caring and being controlling and you are dangerously close to cross it ( maybe it runs in the familY ... (read in full...)
Marriage makes sense because of my military situation, but my parents won't approve
Q. Me and my girlfriend have a somewhat unique problem. We have been going out for roughly 8 months now, and dated a few years ago for about a month. We were good friends in between those years. I am in the military and we have been dealing with the ...
A. 25 June 2012: I bet they disapprove.It sounds like rash behaviour getting married at 18-21, after dating a girl for just 8 months ( ok , 9 with the month of years ago ) most of which spent LDR. ( Of course she is loving and caring now when you come on leave, ... (read in full...)
Is he really serious about a future together?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for four years, I'm 24 and he's 26. A couple of years ago I told him I'd like for us to live together, but he said he wasn't ready yet and he'd reconsider the following year. That came and went, and there was no ...
A. 25 June 2012: Yes, all you mention may play a part in his reluctance, and I must say it sort of makes sense . I mean, look at it through his eyes : he is accostumed to a lavish lyfestile and he'll have to become more frugal and careful- more so if you don't ... (read in full...)
I know the relationship is over, but not knowing what I did wrong is killing me!
Q. I m a gay guy in Toronto, who is still quite discreet in my relationships. I m not totally out. Sometime in February, a guy contacted me and we met at a coffee shop for our first meeting. We chatted for a long time and then decided to meet ...
A. 25 June 2012: I admit that the idea of a guy, gay or hetero, who goes around saying " oh I am so beautiful " strikes me as hilarious.
But, yes, you sort of put your foot in your mouth . And you know what you did, since you mention it. You told him " no you ... (read in full...)
My Mother seems obsessed about trying to break up my brother's relationship with his Gf. What can I do?
Q. ok my question is in regards to my brother and my mom. My brother A has always been a mamas boy and she has ALWAYS been obsessed with him and in his business. A is the dream kid, has always just let her be her over bearing self and smiled and s...
A. 25 June 2012: OP, I can perfectly see where you are coming from, ...yet we'll have to agree to disagree . I have been young, and I have been in love, as a matter of fact I am one of those old fools that keep falling in love no matter what their age, lol. ... (read in full...)
My fiance's ex wife got to sit with his family at the funeral, and wore her wedding ring that day! Am I right to be hurt by this?
Q. I don't know what to think of this and would like opinions. My fiance's father died in Jan. Both his ex-wife and I attended the funeral and we were both civil. I was a little hurt by the fact that his ex deposited herself squarely in the front row ...
A. 25 June 2012: I don't think you have the right to feel angry and betrayed. . She was family for 27 years, and she still IS family, as the mother of 4 of the dead's person grandchildren. I think formally speaking she had the right to be there. Besides, in 27 ... (read in full...)
Is my best friend racist? Or am I just being over-sensitive?
Q. Ok so my best friend is Caucasian, and I am African American. I totally understand why she would want to date a white guy, because it is something that I understand the agreements and disagreements of that topic being offensive. But we live in a ...
A. 25 June 2012: Maybe you are a bit oversensitive . I know that perhaps I am putting my foot in my mouth because skin colour is still a sensitive issue where you live , so I probably I am not catching all the nuances , but... you ARE black. And as such , you stand ... (read in full...)
My Mother seems obsessed about trying to break up my brother's relationship with his Gf. What can I do?
Q. ok my question is in regards to my brother and my mom. My brother A has always been a mamas boy and she has ALWAYS been obsessed with him and in his business. A is the dream kid, has always just let her be her over bearing self and smiled and s...
A. 25 June 2012: Ok, I admit my opinion is totally biased . I am a mother of an only male child,lol. So, even if it is a lost cause , I'll try playing devil's advocate for this overbearing mom.
It's not that bad as you make it. It is somewhat bad, she is obvi... (read in full...)
How do I get him back, I know he likes me!
Q. I want to get back together with this guy. We've been seeing each other for four months - last Wednesday I asked him what our relationship was. He was all okay with it and as soon as we left the restaurant he talked about splitting up with me. We ...
A. 25 June 2012: Dear OP,
don't be so naive and don't take his words so literally. People communicate in codes and symbols and rhetoric figures, even normally in life, not only in love matters.
Specifically, " I don't know what to do " means : " I KNOW wha... (read in full...)
We haven't spoken for 3 days since our argument. Is it over?
Q. My boyfriend and I always argue because he's not good at scheduling. He's often late or leaves early on our dates because of his friends. I find it disrespectful that he "ditches" me because of his friends even though we already had plans. Because ...
A. 25 June 2012: If you are prepared to accept it's over , then so be it, do not contact him, as you say , what have you got to lose. If he is willing of his own initiative to explain / apologize / commit to change, you can hear him out then decide. Otherwise, ... (read in full...)
Why does he say he just wants to be friend? Yet then he keeps making moves on me?
Q. I feel like in getting mixed signals from a guy friend. We hang out in the same crowd but mainly at the bar or a friends house when we are drinking. We ended up kissing at the bar a while ago and at the next get together he was ackward until he...
A. 25 June 2012: I am afraid that the anon female reader is correct. All his little speech about defending a friendship that does not even exist yet, it's simply a diplomatic way to say : don't get any ideas, you are not gf material and I would not dream of ... (read in full...)
Worried that we are not intellectually compatible?
Q. I am in a new relationship with a man who makes me laugh like nobody else, is affectionate, hard working and very patient. We are living together and planning to go away travelling together. I'm very physically attracted to him, I trust him, fee...
A. 24 June 2012: Difficult question. I read all the other Aunts' questions, and ...all the different , even contrasting opinions sound somewhat right to me.
Because, yes,I too don't think that necessarily you can only be happy with someone who is completely your... (read in full...)
Was it right to leave like that? Did I react right? or was I too harsh on her?
Q. First off I'd like to say I really, really appreciate that you are reading this lengthy story/question. *question at end I promise!* Me and this girl had a thing together and I told her how I felt and she said she couldn't date me because I w...
A. 24 June 2012: Harsh?... my friend, it's not a problem of harsh..... it's that you just totally freaked out on her, and I am surprised she has been so patient with you, at her age I would not have been. I think for such a young girl she handled things with ... (read in full...)
I found out g/f had been cyber cheating for months and she thinks its no big deal
Q. Hello, I'd like to start this off first of all by saying thank you to anyone who reads and replies to this lengthy message - I'm really in need of an outside opinion here and it would mean a lot to me. I have been with my girlfriend now f...
A. 24 June 2012: Do you even have to ask ?....
You thank her for the memories, and dump ger cheating ass.
Or, you accept serenely that you are going to be cybercuckholded now and forever, because this is what she does and this is what she is.
She is not going... (read in full...)
Is he really serious about a future together?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for four years, I'm 24 and he's 26. A couple of years ago I told him I'd like for us to live together, but he said he wasn't ready yet and he'd reconsider the following year. That came and went, and there was no ...
A. 24 June 2012: It may be simply a sign that he wants to be sure you have actually secured yourself a good steady job with a decent wage that will allow you to pull your weight when living together. No point making too detailed plans before that happens. ... (read in full...)
I find it it weird and disgusting that my mom posted an old pic on Facebook, of her breastfeeding me while I was a toddler!
Q. My mom posted an old pic of her breastfeeding me while I was a toddler on facebook. What should i do? I logged in on facebook today and saw on my home page that my mom had uploaded that pic. The pic was not in her album but on some facebook pa...
A. 23 June 2012: Breastfeeding is not weird , it's a very normal, natural and healthy thing. Aren't you overreacting a bit ? I could understand your embarassment if your mom had posted that pic for the heck of it, just to show her boobs on the net, or to show ... (read in full...)
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