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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Is this younger man interested in me or am I imagining things?
Q. Well I am in a little dilemma. I work with this really cool, nice man (he is 32) and I am 42. I know age difference ei. well dilemma is that recently I noticed that he gives me this looks and big smiles often and always compliments me. He usually ...
A. 18 October 2012: Exactly, NEXT . That's the right attitude.
I think it is quite possible that he just was being friendly, or maybe flirty, but without wanting anything closer- and, noticing that you had misunderstood his attentions and intentions, he deci... (read in full...)
After 3 years of a FWB relationship, I broke it off. Did I do the right thing?
Q. I guess what I'm really looking for is affirmation that I did the right thing. I think I did, but it takes one varying opinon to make me reconsider what I did. Anyhow, I've been seeing this guy (not seriously for 3-years). I have dated and "...
A. 20 September 2012: Of course you did the right thing, and I am surprised you need confirmation, after 3 years. It's a bit like you asked " My feet hurt, and I figured out it must be because I was driving a hammer to my toes, so I stopped. Did I do the right thing ? ... (read in full...)
I need him, what if he doesn't need me?
Q. I would like more reciprocation in my relationship from my boyfriend. Sometimes (or quite often) I feel like I give him more than he gives me. In the past I have come to the agony aunts with a similar question, and some have said just move on. Bu...
A. 20 September 2012: If you lose either way, might as well leave him. This way you are free to see if there someone else out there for you, whose needs are more in line with yours and who is more available for a mtual give and take.
In other words, if you stay with... (read in full...)
Is this younger man interested in me or am I imagining things?
Q. Well I am in a little dilemma. I work with this really cool, nice man (he is 32) and I am 42. I know age difference ei. well dilemma is that recently I noticed that he gives me this looks and big smiles often and always compliments me. He usually ...
A. 20 September 2012: I think you are really overthinking this. For some reason of his, this is clearly a no go and he is unavailable to get closer. Don't feel bad about it, but also please don't feel you have to do something special to change the situation.
Just be y... (read in full...)
How can I make him understand that he is not the type of man I want, without hurting him?
Q. I am a 30 year old woman, dating a 33 year old man. We have been together for four months now. My fear is that when we met I told him that "The stay together thing is not part of the relationship" as we are both christians and go to the same church. ...
A. 20 September 2012: Why would you worry about hurting him ? he is not that worried about your financial and emotional well being, is he ?
Just kick him out. Not only because he is a moocher, but also because he did not respect your boundaries, and wormed his way ... (read in full...)
Not enough money for a wedding, should we elope?
Q. Ok so I'm newly engaged and the date is set for early 2014, after my fiance graduates from university. My problem is that my mom who would be paying for the wedding cannot afford it. Both me and my finance don't have our careers started yet, so ...
A. 20 September 2012: But, does it have to be a big, expensive,la-dee-da wedding ? ... Because to 2014 there's over one year, and it sounds strange to me that, if you both have jobs, in 15-16 months you would not be able, maybe tightening your belt a bit, to save ... (read in full...)
Is he very shy or just not interested in me?
Q. Hello, all. Ok so....I basically, well, I'm a dork aha. Really I am, because apparantly I'm the type of girl that writes letters to the boy she likes. I even did the little check box thing....yes. But here's the thing, I had already told the...
A. 20 September 2012: Let him be. Let him decide-make up his mind- tahe his time or whatever . Don't come on on him with the grace of a ton of bricks.
You did your part already. You told him in person that you like him, and that you want to hang out. You confirmed it b... (read in full...)
I'm in love with a married man who is ready to leave his wife for me but I don't want to break up a family. What should I do?
Q. I am in love with a married man. I am 23 he is 29. He is willing to leave his wife for me. She lives in another country. I don't know what to do, because ever though we are deeply in love with each other, i don't want to break up a family. They ...
A. 20 September 2012: Regardless of any other considerations, how do you know that he is willing to leave his wife for you ?
Because he said so ?... Yes, but... didn't he say too that he was single- and then you found out he was married with children ?..... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend using my negativity as a stalling tactic?
Q. My boyfriend and I are in our mid forties and we have each been married (and divorced) once. He for over 10 years...me for over 5 years. We have been dating for a year and a half. We talk about marriage. We talk about where we will live. W...
A. 20 September 2012: I don't think he is stalling on purpose, consciously. Like, not as if he says to himself : OK, I need to string this woman along, so I'll come up with some excuse to be mad at her.
This is just the neurotic way he malfunctions. Don't you see ... (read in full...)
Situation with my dad and his neighbour is getting out of hand, what can we do to help the situation?
Q. I am writing this on behalf of my Dad, as none of us are too sure what to do any more. About a year ago, a man in his mid twenties moved in next door to my Mum and Dad. Due to his age, my Dad instantly started worrying that this man was going to...
A. 19 September 2012: I don't think your Dad handled it wrong from the start. Much better nipping things in the bud that complaining later. I must say though that I used a different approach, I killed them with kindness. Having had in the past a nightmarish ... (read in full...)
My Boyfriend has forbidden me to talk to my best friend. How should I deal with this?
Q. i have been with my boyfriend for a year now. things are great between us but he found out 4 months ago that i used to have feelings for my best friend and my best friend has feelings for me this made him very upset and he forbidded me to speak to ...
A. 19 September 2012: Your boyfriend does not want you to talk to your friend , because the friend is actually not a friend , but a love interest. He has feelings for you, and you have feelings for him, and your bf obviously feels like a fool and has no intentions to ... (read in full...)
Relationship or career? Do I stay in this relationship where we both love each other ? Or try to convince my Boyfriend to move?
Q. Please help me. I am a 22 year old gay man and in a dilemma of love vs career. About 14 months ago I graduated from university with a degree. I decided then to move back home temporarily with my parents from my student life in another city, whilst ...
A. 19 September 2012: I vote for solution number 3. Boyfriends come and go, and careers ( not just " jobs " ) last. Maybe I am cynical, but... you are only 22 , it's natural if now maybe you feel that if you have a lousy job in a boring place , but a great boyfriend, ... (read in full...)
I am reluctant to leave my four year old daughter in the care of my younger sister while I'm away
Q. Hallo guys. I dont know if i am worrying over nothing. My husband is outside the country. And i am going to be visiting him soon for a whole month. My worry is my daughter who is only 4 and is in nursery. I plan to leave her with my kid sister wh...
A. 19 September 2012: Cancel the trip. Your husband is coming back in just 4 months !, you can surely sacrifice your ( very legitimate ) wishes in the interest of your own daughter, right ?
4 years is still very young, one month is a relevant amount of time for leav... (read in full...)
Is lack of physical attraction a valid reason to break up with someone?
Q. My boyfriend isn't attractive to me. I'm not implying that he's ugly or that other people might not find him good looking but I don't. He's a good person and treats me well and we're getting to that age where we're thinking about serious commitme...
A. 19 September 2012: Lack of attraction is a VERY valid reason to break up. Same as it is a valid reason for breaking up with someone if you are passionately attracted to them, but you can't stand spending time with them out of the bedroom ! why should it be any ... (read in full...)
Isn't it a bit extreme for my boyfriend to just cut certain people out of his life?
Q. This really weird interaction happened when I was out with my boyfriend. We were walking along holding hands. We saw a friend of his in the street, my boyfriend called out to him to say hi. Then they were chatting briefly and then his friend looked ...
A. 19 September 2012: Perhaps your bf is a demanding type and has too high or too restructive standards, but in this case I think he's totally legitimated in cutting this friend off.
What kind of a friend is the one who hits on your girlfriend under your very nose... (read in full...)
My boyfriend thinks I'll cheat if I go to Kent
Q. My boyfriend doesnt like the idea of me going to Kent because he thinks im going to cheat on him and not tell him because of my past relationships. i tell him everyday that i wont do anything to hurt him and i wont but he thinks im a whole ...
A. 19 September 2012: And how come he thinks you are a whole different person when you drink ?... Is it just his paranoia, or has he seen you in action and knows what you are capable of .... ?
Anyway , your laws do not allow you to drink , you are too young. Stic... (read in full...)
My boyfriend keeps files on all his previous girlfriends
Q. My boyfriend keeps files on all his ex-girlfriends. Is this normal? He was on a dating site before he met me and he had files, manila folders, with print-outs of the women he dated and their correspondence back and forth through the computer. ...
A. 18 September 2012: No, Honeypie, is not just you. Do you mind if I join you ?:eeeew, just eeew.
I am not sure I would even bother with the background check.
... (read in full...)
I have a boyfriend but my best friend confessed his love for me. I don't want to hurt him, what do I do?
Q. Hi there. So I'll just jump right in. I am in a relationship and have been for a little over a year with an amazing guy, and I love him very much. He's 18, I'm 17 so I'm stuck in high school for another year while he works and saves up to start ...
A. 18 September 2012: But you'll have to. Unless you want to dump the boyfriend you are with , and whom you love,... just to be nice to your best friend and not hurt his feelings .
But in this case, you'd hurt your boyfriend , no ?
Let's also not exaggerate with all... (read in full...)
How can I tell my parents that when I finish university I want to take up the guitar professionally? They will have to pay $40,000 a year for me to do so.....
Q. Hi, this isn't a relationship question but I'd really like some outside opinions on this problem. I am currently attending university, studying criminology and going into my 3rd year. However back when I started 1st year I had started to play ...
A. 18 September 2012: I don't think it is really a matter of what your parents will allow you to do or will let you have, or not , it is a matter of what you want for yourself and your life. You want to play guitar , Ok- but you have to go after your goal with open ... (read in full...)
I feel too skinny - am I over-reacting to not having enough weight?
Q. I know that I should not care about what others think but this is coming from my neighbors, boyfriend, and friends.. I lose and gain weight really quick. I am 120 pounds and im 5'5 and I feel like I am perfectly fine. Everyone thinks I look super ...
A. 18 September 2012: It's all in your head. You are slender, but your weight is perfectly normal for your height. You have a BMI of 19.9,( not underweight ) and you are within a normal range according to all the " ideal weight " calculations systems I know. If for ... (read in full...)
I got along great with my boyfriend's sister, until I found out she has gotten an abortion and doesn't seem to care about it.
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years now. In that time of course, I've got to know his family and the person I've always got on with the most is his sister. Most of my boyfriend's family are quite rough (swear a lot, drink etc) but his ...
A. 17 September 2012: So you - and your bf - think that any woman who has an abortion , in lack of compelling medical reasons, is a heartless bitch ?? Whoa. Talk about harsh. Poor sister.
It seems you just can't wrap your head around the fact that other people may ... (read in full...)
Is it true that a girl forgets her first love or the one she gave virginty to? Does my Gf miss him?
Q. Is it true that a girl forgets her first love or the one she gave virginty to ....???? I'm in relation wid her from one year ago She loves me to bits. Sometimes I feel bad that she had an awful former boyfriend who took my girl friend's virgin...
A. 17 September 2012: I see...ah well, if she is willing to change religion, then it should all be so much easier and much more acceptable for your parents.
But , my concern is ( which is actually not my concern because it's none of my business, agreed :) - does she ... (read in full...)
Is this younger man interested in me or am I imagining things?
Q. Well I am in a little dilemma. I work with this really cool, nice man (he is 32) and I am 42. I know age difference ei. well dilemma is that recently I noticed that he gives me this looks and big smiles often and always compliments me. He usually ...
A. 17 September 2012: He does not sound particularly interested, IMO. And if he has already a girlfriend, if he is interested in you, that's surely not for a relationship.
You may have read too much into a normal friendliness, or he may be just of one those natu... (read in full...)
Should I tell my friend how I feel about him? If so, how do I do it?
Q. Dear Cupid, I am 16 years old, I havnt had a boyfriend in a LONG time! I dot know why either, I hate being single and just want that special someone to love who I am. I have a friend at school who's such a sweet guy, super funny and always there for ...
A. 17 September 2012: Is it urgent ? Do you have to decide today ? :)
Otherwise you can wait some more , a month or so, and see what happens, how things and feelings evolve, and in the meantime you think it over.
Because , as you honestly admit, part of the fascinat... (read in full...)
He Likes me or He likes me Not
Q. I recently met a man online. On our first date, we met for tea and kept it short as he had another business meeting to attend that day. He then arranged for a very romantic dinner on our second date and we talked for 3 hours. We kissed and hugged. ...
A. 17 September 2012: BondGirl is right. Two months you don't see him ? he's not that keen. He is not keen at all, I am afraid. He keeps you around as a low maintenance plan B ( or C or D ). You have to keep in mind that you've met him online, so you are probably not ... (read in full...)
Is there any way to see how a man feels for you through the way you have sex?
Q. This might sound a bit random. But, is there any way to see how a man feels for you through the way you have sex? the reason i ask is that when me any my boyfriend first started having sex he would do it quite rough and fast.. but as the times ...
A. 17 September 2012: No, OP, don't hang on to the illusion that the way a man makes love is an indicator of anything but his personal sexual stile , tastes and preferences, and/ or current mood.
One can be occasionally, or even often, or even ALWAYS the most affe... (read in full...)
The fighting is consuming us. But I love him and so I really don't know what to do. What can you suggest?
Q. i love him so much and ive never felt this way about anyone I'm not the type to take chances with long relationships, actually it's my first real relationship. He's truly my best friend he knows everything about me and i know everything about hi...
A. 17 September 2012: If you are fighting all the time, and on and off all the time, you are not mutually compatible and you should not be together .
Yeah I know, you " love " each other and now it all feels so passionate and intense and exciting, right ? Even the figh... (read in full...)
Cool holiday destination for both gay and straight couples? Any ideas?
Q. Hey looking for some advice though not on love. Though it is a LGBT question. I'm a lesbian in a serious relationship. My partner and I are best friends with a straight couple who we are chatting about going on holiday with next year. We all fa...
A. 17 September 2012: Any Greek island more or less fits your bill, with the possible exception of Mykonos or Santorini, which are so enthusiastically gay friendly ,that your straight friends would feel like an endangered species! Rhodos is nice,or even better Crete , ... (read in full...)
Is it true that a girl forgets her first love or the one she gave virginty to? Does my Gf miss him?
Q. Is it true that a girl forgets her first love or the one she gave virginty to ....???? I'm in relation wid her from one year ago She loves me to bits. Sometimes I feel bad that she had an awful former boyfriend who took my girl friend's virgin...
A. 17 September 2012: Pardon my curiosity, but what religious differences ?.... Like, if you are Muslim and she is not- or viceversa- it won't fly . In Pakistan ?... It's never going to happen.
Slightly better if you are Sunni and she is Shia ( or viceversa ) beca... (read in full...)
Excited to be engaged, but Mum has raised some questions!
Q. Hi there! So, after a few months being on a LDR my bf proposed a few weeks ago over dinner. WOW! We've been together for nearly 2 years (too soon to get married?) and of course I said yes yes yes and I wanted to jump and scream and let the world ...
A. 16 September 2012: So you want to get married NOW and have a long distance marriage ?.... Why ? what's your rush ? can't you stay engaged 1.5 years and then get married AFTER he has come back and got a job here ?
I am not that concerned that he could change his ... (read in full...)
What can I do so that he wont know I am not a virgin?
Q. Hi, m 21yr old indian girl..had been in a relationship wid a guy approx for 1yr,bt he ditched nd left me,as i trusted on him...i was in physical relationship wid him...but before 1 nd a half year... Nd now m going to marry wid anothr guy......
A. 16 September 2012: Your best bet would be to go to a plastic surgeon for an hymenoplasty- they stitch your virginity back ( under anesthetics ) and it's foolproof. It is a rather expensive procedure , though .
Or , just Google " Artificial Hymen " or " Hyme... (read in full...)
Is it true that a girl forgets her first love or the one she gave virginty to? Does my Gf miss him?
Q. Is it true that a girl forgets her first love or the one she gave virginty to ....???? I'm in relation wid her from one year ago She loves me to bits. Sometimes I feel bad that she had an awful former boyfriend who took my girl friend's virgin...
A. 16 September 2012: You can repeat a question 1000 times, if the Mods let you.... but that would mean that you are not paying any attention to all the answers you got the previous 999. Or, that there's no solution to your quandary, at least not one you are willing to ... (read in full...)
Is it true that a girl forgets her first love or the one she gave virginty to? Does my Gf miss him?
Q. Is it true that a girl forgets her first love or the one she gave virginty to ....???? I'm in relation wid her from one year ago She loves me to bits. Sometimes I feel bad that she had an awful former boyfriend who took my girl friend's virgin...
A. 15 September 2012: Awww Sageoldguy, you old rascal :).
I think you are scaring the OP, though - explain him you are joking ! ( hopefully ) ... (read in full...)
I'm back and in need of some more tough love. I do everything for her and she constantly curses at me and says I do nothing. I need help getting away.
Q. Well agony aunts... It's me. The one that moved to Tennessee to be with a woman I love, that turned out to be a rough ride with 3 kids... Bring back memories now. I wanted to provide an update and get more brutality thrown my way because it helps me ...
A. 15 September 2012: Hadn't passive aggressive personally disorder been dropped from the list of "official " personality disorders in DVM-IV ( by American Psychiatric Association ) ? Psychiatrists do not recognize it officiallly as a psychiatric disturbance any ... (read in full...)
Should I stay at his house?
Q. Dear cupids, I am faced with a challenge. I made up my mind to spend my school holiday this december with my boyfriend in his house in another state and tell my parents the school requested us to stay because of out fast approaching exams so as to ...
A. 15 September 2012: Stay in your boring school. I guarantee you that it won't be that much fun either, if you have to spend your holidays fending off unwanted sexual advances or " easily succumbing into sex " with a guy that you don't even like ! ... (read in full...)
I worry about my employment history impacting on my relationship
Q. Hello, asking for opinions please - I am forty three and have started a fantastic relationship with someone that I am really falling for and who seems to feel the same. A few things are holding me back though due to very bad relationship ...
A. 15 September 2012: First of all, I'd advise you to relax, take it easy and don't put the cart before the horses. " I have started a relationship " sounds recent ; I'd wait in any case to see first if time confirms that the relationship is really as fantastic as ... (read in full...)
Troubled relationship with my FWB
Q. Hi everyone I know there is a lot of questions asked about this but I really need some advice my friends with benefits if you could call it that have been sleeping together for nearly 3 years now last week I asked him if he had been sleeping with ...
A. 15 September 2012: He is the one who SAID he wanted you to only sleep with each other. Facts have shown he wanted that you'd only sleep with him, while he could sleep with other women. You are in a pickle now. You know that he broke your agreement and that ... (read in full...)
He is the man of my dreams and we share a bed together, but he will not have sex with me. Any and all advice is needed.
Q. I use to think I knew everything but this time I am so confused and in desperate need of help. I am a gay male who has met the man of my dreams, someone who is sweet loving, responsible and I absolutely adore him. There is no doubt in my mind that ...
A. 15 September 2012: Eh.. I am afraid I see it just like Aunty BimBim. I had a male roommate ( young, attractive, heterosexual, in fact rather a ladies'man, and typical wanna-be actor ) that when he was between gigs, - still had no problem making rent, by "dating" ... (read in full...)
After a year of trying we still haven't conceived. Are there any tests doctors can do to find if I am ovulating?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been trying fir a baby for a year now. I am worrying im not ovulating. Because i know you can still have periods and not actually ovulate. My periods are pretty much like clockwork and i am monitoring my mucus. Does havi...
A. 15 September 2012: Sure, doctors have all sorts of diagnostic tools to find out easily if you are ovulating or not. ( Probably you are, SOME women who do not have ovulations menstruate anyway, but it is rare, most women who do not have ovulation do not ... (read in full...)
I feel like my boyfriend doesn't respect or appreciate me
Q. I feel like my boyfriend doesn't respect or appreciate me. We have been together for 4 1/2 years, two of which were 4 hour long distance. We fight often and when we do he says some really mean things. I feel like he's always attacking who I am as a ...
A. 15 September 2012: Well, at first sight, one has to say yes. What else ? You feel hurt,betrayed and disrespected, - and he does not aknowledge that you are suffering nor is amenable to talk, negotiate or do anything to improve things. It sounds like you have hit a ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has been having sex with another girl behind my back.Am I a fool for wanting to stay and make this work?
Q. My boyfriend has always treated me like a princess. He is one of my best friends; we have the same friends, the same beliefs, and have known each other for a little over four years. We've been dating for 3 months short of two years. We moved into a ...
A. 15 September 2012: Well,..yes. A fool for love, but still a fool. Nobody's perfect and everybody can make a mistake ONCE, then , if they get a second chance, they have to show themselves worthy of it- and it can work.
But it did not go exactly this way. You sort... (read in full...)
I am stuck in this awful place where I don't really prefer a divorce but staying in the marriage is difficult.
Q. My wife and I just celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary in August. Instead of it being a joyous milestone, it was melancholy in nature from my point of view. We share a lot of love and joy or else we would have never made it this long, but o...
A. 15 September 2012: Your wife is a lucky woman. She gets a soulmate who pays for most everything in the household and also treats her to expensive trips abroad. There's people whose soulmates are broke and can't even pay for extra toppings on pizza.
As you can see,... (read in full...)
I got along great with my boyfriend's sister, until I found out she has gotten an abortion and doesn't seem to care about it.
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years now. In that time of course, I've got to know his family and the person I've always got on with the most is his sister. Most of my boyfriend's family are quite rough (swear a lot, drink etc) but his ...
A. 15 September 2012: So, because you would be upset or devastated if you had to have an abortion,... that means that everybody else should be too, and if they are not they are monsters.
And because if you had 33 years, a job, a car , etc.. you'd feel ready to have... (read in full...)
I'm back and in need of some more tough love. I do everything for her and she constantly curses at me and says I do nothing. I need help getting away.
Q. Well agony aunts... It's me. The one that moved to Tennessee to be with a woman I love, that turned out to be a rough ride with 3 kids... Bring back memories now. I wanted to provide an update and get more brutality thrown my way because it helps me ...
A. 14 September 2012: I think it is evident that you need therapy for your codependent issues, and kudoos to you for at least having taken the first steps in the right direction by moving away and by seeking counseling. But no counseling will work without your active ... (read in full...)
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