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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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I asked out a 45 year old woman, I am 28 years old. Where to take her?
Q. Hello everyone. I have met a 45 year old lady and we have been talking for the past 2 months. I didn't meet her online or at a bar. I met her because she lives very close to me. I am 28 years old, single and we seem to have and feel a tension when ...
A. 10 October 2012: As long as you don't take her to Chucky Cheese ! :) At 45, she does not need to go to any special " Golden Age " bar.
As for your second question, ...hard to say. Expectations are not standard , and don't go by age bracket. You will have to find... (read in full...)
I felt sad by her choice,Am I being silly leaving her?
Q. I asked my girlfriend does she prefer sex with me or masturbation and she said different. I tried to ask in what way but she couldn't say. That's made me feel quite bad and I've tried to past it tried to get past it but now don't think I want to ...
A. 10 October 2012: ... Exactly, - so it has no relevance at all if other 200 girls said you give the best head ever or you are the greatest in bed. Only the current one counts.
My point was : unluckily you never achieve the status of " fantastic lover that has ... (read in full...)
Abusive past and can't tolerate any porn. How can me and my partner move on?
Q. I have been in an on and off relationship with the father of my youngest son for 7 years. Things have been tumultuous from the beginning, us both being insecure and having other issues, mine being from an extremely abusive upbringing. My step father ...
A. 10 October 2012: But, if by "healing " you mean being accepting and tolerant of his porn habit,...why do you have to heal ???
Women who have an adversion to porn, should not date men who are regular porn consumers. Quite simple, same as women who are against drug... (read in full...)
I felt sad by her choice,Am I being silly leaving her?
Q. I asked my girlfriend does she prefer sex with me or masturbation and she said different. I tried to ask in what way but she couldn't say. That's made me feel quite bad and I've tried to past it tried to get past it but now don't think I want to ...
A. 10 October 2012: Since you ask.... yes. Very silly. Silly, ego referred and close minded, in fact, I suspect.
You have your little routine and I am glad it worked wonders , so far, but in sex there's no " one size fits all ". What if you meet a girl who disl... (read in full...)
He likes big butts and he can not lie... why does he look if he's got me?
Q. my bf is 10 yrs older and we have a good relationship. BUT he has a habit of looking at big butts of colored/teen women on the internet. So if hes happy why is he doing this? is it because im old and white? i feel as if im not good enough. ...
A. 9 October 2012: First of all, OP, please don't call yourself "old ", at 30-35, you are giving quite a jolt to many of us DearCupiders ! There are Aunts and Uncles in their 40s, 50s, 60s , if you are old, what are we, dead meat ? good for the vultures ?:)
S... (read in full...)
I think he might think I'm cute. But the really important question is "does he like me?" What do you think?
Q. Hello :) I'm a 16 year old girl. I really like this boy. I think he likes me back, but I'm not sure. We have two classes with him and he always stares at me. I've liked him since freshman year, but not a lot so I didn't even notice he was in my...
A. 9 October 2012: You give us too little to work on :). Sure, if he keeps staring at you, he must like what he sees. So, from this point of view, he "likes " you.
But, you want to know if he really likes as in ..what? Having feelings for you ? Wanting to be your... (read in full...)
He's too "nice" for me and it's a turn off.
Q. I have been seeing this really nice guy for the past 4 months. His "niceness" is starting to bother me, in that I find him to be not as masculine as I'd like him to be. He is the type who always has a smile on his face, who is always polite, ...
A. 9 October 2012: Why do you need your bf to be physically intimidating ?? Do you live in a very bad neighborhood ? ...
Look, if you don't like the nice guy, you just don't like him, and you can't force yourself.
But , if in the choice of your partner, you put on t... (read in full...)
I have a great g/f but I'm bored. Do I keep her or let her go?
Q. Here's the Story. I'v been With this girl for almost 2 years, And she treats me better then gold and It's hard to find a girl that good. but must have gotten bored and my gf isn't big but she has curves I like thin in shape girls. Her sister i...
A. 9 October 2012: sorry, OP or whomever you are, but ..is the word " ethics " familiar to you ?...
There are some things that are just a very bad idea, for everybody : male or female, young or old, single or married. One of this is screwing your partner's sibl... (read in full...)
How do I get my gf of ten months to open up to me again after I asked her not to?
Q. Okay, so I've been with my gf for ten months now. I love her honesty, she's type to say what's on her mind without being disrespectful or rude. She'll simply let you know her truth and I used to love that. If she says she doesn't like something o...
A. 9 October 2012: Funny, she got a taste of her own medicine, and she did not like it :).
I mean, you told her " candidly " and " honestly " what you think of her bull-in-the-china-shop ways, and insensitive attitude - so you pointed out frankly what YOU thin... (read in full...)
He treats me like a girlfriend despite insisting he didn't want a relationship
Q. Is it possible to be seeing a man who actually does not want to see you happy? I have been dating this man for awhile now who I believe is emotionally confused. We are not an "official" couple and he claims to not want to be one. However, he has a...
A. 9 October 2012: Substitute " fault " with "responsibility", and see if it sounds more acceptable and empowering.
It is your responsibility , if you want to be in a committed relationship, not to remain in an uncommitted one.
It is your responsibility to make ... (read in full...)
He treats me like a girlfriend despite insisting he didn't want a relationship
Q. Is it possible to be seeing a man who actually does not want to see you happy? I have been dating this man for awhile now who I believe is emotionally confused. We are not an "official" couple and he claims to not want to be one. However, he has a...
A. 8 October 2012: So, you hang out, you enjoy each other, he will introduce you to friends and family. It sort of looks like a r/ship,... there is just something missing for it to be one.... exclusivity.
If he is adamant in saying " I don't want a rela... (read in full...)
Should I be worried about the attention my very popular boyfriend receives from girls?
Q. Me and my b/f are both 17 we have dated for 4 months now. so here is my problem My b/f is a popular football player at my school and all the girls are all over him (and I mean all over him). I was not popular till we stared going out. So anywa...
A. 8 October 2012: I sort of agree with the other respondents and think that this is basically your own insecurity talking- the Cinderella syndrome.
BUT- with a proviso.
When people is all over you- you have the power to stop them and to make them back off, if ... (read in full...)
Crush on my teacher and can't let go
Q. So Im 17, and I 'love' my teacher who is 32(unmarried, no kids with a girlfriend). This has been going on for almost 2 years now, but circumstances have changed.... he has left and moved to the other side of the world where he once lived 6 years ago ...
A. 8 October 2012: I admit I did not read the whole saga with all the updates, still, what's there to be confused about ? How difficult is it to just delete him ? What use could be possibly be to you, being a ) a shady 32 y.o.character romancing a minor that it is ... (read in full...)
Might it get better or will it get worse? My Bf has ignored my pleas to change. He fails to do nice things to show he cares
Q. I'm at this point in my relationship where it's all on my bf. I've told him many times that I need more from him and even wrote a nice letter to him giving examples of moments when he made me feel loved and important in his life. However, nothing ...
A. 8 October 2012: I have no idea if it's going to get worse, but apparently there odds are very low that it's going to get better.
You told him " many times " what you want from him and he does not do it. You even wrote him a letter , making specific exam... (read in full...)
I have a great g/f but I'm bored. Do I keep her or let her go?
Q. Here's the Story. I'v been With this girl for almost 2 years, And she treats me better then gold and It's hard to find a girl that good. but must have gotten bored and my gf isn't big but she has curves I like thin in shape girls. Her sister i...
A. 8 October 2012: Poor girl. Double whammy. She has a bad boyfriend and also a bad sister ( or sisters ).
Let her go. Let her be. She deserves some peace of mind and to be shown some respect.
You are not the one to give her either, so just break up and go chase sk... (read in full...)
How do I explain my severe PMS/PMDD to the guy I'm dating?
Q. I've been dating this amazing guy since the end of July. Things have been great and each time we see each other, things for the most part just keep getting better and better. 2 times during our short lived relationship (1 each month), I have t...
A. 8 October 2012: If you really have severe PMDD, the best would probably be also seeing a psychiatrist, just going on the pill could be not enough.
The cause of PMDD has not been officially established, but the leading theory is that, like other dysphoric diso... (read in full...)
How can I overcome my addiction to pornography?
Q. I plan on quitting pornography after using it twice a day since I was 15. Now, 4 years later, I feel like it is holding me back. I've only had one girlfriend and felt guilty using it and tried to quit it, but wasn't successful after relapsing too ...
A. 8 October 2012: @grymsoul : so, apparently you agree with Karl Kraus ( Austrian writer ) : " Intercourse with a woman is sometimes a satisfactory substitute for masturbation . But it takes a lot of imagination to make it work ". :)
Personally, I find your line of r... (read in full...)
My guardian did not want my Bf to stay any longer. Was my Bf's reaction indicative of true love for me?
Q. My boyfriend just left my house, and before he left, he was crying because he said he didn't want to leave me, he wanted to stay longer but my guardian didn't want that. He made me cry too, both of us was crying and it hurts so much to him cry, I wi...
A. 7 October 2012: Well, anon male reader maybe is a tad too suspicious ( albeit , I agree that your guardian is also probably , and legitimately, very concerned that you handle you sexuality in the right way and without bad consequences )- it does not have to be ... (read in full...)
I am not interested in this 50 year old married man at work. So how do I discourage him effectively? And before he gets any more ideas please.
Q. Recently a married man at work has been flirting with me and jokingly we bantered, but nothing serious to start with as I am 22 and he 50, but in the past 3 months he's started heavily flirting to the point people have started commenting on it! F...
A. 7 October 2012: Well, but if you "laugh it off " at his comments, and just "hint- not SAY- that they bother you and he needs to stop, how do you expect him to actually stop ? maybe he thinks you are having fun too bantering this way, or ... that you like his ... (read in full...)
My mom says he and I are flirting. So is this just friendly, on the part of my professor and how we behave together? Or is it more?
Q. Personally I think we are just being friendly, which is fine with me! He is married and like twice my age, so I'd never do anything with him I'm not stupid. Anyways I meet with him every once in a while and at first we were both awkward, but we a...
A. 7 October 2012: I think you should focus on your studies and not on charming, or being charmed by, the teacher.
Who, btw, is acting in a very unprofessuonal way. Supposing that it's all innocent, jolly camaraderie, he is still singling you out from the othe... (read in full...)
I know the break up of my Bf's parents is not about me. But how is this going to affect the relationship with my Bf? He is moving away too and I don't want to lose him.
Q. so my boyfriend's parents are getting and divorce. From the bottom of my heart i feel so bad for him like i wish there was something i could do. he found out that his dad was cheating on his mom by overhearing a conversation on the phone. he ha...
A. 7 October 2012: Draling, pardon me, but... all this drama over one hour of distance ?...
Come on. When I was in New York ( 8 millions inhabitants ) I was a 50 min. train ride away from my partner , and it was still the same city . If you were in L.A. ( 11 mill... (read in full...)
She masturbates in a less usual way, crossing her legs. Which is better? Her way or sex with a partner?
Q. Hey all I appreciate any advice. I have been with my gf for 10 months I'm 21. So this is why I'm posting: Basically she masturbates using the method of crossing her leg and squeezing. She never masturbates with fingers. When I ask what she prefe...
A. 6 October 2012: Sageoldguy is , alas for you, totally right.
You put all this useless focus on the cross leg thing, but that's just a different method to the same end. Whether girls cross their legs, or use their fingers, or rub themselves against a lamp post... (read in full...)
How should we divide up living costs in our relationship? Is what I am doing so far, for her, fair?
Q. I'm writing to see what you guys think of me and my partner's financial situation. My partner's house is paid for, with no debt. She works 2 days a week, on a lowish wage. I'm self-employed, so my income is varying, but works out about £40k a y...
A. 6 October 2012: I don't think it's exactly a case of " fair ", it's more about it is doable or not.
If all your gf can count on moneywise is 2 days a week at a lowish wage, that's just barely better than being unemployed and incomeless, so no way she can ... (read in full...)
I'm not his Gf but I thought we were friends. Then he let me down. Should I bother to contact him again?
Q. I met this guy about a mouth ago. We got close and when he'd see me, he'd carry my bags. Pick me up and hug me in front of all of our friends. He'd always give me good advice. He's everything I wanted in someone. He's smart, humble, outgoing...
A. 6 October 2012: Ok, thanks for the clarification, but it boils down to the same thing in practice, doesn't it ?. Regardless of what he has done, and of why he lied- he lied. You are upset about the lie. You ( rightly ) don't want to be lied to. You got mad, lost ... (read in full...)
I feel if he becomes a part of my life that I will also have to support him due to his large existing debts. How could this work?
Q. Hi, i want to have an opportunity to have a relationship with my friend. He is a good guy, but i try to tell him he needs to take care of himself and not depending on his family. He got a job and his boss (sister's husband) doesnt pay him on time....
A. 6 October 2012: Sure, it's Ok if you feel like this... but it is also Ok if your Bf feels differently.
Quality of life is also very important,not just how much you get paid, and if he has a job he likes , 5 minutes from where he lives !, no wonder he is not in a... (read in full...)
I'm not his Gf but I thought we were friends. Then he let me down. Should I bother to contact him again?
Q. I met this guy about a mouth ago. We got close and when he'd see me, he'd carry my bags. Pick me up and hug me in front of all of our friends. He'd always give me good advice. He's everything I wanted in someone. He's smart, humble, outgoing...
A. 6 October 2012: OP, this seems rather clear cut :
some of us would say it was a white lie , you know, you say something to not hurt the other person feelings knowing they are (too?) sensitive about certain issues,... or to avoid sterile,heated arguments abou... (read in full...)
How to deal with a guy who is unsure of how to move the relationship forward
Q. Is it ok for a guy you are trying to get back with to tell you things like "If we end back together, two months before the wedding he wants to be sure he impregnated you" of even use "If" in the context of serious conversation about our ...
A. 6 October 2012: 7 months of Ifs is a whole lot of iffing,and I would not hold my breath waiting that for him to clean his act and suddenly becoming proactive.
At 37, he may be immature but surely he is not a child, so he must have figured out that when you want... (read in full...)
How can I change my boyfriend's mind about my dogs and convince him they aren't vicious? He wants me to get rid of them!
Q. Help me please! My boyfriend wants me to get rid of my dogs! My dad is a police dog trainer, and ever since i was a kid i've been used to having big dogs. I live on my own and i have two grown rottweilers and just adopted a pitbull puppy. I have ...
A. 6 October 2012: Exactly- if you look up my previous post, that was PRECISELY the example I was using : one does not HATE children for being tendentially noisy and rambunctions ,one just does not feel comfortable being in the midst of it all.
Considerate pare... (read in full...)
Is it really all my fault? I don't want to hurt him. But he's sure hurt me.
Q. Hey aunts and uncles i guess i just really need your guys support on that im doing the right thing this is the worst i ever felt in my life... Heres my story i was with my bf for over a year we just broke up tonight we were on break prior to the b...
A. 6 October 2012: Your fault was to up and leave your home at 16 to run after some kid you basically knew nothing about ( it's only one year NOW that you are together ) at an age when the average girl is not experienced, wise and mature enough to choose herself a ... (read in full...)
`Do you think he really did love me and regrets things?
Q. Hi. I am 21 years old and my boyfriend of a year cheated on me with the girl that lives next door to him. And I moved away soon as I found out he was cheating and lying to me for a year, so I left. And people tell me he has been nothing but ...
A. 5 October 2012: No. Honestly, I don't. I think what he regrets is having been caught red handed. Obviously it would have worked better for him if he could have kept his cake and eaten it too. A devoted gf, AND sexual options on the side. ... (read in full...)
Could I have Vulvar Vestibulitis? Does anyone else know what this can be?
Q. Ever since I first had sex nearly four years ago, I have had a burning pain at the entrance of the vagina during sex and have sometimes had to ask my boyfriend to stop. I have even had pain inserting tampons sometimes. I was on the combined pil...
A. 5 October 2012: Painful sex is far from a trivial thing, because the problem is not so much that you can't enjoy penetration , since as you say you can do other sexual stuff.... the problem is that the burning pain you mention is not a NORMAL component of ... (read in full...)
Am I stuck? Still in love with him, but not happy with him. What to do about my long term Bf ?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been with each other since I was 16 and he was 17. We are now 20 and 21. Our whole relationship has been long distance. We've been flying back and forth to make things work. Since he has a fulltime job I hvae done most o...
A. 5 October 2012: I really don't know what would be worse for me : knowing that my bf really had met up with these girls for sex... or knowing that he has spent 200 dollars on a membership which he has no intention to ever use for real, but just for an ego boost. ... (read in full...)
My ex cheated on me, I forgave him but we are not back together. Now some other woman says I'm an idiot for forgiving him, I don't understand why she thinks this!
Q. Hello, this is a general question to anyone, male or female. My ex boyfriend of a year cheated on me. And someone recently told me that I was an idiot and naive for having forgiven him. The thing is, he and I are not back together, neither do I wan...
A. 5 October 2012: I follow and endorse your reasoning... up to a point.
Of course life is too short for holding grudges . Of course harbouring negative feelings just punishes you, not the cheater, because makes you unhappy and not him, and prevents you from movi... (read in full...)
How can I change my boyfriend's mind about my dogs and convince him they aren't vicious? He wants me to get rid of them!
Q. Help me please! My boyfriend wants me to get rid of my dogs! My dad is a police dog trainer, and ever since i was a kid i've been used to having big dogs. I live on my own and i have two grown rottweilers and just adopted a pitbull puppy. I have ...
A. 5 October 2012: Eh I bet they don't nip and don't growl- who wants to be "nipped " by a rottweiler ? If he had been nipped.... chances are he would have not come back for a second visit :)
OP, just to clarify ,in case you think I have a prejudice against dogs... (read in full...)
I cheated on my workaholic wife -- now what?
Q. I have been married for 10 years and have two kids under the age of 10. My wife recently was made an executive at her fortune 200 firm and has not been home much since. She leaves for work around 7 AM and most evenings she gets home after 10 PM. ...
A. 4 October 2012: ... And another thing strikes me in the OP's post.
How he thinks is situation is so exceptional. Sort of a cruel and unusual punishment. A desperate situation must call for desperate,drastic measures ( like cheating on your overworked wife ), r... (read in full...)
How can I change my boyfriend's mind about my dogs and convince him they aren't vicious? He wants me to get rid of them!
Q. Help me please! My boyfriend wants me to get rid of my dogs! My dad is a police dog trainer, and ever since i was a kid i've been used to having big dogs. I live on my own and i have two grown rottweilers and just adopted a pitbull puppy. I have ...
A. 4 October 2012: Personally I would not give up my pets, or my friends, or even my plants ,for a bf of 7 months, who ( pardon me ) might very well be with someone else one year from now.
IF you should decide to get married or live together in view of "for... (read in full...)
How realistic is it for me to want to date only uncircumcised men?
Q. I know this may make me shallow, childish, immature, but it's how I feel: Three years ago I was engaged to a man from Europe. He was uncircumcised; it was not my first experience with an intact man. I loved it so much, and he was so gentle wi...
A. 4 October 2012: I wish I could confirm your theory....but I can't.
If it was so authomatic,... then most European men should be dynamos in bed , and ALL Italian guys too - nobody is circumcised here. Fact is, there are good lovers and bad lovers ever... (read in full...)
I cheated on my workaholic wife -- now what?
Q. I have been married for 10 years and have two kids under the age of 10. My wife recently was made an executive at her fortune 200 firm and has not been home much since. She leaves for work around 7 AM and most evenings she gets home after 10 PM. ...
A. 3 October 2012: I've got an idea, why don't you just swap with your wife ? YOU go get the 300.000 plus job with the exhausting infernal hours that prevent her from spending time with her kids, getting a good night's sleep so she has to catch up on weekends, ... (read in full...)
Why do guys always read into things too much?
Q. I have got some guy friends.I see most of them in a strict platonic way.I'm always friendly to them but NOT flirty.We talk,hang out and laugh together. However,when I start talking to them more often(especially if we're good friends/close fr...
A. 3 October 2012: Insensitive ? No. Maybe just inexperienced, or impulsive.
You did not know -but now you DO know and can act accordingly.
If somebody misinterpreting your attentions is not such a big deal ( it should not be, IMO ) and you can defuse the situatio... (read in full...)
What is right? My wife is saying she has no problem if one of our unmarried daughters chooses to have sex in our home with a Bf. The thought bothers me.
Q. I have kids. In particular, I have daughters. And in particular I have a daughter who is 19. She took a year off after high school and travelled the world. Now she's back home and is trying her hand at university. OK, so she's "of age", so if ...
A. 3 October 2012: If you have a problem big time with this type of things and you don't want it going on in your house- then don't let it go on, don't accept it and don't condone it.
It's your house too. You have to feel comfortable with what goes on in it.
It... (read in full...)
My Boss is a farewell next week. We don't click socially and I am not part of her clique. Should I attend or not?
Q. My boss is leaving for 1 year next week.I dont work with her much but see her at shift change at times. We are similiar in age, but are VERY differerent, shes outgoing AND popular, esp amongst the 20 somethings at work. Im a quieter person, w...
A. 3 October 2012: I would not sweat it that much. This is a social , somewhat formal function, it's not a close buddies thing
where you'd look hypocritical showing up. If the polite thing is to attend and wish her well , then just be your normal polite self... (read in full...)
Why do guys always read into things too much?
Q. I have got some guy friends.I see most of them in a strict platonic way.I'm always friendly to them but NOT flirty.We talk,hang out and laugh together. However,when I start talking to them more often(especially if we're good friends/close fr...
A. 3 October 2012: " A lot of time and attention to your close male friends "...now, if we start a debate about how much is " a lot of attention " and how much is " too much attention ", and where one exactly draws the line at , I guess it would be pretty sterile ... (read in full...)
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