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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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If your 15 year old daughter had a boyfriend, how would you react?
Q. Okay, so i am 15, and i want to tell my mom about my boyfriend. If your daughter came to you and told you this, how would you react? How would you want to be told?...
A. 31 October 2012: Relax. The attention is annoying - then again it was a side effect that both you and many posters had expected - but now do not blow it out of any reasonable proportion. Why is so terrible and torturous ... that your mom takes a deep interest ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend often visits Facebook of a sexy bikini girl as an entertainment. Is it okay for a serious relationship with me?
Q. Hi everyone. The matter I'm going to talk about is: Faithfulness! (oh yeah old issue) *** Brief of the matter: I've just found out he often visits Facebook page of a sexy party clubbing young girl; and sometimes leaves comments, link of song, fl...
A. 31 October 2012: Ehm, not to be finicky, but, one year since last October , minus 6 months of total no contact, makes only 6 months of "relationship ", doesn't it ?....
And when I say , " you may find he's not whom you think ", I did not mean that he might be a... (read in full...)
Boyfriend often visits Facebook of a sexy bikini girl as an entertainment. Is it okay for a serious relationship with me?
Q. Hi everyone. The matter I'm going to talk about is: Faithfulness! (oh yeah old issue) *** Brief of the matter: I've just found out he often visits Facebook page of a sexy party clubbing young girl; and sometimes leaves comments, link of song, fl...
A. 31 October 2012: Sorry but my reply too can't be very encouraging.
First, you don't have a relationship so far, you have an on line fantasy. You just have been e-mailing each other for 6 months. You haven't met yet, you have no idea if there will be chem... (read in full...)
Why is it that he only really talks to me when he's horny?
Q. Hey guys so my boyfriend and I and I have been going out for a little over 2 months. Something that I noticed in our relationship is that he only really talks to me when he's horny. I try to make conversation with him but he always runs that...
A. 31 October 2012: Love is love...and lust is lust.
If he only wants to talk to you when he is horny, you feel love but he feels lust. ... (read in full...)
Why does he need to date one last girl before he can commit to me? Should I wait while he does this?
Q. Help me please ? I am devastated by the fact that the guy I am dating told me he needs meet one girl to be sure he really loves? The guy I date said he thinks he loves me and we have been seeing each other for 3 months now. We were making pla...
A. 30 October 2012: You know what ? ... I think it's the other way around. I think he worries the other girl may not like HIM, or may not want to relocate, or that somehow things with her could be not working out.... but, at least, if she leaves him high and dry, ... (read in full...)
If your 15 year old daughter had a boyfriend, how would you react?
Q. Okay, so i am 15, and i want to tell my mom about my boyfriend. If your daughter came to you and told you this, how would you react? How would you want to be told?...
A. 30 October 2012: OP, good for you being so crystal- clear about you want to handle your sex life, but a ) how were we supposed to know ? Stay a bit on DC, read a few hundreds of " 16 and pregnant " posts, and see if we are making a big fuss about nothing .
b... (read in full...)
For Girls: First Impressions when you meet a guy - is 5 foot six inches tall enough for you? Or do you prefer taller?
Q. Hello This question is mostly for girls Do you find attractive a guy who is 5.6 feet or maybe girls want a guy who is taller. Well I know some responses may be 'a guy must be loyal,caring etc' but my question is related with first impression. T...
A. 30 October 2012: Honest ? I prefer taller, ( and I am only 5'3 ) and most women I know feel the same.
But it's just a preference, not a deal breaker. If you had other things going for you to make you attractive, bot physically and in term of personality , I woul... (read in full...)
My girlfriend and I are at a cross-roads and unsure where to do and both of us seem unwilling to budge.
Q. My GF and I have been together for nearly 4 years. She lives in her own place (with a mortgage) and i live at home (due to other reasons but i can now afford to move out etc which i am looking to do so). I've talked with my GF about this and the ...
A. 30 October 2012: I don't understand why you'd want to live at hers without paying anythig else than half electricity. Because the house is not yours ?... But also if you'd rent somewhere else, the house would not belong to you ,and you'd still be paying for rent ... (read in full...)
If your 15 year old daughter had a boyfriend, how would you react?
Q. Okay, so i am 15, and i want to tell my mom about my boyfriend. If your daughter came to you and told you this, how would you react? How would you want to be told?...
A. 30 October 2012: I think you are being very hard with your parents :). Parents are just human beings, with their quirks and foibles and sensitivities. You want, probably demand, that they'd be accepting of yours, so why don't you try to put yourself in their shoes ... (read in full...)
Is this normal that my persistent 45 year old Ex is chasing after me after a month of silence?
Q. Dear all. Your thoughts please! In brief, My bf and i have had a rather hard work relationship. We were together for 16 months. Things got worse,and he kept ignoring me for up to 3 wks at a time. In the end he said it was ok. I was like,ok. Th...
A. 30 October 2012: I agree with Kenny. It's either like he says, or...just an ego trip. Maybe when he dumped you he was expecting you'd be desperate to reconcile and would besiege him with calls and texts etc.,- and you did just the opposite. You moved on ... (read in full...)
Am I bad for faking orgasms with my boyfriend?
Q. I am a 26(F) with my boyfriend 25(M). We haven't been dating a super long time, but we fell in love and got very close very fast. He is wonderful, and I love the shit out of him and would do most anything for him. I can totally picture myself being ...
A. 29 October 2012: You are being bad to yourself. Because this way you'll have to bring your secret to the grave with you. Imagine if you do stay together and for some reason- a heated argument, a drunken " confession ", a simple slip of the tongue ...- all this ... (read in full...)
Why do I not feel aroused anymore?
Q. Right this is probably the strangest thing i've ever had to ask a stranger but basically i lost my virginity to my previous partner, when i was with him we had sexual intercourse nearly everyday and i got horny and wanted to have sex but since ...
A. 29 October 2012: Maybe because you liked the previous guy better ?:) Sure you are young healthy and horny, but even young healthy and horny people ( hey ,even animals as for that ) have their preferences and personal alchemies. Only, often they don't know they ... (read in full...)
My mom is too overprotective! How can I change her thinking?
Q. My mom is extremely annoying. She's overprotective of me since childhood, and continues to be so even into my 20's. I recently got into an argument with her when she declared that she thinks that its risky for a woman to be on tour alone or with a ...
A. 29 October 2012: Well, her attitude may be dominating but it is not illogical. She thinks that travelling alone is dangerous and wrong for a girl. If the girl is OBLIGED to do it, in order to bring home a monthly salary or a degree , there is no way to avoid it, ... (read in full...)
I'm uncomfortable that my daughter with diabetes will inject herself in public. Am I wrong for feeling this way?
Q. Okay, a very tricky question here. About a year ago my 24 years old my daughter suddenly developed diabetes type 1 - yes, type 1 where you have to take insulin - and ever since then she has to take insulin shots 4 times a day. We have no history ...
A. 29 October 2012: OP, it's diabetes - and it's insulin we are talking about.
It's not Uma Thurman shooting heroin in Pulp Fiction !
I think that your daughter has any right to take care of her health and manage her symptoms any way she sees fit.
As for the " sh... (read in full...)
Did I ruin things before they could even begin?
Q. Dear aunts and uncles. Please help me. I have totally muucked things up with a guy who I really like and who I think was perfect for more. I feel sick at what I have done, or more importantly how stupid I have acted. I am 31 and can't beleive...
A. 29 October 2012: It could also be like blonde30s says, but my take on this is a bit different,- thanks to Dear Cupid.
In a way, it 's an involution of my thinking. I used not to believe in rules and strategies, and I did not apply them in my life. Like, the sex ... (read in full...)
My man has no sex drive! what to do?
Q. This is driving me nuts. I guess it's unusual for a girl to have this problem, but here goes... my boyfriend of six months has NO sex drive. He's on a very strong antidepressant which causes his sex drive to diminish. I, myself, am also on ...
A. 29 October 2012: You seem to suspect that he is making excuses, but I think he is not; antidepressants differ from each other in side effects , and most of all the same antidepressant my have more of a side effect, or less, or nothing at all ,in different ... (read in full...)
FWB problems. Do I keep waiting for him or just stop seeing him?
Q. So I'm currently talking to this guy as fwb but he treats me as if we were more than that. We had sex last week and I texted him today and asked him to come over, clearly this ^^^^e want a piece of ^^^ but that was what I wanted tonight. He asked ...
A. 29 October 2012: How does he treat you as more than FWB ?... Because it really does not sound so, from your curt , " professional " text exchanges. Heck, I swap more niceties with my dentist's secretary when we schedule my appointments !
... do you mean that he i... (read in full...)
He can't stand conflict and always leaves...
Q. hi.. I've been really down because me and my boyfriend just recently had a fight but this one was different. He said he was tired of having disagreements and he said he can't keep going through these kind of disagreements anymore. He's never h...
A. 28 October 2012: You seem to be very different personalities, with very different ideas about conflict and how to handle it. Probably there is no right or wrong, just a different defintion of what's acceptable.
You seem not to mind a high level of conf... (read in full...)
Is she hinting to me that she wants a baby?
Q. Dear Cupid! I'm really needing some help here?! I met a lady back in February. She's a really, really nice lady. She's older than me. She's 39. I'm 34 in a few days. Anyway, it was one of those 'The minute we laid eyes upon one another we fe...
A. 28 October 2012: Yes, I'd say she is hinting.
Unless she is a step farther than hinting, and she is preparing an " accidental " pregnancy... that comment about the pill was a bit ambiguous....
I think maybe she was fishing for a reaction from you, - either ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to get on so well with a mother in law?
Q. I am getting married in six months to my boyfriend of 4 years. I have known my fiancé since we were toddlers, and know his parents for almost as long. His parents like me a lot, and mine like him. I get on really we with my (soon to be) mother i...
A. 28 October 2012: " Normal " as in usual, ...I'd say no. Not all people fight with their in laws of course, and not all the in laws are heinous or interfering , but in general the MIL / DIL relationship is not the warmest , fondest you can see around.
But.... (read in full...)
Why is it that black men or Indian men or Chinese men NEVER approach me to date me?
Q. I'm of Indian origin but don't look stereotypically Indian. Most people find me too light skinned to be Indian and always think I'm half Indian. I'm pretty tall and have done ballet for years, so I'd say I have a pretty good figure. I'm quite skin...
A. 28 October 2012: I don't know about black guys , but , about Indian and Chinese guys... isn't that self evident ? haven't you observed how they operate socially in generally ?..Don't you now Indian or Chinese families where you live ? ..
Because they think you... (read in full...)
She thinks I'm telling lies. So many misunderstandings. How do I convince her that I am the one telling the truth?
Q. i posted a question a couple weeks back and got some good feedback. i wanted to see if i couldn't get a few more opinions and elaborate on the most recent happenings. about six weeks ago, my girlfriend had asked to use my phone to look something u...
A. 28 October 2012: I disagree with male anon, the girl is far from crazy, overreactive maybe- but I can totally see the logic behind her reaction ( which does not mean I would have done the same- but she and I are two different persons).
So : we have trust brea... (read in full...)
Has my boyfriend really changed?
Q. I have had a rocky 8 months to say the least, with my first ever boyfriend and now i'm just wondering has he really changed? I first met my boyfriend when i went back to school after missing a year, i was sent to learning support ...
A. 28 October 2012: Ok then, Almighty Duck, it's a deal,- give him another chance ( you are going to anyway, with or without the Aunts's blessing, LOL ), but... at the first slip up he is history. Sounds fair :).
Still careful, though. Proceed with caution, thin... (read in full...)
Am I over-reacting about porn I found on his laptop when I checked out things on his laptop?
Q. Hi. I'm a 25yr old Female. I have been with my bf for 6yrs now.both of us studied in the same uni where we met through common friends. A year later we moved in together.we have had few ups and downs but he has been an amazing bf through out. Abou...
A. 27 October 2012: Yeah, Dear Mandy, this is 2012, ... but the OP is from India and in India in 2012 , still a large majority of all marriages are arranged marriages, and I don't mean forced ( some times that too ) , just arranged . It used to be that ALL marriages ... (read in full...)
Has my boyfriend really changed?
Q. I have had a rocky 8 months to say the least, with my first ever boyfriend and now i'm just wondering has he really changed? I first met my boyfriend when i went back to school after missing a year, i was sent to learning support ...
A. 27 October 2012: Should I take his word for it ?
Obviously not, and, frankly, dear Almighty Duck, let me say that I am surprised by your question. I remember you as an exceptionally level-headed , perceptive, sensible very young Aunt on this site , and I have a fa... (read in full...)
How do I contain the jealousy I feel towards others?
Q. I really envy some of my cousins. One is a spoilt brat who gets everything she wants. My other cousins had kids before they got engaged and their parents always baby sit them. But If I had kids out wedlock my parents would call me nasty names. ...
A. 27 October 2012: ...Sad, but not so unusual you know ? particularly with parents , the generational gaps and all. Weird, but you can still love people , deep down, (or not even so deep down...) and still not be able to LIKE them, no matter how hard you try.
So b... (read in full...)
How do I contain the jealousy I feel towards others?
Q. I really envy some of my cousins. One is a spoilt brat who gets everything she wants. My other cousins had kids before they got engaged and their parents always baby sit them. But If I had kids out wedlock my parents would call me nasty names. ...
A. 27 October 2012: .. But that would only matter if you 'd believe in their judgement and let it get at you...
If you KNOW you are not a slut and whore, your parents can say all they want, the body is yours , its reproductive capacity as well, and the brain you ... (read in full...)
My wife has been keeping secrets from me. What did she do in Vegas?
Q. My wife and I were in Venice sitting on a hotel balcony overlooking the Grand Canal. We were joined by 2 girls in their mid 20s and a boy about the same age. Conversation let to what our favorite city was. When my wife's turn came she stated h...
A. 27 October 2012: Naaah. Relax :). She was showing off to the younger people. She was , basically , saying " See ? I am not your usual boring, unexciting, unglamorous 40something wife- I am still wild and transgressive and a daredevil :) ". It was a joke- a ... (read in full...)
I didn't cheat. How do I convince her? She will not talk to me, so what can I do?
Q. My girlfriend of two years left me because she thinks I cheated on her But I didn't ... I tried to talk to her, to tell her the truth, but she will not talk to me at all. Seh has blocked me from her phone ... I'm soo. Soo in love with her my hear...
A. 26 October 2012: There's something that 's not clear here...
Pardon me, OP, it's not that I want to grill you or nitpick, but I can't make much sense of what you say... first you say that you feel you never did anything wrong because when you went on the dati... (read in full...)
Are there men out there that are just mean to their kids for no reason?
Q. I have been with my man 7 years we have two kids. Sometimes he is really mean to them yells at them for nothing an cussin at them. Other days he can be super dad I tell him it's not fair I have to watch my children go through that I tell him he ...
A. 26 October 2012: @ anon reader of oct. 26 : is this for real ?? I would be so happy to be sure this is a troll, but since I am not, please, anon, do take this very seriously and do ALL you have to do to protect your children. Is he pinching a 3 weeks old newborn? ... (read in full...)
Co-worker who I can't avoid. Why is she manipulative and cold with me?
Q. I need help with a woman that I come into contact with in relation to my work. We're not co-workers exactly, but she now teaches in the college where I am currently researching - she dropped out of PhD research to become a tutor whilst I carried ...
A. 26 October 2012: I am still partial to my jealousy theory :). Teaching is respected and respectable,... but if it's not what she wanted to do to begin with ?....
My sister used to be a researcher in a very specialistic field, until she felt the pressures , and ... (read in full...)
Would it be best to wait? New relationship: Is there really anytime where sex is to soon?
Q. after having my daughter 5 months ago, and her father leaving me while i was pregnant .. I Finally met someone amazing . He Makes me laugh , has a great personality , extreamly attractive , has a lot of things going for himself There's nothi...
A. 26 October 2012: I don't know... maybe when you just 5 months before had a baby, whose father left you when you were pregnant, then it is a time for taking things slow, and forgetting totally instant gratification ?...
And , if you both want a serious
relat... (read in full...)
What can I do? I feel embarrassed about how to approach a guy I used when we went on holidays together
Q. I've done something so terrible and feeling bad about it. I went on a trip with a guy in summer and there i was mourning and crying about my ex all the time and he comforted me and was there for me instead of being mad at me he was being a good...
A. 26 October 2012: Yeah, what happened to the card and/ or housewarming gift ? Did you get around to send it ?... (read in full...)
I don't want to creep him out by telling him how I feel... what should I do?
Q. I am 16 years old and passionately in love with someone who doesn't feel the same for me. He knows I like him but not that I love him. I can't seem to be able to tell him. I love him so much, physically and mentally. I cant imagine life without ...
A. 26 October 2012: I don't think he has " the right " to know. People do not always have the right to know everything you think and feel about them, regardless- it depends from the relationship and situation. If you were a cheating wife, your husband would have the ... (read in full...)
I didn't cheat. How do I convince her? She will not talk to me, so what can I do?
Q. My girlfriend of two years left me because she thinks I cheated on her But I didn't ... I tried to talk to her, to tell her the truth, but she will not talk to me at all. Seh has blocked me from her phone ... I'm soo. Soo in love with her my hear...
A. 26 October 2012: You don't give us much to work on, would you mind to elaborate a bit ? like, why exactly does she think you have cheated on her ? ..
Sorry to sound mistrustful, but with daily reading of DC posts one comes to realize that many persons give a very... (read in full...)
Why would an almost stranger go through my bag in these circumstances?
Q. This is a very little matter indeed, but I come to you to find out (or confirm) if it is weird. I'm working with a family - a Father and daughter... they have asked me to adapt their daughter's book that she wrote when she was 6 into a play. Alr...
A. 26 October 2012: That 's more than weird ! It's more " Alice in Wonderland "( curioser and curioser ) than Seinfeld.
I can only think of two things :
it was all a bizarre misunderstanding. You had , for once, absentmindedly rolled the chapstick down , the guy ... (read in full...)
Co-worker who I can't avoid. Why is she manipulative and cold with me?
Q. I need help with a woman that I come into contact with in relation to my work. We're not co-workers exactly, but she now teaches in the college where I am currently researching - she dropped out of PhD research to become a tutor whilst I carried ...
A. 26 October 2012: I think it maybe jealousy- envy, in fact.
This woman had to drop out of research- and you are still a researcher, while she is a teacher. and not as fulfillment of her call, but as " in lackof better " option. While you are still doing what you ... (read in full...)
He's been an idiot to me. And now he's asking me what I'll name my children? is he just messing with me?
Q. I have history with a guy I've known since I was three. He's the same age as me, (15/16) and he's been a bit of a pain to me. He's messed with my feeling, said he liked me when he didn't, kissed me and used me. I've loved him for three years ...
A. 26 October 2012: Op, I know you want us to say that it means he is in love with you and wants you to be the mother of his children, but considering your ages and the state of your relationship, it probably means nothing of the sort . He was just making idle ... (read in full...)
My ex is pleading for me to come back. How do I tell him I've fallen in love with another?
Q. Ok so I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 and a half years about a month ago. I just didn't feel like I was in love anymore and I want to feel this way and be happy/not miserable for the rest of my life. We had two dogs and lived together in a fairly ...
A. 26 October 2012: Why shouldn't you give him a second chance ?.. uh, because you don't want to ?... I think this is an excellent reason, for anything that's not mandatory by law ( i.e., does not apply to paying taxes or driving within the speed limit :).
You don'... (read in full...)
Girls if a guy asks you out and you say no, then is it awkward for ever after between him and you?
Q. I have never dated very much. My one and only girlfriend, with her, things just happened as if I didn't have control. I said things I wouldn't normally have said, I was forward and thats why things worked out. I was assertive. Usually though,...
A. 25 October 2012: No,it does not make it awkward forever, maybe just a tiny little bit at first, but then, normally, life goes on as usual.
It mostly depends from your reaction, and from how you handle this rejection, if we want to call it such.
If you go aroun... (read in full...)
Is what I do a fetish? Or am I am exhibitionist? My wife says people stare at me in public when I do this
Q. Am I wierd, I dont like to wear underware sometimes and when I go camando in shorts my package sometimes is noticeable. My wife says people keep staring but I dont see them I think she is just worried my junk will spill out at the wrong time. I ...
A. 25 October 2012: No offence, Op, but you remind me of a joke a relative of mine made when she retired. She said, good, now I can go work in a strip joint.. ...??... Yeah. I can plant myself in front of men and threaten them to take my clothes off. They'll give me ... (read in full...)
My older brother physically abuses me and my mom is fine with it. What rights do I have in this? What power do I have to stop him from doing this?
Q. Hi. So, my older brother hits me. He doesn't do it very often but when he does, he hits me bad. He abuses me verbally constantly calling me names and insulting me in every possible way. He's always been like this to me since we were kids, he's ...
A. 24 October 2012: He needs help, and he'll find all the help he needs in jail. They have excellent psychologists there.
If it happens again, go to the police. Press charges. Immediately.
I know it's easier said than done and doing it requires an enormous amount o... (read in full...)
Psycho girlfriend treats me so badly ever since she thought I was cheating
Q. What can I do to cover my own butt? My girlfriend of 2 years has anger issues. It all started a year ago at a friend's wedding in New York. my phone died and when I got back into our hometown she refused to pick me up from the airport. she was ...
A. 24 October 2012: Your gf is physically abusive, and you can't stay in a physically abusive relationship, period.
You are willing to explain away her anger issues, and I am sure there is , at least in her eyes , an explanation.
Problem is, an explanat... (read in full...)
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